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#1
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loneliness
Hello, everyone!
My boys are happily watching Sponge Bob in their underwear, so I have a bit to talk to my ng buddies... Okay, I have a question: anyone out there have any suggestions for fighting loneliness? As I've come out of my divorce, I've begun to open up more to people again, and actually would like to start dating at some point, and I definitely could use more friends. With the boys, though, it's very hard to find any "grown up" time for myself. I have to fight against loneliness so that I don't sink back into depression, but it's kinda hard sometimes (I know probably everyone who reads this will undertand that sentiment). That being said, anyone have any advice in this regard? Not looking for a silver bullet; I know there is none. But I'm going crazy just being alone all the time... :\ Mike |
#2
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loneliness
"Mike" wrote in message ink.net... Hello, everyone! My boys are happily watching Sponge Bob in their underwear, so I have a bit to talk to my ng buddies... Okay, I have a question: anyone out there have any suggestions for fighting loneliness? As I've come out of my divorce, I've begun to open up more to people again, and actually would like to start dating at some point, and I definitely could use more friends. With the boys, though, it's very hard to find any "grown up" time for myself. I have to fight against loneliness so that I don't sink back into depression, but it's kinda hard sometimes (I know probably everyone who reads this will undertand that sentiment). That being said, anyone have any advice in this regard? Not looking for a silver bullet; I know there is none. But I'm going crazy just being alone all the time... :\ You need to figure out what things satisfy you - be it reading (you can meet people at the library), crafts/hobbies (there are networks all over the place), perhaps joining the local Y (you can always meet people there) The hardest part is making yourself get up and out, and go do something - though it gets easier with time and practice, just like just about anything else And you're right, there are no silver bullets. Mike |
#3
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loneliness
"'Kate" wrote in message ... On Sat, 26 Aug 2006 22:35:54 GMT, "Mike" the following was posted in blue dry erase marker: Hello, everyone! My boys are happily watching Sponge Bob in their underwear, so I have a bit to talk to my ng buddies... Okay, I have a question: anyone out there have any suggestions for fighting loneliness? As I've come out of my divorce, I've begun to open up more to people again, and actually would like to start dating at some point, and I definitely could use more friends. With the boys, though, it's very hard to find any "grown up" time for myself. I have to fight against loneliness so that I don't sink back into depression, but it's kinda hard sometimes (I know probably everyone who reads this will undertand that sentiment). Loneliness is a lack of something. It isn't a thing in itself. It's like trying to divide by 0... you can't. That being said, anyone have any advice in this regard? Not looking for a silver bullet; I know there is none. But I'm going crazy just being alone all the time... :\ Mike You're alone. Without another grown up, you feel you'd sink back into depression so you fight against loneliness? Well, yeah. We all need social interaction to stay healthy, right? It doesn't necessarily need to be an intimate relationship, but I need some sort of adult contact. |
#4
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loneliness
"Mike" wrote in message ink.net... "'Kate" wrote in message ... On Sat, 26 Aug 2006 22:35:54 GMT, "Mike" the following was posted in blue dry erase marker: Hello, everyone! My boys are happily watching Sponge Bob in their underwear, so I have a bit to talk to my ng buddies... Okay, I have a question: anyone out there have any suggestions for fighting loneliness? As I've come out of my divorce, I've begun to open up more to people again, and actually would like to start dating at some point, and I definitely could use more friends. With the boys, though, it's very hard to find any "grown up" time for myself. I have to fight against loneliness so that I don't sink back into depression, but it's kinda hard sometimes (I know probably everyone who reads this will undertand that sentiment). Loneliness is a lack of something. It isn't a thing in itself. It's like trying to divide by 0... you can't. That being said, anyone have any advice in this regard? Not looking for a silver bullet; I know there is none. But I'm going crazy just being alone all the time... :\ Mike You're alone. Without another grown up, you feel you'd sink back into depression so you fight against loneliness? Well, yeah. We all need social interaction to stay healthy, right? It doesn't necessarily need to be an intimate relationship, but I need some sort of adult contact. Would it be safe to assume you have adult contact at work? And at least some friends that you can contact outside of work? |
