frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, but needhelp!)

Hi;

So, I am due July 31st. My doctor is irritating the hell out of me.

I started seeing him even before I got pregnant & I must admit that I
had 100% faith in his medical abilities. He is not too friendly, but he
knows what he's doing.

Then when I got pregnant, we didn't feel the need to shop for a doctor,
since we knew how much we believed in his medical knowledge. Now we are
seriously having doubts.

I did the blood work, then around 16-17 weeks I had the AFP test (came
negative), then around 20 weeks I went for y ultrasound (at a prenatal
place & everything was fine with our little girl). Then we had an
appointment with my dr the next day, we let him know that we're having a
girl. Because I wasn't sure the report would arrive to him so soon, I
had taken an initial copy of the report to show him. A month later was
our next appointment, he acted like we hadn't met after we had the
ultrasound. He asked me if we already know the gender of the baby (I was
annoyed, but tried to convince myself that I am not the only atient he
has & that it might have sliped his mind. Realy all it would have taken
is to write it down on a piece of paper in my file)

Anyways, every single visit, we go there he puts that thing on my belly
& we listen to the heartbeat. That is all he does. Then he asks me if I
have any questions and off I go. Sorry, but this is not enough for me, I
want more interaction and more attention (especially that this is my
first child. Everything freaks me out and I am clueless most of the time).

Anyway, I had my glucose test and it also came back negative. I realize
that so far, I don't seem to be a high risk patient (my sister wasn't a
high risk patient, until she lost a child in her 9th month, so that is
already freaking me out).

Last visit, he told me that now I will start to visit him every 2 weeks.
I asked him when my next ultrasound is gonna be (I thought one should
have another ultrasound in the 3rd trimester), he said that therewasn't
gonna be another one. I tried to transform my disappointment and my
frustration into a joke, so I asked if it was ok to just do it for fun.
He gave me a 3/4 smile (I actually never had a full smile from him) and
said that it is useless, cause the baby's head is gonna tae up all the
pics I get.

Now I am left to wonder is this all normal? I mean, the baby's heartbeat
is fine and all, but doesn't he need to check if maybe baby is too small
or too large? Am I just being sensitive about all that? What kind of
tests did other people have during their 3rd trimester?

Sorry for the long message, but this is not even enough to satisfy my
frustration.

Mona
due 07-31-04

My appointments with the midwives are pretty quick and easy.

quick urine test
blood pressure
fundal height
heart beat
position of baby (she'd been breech so they check every visit)

Then any questions or concerns I may have. I'm 34 weeks, it's pretty basic.

I haven't had an ultrasound since 25 weeks or so and unless something
happens I won't have anymore.
--
Jess
Mommy of two and a half

"zolw" wrote in message
news:taOqc.80166$iF6.6803303@attbi_s02...
Hi;

So, I am due July 31st. My doctor is irritating the hell out of me.

I started seeing him even before I got pregnant & I must admit that I
had 100% faith in his medical abilities. He is not too friendly, but he
knows what he's doing.

Then when I got pregnant, we didn't feel the need to shop for a doctor,
since we knew how much we believed in his medical knowledge. Now we are
seriously having doubts.

I did the blood work, then around 16-17 weeks I had the AFP test (came
negative), then around 20 weeks I went for y ultrasound (at a prenatal
place & everything was fine with our little girl). Then we had an
appointment with my dr the next day, we let him know that we're having a
girl. Because I wasn't sure the report would arrive to him so soon, I
had taken an initial copy of the report to show him. A month later was
our next appointment, he acted like we hadn't met after we had the
ultrasound. He asked me if we already know the gender of the baby (I was
annoyed, but tried to convince myself that I am not the only atient he
has & that it might have sliped his mind. Realy all it would have taken
is to write it down on a piece of paper in my file)

Anyways, every single visit, we go there he puts that thing on my belly
& we listen to the heartbeat. That is all he does. Then he asks me if I
have any questions and off I go. Sorry, but this is not enough for me, I
want more interaction and more attention (especially that this is my
first child. Everything freaks me out and I am clueless most of the time).

Anyway, I had my glucose test and it also came back negative. I realize
that so far, I don't seem to be a high risk patient (my sister wasn't a
high risk patient, until she lost a child in her 9th month, so that is
already freaking me out).

Last visit, he told me that now I will start to visit him every 2 weeks.
I asked him when my next ultrasound is gonna be (I thought one should
have another ultrasound in the 3rd trimester), he said that therewasn't
gonna be another one. I tried to transform my disappointment and my
frustration into a joke, so I asked if it was ok to just do it for fun.
He gave me a 3/4 smile (I actually never had a full smile from him) and
said that it is useless, cause the baby's head is gonna tae up all the
pics I get.

Now I am left to wonder is this all normal? I mean, the baby's heartbeat
is fine and all, but doesn't he need to check if maybe baby is too small
or too large? Am I just being sensitive about all that? What kind of
tests did other people have during their 3rd trimester?

