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#1
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Life changes due to pregnancy (emotional, past loss ment)
The last day of school was yesterday-and I'm hitting major depression. I've wanted this baby for a long time, and I've known since Brian was born that when I next got pregnant, I would be leaving teaching pretty soon after the pregnancy was confirmed, rather than waiting until the baby was born. But this morning, when I woke up and realized that until December, when "Cuddles" decides to make his/her appearance (and I certainly hope he/she WAITS until December!) I literally have NOTHING to do. For the last 10 years, my life has either been teaching, or preparing to teach over breaks. Because of the pregnancy, the only dates on my calendar for this summer (except for my birthday-which is an issue in itself, since I'm definitely aware that I'm hoping to be bringing home a first baby after just about everyone I know has decided they're done having them) are doctor's appointments, phone calls to the midwife, and perinatologist appointments. No travel, no graduate classes, nothing. Even for the last month, the only thing I've really heard from anyone is questions about the pregnancy. Most of the people I'm friends with locally are other teachers-and while I may have more in common with some after the baby comes, again, everyone I know either has quite a bit older children, or is single and not really planning to have any. A lot of people don't completely approve of my being pregnant again regardless. I've also got friends in support groups, but I can hardly complain to women who have been struggling to get pregnant or who have gone through repeated losses that I'm upset about not being able to work while pregnant, can I?? I don't want to do too much with the nursery and getting things ready-and have told everyone no showers or baby-related gifts until at least November 1st, because I'm so aware that for me pregnancy does not always equal a baby. I started cleaning out the closet in the middle bedroom (which has had my teaching and craft stuff stored in it, but will be needed for the nursery), and just couldn't do it. I've always planned to be a SAH mom after I had a baby-and I suspect that if I was leaving work at 8 1/2 months pregnant, things would be different. But right now, I'm 8 weeks and this baby isn't even due until after 1st semester of next year ends. And right now, I feel good and the pregnancy is going beautifully. But, I know that if I work (or even if I do too much at home) and if anything goes wrong, I'll blame myself for it. Is it normal to feel this upset about life changes? And to be wondering right now if maybe I would have been better off adopting another kitten instead of trying so hard to get pregnant again?? -- Donna DeVore Metler Orff Music, band, and choir, Lester Focused Literacy School Mother to Angel Brian Anthony Metler, 1/1/02, (22 weeks, severe PE/HELLP syndrome) And "Cuddles"-EDD 12/29/04 |
#2
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Life changes due to pregnancy (emotional, past loss ment)
Hugs Donna. I think what you are going through is totally normal. The only
thing I can recommend is that you pick up a hobby or craft, something to do with your hands that creates something, to help you pass the time, entertain your mind, and keep you busy. I sewed a lot of baby blankets while I waited for Taylor to be born. Like you, I had experienced losses, and didn't really believe that this was actually going to happen. I had the added complication of Taylor growing in another woman's womb, and the issue of relinquishments, etc, but the concept was the same -- I didn't know for sure, or really believe, that I'd actually be bringing home a baby around her due date. I sold my baby blankets to friends and relatives, but could easily have donated them to hospitals for baby's who died, or woman's shelters, or Dr. Laura's MyStuff bags. Whatever. I don't know what you "do" craft or hobby wise, but something like that, that you are working on to donate, might help you pass the time and feel good about your time off. -- Jamie & Taylor Earth Angel, 1/3/03 Check out Taylor Marlys -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1, Password: Guest Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and Password Check out our Adoption Page at http://home.earthlink.net/~jamielee6 "Donna Metler" wrote in message ... The last day of school was yesterday-and I'm hitting major depression. I've wanted this baby for a long time, and I've known since Brian was born that when I next got pregnant, I would be leaving teaching pretty soon after the pregnancy was confirmed, rather than waiting until the baby was born. But this morning, when I woke up and realized that until December, when "Cuddles" decides to make his/her appearance (and I certainly hope he/she WAITS until December!) I literally have NOTHING to do. For the last 10 years, my life has either been teaching, or preparing to teach over breaks. Because of the pregnancy, the only dates on my calendar for this summer (except for my birthday-which is an issue in itself, since I'm definitely aware that I'm hoping to be bringing home a first baby after just about everyone I know has decided they're done having them) are doctor's appointments, phone calls to the midwife, and perinatologist appointments. No