#5
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loneliness
"Moon Shyne" wrote in message ... "Mike" wrote in message ink.net... "'Kate" wrote in message ... On Sat, 26 Aug 2006 22:35:54 GMT, "Mike" the following was posted in blue dry erase marker: Hello, everyone! My boys are happily watching Sponge Bob in their underwear, so I have a bit to talk to my ng buddies... Okay, I have a question: anyone out there have any suggestions for fighting loneliness? As I've come out of my divorce, I've begun to open up more to people again, and actually would like to start dating at some point, and I definitely could use more friends. With the boys, though, it's very hard to find any "grown up" time for myself. I have to fight against loneliness so that I don't sink back into depression, but it's kinda hard sometimes (I know probably everyone who reads this will undertand that sentiment). Loneliness is a lack of something. It isn't a thing in itself. It's like trying to divide by 0... you can't. That being said, anyone have any advice in this regard? Not looking for a silver bullet; I know there is none. But I'm going crazy just being alone all the time... :\ Mike You're alone. Without another grown up, you feel you'd sink back into depression so you fight against loneliness? Well, yeah. We all need social interaction to stay healthy, right? It doesn't necessarily need to be an intimate relationship, but I need some sort of adult contact. Would it be safe to assume you have adult contact at work? And at least some friends that you can contact outside of work? Yeah, I have adult contact at work, but everyone on my team is either married or living with their partner. I actually like the people I work with, but I have a long commute, and outside of work itself, it's kinda hard to relate to them personally. Maybe that's my fault, maybe that's just where we're at in life. I have a few friends outside of work, but they are "mutual" friends that I (we) had during the marriage, so it's kinda weird, you know? I know, I'm throwing a pity party. But now that I'm past my "rebound" phase (maybe later I'll explain all that... but I'd rather forget that part), and now that the boys and I have settled into a relatively stable routine, I'm realizing I need more friends, and I need to start taking better care of myself. I am trying to reach out more, it's just harder than I thought it would be... |
#6
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loneliness
"'Kate" wrote in message ... On Sun, 27 Aug 2006 13:48:45 GMT, "Mike" the following was posted in blue dry erase marker: "'Kate" wrote in message . .. On Sat, 26 Aug 2006 22:35:54 GMT, "Mike" the following was posted in blue dry erase marker: Hello, everyone! My boys are happily watching Sponge Bob in their underwear, so I have a bit to talk to my ng buddies... Okay, I have a question: anyone out there have any suggestions for fighting loneliness? As I've come out of my divorce, I've begun to open up more to people again, and actually would like to start dating at some point, and I definitely could use more friends. With the boys, though, it's very hard to find any "grown up" time for myself. I have to fight against loneliness so that I don't sink back into depression, but it's kinda hard sometimes (I know probably everyone who reads this will undertand that sentiment). Loneliness is a lack of something. It isn't a thing in itself. It's like trying to divide by 0... you can't. That being said, anyone have any advice in this regard? Not looking for a silver bullet; I know there is none. But I'm going crazy just being alone all the time... :\ Mike You're alone. Without another grown up, you feel you'd sink back into depression so you fight against loneliness? Well, yeah. We all need social interaction to stay healthy, right? I think the level varies. Some people need less interaction, and some more. But being alone and being lonely are, to me, distinctly different. You can be lonely in a room full of people. You can be lonely in a marriage. You can't be alone in either... see what I mean? If interaction is the component that you're missing, then there are some simple fixes. There are single parent groups with planned adult activities like parents without partners. The YMCA is very family oriented and they provide daycare. And once you get things settled with your 9 year old, perhaps you'll be able to get someone over once in awhile so that you can take a break from the day in and day out care. The Autism groups should be able to guide you toward that goal. I know that there were several graduate students at the university who donated their time to help a family affected by autism... they'd schedule