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#1
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Need a couple of ideas and resources
I'm coming out of lurk-mode for a brief while. Mostly because I'm having
some issues with my son. Before I proceed, I'll give a very brief history: 1) he's under the care of a psychiatrist for his meds 2) he's on meds (a cocktail really) 3) he's been in the hospital for certain behaviors that are concerning that needed immediate attention and got immediate attention. 4) we have a social worker 5) we have a therapist (in-home psychologist who is helping me with both parenting, coping and behavior modification skills for this kiddo) 6) I've learned safe restraint techniques for when he becomes violent (which thankfully isn't all that often anymore) 7) he's on a behavior mod plan in school 8) he has a great IEP So what am I missing? Why does this kid constantly tell people that he hates living with me? This past weekend I was in the hospital.... very sick. I have diverticulitis which I found out is aparently pretty rare in people under the age of 30.... I'll be 29 on Sunday. My son threw a fit and told some people at his school about how I left him alone with no one around. The reality is that his step-dad who loves him very much took me to the hospital where my friend met me and he took the kids home to care for them, knowing that my friend was with me. He explained to my son on the way to the hospital that mommy is sick and needs to be taken care of by special doctors who can help mommy's tummy get better with special medicine that gets rid of infection. I was gone only 3 days. I just don't get it. Over Labor day weekend, I visited with my parents and when my son threw a fit in the middle of a Wal Mart store, he had to be restrained until he was calmed down... I actually asked the door greeter to call in a manager and security guard to help me.... Are there resources out there that I may be missing? Is this something that's just behavioral or was this something resembling sort of like a seizure? I'm coming out of lurk at the risk of being massively flamed and attacked. What I'm actually doing is asking for help, ideas, resources, links and any other ideas and advice anyone is willing to offer and share. I feel crappy as it is. I really don't need anyone's cruel and judgemental remarks on top of it right now. I'm also not looking for anyone to coddle me and say, "oh you poor thing!" because I don't belive that I'm in any way burdened. I believe I'm being challenged but have reached a bit of an obstacle that I'm not sure how to get past. Thanks. -- "Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it. You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed." ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery |
#2
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"slykitten" wrote in message news I'm coming out of lurk-mode for a brief while. Mostly because I'm having some issues with my son. Before I proceed, I'll give a very brief history: 1) he's under the care of a psychiatrist for his meds 2) he's on meds (a cocktail really) 3) he's been in the hospital for certain behaviors that are concerning that needed immediate attention and got immediate attention. 4) we have a social worker 5) we have a therapist (in-home psychologist who is helping me with both parenting, coping and behavior modification skills for this kiddo) 6) I've learned safe restraint techniques for when he becomes violent (which thankfully isn't all that often anymore) 7) he's on a behavior mod plan in school 8) he has a great IEP So what am I missing? Why does this kid constantly tell people that he hates living with me? This past weekend I was in the hospital.... very sick. I have diverticulitis which I found out is aparently pretty rare in people under the age of 30.... I'll be 29 on Sunday. My son threw a fit and told some people at his school about how I left him alone with no one around. The reality is that his step-dad who loves him very much took me to the hospital where my friend met me and he took the kids home to care for them, knowing that my friend was with me. He explained to my son on the way to the hospital that mommy is sick and needs to be taken care of by special doctors who can help mommy's tummy get better with special medicine that gets rid of infection. I was gone only 3 days. I just don't get it. Over Labor day weekend, I visited with my parents and when my son threw a fit in the middle of a Wal Mart store, he had to be restrained until he was calmed down... I actually asked the door greeter to call in a manager and security guard to help me.... Are there resources out there that I may be missing? Is this something that's just behavioral or was this something resembling sort of like a seizure? I'm coming out of lurk at the risk of being massively flamed and attacked. What I'm actually doing is asking for help, ideas, resources, links and any other ideas and advice anyone is willing to offer and share. I feel crappy as it is. I really don't need anyone's cruel and judgemental remarks on top of it right now. I'm also not looking for anyone to coddle me and say, "oh you poor thing!" because I don't belive that I'm in any way burdened. I believe I'm being challenged but have reached a bit of an obstacle that I'm not sure how to get past. Thanks. -- "Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it. You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed." ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery You don't say what his diagnosis is, or why he's on meds. Certain medications can cause such outbursts, as well as these same outbursts being part of the condition for which he is being treated. For example, I know a child who has ADHD, and at the drop of a hat, he'll start crying, or suddenly scream at his mother, "I HATE YOU!" It's an unfortunate part of the ADHD. The sibling of a patient I care for also has ADHD. He out of the blue one day, tells his grandmother I'm a liar, and I don't take care of his brother, I actually torture him; because I agreed with the grandmother on what the mother said about his medication schedule. I guess basically what I'm trying to say is; even though it may be nerve wracking, frustrating and hurtful to you, this could be something that is typical. Behavior modification doesn't happen overnight, and stress can set things back. Doesn't matter that your son's stepdad was there, he sees himself as abandoned, even though you were coming home. You can't help getting sick, and needing hospitalization. I know, I can't either being diabetic. The best you can do is continue what you've been doing if it's been working. Stay consistant, and reassure your son that you love him. I can't say as this helps, and I can't say I have any ideas other than the plan you've got going. Keep working with the professionals you have in place, and Good luck. Betsy |
#3
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On Thu, 16 Sep 2004 08:11:46 GMT, "Betsy" wrote:
You don't say what his diagnosis is, or why he's on meds. Certain medications can cause such outbursts, as well as these same outbursts being part of the condition for which he is being treated. For example, I know a child who has ADHD, and at the drop of a hat, he'll start crying, or suddenly scream at his mother, "I HATE YOU!" It's an unfortunate part of the ADHD. Gotta tell you, that's not ADHD. ADHD is about attention and lack thereof. Whatever else emerges, can be fallout from mismanagement of ADHD, can be fallout from the stress of dealing with ADHD, can be because the child isn't really ADHD and has been misdiagnosed, but in and of itself, that's not ADHD. ADHD is about attention and activity level, full stop. The other stuff is kind of extra embellishment, which may or may not happen, depending on a whole host of exciting life circumstances. Sorry to be pedantic, but I had a flash of accuracy and it grabbed me and put me in a lockhold until I made this post...... Cele |
#4
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"Cele" wrote in message ... On Thu, 16 Sep 2004 08:11:46 GMT, "Betsy" wrote: You don't say what his diagnosis is, or why he's on meds. Certain medications can cause such outbursts, as well as these same outbursts being part of the condition for which he is being treated. For example, I know a child who has ADHD, and at the drop of a hat, he'll start crying, or suddenly scream at his mother, "I HATE YOU!" It's an unfortunate part of the ADHD. Gotta tell you, that's not ADHD. ADHD is about attention and lack thereof. Whatever else emerges, can be fallout from mismanagement of ADHD, can be fallout from the stress of dealing with ADHD, can be because the child isn't really ADHD and has been misdiagnosed, but in and of itself, that's not ADHD. ADHD is about attention and activity level, full stop. The other stuff is kind of extra embellishment, which may or may not happen, depending on a whole host of exciting life circumstances. Sorry to be pedantic, but I had a flash of accuracy and it grabbed me and put me in a lockhold until I made this post...... Cele No Problem Cele. I didn't say her son had ADHD. I said I have seen similar behaviors in children with ADHD. I would never try to diagnose or reccommend a disorder to anyone. Just pointing out that her son's behavior may well be a part of his diagnosis; something to be dealt with in that manner, rather than a slam from him to her parenting style. That was the intent of my post. Betsy |
#5
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On Fri, 17 Sep 2004 09:24:09 GMT, "Betsy" wrote:
"Cele" wrote in message .. . On Thu, 16 Sep 2004 08:11:46 GMT, "Betsy" wrote: You don't say what his diagnosis is, or why he's on meds. Certain medications can cause such outbursts, as well as these same outbursts being part of the condition for which he is being treated. For example, I know a child who has ADHD, and at the drop of a hat, he'll start crying, or suddenly scream at his mother, "I HATE YOU!" It's an unfortunate part of the ADHD. Gotta tell you, that's not ADHD. ADHD is about attention and lack thereof. Whatever else emerges, can be fallout from mismanagement of ADHD, can be fallout from the stress of dealing with ADHD, can be because the child isn't really ADHD and has been misdiagnosed, but in and of itself, that's not ADHD. ADHD is about attention and activity level, full stop. The other stuff is kind of extra embellishment, which may or may not happen, depending on a whole host of exciting life circumstances. Sorry to be pedantic, but I had a flash of accuracy and it grabbed me and put me in a lockhold until I made this post...... Cele No Problem Cele. I didn't say her son had ADHD. I said I have seen similar behaviors in children with ADHD. I would never try to diagnose or reccommend a disorder to anyone. Just pointing out that her son's behavior may well be a part of his diagnosis; something to be dealt with in that manner, rather than a slam from him to her parenting style. That was the intent of my post. Betsy Fair enough, Betsy. I agree with that. I truly wasn't looking to be all critical. It's just that in my line of work, these days, practically *everyone* has ADHD, whether they do or not, if you see what I mean. :-) Take care. Cele |
#6