Sorry for the long message, but this is not even enough to satisfy my
frustration.

Mona
due 07-31-04

ok, so I do get the urine test, the blood pressure, last time he
apparently checked for my fundal height (but didn't tell me anything),
heartbeat.

Now how about the position of the baby? How do they check for that? &
how did they find out that your baby was breech?

Sorry for my paranoia

Jess wrote:

My appointments with the midwives are pretty quick and easy.

quick urine test
blood pressure
fundal height
heart beat
position of baby (she'd been breech so they check every visit)

Then any questions or concerns I may have. I'm 34 weeks, it's pretty basic.

I haven't had an ultrasound since 25 weeks or so and unless something
happens I won't have anymore.

On Wed, 19 May 2004 19:19:09 GMT, zolw wrote:

ok, so I do get the urine test, the blood pressure, last time he
apparently checked for my fundal height (but didn't tell me anything),
heartbeat.

Now how about the position of the baby? How do they check for that? &
how did they find out that your baby was breech?

Sorry for my paranoia

They can tell by feeling you externally. My doctors didn't make a
habit of checking unless I asked. I started asking around 34 weeks,
as my last baby was breech.
Position at that stage still isn't guaranteed, though. Lots of babies
flip over in the last weeks.

Nan

Gosh this is nerve wrecking. I think I am having some sort of a nervous
break down (of course with exaggeration). I have become the most
paranoid woman possible. I am so scared anything happens to my baby & I
am a total fruit cake. I cry for no particular reason. Maybe that's why
I am having all these problems with my doctor.

I am just so tired of this. I used to be so in control of myself & now I
am always out of my control. I just want my little girl out there. I
want to be able to see her & make sure she is fine. You know, she's in
there & I have no idea if she is alright.

I probably will regret wanting her out, when she is here But it will
make me calmer. & maybe give my body a break. At this point, I feel that
this is our one & only child. I do not think I want to go through
another pregnancy. It is taking too much of me.

Nan wrote:

On Wed, 19 May 2004 19:19:09 GMT, zolw wrote:


ok, so I do get the urine test, the blood pressure, last time he
apparently checked for my fundal height (but didn't tell me anything),
heartbeat.

Now how about the position of the baby? How do they check for that? &
how did they find out that your baby was breech?

Sorry for my paranoia


They can tell by feeling you externally. My doctors didn't make a
habit of checking unless I asked. I started asking around 34 weeks,
as my last baby was breech.
Position at that stage still isn't guaranteed, though. Lots of babies
flip over in the last weeks.

Nan

zolw wrote:
Gosh this is nerve wrecking. I think I am having some sort of a
nervous break down (of course with exaggeration). I have become the
most paranoid woman possible. I am so scared anything happens to my
baby & I am a total fruit cake. I cry for no particular reason.
Maybe that's why I am having all these problems with my doctor.

If it's any consolation to you, most pregnant women feel this way at least
some of the time. Part of it, at least, is the hormones talking.

I am just so tired of this. I used to be so in control of myself &
now I am always out of my control.

I suspect that pregnancy is particularly hard for people who are control
freaks (like me g!). But one of the greatest things about my second (and
then third) pregnancy was that by that time, I'd started to understand there
were a lot of things I couldn't really control (like the little person I'd
given birth to the first time vbg) and that I could let go of that need to
some extent and stop trying to control *everything*.

I just want my little girl out
there. I want to be able to see her & make sure she is fine. You
know, she's in there & I have no idea if she is alright.

Well, you *do* have an "idea" that she is all right. You had a reassuring
ultrasound at 20 weeks; her heartbeat is audible at each appointment; she is
moving all the time. No, that's not a *guarantee* that all as absolutely,
100% well, but the odds are *so* much better that they are than that they
are not. The more you can remind yourself of this, the better off I think
you will be.

I probably will regret wanting her out, when she is here

I always say babies are much easier to take care of on the inside that
outside--infinitely portable, automatically fed, no diapers to change, no
crying to soothe. But I never regretted having them once they were here,
although there were a few times when I wished I could stuff them back in for
a couple of hours g!

But it
will make me calmer. & maybe give my body a break.

Maybe yes, maybe no. Immediately postpartum, you're even more likely to be a
hormonal mess and you'll probably have a good deal of uninterrupted sleep to
get through. Plus, if you've got a good imagination for all the things that
could go wrong when she's with you 24/7 and you always feel her, I expect
your imagination will work just as well for all the things that could happen
when she's *not* with you all the time. This phase *does* pass, but the
first few weeks (up to 6) can definitely be "baby boot camp" and you may not
feel a strong sense of regaining control and proportion for a little while
after the birth. The reason I tell you this isn't to scare you or dissuade
you from wanted to have your baby, but merely to give you some perspective
so you don't feel like there's something wrong with you if you *don't* feel
much calmer right away.

