Thinking about stopping

"toypup" wrote in message
news:hv6Ra.74866$ye4.51578@sccrnsc01...

"Jenrose" wrote in message
...

"toypup" wrote in message
news:Fw4Ra.73836$ye4.50975@sccrnsc01...
snip
empathy for his needs. How is it that you are going to eat your dairy
foods
and refuse it to your son, who is begging for your plate? I thought
about
that, and decided it was better we both had the same diet.

Actually, as the mom of an allergic 10-year-old, I'm SO glad I never let
my
daughter's diet dictate the rest of the family's or even, for the most
part,
my own.

That's fine when they're 10 and understand, but kinda sad for a 1yo.

Um, we've been dealing with my daughter's allergies since she was 10 months
old.

Besides, having the same diet meant that it was easier for both of us. I
really could understand more what he was going through and what kind of
diet
he needed. For instance, if I could stomach the soy ice cream and the
rice
milk, then I figured life wasn't so bad. OTOH, goat's milk and cheese
were
gross, IMO. No wonder DS wouldn't take it. Obviously, if he still had
dietary restrictions after weaning, I would have to start eating more like
normal, but I would limit the really good stuff when around him.


Now, I wouldn't generally feed something to my daughter that I wouldn't eat
myself (allergy limitatations aside), but I still think that parents and
children can have different menus and still be okay.

I know someone who's brittle type 1 diabetic. She's an adult. She knows
she can't have what others have and doesn't expect them to eat in another
room, but it makes her sad to see foods at the potlucks and not have a
single thing there she can eat. She's been to a restaurant where the chef
couldn't come up with anything she could have (don't know what cuisine he
cooked) and she almost burst into tears. I think it's just common
courtesy
to keep the other people in mind when eating. When we have potlucks, I
make
sure to bring a dish she (and everyone else) can have.


That's great of you, and I've totally been where your friend is. There is
one restaurant in town where I flat out cannot eat. We tried going there for
dinner once and I had to leave, because my blood sugar was crashing and
there was not one thing on the menu I could eat. That was before I figured
out how to get them to just cook me what I wanted and damn the menu.
Everything that didn't have cheese had wine in it, or was cooked in butter.
Even the bread. I hate pot lucks. My family caters to my dietary needs, but
they also put parmesan on the table and occasionally serve wine, etc. My dad
often takes out a portion for my daughter before adding soy or egg to
everyone else's.

If DS couldn't have a standard cake, I would make a cake suitable for
everyone, including him, like I did for his B-Day party. It's not hard
and
I don't think it makes them grow up thinking the whole world revolves
around
them. It just teaches them to think of other people's feelings by your
own
example.

I was not talking about "never catering" and never giving a treat, but there
are 24 kids in my daughter's class and there's no way I'm going to inflict
24 eggless cakes on my household in a year just because their mothers bring
store-bought cupcakes to school that my daughter can't have. She gets a
graham cracker during the party at school, and then lets me know about it
and we get her a rice dream bar or some such later.

But babies...at 1 year, not being able to have a bite of Mom's cake at a
potluck is no different than not being able to have mom's hot dog or popcorn
or whole grapes. For my daughter, we always respect her allergies and make
sure she can have healthy food that is similar to what other people are
eating if possible. But when we order pizza, we order some with cheese, some
without, some with anchovies, some without, some with onions, some without,
because if we ONLY ate what "everyone" could eat, we'd have pretty boring
pizzas. I can have soy, my daughter can't. She can have strawberries, I
can't. I don't keep her from eating strawberries and she doesn't keep me
from eating soy. Yes, it causes me some wistfulness and sadness when the
family eats strawberries, but why should I keep them from enjoying them just
because I can't? I'm *glad* they can still eat strawberries. The idea of "my
plate, your plate" is critical to survival for food-allergic kids, and
should be reinforced at every opportunity, IMO.

I live in a family with multiple and complex overlapping and intersecting
allergies. If I enforced *my* allergies on everyone in the family, it would
be like forcing them to suffer just because I have to. Allergies suck. They
**** me off and they affect my life every single day. But the answer to my
allergies is NOT taking my allergic foods away from everyone else. If I had
a wheat, oat, or rice allergic child and added those foods to my "don't eat"
list, I'd be cutting out a good 80% of the foods I have left. If I added my
allergy list to my daughter's and wouldn't let her have anything I couldn't
have, she'd not only be out dairy, soy, egg and peanut, but also
strawberries, chocolate, dried fruit, hazelnuts, lobster.

