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death
What do you tell a 6 yo who's worried people around him are going to die?
My dad was telling DS how old he is today and how he is going to die. He's 67 yo and healthy. His immediate family members lived into their 90's in mostly third world conditions. I expect he has a longetivity gene, though that's not something we can guaranty. Knock wood. Both he and my mom are always talking about how they're going to die soon. (My mom has been doing that for more than 25 years.) Anyway, this whole talk of age and death made DS a bit upset. When DH asked where I was, he told him he didn't know, maybe I was dead. I asked him why he talks of death and killing and dying like that and he told me he didn't want Grandpa to die and started to cry. DH is a non-practicing Catholic. I'm agnostic. I didn't explain heaven and angels or afterlife, but I wouldn't mind bringing it up if it would soothe him. |
#2
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death
On Oct 28, 9:21 pm, toypup wrote:
What do you tell a 6 yo who's worried people around him are going to die? My dad was telling DS how old he is today and how he is going to die. He's 67 yo and healthy. His immediate family members lived into their 90's in mostly third world conditions. I expect he has a longetivity gene, though that's not something we can guaranty. Knock wood. Both he and my mom are always talking about how they're going to die soon. (My mom has been doing that for more than 25 years.) Anyway, this whole talk of age and death made DS a bit upset. When DH asked where I was, he told him he didn't know, maybe I was dead. I asked him why he talks of death and killing and dying like that and he told me he didn't want Grandpa to die and started to cry. DH is a non-practicing Catholic. I'm agnostic. I didn't explain heaven and angels or afterlife, but I wouldn't mind bringing it up if it would soothe him. I've had some conversations about death and family members dying with the Bug, and I think even at six you can take advantage of his relative sense of time. Ie, "Grandpa will die someday but it won't be for a very long time". At that age, "a very long time" could be in months or could be in years. Though it's always possible that any of us could get run over by a truck tomorrow, I wouldn't point that out to him. Also, though it sounds like your parents like to talk about their impending mortality, perhaps they could try to hold it in when your DS is around. I'm not religious but don't want the Bug to think that religious beliefs are wrong (because of course well into childhood there is only room in their minds for one reality, and all others are wrong). So when things like that come up I tell her "some people think A, and some people think B -- I don't know which is right". It could provide a way for you to give him a belief about the afterlife, angels, reincarnation, or whatever if he finds it comforting, without you actually avowing to beliefs you don't hold. Kate, ignorant foot soldier of the medical cartel and the Bug, 4 years old and something brewing, 4/08 |
#3
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death
toypup wrote:
What do you tell a 6 yo who's worried people around him are going to die? My dad was telling DS how old he is today and how he is going to die. He's 67 yo and healthy. His immediate family members lived into their 90's in mostly third world conditions. I expect he has a longetivity gene, though that's not something we can guaranty. Knock wood. Both he and my mom are always talking about how they're going to die soon. (My mom has been doing that for more than 25 years.) Anyway, this whole talk of age and death made DS a bit upset. When DH asked where I was, he told him he didn't know, maybe I was dead. I asked him why he talks of death and killing and dying like that and he told me he didn't want Grandpa to die and started to cry. DH is a non-practicing Catholic. I'm agnostic. I didn't explain heaven and angels or afterlife, but I wouldn't mind bringing it up if it would soothe him. Explain to DS that everyone's bodies die, because it is the natural order of things. If your family has catholic faith then you will need to tell him about the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, and how the soul lives on forever. He may be upset because he thinks there is nothing else after the body dies. I am not saying to go to church, but you should let your child have some faith, and let them decide when they get older if they want to have their faith fine, if not, fine. |
#4
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death
In article 7a6def4e11a3e@uwe, arabella says...