At this point, I
feel that this is our one & only child. I do not think I want to go
through another pregnancy. It is taking too much of me.

As I said, you generally gain more sense of proportion after you've been
through one pregnancy and done some child-rearing. So you may find the idea
of another pregnancy less daunting in a few years. But if you only have the
emotional and physical stamina for one pregnancy, that's understandable.
Nothing wrong at all with having an only child!
--
Be well, Barbara
Mom to Sin (Vernon, 2), Misery (Aurora, 4), and the Rising Son (Julian, 6)

Aurora (in the bathroom with her dad)--"It looks like an elephant, Daddy."
Me (later)--"You should feel flattered."

All opinions expressed in this post are well-reasoned and insightful.
Needless to say, they are not those of my Internet Service Provider, its
other subscribers or lackeys. Anyone who says otherwise is itchin' for a
fight. -- with apologies to Michael Feldman

zolw wrote:

Gosh this is nerve wrecking. I think I am having some sort of a nervous
break down (of course with exaggeration). I have become the most
paranoid woman possible. I am so scared anything happens to my baby & I
am a total fruit cake. I cry for no particular reason. Maybe that's why
I am having all these problems with my doctor.

Or it could be that his manner just isn't a good
match for you. You might need someone who is more hands
on, more touchy-feely. It's fine to recognize that you
need that emotional support. Just don't equate additional
medical testing with emotional support. The kind of
anxiety you are feeling cannot be alleviated by more
testing. It's a bottomless pit. Additional and
unnecessary testing is likely to *raise* your level
of anxiety, not lessen it.

I am just so tired of this. I used to be so in control of myself & now I
am always out of my control. I just want my little girl out there. I
want to be able to see her & make sure she is fine. You know, she's in
there & I have no idea if she is alright.

Assuming you are not dealing with something like
depression or an anxiety disorder of some sort, take steps
to get control. Meditate. Breathe. Learn to tune in to
your own intuition. Your baby is experiencing your
anxiety. All the neurotransmitters that signal your
emotions flood your baby as well as yourself. She can
also see and hear and feel at this point, so she can
learn to associate your feelings (that she is experiencing
in a very visceral way) with the things she hears. Make
a conscious effort to spend time each day focusing inward.
Imagine bathing your baby in love and peace and contentment.
Tune in and "listen" to your baby and your own intuition.
Talk to your baby, or sing to her, or read to her.
If you take just fifteen minutes a few times a day to do
this, you will find that you start to relax more and more.
This is a wonderful gift you can give your baby. She
will *feel* it.

Best wishes,
Ericka

My appointments with the midwives are pretty quick and easy.

quick urine test
blood pressure
fundal height
heart beat
position of baby

My appointments were like this except I had an ultrasound at 22 weeks
and none thereafter. The position of the baby wasn't checked regularly
until I was around 32 weeks.

On Wed, 19 May 2004 19:01:45 GMT, zolw wrote:

Now I am left to wonder is this all normal? I mean, the baby's heartbeat
is fine and all, but doesn't he need to check if maybe baby is too small
or too large? Am I just being sensitive about all that? What kind of
tests did other people have during their 3rd trimester?

Ultrasounds done in late pregnancy aren't good indicators of the size
of your baby, and unless there is concern about something, are a waste
of time and money.
While your doctor might not be doing enough *for you*, he's actually
doing what is pretty typical of most doctors.
If you want more, my suggestion is to come up with questions or
concerns before your visit, and address them when he gives you the
opportunity.

Nan

I do have a lsit of questions everytime I go to see him. Most of them he
just tells me "that's normal". Maybe I am just a demanding woman (& my
hsuband must be too, cause he feels the same way), but I can read up on
things and discuss stuff in newsgroup, I want him to explain what is
going on. When I push it, he seems ****ed off at me.

I wanted to share with him how I feel about the attention I am not
getting & I wanted him to understand that I do trust him medically (not
100% anymore, but he doesn't need to know that), but every time I am
about to open my mouth, I get emotional & feel that if I talk I will cry
or something of the sort. My hsuband is not much help, cause he won't
talk. He just sits there & lets me do all the talking.

Just tell me that I am paranoid (if you think I am) Maybe that will
set me straight.

Nan wrote:

On Wed, 19 May 2004 19:01:45 GMT, zolw wrote:


Now I am left to wonder is this all normal? I mean, the baby's heartbeat
is fine and all, but doesn't he need to check if maybe baby is too small
or too large? Am I just being sensitive about all that? What kind of
tests did other people have during their 3rd trimester?


Ultrasounds done in late pregnancy aren't good indicators of the size
of your baby, and unless there is concern about something, are a waste
of time and money.
While your doctor might not be doing enough *for you*, he's actually
doing what is pretty typical of most doctors.
If you want more, my suggestion is to come up with questions or
concerns before your visit, and address them when he gives you the
opportunity.

Nan