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parent teacher relationships



 
 
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  #1  
Old December 28th 05, 05:02 PM posted to misc.kids.moderated
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Default parent teacher relationships

My children go to medium sized elementary school, which has a very
active PTA and parent participation is high.

Two of the parents in my child's third grade class have formed very
personal relationships with the teacher, one of the mother frequently
socializes with the teacher outside of work (shopping trips, movies
etc), the other family has taken to inviting the teacher to their
social events, such as holiday parties etc. This teacher is not a
transplant, but grew up in a community nearby to the school district
and appears to have family and friends independant of the school.

Several of us parents have concerns about the appropriateness of the
external friendship that has formed during the first course of the
school year betwen the two sets of parents and the teacher. We feel
that the teacher has crossed the line of professionalism, and that in
several recent cases involving the two children of these parents, she
has shown a decided bias in her decisions. This bias has been
particularly glaring in the case of one of the children, who has had
consistent issues throughout grade school, and now is being given the
"benefit of the doubt" in every situation that arises.

My question here is what is the appropriate relationship between
teachers and parents? SHould we begin to engage the principal and when?

  #2  
Old December 28th 05, 10:03 PM posted to misc.kids.moderated
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Default parent teacher relationships

wrote:
My children go to medium sized elementary school, which has a very
active PTA and parent participation is high.

Two of the parents in my child's third grade class have formed very
personal relationships with the teacher, one of the mother frequently
socializes with the teacher outside of work (shopping trips, movies
etc), the other family has taken to inviting the teacher to their
social events, such as holiday parties etc. This teacher is not a
transplant, but grew up in a community nearby to the school district
and appears to have family and friends independant of the school.

Several of us parents have concerns about the appropriateness of the
external friendship that has formed during the first course of the
school year betwen the two sets of parents and the teacher. We feel
that the teacher has crossed the line of professionalism, and that in
several recent cases involving the two children of these parents, she
has shown a decided bias in her decisions. This bias has been
particularly glaring in the case of one of the children, who has had
consistent issues throughout grade school, and now is being given the
"benefit of the doubt" in every situation that arises.

My question here is what is the appropriate relationship between
teachers and parents? SHould we begin to engage the principal and when?


What a minefield.

The relationship between the teacher and other parents
is not relevant. If you engage with the principal on
this subject, your mentioning of it will make you look
like a gossip.

If your child has been on the short end of the stick
regarding the child with consistent issues, I think it
is appropriate to ask the teacher, and the principal,
for the rationale behind their decision to give that
child the benefit of the doubt. Proceed from there.
That is how I would approach things. I would not
mention that I even knew the teacher knew the other
parents.

Scott DD 12 and DS 9.9

  #3  
Old December 28th 05, 11:27 PM posted to misc.kids.moderated
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Posts: n/a
Default parent teacher relationships

wrote:


My question here is what is the appropriate relationship between
teachers and parents? SHould we begin to engage the principal and when?


My mom was an activist parent. I knew about some of it, but I
recently went to my 50th HS reunion, and one of my teachers was there,
and he said that my mom made his job a lot easier for him as a new
teacher and was very supportive. I didn't know that. I did know that
she made the principal's life a misery sometimes.

I think this was the case from day one when I was in kindergarten.
The teacher that I had in 3rd grade got married, and my mom got all
the other parents together and gave her a kitchen shower. She
continued to correspond with this teacher until she moved to WV or
died or both (I wasn't that involved although I still remember her
maiden and married names).

I wasn't a problem kid and neither was my sister, so I don't know what
would have happened if I had gotten into trouble. My mom wasn't big
on intervening between me and other children. And when I had academic
trouble, she got me tutoring - she didn't AFAIK say anything to the
school.

I started teaching after I had become friends with some of my
children's teachers, who mentored me as a teacher. I had children of
friends on the swim team that I coached. The only problem that I
remember with any of that was that if my kids acted out and I didn't
make them toe the line, the other kids on the team would not be happy
with that. It is hard to teach or coach your own child.

I was probably also an activist parent in the school system especially
after I had taught with some of the other teachers.

My advice would be
a) Possibly the teacher actually has a better idea or at least a
different idea about things that happen and what would be best for all
the children (not just your child) involved.
b) It is almost always a bad idea to get on the wrong side of someone
in authority - either teacher or principal.
c) If the principal is worth his salt, he will stand behind his
teachers, even while sometimes reprimanding the teacher privately.


grandma Rosalie

  #4  
Old December 28th 05, 11:27 PM posted to misc.kids.moderated
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Posts: n/a
Default parent teacher relationships

On 2005-12-28, wrote:
Two of the parents in my child's third grade class have formed very
personal relationships with the teacher, one of the mother frequently
socializes with the teacher outside of work (shopping trips, movies
etc), the other family has taken to inviting the teacher to their
social events, such as holiday parties etc. This teacher is not a
transplant, but grew up in a community nearby to the school district
and appears to have family and friends independant of the school.


It is not unusual nor inherently wrong for a teacher and parents to be
part of the same social network, especially in a small community.
Teachers are human beings also and are allowed to socialize with other
adults.