travel, no graduate classes, nothing. Even for the last month, the only thing I've really heard from anyone is questions about the pregnancy. Most of the people I'm friends with locally are other teachers-and while I may have more in common with some after the baby comes, again, everyone I know either has quite a bit older children, or is single and not really planning to have any. A lot of people don't completely approve of my being pregnant again regardless. I've also got friends in support groups, but I can hardly complain to women who have been struggling to get pregnant or who have gone through repeated losses that I'm upset about not being able to work while pregnant, can I?? I don't want to do too much with the nursery and getting things ready-and have told everyone no showers or baby-related gifts until at least November 1st, because I'm so aware that for me pregnancy does not always equal a baby. I started cleaning out the closet in the middle bedroom (which has had my teaching and craft stuff stored in it, but will be needed for the nursery), and just couldn't do it. I've always planned to be a SAH mom after I had a baby-and I suspect that if I was leaving work at 8 1/2 months pregnant, things would be different. But right now, I'm 8 weeks and this baby isn't even due until after 1st semester of next year ends. And right now, I feel good and the pregnancy is going beautifully. But, I know that if I work (or even if I do too much at home) and if anything goes wrong, I'll blame myself for it. Is it normal to feel this upset about life changes? And to be wondering right now if maybe I would have been better off adopting another kitten instead of trying so hard to get pregnant again?? -- Donna DeVore Metler Orff Music, band, and choir, Lester Focused Literacy School Mother to Angel Brian Anthony Metler, 1/1/02, (22 weeks, severe PE/HELLP syndrome) And "Cuddles"-EDD 12/29/04 |
#3
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Life changes due to pregnancy (emotional, past loss ment)
"Donna Metler" wrote in message ... snip Is it normal to feel this upset about life changes? And to be wondering right now if maybe I would have been better off adopting another kitten instead of trying so hard to get pregnant again?? Oh, Donna, can I ever emphasize with what you are going through. sympathetic smile I didn't have a previous loss, so I can't say whether you'd feel better working or not, but I can tell you that for those of us who waited a while to begin our families, there is a *huge* transition to motherhood. I completely sympathize with your comment that you're having your baby when most of your friends have finished having theirs. One of my closest friends is taking her son to look at colleges this year, and we're the same age!!!! And she didn't get pregnant as a kid, either - she was in her twenties! Believe me, I can relate. It's ok to grieve for the satisfying life you have had until now. You can only take it on faith that what comes next will be just as good or better, and that's a difficult faith to keep, particularly through the discomforts of pregnancy, coupled with boredom. I find that I get far broodier when I'm bored. Can you find something exciting to fill your days until your baby comes? Hobbies/volunteering/something fun? Housewifing will only entertain you so much, I'm guessing. For what it's worth, the transition from working to staying at home is sometimes a bit rough for some of us. Keep an open mind - what you think is going to work for you now, may not feel right to you next spring, or in two years. So keep your options open and your expectations of yourself flexible, so that you can do what is best for you. Donna |
#4
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Life changes due to pregnancy (emotional, past loss ment)
((((((hugs))))))
I could have written your post Donna. I finished work a couple of weeks ago, decided to call it quits at 32 weeks and take it easy since we lost our son for unknown reasons at 29 weeks. I thought I'd feel so much better away from the stresses of work, but I feel lost. I think a job, and in my case it is just a job rather than a career, helps to define who we are, and I feel at least until this baby comes home and I have my new role of active mothering, that I'll be stuck in limbo. Everyday I feel terrified that she won't make it home alive, but also terrified that she will and that after all we've been through I'll have no idea how to parent a living child. I said to DH just the other day that I was scared that we hadn't made the right decision in deciding to have another child, which sounds such an awful thing to say this late in pg. I could see he has similar fears but didn't want to voice them for fear he would 'jinx' us. Do you think society expects us to be perfect parents after what we've been through? Sometimes I feel because it's what we've wanted so badly and worked so hard for, we're expected to do it all (pg & parenting) flawlessly and without complaint. You _will_ find it easier as time goes on to make the preparations and nest, but like me you may find you leave it quite late, or at least until you're past 22 weeks. I felt similarly at around 8 weeks, but it's really hard for even the most paranoid, terrified mother to live in a bubble for nine months. I think you'll find there are a lot of ups and downs, and along the way even a few