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"Cele" wrote in message ... On Fri, 17 Sep 2004 09:24:09 GMT, "Betsy" wrote: "Cele" wrote in message . .. On Thu, 16 Sep 2004 08:11:46 GMT, "Betsy" wrote: You don't say what his diagnosis is, or why he's on meds. Certain medications can cause such outbursts, as well as these same outbursts being part of the condition for which he is being treated. For example, I know a child who has ADHD, and at the drop of a hat, he'll start crying, or suddenly scream at his mother, "I HATE YOU!" It's an unfortunate part of the ADHD. Gotta tell you, that's not ADHD. ADHD is about attention and lack thereof. Whatever else emerges, can be fallout from mismanagement of ADHD, can be fallout from the stress of dealing with ADHD, can be because the child isn't really ADHD and has been misdiagnosed, but in and of itself, that's not ADHD. ADHD is about attention and activity level, full stop. The other stuff is kind of extra embellishment, which may or may not happen, depending on a whole host of exciting life circumstances. Sorry to be pedantic, but I had a flash of accuracy and it grabbed me and put me in a lockhold until I made this post...... Cele No Problem Cele. I didn't say her son had ADHD. I said I have seen similar behaviors in children with ADHD. I would never try to diagnose or reccommend a disorder to anyone. Just pointing out that her son's behavior may well be a part of his diagnosis; something to be dealt with in that manner, rather than a slam from him to her parenting style. That was the intent of my post. Betsy Fair enough, Betsy. I agree with that. I truly wasn't looking to be all critical. It's just that in my line of work, these days, practically *everyone* has ADHD, whether they do or not, if you see what I mean. :-) Take care. Cele Right. I have truly seen only a handful of children who I would truly classify as ADHD. I feel that diagnosis is overused in today's society. Some kids have an attention deficit...it's that they don't get enough attention. Others truly have the inability to control impulses. It's too easy to look for a "quick fix" to a problem, and that encourages medicating people when it is unnecessary; tragic when it's a growing child. I can truly see your point of view Cele. Take care yourself. Betsy |
#7
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1) he's under the care of a psychiatrist for his meds
2) he's on meds (a cocktail really) 3) he's been in the hospital for certain behaviors that are concerning that needed immediate attention and got immediate attention. 4) we have a social worker 5) we have a therapist (in-home psychologist who is helping me with both parenting, coping and behavior modification skills for this kiddo) 6) I've learned safe restraint techniques for when he becomes violent (which thankfully isn't all that often anymore) 7) he's on a behavior mod plan in school 8) he has a great IEP Based on what his diagnosis is and how old he is, would be how to proceed. I've had these similar issues and life events with my own son. But from the little you have shared, I suggest researching "Reactive Attachment Disorder". So what am I missing? Why does this kid constantly tell people that he hates living with me? This past weekend I was in the hospital.... very sick. I have diverticulitis which I found out is aparently pretty rare in people under the age of 30.... I'll be 29 on Sunday. My son threw a fit and told some people at his school about how I left him alone with no one around. The reality is that his step-dad who loves him very much took me to the hospital where my friend met me and he took the kids home to care for them, knowing that my friend was with me. He explained to my son on the way to the hospital that mommy is sick and needs to be taken care of by special doctors who can help mommy's tummy get better with special medicine that gets rid of infection. I was gone only 3 days. I just don't get it. Over Labor day weekend, I visited with my parents and when my son threw a fit in the middle of a Wal Mart store, he had to be restrained until he was calmed down... I actually asked the door greeter to call in a manager and security guard to help me.... Are there resources out there that I may be missing? Is this something that's just behavioral or was this something resembling sort of like a seizure? I'm coming out of lurk at the risk of being massively flamed and attacked. What I'm actually doing is asking for help, ideas, resources, links and any other ideas and advice anyone is willing to offer and share. It could be that your hospital stay freaked him out and he reacted by going into "self-preservation" mode. Crazy lying and false accusations are hallmarks of Reactive Attachment Disorder. Check out the behaviors list and if he meets enough of the criteria start exploring the options. I must say, this mental illness is not a "doom & gloom" thing, they CAN get better. My son is proof. Just my 2 cents......... Christine |
#8
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-- "Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it. You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed." ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery "Purchgdss" wrote in message ... 1) he's under the care of a psychiatrist for his meds 2) he's on meds (a cocktail really) 3) he's been in the hospital for certain behaviors that are concerning that needed immediate attention and got immediate attention. 