That said, our allergies are not fully anaphylactic for the most part
(although I do get hives from raw strawberries). We don't keel over in the
presence of peanuts. So having the foods "around" isn't the danger it might
be for a more severely allergic child.

But that's not the same as across-the-board dietary limitations just so you
don't have to say "No" to your 1-year-old who wants to eat what Mom's got.
Jenrose

"Elana" wrote in message
...
Chookie wrote:

He isn't allergic, but he seems to prefer water, and as he eats lots of
cheese
and yoghurt, we aren't bothering with ordinary milk.

Right, but the OP's son is allergic to dairy, so no cheese or yogurt.
So I'm just wondering what they would drink to make up for not having
bm.

E

IMO, a baby under age two should still be getting breastmilk, and if
breastmilk is not possible, a formula equivalent for any child not able to
drink cow milk. Soy milk is barely adequate and only then if highly
fortified (not enough fat content!) and soy formula or hydrolysate is
better. They just flat out need the fat content and the nutritional
"backup".

Jenrose

"Jenrose" wrote in message
...
Now, I wouldn't generally feed something to my daughter that I wouldn't
eat
myself (allergy limitatations aside), but I still think that parents and
children can have different menus and still be okay.

Nothing wrong with that.

That's great of you, and I've totally been where your friend is. There is
one restaurant in town where I flat out cannot eat. We tried going there
for
dinner once and I had to leave, because my blood sugar was crashing and
there was not one thing on the menu I could eat. That was before I figured
out how to get them to just cook me what I wanted and damn the menu.
Everything that didn't have cheese had wine in it, or was cooked in
butter.
Even the bread. I hate pot lucks. My family caters to my dietary needs,
but
they also put parmesan on the table and occasionally serve wine, etc. My
dad
often takes out a portion for my daughter before adding soy or egg to
everyone else's.

If DS couldn't have a standard cake, I would make a cake suitable for
everyone, including him, like I did for his B-Day party. It's not hard
and
I don't think it makes them grow up thinking the whole world revolves
around
them. It just teaches them to think of other people's feelings by your
own
example.

I was not talking about "never catering" and never giving a treat, but
there
are 24 kids in my daughter's class and there's no way I'm going to inflict
24 eggless cakes on my household in a year just because their mothers
bring
store-bought cupcakes to school that my daughter can't have. She gets a
graham cracker during the party at school, and then lets me know about it
and we get her a rice dream bar or some such later.

Maybe the eggless cakes are good and the class wouldn't mind eating them.
Anyway, you wouldn't have to do it the same day or anything, just sort of as
a reciprical thing, so your daughter could have a day when she can eat the
cupcakes (or some other yummy eggless snack).

But babies...at 1 year, not being able to have a bite of Mom's cake at a
potluck is no different than not being able to have mom's hot dog or
popcorn
or whole grapes.

I think it would be different, because they usually know cakes are yummy and
beg for them, whereas hot dog or popcorn or whole grapes are not usually on
the beg list. I know I'm generalizing, there are plenty of kids out there
who would do just the opposite, but I mean, if it's on the kid's all time
yummy list, I would generally not eat it in front of them. At 1yo, DS
didn't even know what cakes tasted like, so he really wouldn't have begged
for cake. We would have been okay then, but now, he knows differently and
he would definitely want it.

For my daughter, we always respect her allergies and make
sure she can have healthy food that is similar to what other people are
eating if possible. But when we order pizza, we order some with cheese,
some
without, some with anchovies, some without, some with onions, some
without,
because if we ONLY ate what "everyone" could eat, we'd have pretty boring
pizzas.

I never said to only eat what everyone could eat. I only said to restrict
the stuff that would make them very sad not to have. And I don't really
mean for a 10 yo, I mean it for a toddler who can't quite comprehend. For
older kids, I would still take their feelings into consideration, like not
eating their all time favorites with gusto in front of them, or catering as
your family does for you. I'm really not quite that extreme.

I can see why you'd *want* to stop - but, on the other hand, are you
just switching from
a hassle with your diet to a hassle with his? If nothing else, I
think I wouldn't
wean him until I knew he'd eat/drink some dairy substitute
(soy/rice/oat milk, soy yogurt,
soy cheese, etc.) Before other people leap in - yes, I know soy is a
common allergan,
so you'd want to be careful about introducing that as well.