Several of us parents have concerns about the appropriateness of the
external friendship that has formed during the first course of the
school year betwen the two sets of parents and the teacher. We feel
that the teacher has crossed the line of professionalism, and that in
several recent cases involving the two children of these parents, she
has shown a decided bias in her decisions. This bias has been
particularly glaring in the case of one of the children, who has had
consistent issues throughout grade school, and now is being given the
"benefit of the doubt" in every situation that arises.


Favoritism in the classroom is unprofessional behavior and does need
to be addressed. Don't confuse the issue, though, by bringing in
outside-of-school friendships, which are none of your concern.

My question here is what is the appropriate relationship between
teachers and parents? SHould we begin to engage the principal and when?


If you have clear evidence of favoritism, then you should go to the
principal with the evidence. It would help if several parents joined
together for the discussion, with the calmest of them chosen as
spokesperson. At question is *not* the relationship between the
teacher and the friendly parents (which is really none of the school's
concern, as long as it is a mutually agreeable relationship), but the
relationship between teacher and students.

------------------------------------------------------------
Kevin Karplus
http://www.soe.ucsc.edu/~karplus
Professor of Biomolecular Engineering, University of California, Santa Cruz
Undergraduate and Graduate Director, Bioinformatics
(Senior member, IEEE) (Board of Directors, ISCB)
life member (LAB, Adventure Cycling, American Youth Hostels)
Effective Cycling Instructor #218-ck (lapsed)
Affiliations for identification only.

  #5  
Old December 29th 05, 10:38 PM posted to misc.kids.moderated
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Default parent teacher relationships

On Wed, 28 Dec 2005 17:27:21 EST, Kevin Karplus
wrote:

On 2005-12-28, wrote:
Two of the parents in my child's third grade class have formed very
personal relationships with the teacher, one of the mother frequently
socializes with the teacher outside of work (shopping trips, movies
etc), the other family has taken to inviting the teacher to their
social events, such as holiday parties etc. This teacher is not a
transplant, but grew up in a community nearby to the school district
and appears to have family and friends independant of the school.


It is not unusual nor inherently wrong for a teacher and parents to be
part of the same social network, especially in a small community.
Teachers are human beings also and are allowed to socialize with other
adults.


That's kind of tricky. If I were advising the teacher or the
teacher's friends, I'd point out that it was important to avoid the
appearance of favouritism and the potential of awkward situations, and
suggest that they defer pursuing the friendship very far until the
kids have moved out of that class. I avoid pursuing closer
friendships with the parents of kids I coach, for that kind of reason.
Whether or not the friendship is harmless, the appearance is not.

Several of us parents have concerns about the appropriateness of the
external friendship that has formed during the first course of the
school year betwen the two sets of parents and the teacher. We feel
that the teacher has crossed the line of professionalism, and that in
several recent cases involving the two children of these parents, she
has shown a decided bias in her decisions.


Favoritism in the classroom is unprofessional behavior and does need
to be addressed. Don't confuse the issue, though, by bringing in
outside-of-school friendships, which are none of your concern.


Even the favoritism gets tricky for another parent to address - seems
to me the principal would respond better to a request for your child
to get more attention than an observation that one or two kids get
undeserved attention. I like Kevin's idea of having a group of calm
parents try to make that point, though -- that would look more
objective.

At question is *not* the relationship between the
teacher and the friendly parents (which is really none of the school's
concern, as long as it is a mutually agreeable relationship), but the
relationship between teacher and students.


Actually, I don't know anything about whether the school board might
have guidelines, or the community might have customs, about teachers
limiting their socializing with parents.

Louise

  #6  
Old December 30th 05, 08:34 PM posted to misc.kids.moderated
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Posts: n/a
Default parent teacher relationships

In article .com,
says...

My children go to medium sized elementary school, which has a very
active PTA and parent participation is high.

Two of the parents in my child's third grade class have formed very
personal relationships with the teacher, one of the mother frequently
socializes with the teacher outside of work (shopping trips, movies
etc), the other family has taken to inviting the teacher to their
social events, such as holiday parties etc. This teacher is not a
transplant, but grew up in a community nearby to the school district
and appears to have family and friends independant of the school.


I don't think the teacher's social life should be in your circle of concern.
Especially, it isn't fair to determine for yourself if another's social circle
should be broadened locally due to whether or not that person has recently
moved.


Several of us parents have concerns about the appropriateness of the
external friendship that has formed during the first course of the
school year betwen the two sets of parents and the teacher. We feel
that the teacher has crossed the line of professionalism, and that in
several recent cases involving the two children of these parents, she
has shown a decided bias in her decisions. This bias has been
particularly glaring in the case of one of the children, who has had
consistent issues throughout grade school, and now is being given the
"benefit of the doubt" in every situation that arises.

My question here is what is the appropriate relationship between
teachers and parents? SHould we begin to engage the principal and when?


Of course a bias towards a particular child is unprofessional and inappropriate.
But to determine what legitimate concern you may have in this situation you need
to ask yourself two very important questions, and only 'yes' answers to *both*
questions merit your concern:

1. Does a bias truly exist? Consider that you, too, are human, and your
assessment of the situation is likely affected by a bias toward your own child
or children, and which children are those of *your* friends.