4) we have a social worker 5) we have a therapist (in-home psychologist who is helping me with both parenting, coping and behavior modification skills for this kiddo) 6) I've learned safe restraint techniques for when he becomes violent (which thankfully isn't all that often anymore) 7) he's on a behavior mod plan in school 8) he has a great IEP Based on what his diagnosis is and how old he is, would be how to proceed. I've had these similar issues and life events with my own son. But from the little you have shared, I suggest researching "Reactive Attachment Disorder". Never heard of it but it's definately something I'll be looking up and reading about. I know I've shared "little" but I'm also extending some feelers out right now to get a little more of an idea about the group. I still consider myself very new here. So what am I missing? Why does this kid constantly tell people that he hates living with me? This past weekend I was in the hospital.... very sick. I have diverticulitis which I found out is aparently pretty rare in people under the age of 30.... I'll be 29 on Sunday. My son threw a fit and told some people at his school about how I left him alone with no one around. The reality is that his step-dad who loves him very much took me to the hospital where my friend met me and he took the kids home to care for them, knowing that my friend was with me. He explained to my son on the way to the hospital that mommy is sick and needs to be taken care of by special doctors who can help mommy's tummy get better with special medicine that gets rid of infection. I was gone only 3 days. I just don't get it. Over Labor day weekend, I visited with my parents and when my son threw a fit in the middle of a Wal Mart store, he had to be restrained until he was calmed down... I actually asked the door greeter to call in a manager and security guard to help me.... Are there resources out there that I may be missing? Is this something that's just behavioral or was this something resembling sort of like a seizure? I'm coming out of lurk at the risk of being massively flamed and attacked. What I'm actually doing is asking for help, ideas, resources, links and any other ideas and advice anyone is willing to offer and share. It could be that your hospital stay freaked him out and he reacted by going into "self-preservation" mode. Crazy lying and false accusations are hallmarks of Reactive Attachment Disorder. Check out the behaviors list and if he meets enough of the criteria start exploring the options. I definately agree that the hospital stay freaked him out. He's never seen me so sick. I know that he wanted to visit and the visit he had with me on Saturday was pretty short. I enjoyed hugging him and I was reassuring him that I was ok and that I'll be better soon. He was clingy but I was in and out of a fog. I'll be honest, the pains of labor are a welcome memory to the pains of this nasty little disease. at least I've got 3 great kids to show for it! I must say, this mental illness is not a "doom & gloom" thing, they CAN get better. My son is proof. No, Mental Illness isn't doom and gloom.... In fact, it's one of the most common ailments and one of the least understood. I've got a really good therapist for my son, and a very good psychiatrist. I like to think of it as a team effort.... the Psychiatrist, the GP, the therapist, the school social worker, the teachers, the resource center at the dept of social services, my sig other, my parents.... it does help. I've done stuff for myself to ensure that I'm able to handle issues properly.... I'm in counseling myself.... I've been through anger management classes (to understand my own frustrations and anger issues along with my son's anger issues and violent outbursts) and parenting classes....I've worked with social workers in the past to give me ideas, resources and help.... I've stopped being afraid of social services and I've actually embraced their help. I'm not afraid to ask. Just my 2 cents......... Christine |
#9
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I know Slykitten has me filtered but someone should tell her my son had similar
problems. She may need to try lots of different meds and different therapists. It took awile before we found a good fit. I don't know how old her son is. My son started after his dad died at ll. He's 16 now and things are much better but he's always going to be a little different and have to learn to control his temper or suffer the consequences if he doesn't. My son also was hospitalized for awhile. Basically tell her I said there's no easy fix. People who don't understand will assume she's doing something wrong and if she just did the right thing, this would all go away. She may think that. The truth is, you can do everything you can, and it still won't go away. It's not like an infection where you take antibiotics and everything is back to normal. It sounds like she's doing everything she can. There was a time when if he didn't get better, I would have sent him away for his own good, my good and his sister's good. It didn't come to that but if it comes to that for her, she has to accept its best for everyone. This is not her fault. **** happens. Joelle The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St Augustine Joelle |
#10
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We will just make the post appear.
T "Joelle" wrote in message ... I know Slykitten has me filtered but someone should tell her my son had similar problems. She may need to try lots of different meds and different therapists. It took awile before we found a good fit. I don't know how old her son is. My son started after his dad died at ll. He's 16 now and things are much better but he's always going to be a little different and have to learn to control his temper or suffer the consequences if he doesn't. My son also was hospitalized for awhile. Basically tell her I said there's no easy fix. People who don't understand will assume she's doing something wrong and if she just did the right thing, this would all go away. She may think that. The truth is, you can do everything you can, and it still won't go away. It's not like an infection where you take antibiotics and everything is back to normal. It sounds like she's doing everything she can. There was a time when if he didn't get better, I would have sent him away for his own good, my good and his sister's good. It didn't come to that but if it comes to that for her, she has to accept its best for everyone. This is not her fault. **** happens. Joelle The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St Augustine Joelle |
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