toypup wrote: What do you tell a 6 yo who's worried people around him are going to die? My dad was telling DS how old he is today and how he is going to die. He's 67 yo and healthy. His immediate family members lived into their 90's in mostly third world conditions. I expect he has a longetivity gene, though that's not something we can guaranty. Knock wood. Both he and my mom are always talking about how they're going to die soon. (My mom has been doing that for more than 25 years.) Anyway, this whole talk of age and death made DS a bit upset. When DH asked where I was, he told him he didn't know, maybe I was dead. I asked him why he talks of death and killing and dying like that and he told me he didn't want Grandpa to die and started to cry. DH is a non-practicing Catholic. I'm agnostic. I didn't explain heaven and angels or afterlife, but I wouldn't mind bringing it up if it would soothe him. Explain to DS that everyone's bodies die, because it is the natural order of things. If your family has catholic faith then you will need to tell him about the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, and how the soul lives on forever. No, she most definitely does *not* "need" to inculcate her child with these beliefs because her 'family has catholic faith'. He may be upset because he thinks there is nothing else after the body dies. I am not saying to go to church, but you should let your child have some faith, and let them decide when they get older if they want to have their faith fine, if not, fine. He's more likely upset that people near and dear to him, and furthermore on whom he depends, might die and dissappear. It does not matter to where. He can be reassured on that by her making the points that it would be a very long time, and by pointing to all the people around who will still be there for the child whomoever might die. Banty |
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death
Banty wrote:
What do you tell a 6 yo who's worried people around him are going to die? My dad was telling DS how old he is today and how he is going to die. He's [quoted text clipped - 16 lines] about the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, and how the soul lives on forever. No, she most definitely does *not* "need" to inculcate her child with these beliefs because her 'family has catholic faith'. He may be upset because he thinks there is nothing else after the body dies. I am not saying to go to church, but you should let your child have some faith, and let them decide when they get older if they want to have their faith fine, if not, fine. He's more likely upset that people near and dear to him, and furthermore on whom he depends, might die and dissappear. It does not matter to where. He can be reassured on that by her making the points that it would be a very long time, and by pointing to all the people around who will still be there for the child whomoever might die. Banty Her family is Catholic, so it is not like introducing an off the wall theory. I can see that you are bossy, but on a public forum you do not have the right to tell people what they definitely need and need not do. I said he may be upset, not that he is upset. I think children should have some knowledge of god and faith. That is my opinion that I may, and will express it as I please. If I ever have need for someone to tell and boss me about what to do, I will let you know Until then, retract your claws. -- Message posted via http://www.familykb.com |
#6
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death
On Sun, 28 Oct 2007 21:21:31 -0700, toypup
wrote: What do you tell a 6 yo who's worried people around him are going to die? My dad was telling DS how old he is today and how he is going to die I actually think your dad and mom should not do this to their grandchild, but... There are some very nice children's books that explain death as a part of the life cycle When Dinosaurs Die: A Guide to Understanding Death by Laurie Krasny Brown and Marc Brown. It is a direct, frank look at death and grief, designed for children who are confronting the death of a loved one. Some reviewers are disturbed by the fact that this book covers death by suicide and homicide though. Lifetimes by Bryan Mellonie and Robert Ingpen Sample text: Each page contains a minimum of words with an illustration on the facing page - of which there are only about 20. Immediately, by design, the most common adult well-intentioned error is defeated: that involving giving into the propensity to talk TOO MUCH; to use TOO MANY WORDS; to try to explain the idea in a way that the young child is no where near ready to grasp yet. The initial page and illustration present an exemplary example. On the right side is a simple, hand-drawn illustration of a bird's nest containing two eggs. On the facing (left side) page, the following is the entirety of the text: There is a beginning And there is an ending for everything That is alive. The Tenth Good Thing About Barney by Judith Viorst (death of a cat). but talks about how some people believe in an afterlife and others don't as well. The Fall of Freddie the Leaf by Leo Busgaglia "The Fall of Freddie the Leaf" describes the life of a leaf named Freddie: his friendships with other leaves, his observations, and his tender feelings. Freddie has conversations of meaning and depth with his leaf-friend Daniel, whose wisdom of the life-cycle brings comfort With Freddie's realization that some of the other leaves disapppear also comes the understanding that his time to pass on will also come, and although there is sadness, there is also hope and understanding. The moment of Freddie's passing is dignified, poignant, and the book is one of affirmation, both for children and adults." Badger's Parting Gifts by Susan Varley The message is that a person continues to live on in the memories of the people whose lives they touched. It has an ambiguous ending and I think anyone can explain the meaning of the "long tunnel" in terms that fit with your own beliefs about what happens at death. -- Dorothy There is no sound, no cry in all the world that can be heard unless someone listens .. The Outer Limits |
#7
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death
On Mon, 29 Oct 2007 22:40:35 GMT, arabella via FamilyKB.com wrote:
Banty wrote: What do you tell a 6 yo who's worried people around him are going to die? My dad was telling DS how old he is today and how he is going to die. He's [quoted text clipped - 16 lines] about the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, and how the soul lives on forever. No, she most definitely does *not* "need" to inculcate her child with these beliefs because her 'family has catholic faith'. He may be upset because he thinks there is nothing else after the body dies. I am not saying to go to church, but you should let your child have some faith, and let them decide when they get older if they want to have their faith fine, if not, fine. He's more likely upset that people near and dear to him, and furthermore on whom he depends, might die and dissappear. It does not matter to where. He can be reassured on that by her making the points that it would be a very long time, and by pointing to all the people around who will still be there for the child whomoever might die. Banty Her family is Catholic, so it is not like introducing an off the wall theory. My mom is a non-practicing Catholic, as is DH. My dad is a non-practicing Budhist. I am agnostic. I don't feel comfortable talking about the Father, Son and Holy Spirit as I don't know much about them. I can talk about angels and afterlife and heaven as other people believe and DS may choose to believe if he pleases. I am not anti-religious. I am just not religious. |
#8
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death
In article 7a6f6ee7fea3b@uwe, arabella via FamilyKB.com says...