hours that they could visit with the child so that the parents could get away. It doesn't necessarily need to be an intimate relationship, but I need some sort of adult contact. Yeah... there's a period of withdrawal. It sounds to me like you're at a point where you don't like where you're at and you want to move forward but don't know how because you're a single parent. It can be frustrating to recognise something's missing like that. Taking steps toward more interaction with adults, like a plan or just saying hello to someone while you're waiting in line somewhere may help a bit. So will making phone calls. So does the internet... maybe not so much here but there are special interest groups that may be more "yourself" oriented and not so wrapped up in the single parenting job. I think that if you find a way to reach out to the community for help, help will be there for you. Where there's help, there's adult interaction. I think you pretty much summed it up, Kate... I don't like where I'm at, and I've never been at this point, so I'm not sure where to go. Actually, it felt good to see you put it that way: maybe I'm not the only one that's ever felt like this. I did try contacting the Y though. They won't watch my oldest because he's not toilet trained yet. I suppose that goes more with his mental retardation diagnosis, though. I know not being trained on that yet is not from lack of trying on mine or his Mom's part, or even his school. Now that he has his official diagnosis, though, I'm hoping to get some sort of respite care. I'm just scared, though, because the cheapest I have found so far was through a subsidized agency that wanted to charge me $17 / hour, because they worked on a sliding scale rate based on your income (I'm a computer programmer). I'm having my ex's neighbor watch him now during the day for $11 / hour. Times like this just make me want to take their Mom and ask why she did this to us. But you can only go forward, right? I have signed up with 2 local groups though: an autism support group, and a recreational "just for the adults" single parents group that does group outings. My Mom will watch them occasionally, so I'm hoping to get out with them in the next month or two. |
#7
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loneliness
"'Kate" wrote in message ... On Sun, 27 Aug 2006 17:34:52 GMT, "Mike" the following was posted in blue dry erase marker: I think you pretty much summed it up, Kate... I don't like where I'm at, and I've never been at this point, so I'm not sure where to go. Actually, it felt good to see you put it that way: maybe I'm not the only one that's ever felt like this. You're absolutely not the only one. And it'll pass now that you've got a handle on it and you're dealing with it. I did try contacting the Y though. They won't watch my oldest because he's not toilet trained yet. I suppose that goes more with his mental retardation diagnosis, though. I know not being trained on that yet is not from lack of trying on mine or his Mom's part, or even his school. Now that he has his official diagnosis, though, I'm hoping to get some sort of respite care. I'm just scared, though, because the cheapest I have found so far was through a subsidized agency that wanted to charge me $17 / hour, because they worked on a sliding scale rate based on your income (I'm a computer programmer). I'm having my ex's neighbor watch him now during the day for $11 / hour. Times like this just make me want to take their Mom and ask why she did this to us. But you can only go forward, right? So they say.... so they say. But I find that walking in circles can feel like forward. Being understood and feeling understood by someone who knows us well... that intimacy... it's nice. Ya gotta have someone that you're willing to be yourself with, warts and all even if it's just a friendship. Or maybe, especially just a friendship. Sometimes sex confuses things... things become less honest over time. We get wrapped up in the need of the relationship and it becomes riskier to be totally honest.... even if that's what we really need. If you're interested, there's an author named Robert Schnarch who explains it much better than I ever could. I have signed up with 2 local groups though: an autism support group, and a recreational "just for the adults" single parents group that does group outings. My Mom will watch them occasionally, so I'm hoping to get out with them in the next month or two. Good! Then this is the inbetween waiting room omg when is someone gonna call my number period. Frustrating.... but it'll pass and you're doing something about it. Meanwhile, perhaps check that author out. It may give you answers or it may help for the future. You are, without a doubt, doing all you can right now. Ride it out... it'll end soon. thank you... :`( It's hard to keep a up a happy front; gotta let it out once in a while. |
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