Clisby


He is fine on soy formula (had to give it to him when I went into hospital
and couldn't build up a big enough stash) which we get free on prescription
and loves soy yoghurts and soy cheese etc so that isn't a worry.


Clare

"Larry McMahan" wrote in message
...
Hi Clare,

I know that going dairy free has been hard on your, but I think for your
son, weaning him at this time with a dairy may be jumping from the frying
pan into the fire. You will likely not be able to use formula or any milk
based products. Moving him to a balanced diet will be a challenge.

For his sake, I think you should try to hold out for another year. You
may
well find that over time his dairly allergy will diminish to the point
that
you will be able to start consuming dairy.

In any case, good luck,
Larry

See previous about soy.
Also having one veggie child has already taught be a lot about a good
children diet and we have a good hospital based dietician who has been
(surprisingly) very helpful.

Fingers crossed he grows out of it.....I know of one child who had
anaphalatic reaction to milk and she is ok now she is two. And he seems to
be able to tolerate it when I have a small amount of goats cheese so that is
keeping me going. Alas goats milk brought him out in a small rash so will
hold off on that for a fair while for him.

Clare

That's fine when they're 10 and understand, but kinda sad for a 1yo.
Besides, having the same diet meant that it was easier for both of us. I
really could understand more what he was going through and what kind of
diet
he needed. For instance, if I could stomach the soy ice cream and the
rice
milk, then I figured life wasn't so bad. OTOH, goat's milk and cheese
were
gross, IMO. No wonder DS wouldn't take it. Obviously, if he still had
dietary restrictions after weaning, I would have to start eating more like
normal, but I would limit the really good stuff when around him.

I know someone who's brittle type 1 diabetic. She's an adult. She knows
she can't have what others have and doesn't expect them to eat in another
room, but it makes her sad to see foods at the potlucks and not have a
single thing there she can eat. She's been to a restaurant where the chef
couldn't come up with anything she could have (don't know what cuisine he
cooked) and she almost burst into tears. I think it's just common
courtesy
to keep the other people in mind when eating. When we have potlucks, I
make
sure to bring a dish she (and everyone else) can have.

If DS couldn't have a standard cake, I would make a cake suitable for
everyone, including him, like I did for his B-Day party. It's not hard
and
I don't think it makes them grow up thinking the whole world revolves
around
them. It just teaches them to think of other people's feelings by your
own
example.


Well he will have to "learn" that at the toddler groups we go to he can't
have the cookies they supply and that he has his own special ones that mummy
brings....Thankfully I am a great cook.

I was not talking about "never catering" and never giving a treat, but
there
are 24 kids in my daughter's class and there's no way I'm going to inflict
24 eggless cakes on my household in a year just because their mothers
bring
store-bought cupcakes to school that my daughter can't have. She gets a
graham cracker during the party at school, and then lets me know about it
and we get her a rice dream bar or some such later.

But babies...at 1 year, not being able to have a bite of Mom's cake at a
potluck is no different than not being able to have mom's hot dog or
popcorn
or whole grapes. For my daughter, we always respect her allergies and make
sure she can have healthy food that is similar to what other people are
eating if possible. But when we order pizza, we order some with cheese,
some
without, some with anchovies, some without, some with onions, some
without,
because if we ONLY ate what "everyone" could eat, we'd have pretty boring
pizzas. I can have soy, my daughter can't. She can have strawberries, I
can't. I don't keep her from eating strawberries and she doesn't keep me
from eating soy. Yes, it causes me some wistfulness and sadness when the
family eats strawberries, but why should I keep them from enjoying them
just
because I can't? I'm *glad* they can still eat strawberries. The idea of
"my
plate, your plate" is critical to survival for food-allergic kids, and
should be reinforced at every opportunity, IMO.

I live in a family with multiple and complex overlapping and intersecting
allergies. If I enforced *my* allergies on everyone in the family, it
would
be like forcing them to suffer just because I have to. Allergies suck.
They
**** me off and they affect my life every single day. But the answer to my
allergies is NOT taking my allergic foods away from everyone else. If I
had
a wheat, oat, or rice allergic child and added those foods to my "don't
eat"
list, I'd be cutting out a good 80% of the foods I have left. If I added
my
allergy list to my daughter's and wouldn't let her have anything I
couldn't
have, she'd not only be out dairy, soy, egg and peanut, but also
strawberries, chocolate, dried fruit, hazelnuts, lobster.