Banty wrote: What do you tell a 6 yo who's worried people around him are going to die? My dad was telling DS how old he is today and how he is going to die. He's [quoted text clipped - 16 lines] about the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, and how the soul lives on forever. No, she most definitely does *not* "need" to inculcate her child with these beliefs because her 'family has catholic faith'. He may be upset because he thinks there is nothing else after the body dies. I am not saying to go to church, but you should let your child have some faith, and let them decide when they get older if they want to have their faith fine, if not, fine. He's more likely upset that people near and dear to him, and furthermore on whom he depends, might die and dissappear. It does not matter to where. He can be reassured on that by her making the points that it would be a very long time, and by pointing to all the people around who will still be there for the child whomoever might die. Banty Her family is Catholic, so it is not like introducing an off the wall theory. Her father is a *non practicing* Catholic, and yes it's an off the wall theory. I can see that you are bossy, but on a public forum you do not have the right to tell people what they definitely need and need not do. ??!? This exchange *started* with you telling her that she "needs" to teach him these beliefs, and you handily clipped that out of your quotes! This is what you said: _________________ Explain to DS that everyone's bodies die, because it is the natural order of things. If your family has catholic faith then you will need to tell him about the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, and how the soul lives on forever. _________________ I said he may be upset, not that he is upset. I think children should have some knowledge of god and faith. That is my opinion that I may, and will express it as I please. If I ever have need for someone to tell and boss me about what to do, I will let you know That's up to their parents, not you. And she already told you what her religious attitude was. Until then, retract your claws. Irony. Banty |
#9
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death
In article , toto says...
On Sun, 28 Oct 2007 21:21:31 -0700, toypup wrote: What do you tell a 6 yo who's worried people around him are going to die? My dad was telling DS how old he is today and how he is going to die I actually think your dad and mom should not do this to their grandchild, but... Yeah - tell your dad to quit this around him, Toypup. Tell him he's an important part of his life and he loves him, and this unecessary talk of death is more than a six year old can handle. Banty |
#10
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death
"arabella via FamilyKB.com" u38656@uwe wrote:
Banty wrote: What do you tell a 6 yo who's worried people around him are going to die? My dad was telling DS how old he is today and how he is going to die. He's [quoted text clipped - 16 lines] about the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, and how the soul lives on forever. No, she most definitely does *not* "need" to inculcate her child with these beliefs because her 'family has catholic faith'. He may be upset because he thinks there is nothing else after the body dies. I am not saying to go to church, but you should let your child have some faith, and let them decide when they get older if they want to have their faith fine, if not, fine. He's more likely upset that people near and dear to him, and furthermore on whom he depends, might die and dissappear. It does not matter to where. He can be reassured on that by her making the points that it would be a very long time, and by pointing to all the people around who will still be there for the child whomoever might die. Banty Her family is Catholic, so it is not like introducing an off the wall theory. She has NOT said that her family is Catholic and since she mentioned that her dh is a non-practicing Catholic I think she would have said if her family was also Catholic. I have a SIL who is a former Catholic, and suspect he's a little bit like toypup's husband in this. He does not practice any religion at all and is not interested in doing so. I can see that you are bossy, but on a public forum you do not have the right to tell people what they definitely need and need not do. If you were paying attention you would know that toypup is a non-religious person and has no interest in practicing any religion - she said she was an agnostic which is a person who doubts the existence of a god. She said that she would talk about heaven and the afterlife if it would make him feel better, but I don't think it would, ESPECIALLY if she doesn't believe in it herself. She might have some shot at doing it if she was passionately sure about angels and heaven, but if it is just words, the kid isn't going to buy it. I said he may be upset, not that he is upset. He WAS upset - that's what the question was in the original post. He's worried that people are going to die. I don't think that telling a child who is worried that his dad will die be comforted to be told that his dad's soul will live on forever. I think children should have some knowledge of god and faith. That is my opinion that I may, and will express it as I please. If I ever have need for someone to tell and boss me about what to do, I will let you know It is OK for you to express an opinion, but it is worse than bossy to try to tell someone else what they should do WRT religious education of their children, when you should know (if you could read for content) that they do not subscribe to any religion. Until then, retract your claws. Lots of luck. You don't get to tell anyone else what to write either. Banty was defending toypup's right NOT to teach her child religion. And I will do the same, although I do believe in God and have taught my children religion. I'm not of the opinion though that I am of such authority as to say what other parents should teach their own children. |
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