2. Has this bias, if it exists, affected your own child and is it a significant
affect?

Banty

  #7  
Old December 31st 05, 02:36 AM posted to misc.kids.moderated
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Posts: n/a
Default parent teacher relationships

In article ,
Louise wrote:

On Wed, 28 Dec 2005 17:27:21 EST, Kevin Karplus
wrote:

On 2005-12-28, wrote:
Two of the parents in my child's third grade class have formed very
personal relationships with the teacher, one of the mother frequently
socializes with the teacher outside of work (shopping trips, movies
etc), the other family has taken to inviting the teacher to their
social events, such as holiday parties etc. This teacher is not a
transplant, but grew up in a community nearby to the school district
and appears to have family and friends independant of the school.


It is not unusual nor inherently wrong for a teacher and parents to be
part of the same social network, especially in a small community.
Teachers are human beings also and are allowed to socialize with other
adults.


That's kind of tricky. If I were advising the teacher or the
teacher's friends, I'd point out that it was important to avoid the
appearance of favouritism and the potential of awkward situations, and
suggest that they defer pursuing the friendship very far until the
kids have moved out of that class. I avoid pursuing closer
friendships with the parents of kids I coach, for that kind of reason.
Whether or not the friendship is harmless, the appearance is not.


I'd advise against pursuing a NEW friendship with parents of a kid
currently in your class; I think that IS crossing a boundary.

However, where a prior friendship exists -- even if it started out after
an older sibling was in the class -- I see nothing wrong with continuing
that friendship.

That's the point many of us have been trying to make: especially in a
small town, a teacher may well have students enter his or her class who
are the children of friends. It is important to maintain appropriate
boundaries, but there is nothing inherently wrong with teaching the
child of a friend.


Several of us parents have concerns about the appropriateness of the
external friendship that has formed during the first course of the
school year betwen the two sets of parents and the teacher. We feel
that the teacher has crossed the line of professionalism, and that in
several recent cases involving the two children of these parents, she
has shown a decided bias in her decisions.


Favoritism in the classroom is unprofessional behavior and does need
to be addressed. Don't confuse the issue, though, by bringing in
outside-of-school friendships, which are none of your concern.


Even the favoritism gets tricky for another parent to address - seems
to me the principal would respond better to a request for your child
to get more attention than an observation that one or two kids get
undeserved attention. I like Kevin's idea of having a group of calm
parents try to make that point, though -- that would look more
objective.

At question is *not* the relationship between the
teacher and the friendly parents (which is really none of the school's
concern, as long as it is a mutually agreeable relationship), but the
relationship between teacher and students.


Actually, I don't know anything about whether the school board might
have guidelines, or the community might have customs, about teachers
limiting their socializing with parents.


That would be extremely rare -- I've never heard of any professional
guidelines about this, only about relationships with students themselves.
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

  #8  
Old January 8th 06, 01:30 AM posted to misc.kids.moderated
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default parent teacher relationships

You have two issues I see here. 1) Socializing and 2) claim of bias

To answer the first question. I don't have a problem with the teacher
socializing with whomever. I grew up in a small university town. All the
Ph.D.s were "Uncle Bill" or "Uncle Al" etc. Most of their wives taught in
the local school system and I called them "Aunt Peggy" and so on - I had to
learn to call them Mrs. *Jones* when I got in their classes.

Their older kids would baby sit me and my brothers and as I got to be one of
the older kids I baby sat their younger kids. I pet sat and house sat for
some of them when they went on vacation or sabbatical.

Many of them lived in the same neighborhood as my family as my father was
one of the Ph.D.s also. I played with their kids, spent the night, had Girl
Scouts, etc., my brothers and their friends played tennis and baseball, etc.
It wasn't uncommon to have dinner parties, bar-be-ques, birthday parties, at
our house or theirs. I can't ever remember a time when the social aspect
had any impact on the teaching other than the fact that at the university I
had a lot of "Uncles" and that gave a bunch of the other kids a big laugh.

Guess what, I'm grown-up, my parents are retired, and they still socialize
with their friends and I get to see all my old teachers at the various
dinner parties, bar-be-ques, fish fries, etc. that they all still have. I
think it's great!

As to your bias - if you think you can prove it then go talk to the teacher
about it if you want. MYOB about her socializing and don't even go there.
It just might be that she knows something that you don't and is trying to
help that family out in some way. My biggest concern would be if my child
was somehow hurt, mistreated, not given respect, etc. by this teacher
because of the bias. So what has you the most upset? just that she is
showing special treatment to a student other than your child?


wrote in message
oups.com...

Two of the parents in my child's third grade class have formed very
personal relationships with the teacher,


We feel
that the teacher has crossed the line of professionalism, and that in
several recent cases involving the two children of these parents, she
has shown a decided bias in her decisions. This bias has been
particularly glaring in the case of one of the children, who has had
consistent issues throughout grade school, and now is being given the
"benefit of the doubt" in every situation that arises.

My question here is what is the appropriate relationship between
teachers and parents? SHould we begin to engage the principal and when?



 




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