Do males suffer post-natal dep?

Do men get post-natal depression? Is it
different from womens? I was wondering
about this, I watched a TV docu that said
that although about 40 % of fems said they
felt differently after the birth of their
babies namely feelings of depression, sadness
not being able to cope and generally out of
sorts, a smaller percentage was actually
reported when a mom filled in a questionnaire
because the new mom said she was worried in
case her children would be taken away from
her by social services.

In other countries the view of childbearing
and motherhood can be different. I had
my children in two different countrys, the
medical care and facilities were equal, but
the moms had a different view of their new
borns. Eastern moms were relaxed and proud.
They visited (shuffled) to one anothers cots
and admired their neighbours love-bundles.
Families came in and fathers struted with
pride, curtain were drawn and sounds of delight
and congratulations were heard.Affection was
open and honest,and the new mothers smirked
with self satisfaction and feeling pride and
relief at the happy arrival of their babies.
I found myself being quite envious.

Back home, the moms were almost neurotic,
in pain, and tears fell occasionally. Moms were
eager to bottle feed, closed the curtains when
they tried, painfully, the breast feed. The staff
care was excellent, but the mums were tired.
Fathers were proud, but as everybody seems to
know that being in hospital means having an illness.
Everyone wanted to get home as soon as possible.
The expressions of delight are kept within the home.
The woman who had the most visits was aged 15.
The oldest woman was the most relaxed her fella
was younger than her and brought her the most
beautiful boquets of daisies and lillies.

Me? I went for natural, "Don't touch me or that
child for the next 3 days, I used to live on
a farm you know!". I made nest in the pillows and
insisted I breast feed (I fed my first for 3 yrs)
"You shouldn't have the baby in bed with you...
just in case" they said. I carried on nest building.

Yeh I cried, I don't know why. A lovely Dr came
to check the babies hips and tears rolled down
my cheeks,"what's wrong?" I asked..."They don't
give you a manual with it!" he said smilingly.

I havn't got a family. Few friends. I carried
the babes everywhere. From being some kinda
hotshot tart with little experience of kiddies
to supermom, err mother, was a leap into the
dark.

Do men get post-natal depression?

From my perspective, from changing from equal
to a man to feminine/female is extraordinary.

When I filled in the form, I answered honestly
that I was happy, that I could respond to the
childs needs, etc. (Heck even the sleep is
different, if the breath is shallow you wake up
and gave the babe a nudge....or at least I would)

The thing the form didn't ask was;
"Can you read the electric bill when it comes
through the door?"
"Is there someone to help you write your check?"

in my case the answer was not.

Single parenting can be very tough. What happened
to my man? (bless him) he walked out on us after
4 months, I chase him back. Having a daddy is so
VITAL to kiddies. Half their genes wern't mine.

Thanks.

'Kate wrote:
They have no "partum" and are not subject to the hormonal fluctuation
that happens after childbirth.

If you "chased him back" then what, exactly, makes you a single parent
now?

We don't live together and are financially independent, etc,
I do make the efforts to make sure that the children have
contact with their dad. I try my hardest to avoid the
unpleasantness which causes misery to the children.
Honestly, if we hadn't have had those children we would
have drifted well apart by now and have no contact with
one another. I asked him if he wanted to make up, he
says no-way.

My other ex is completely different matter. We are only
just talking now after years of the most horrendous divorce.
And I mean horrendous. Weeks after my 4yr old went
missing, I got a phone call, "Hello its me mommy, there
are holes in my shoes, I'm cold, its snowing I want to
come home" Some things I still can't bear to think about.
Sometimes I was so scared of seeing that man I used
to shake with fear.

In neither case did I try to prevent the father from
contact. What I hate is that children are used like
commodities in divorce/separations.

'Kate wrote:
When an abusive situation is part of the reason for divorce or
separation, it's probably the smart thing to do to keep the child out of
the picture entirely until the volitility passes. I think you did the
right thing.

You're absolutely right, and I did. What was tolerable behaviour
before marriage, became exhausing after the arrival of baby. My
mind was on protecting the tiny little bundle, a passionate
exchange which would have ended in resolution and apology, now
came with the terrifying potential of accidential or deliberate
physical harm. I'd go away for a couple of days, but always said
so first. My case was unusual, although I think generally some
possessive relationships can be comforting, if theres jealousy
about relationship between mom and baby it spells trouble big time,
not only men get that, I really think that some women get like that
too, grandmothers, sisters, friends, etc.

You've had such a hard time! How are you managing to keep things
together so well?

These days I keep my mind busy, do something totally
unrelated to momdom, I've got to be fairly good at DIY,
and theres things to do and make. I'd thought about
writing comedy - you know when things just get so crazy?
ever thought to yourself "if I ever wrote a book no-one
would believe it!" heh. Then theres always the telephone.
Reading and writing on Google helps me get into the
social habit of 2 way conversations, baby talk is limiting.

Well, I'm definitely coming down with something, I really
ache all over, I suppose its my old immunity working
overtime.....I hate being ill, its such a waste of time.

Thank you,

Miri