That said, our allergies are not fully anaphylactic for the most part
(although I do get hives from raw strawberries). We don't keel over in the
presence of peanuts. So having the foods "around" isn't the danger it
might
be for a more severely allergic child.

But that's not the same as across-the-board dietary limitations just so
you
don't have to say "No" to your 1-year-old who wants to eat what Mom's got.
Jenrose


love what you have said.

Clare

"Elana" wrote in message
...
Jenrose wrote:

That said, our allergies are not fully anaphylactic for the most part
(although I do get hives from raw strawberries).

Side question...do you get hives from cooked strawberries? Just
curious...

E

Dunno. Haven't tried them since I started getting hives from half of a
single berry and breaking out like poison oak if I touched the leaves.

Jenrose

"toypup" wrote in message
news:mRLRa.85354$Ph3.10781@sccrnsc04...
snip

Maybe the eggless cakes are good and the class wouldn't mind eating them.
Anyway, you wouldn't have to do it the same day or anything, just sort of
as
a reciprical thing, so your daughter could have a day when she can eat the
cupcakes (or some other yummy eggless snack).


1. K's birthday is in late June, so she never has a birthday at school
2. We are not allowed to bring in homemade treats to share, as food to share
must be prepared by someone with a food handler's card in a certified
kitchen.
3. There are very few eggless "store bought" cakes available in a price
range that would make me willing to keep a supply of them at school "just in
case" someone had a birthday.
4. Eggless cakes taste fine, but the structure tends to be a little
"crumbly" as an understatement. They fall apart. My sister was in tears
trying to make a cake for my daughter to eat at my wedding this spring! And
since we can't bring them to school, whatever is left stays at home and
we're all on weight watchers. Not gonna happen.

But babies...at 1 year, not being able to have a bite of Mom's cake at a
potluck is no different than not being able to have mom's hot dog or
popcorn
or whole grapes.

I think it would be different, because they usually know cakes are yummy
and
beg for them, whereas hot dog or popcorn or whole grapes are not usually
on
the beg list.

That's silly. How do they know if cakes are yummy if they haven't tasted
them? And I've seen lots of kids "beg" for hot dog or grapes. We just cut
them up fine if it's something the child is allowed to eat allergy wise.

I know I'm generalizing, there are plenty of kids out there
who would do just the opposite, but I mean, if it's on the kid's all time
yummy list, I would generally not eat it in front of them.

At 1yo, DS
didn't even know what cakes tasted like, so he really wouldn't have begged
for cake. We would have been okay then, but now, he knows differently and
he would definitely want it.


Well, there you go. We realized today that my 10 year old daughter has never
tasted real cheese in her life. She hasn't a clue what it "really" tastes
like as she's only had poor rice-based imitations.

For my daughter, we always respect her allergies and make
sure she can have healthy food that is similar to what other people are
eating if possible. But when we order pizza, we order some with cheese,
some
without, some with anchovies, some without, some with onions, some
without,
because if we ONLY ate what "everyone" could eat, we'd have pretty
boring
pizzas.

I never said to only eat what everyone could eat. I only said to restrict
the stuff that would make them very sad not to have. And I don't really
mean for a 10 yo, I mean it for a toddler who can't quite comprehend. For
older kids, I would still take their feelings into consideration, like not
eating their all time favorites with gusto in front of them, or catering
as
your family does for you. I'm really not quite that extreme.



But see, for a child who has been allergic from a very young age, they've
probably rarely had the "treats" you're talking about. And for older
children, it just flat out sucks, but it doesn't suck less for not having
other people eat things too. No one in our family rubs it in when they eat
strawberries in front of me, or peanut butter, and those were favorites. But
they still eat them. No one is buying foods specifically to make anyone else
miserable and the care which is taken to make sure we have the foods we CAN
eat that we like demonstrates that better than any martyrdom on my family's
part would.

On Friday my daughter's summer program went to a dairy farm where they fed
the kids chocolate milk and ice cream bars. She didn't even mention it until
later in the day--too late to go out and get something. The next day, I
stopped in and got her an almond-based "milk"shake and a rice dream sandwich
bar, both of which she loves. On the one hand, not getting things in the
moment was frustrating. On the other hand, she got her very own special
treat.

One time, I was worried because her girl scout troop was eating girl scout
cookies and the only thing for her was a carrot. Darned if all the other
girls didn't beg for a carrot too!

The next week, everyone had carrots. It was downright weird, but warmed my
heart and made my kid feel special.

Jenrose