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#22
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I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people
"Bebelestrnge" wrote in message ... snip Yes exactly what I have been trying to explain to my daughter , that the time they do get to spend with Jaime is not that much 6-7 hours a day for my daughter and less for Jimmy...........but then again in most families of mother father and children I guess that is pretty normal ? I agree most parents do not get these things that often , part of keeping a relationship strong is to take that time though . We have been trying to help them grow in their relationship as well, they are crying an awful lot both of them (yeah I know, they should be ) look what they have done . Jimmys' parents are not supportive of him, he has become like a son to us and he comes to us a lot. We are trying the best way we know how to help them make it through the stress they are feeling. We let them do these things when they are not responsible for Jaime.(like this weekend the baby is at his parents....yeah I know isn't that supporting him, I mean emotionally his mother is constantly putting him down.They are lectured regularly here by Mari and myself on how lucky they are to have the ability to do this stuff and to remember when they get out on their own it may not be an option due to lack of babysitter and or money ! Another reason I do what I do is to show them the way it would be to be responsible parents and not act like two teenagers flitting about without thinking of the baby first, One go get the BK they so have to have and one stay home safe and warm with the infant? I could be wrong I have been known to be kinda "Anal" g Bev, I am not a teenage mother, or the parent of one, so I am not going to pretend to know what you and your daughter are going through. However, With you helping them out so much, and by the sounds of it, pretty much raising their child, you could be setting them up for a hard fall if, God forbid, something should happen to you. If tomorrow you failed to come home, would your daughter and her BF suddenly be able to be parents 100% of the time? My son's father died when he (my son) was 2. I was 35 years old, working and had my life totally together. Suddenly I was a single parent with almost no support. That was hard enough for me, I can't imagine having to go through that as a teenager. Your daughter may still be a child herself (all teenagers are) but she made the choice to become a parent, And that means giving up her childhood. I commend you for trying to help your daughter out as much as you can, but in the long run you may be doing her more harm then good. It might be time for you to take a stand, and say "you're the parents" now you have to act like it. Trust me, if push comes to shove, your daughter would step up to the plate and become a responsible parent. Anyway, just my 2 cents. Betty |
#23
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I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people
Betty I typed you a very long one and then I very nicely hit the wrong button
and erased it , now this is a first and it was such a good reply that I will re write it as best I can darn it, but later cause it is my weekend I work nights and well I just don't have the time to do it all over right now . I wanted you to know I read your post and I do want to respond to it. Bev |
#24
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I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people
Subject: I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people
From: lm Date: 3/20/2004 9:48 AM Eastern Standard Time snip Well I guess this is another thing we would have to disagree on because while you say you keep telling them and showing them and lecturing them and supporting them and helping them and teaching them, I would say you're way past the point of all that and it's high time they have to DO it rather than be taught it. Words are empty at this point, really, it's time for them to own up to it. Tears or no tears. IMO the approach you're taking, while it seems the most supportive now, may be prolonging their transformation from irresponsible teenagers to parents. We don't disagree lm , I do agree that the basic point here is they need to be doing this and I am backing out.............I amhere if they need me. Are they supposed to be punished for having a baby? No, but their lives are supposed to change, and the baby is supposed to be their first priority. Yep agreed Exactly what I am trying to point out to them ! I would suggest no longer pointing it out and rather create the circumstances under which they have to do it. As I type ! more snippage Major big ole sigh? You're welcome. LMAO ! Yes Thank you There are as many ways to raise a kid as there are kids. Take my post for what it's worth to you and toss the rest. Good luck to you. Your opinion and advice are very appreciated and has much worth to me, thank you . Bev lm |
#25
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I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people
Subject: I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people From: "Betty" Date: 3/20/2004 2:18 PM Eastern Standard Time snip Bev, I am not a teenage mother, or the parent of one, so I am not going to pretend to know what you and your daughter are going through. We are learning a lot........... She is learning that I can't do as much as she wants me to , like for instance tonight she asked me again as she always has "can you check the babies bath water for me ?" I was doing this ya know .......... I said what would you do if I was not around and she made one of those teenage sarcastic sounds and stomped off to bathe Jaime. Oh Well ! this too shall pass. I am learning to let go some more. However, With you helping them out so much, and by the sounds of it, pretty much raising their child, you could be setting them up for a hard fall if, God forbid, something should happen to you. If tomorrow you failed to come home, would your daughter and her BF suddenly be able to be parents 100% of the time? To be honest Betty , we have not been "raising " Jaime, Loving the heck out of her and enjoying being able to be a part of her everyday life until they move out on their own. The schedule we chose to take was for two reasons or maybe three...... One was it is very important to me that my daughter gets to continue her education just like the daddy is. She does not have it easy in school she is learning disabled. Second would be because Jaime is so young and it is so winter and so bitter cold , I wanted her to not be drug around out in the cold to a daycare situation only weeks and monhs old.Those "other" children carry germs ya know Thirdly yes I am very much so still suffering from "fear of loss" so every possible protection mechanism in me is activated.I could not sleep for long periods of time the first month I had to check and make sure she was breathing ........ ugh. It is getting better. My daughter could indeed do it herself I am sure and I have realised she is using us as much as possible and I think that is the teen in her . Her B/F has no clue he has to be told to change her,feed her , make formula etc. He is acting very much like one of those guys that sees it as womens work to take care of the kids and I am biting my tongue a lot. The point you make about "what if" I should not come home one day............yeah that could happen and I agree If I don't let them do it without my two cents they may not know what to do. I had already decided weeks ago that they would take the baby for her Drs. appt. and WIC appt. I stayed home . My son's father died when he (my son) was 2. I was 35 years old, working and had my life totally together. Suddenly I was a single parent with almost no support. That was hard enough for me, I can't imagine having to go through that as a teenager. sorry for your loss, I can say I know the pain and struggle I went through and still go through some days..........my kids were much older 18 and 13, Gayles kids were young adults when she died, I could not imagine having a 2 yr. old and going through it. I do try to not throw too much on my daughter cause I still see her grief and I still remember what we went through in the beginning and It surely scares me . She is on 40 milligrams of Prozac daily for the depression. We are still on baby steps. I think my problem with letting go is grief related I am not sure. Your daughter may still be a child herself (all teenagers are) but she made the choice to become a parent, And that means giving up her childhood. I commend you for trying to help your daughter out as much as you can, but in the long run you may be doing her more harm then good. It might be time for you to take a stand, and say "you're the parents" now you have to act like it. Trust me, if push comes to shove, your daughter would step up to the plate and become a responsible parent. Yes I absolutely agree, thank you for helping me learn what is best. It is hard trying to parent a teen and let go at the same time, matter of fact it sucks. Bev Anyway, just my 2 cents. Betty |
#26
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I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people
Second would be because Jaime is so young and it is so winter and so bitter
cold , I wanted her to not be drug around out in the cold to a daycare situation only weeks and monhs old.T Okay as someone who raised two kids in the midwest - 20 degrees is not "bitter cold" (Try 30 below - now *that* is bitter cold) and there's no reason you can't take babies out in the cold as long as you bundle them up good and don't leave em outside. You are awfully busy telling people how wrong they are that maybe you aren't taking enough time to consider what they are saying. Joelle The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St Augustine Joelle |
#27
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I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people
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#28
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I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people
"Bebelestrnge" wrote in message ... snip My daughter could indeed do it herself I am sure and I have realised she is using us as much as possible and I think that is the teen in her . Her B/F has no clue he has to be told to change her,feed her , make formula etc. He is acting very much like one of those guys that sees it as womens work to take care of the kids and I am biting my tongue a lot. The point you make about "what if" I should not come home one day............yeah that could happen and I agree If I don't let them do it without my two cents they may not know what to do. I had already decided weeks ago that they would take the baby for her Drs. appt. and WIC appt. I stayed home . Hi Bev, I am glad to hear that you are making your daughter and her BF take more responsibility. Not just for their own good, but for yours. From your previous posts, it sounds like you are wearing yourself out. You wont be any good to your daughter or your grand daughter if you end up in the hospital. I guess I can understand it being difficult for you to let go of your daughter. No matter how old our kids are, they are still our kids and we feel the need to take care of them. My mom was in her seventies, and still trying to take care of us kids. I think it is great that your daughter is continuing her education. When the time comes for her to start supporting her daughter herself, she will do it much better with an education then without. Betty |
#29
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I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people
Subject: I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people
From: oaway (Joelle) Date: 3/21/2004 10:06 PM Eastern Standard Time Message-id: Second would be because Jaime is so young and it is so winter and so bitter cold , I wanted her to not be drug around out in the cold to a daycare situation only weeks and monhs old.T Okay as someone who raised two kids in the midwest - 20 degrees is not "bitter cold" (Try 30 below - now *that* is bitter cold) and there's no reason you can't take babies out in the cold as long as you bundle them up good and don't leave em outside. LOL! now bitter cold is what it is to whoever , I personally can't tolerate 40-50 degrees. I didn't mean 20 degrees ......Jaime Gayle was born in Dec. we live in the Pocono area it was BITTER then . I have raised two kids In New Jersey, I have 3 other (step) grandkids that we took on a regular basis when they were infants. You are awfully busy telling people how wrong they are that maybe you aren't taking enough time to consider what they are saying. Joelle The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St Augustine Joelle |
#30
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I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people
Heh now I'll finish this, I went and hit the wrong key AGAIN ! Must be getting
spastic? snip Okay as someone who raised two kids in the midwest - 20 degrees is not "bitter cold" (Try 30 below - now *that* is bitter cold) and there's no reason O.K. something about having my grandkids ..........right , I do know how to take them out in the cold and never was it an issue for me before......... I am not the same person I use to be Joelle. I know it. I have said previously I can be "anal" This is what I mean by that........................I don't like this "me" I am petrified to lose, I still worry whenever my daughter is away from me , It is not the normal "worry" it is grief related. I explained this in the post you are commenting on , you picked out something you could crap on me for and instead of giving a **** about the point I was making you are treating me like an Idiot ...thank you, I am not , I am sorry you find this necessary and Oh Well. You are awfully busy telling people how wrong they are that maybe you aren't taking enough time to consider what they are saying. I didn't realize opening up my feelings to explain so maybe someone can understand what is in my head and help them to understand what is going on and maybe they can help me think differently is telling people they are wrong, I was not trying to do that and don't feel I did. I have taken so much of the good advice I have received here and have been slowly doing what I should to help my daughter take more responsibility. I have considered everything everyone has said including you. I am here for help , I expected all of this to happen , I have read here for three years I know who is gonna do what beleive me.........fuggetaboutit. Bev p.s....why do you think I am here in the first place? I recognised what I was doing and needed a push in the right direction, talking to other parents getting good advice and some gentle slaps upside the head yes this is why I am here I don't have a circle of friends to talk like this with in real life "Oh I can't believe I said that" No body has any kids around me except family and I don't go there with these things. ahhhhhhhh double fuggetaboutit o.k. |
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