moments of normalcy - savour them :-) "Donna Metler" wrote in message ... The last day of school was yesterday-and I'm hitting major depression. I've wanted this baby for a long time, and I've known since Brian was born that when I next got pregnant, I would be leaving teaching pretty soon after the pregnancy was confirmed, rather than waiting until the baby was born. But this morning, when I woke up and realized that until December, when "Cuddles" decides to make his/her appearance (and I certainly hope he/she WAITS until December!) I literally have NOTHING to do. For the last 10 years, my life has either been teaching, or preparing to teach over breaks. Because of the pregnancy, the only dates on my calendar for this summer (except for my birthday-which is an issue in itself, since I'm definitely aware that I'm hoping to be bringing home a first baby after just about everyone I know has decided they're done having them) are doctor's appointments, phone calls to the midwife, and perinatologist appointments. No travel, no graduate classes, nothing. Even for the last month, the only thing I've really heard from anyone is questions about the pregnancy. Most of the people I'm friends with locally are other teachers-and while I may have more in common with some after the baby comes, again, everyone I know either has quite a bit older children, or is single and not really planning to have any. A lot of people don't completely approve of my being pregnant again regardless. I've also got friends in support groups, but I can hardly complain to women who have been struggling to get pregnant or who have gone through repeated losses that I'm upset about not being able to work while pregnant, can I?? I don't want to do too much with the nursery and getting things ready-and have told everyone no showers or baby-related gifts until at least November 1st, because I'm so aware that for me pregnancy does not always equal a baby. I started cleaning out the closet in the middle bedroom (which has had my teaching and craft stuff stored in it, but will be needed for the nursery), and just couldn't do it. I've always planned to be a SAH mom after I had a baby-and I suspect that if I was leaving work at 8 1/2 months pregnant, things would be different. But right now, I'm 8 weeks and this baby isn't even due until after 1st semester of next year ends. And right now, I feel good and the pregnancy is going beautifully. But, I know that if I work (or even if I do too much at home) and if anything goes wrong, I'll blame myself for it. Is it normal to feel this upset about life changes? And to be wondering right now if maybe I would have been better off adopting another kitten instead of trying so hard to get pregnant again?? -- Donna DeVore Metler Orff Music, band, and choir, Lester Focused Literacy School Mother to Angel Brian Anthony Metler, 1/1/02, (22 weeks, severe PE/HELLP syndrome) And "Cuddles"-EDD 12/29/04 |
#5
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Life changes due to pregnancy (emotional, past loss ment)
Donna Metler wrote:
Is it normal to feel this upset about life changes? Of course. I know that your losses make you want to wrap yourself in cotton wool but really working in non physical jobs isn't going to effect the outcome of your pregnancy unless you encounter stress for having to meet deadlines, productions, tasks etc, or just from working with peopel that grate on you. You have a long wait until that baby comes, you really are going to be bored beyond bored if you don't find something to occupy your days. My suggestion is voluntary work that you have no 'commitment' to or stress from, or part time work or study with the same. Maybe volunteer at a local womins centre they have great courses you can do as well. Maybe there is a soup kitchen you can help out at. Volunteer at a childrens hospital to read stories to sick kids whose parents can't be there full time. Rest homes where you can help out with lite duties. SPCA. Youth work, there is a ton of places that would love an extra pair of hands. Take a first aid course. Help out at a multiple birth coffee morning, they ALWAYS appreciate a spare pair of hands. Or you can take up a short term or on-line study course. Surely there is something you are burning to learn a new skill in, Thai cooking, leadlight, pottery, patchwork, philosophy, child development. Make the most of every free moment because in 7-8 months you won't have time to ****. Andrea |
#6
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Life changes due to pregnancy (emotional, past loss ment)
"Donna Metler" wrote in message ... The last day of school was yesterday-and I'm hitting major depression. I've wanted this baby for a long time, and I've known since Brian was born that when I next got pregnant, I would be leaving teaching pretty soon after the pregnancy was confirmed, rather than waiting until the baby was born. But this morning, when I woke up and realized that until December, when "Cuddles" decides to make his/her appearance (and I certainly hope he/she WAITS until December!) I literally have NOTHING to do. Oh boy oh boy do I know this one. I gave notice in January that I'd be leaving in June because we were TTC. My boss said, "But what if you aren't pregnant?" I said, rather fliply, "Well, I better damn well reduce my stress level then, hadn't I?" Oh boy. So we hired my replacement just before I found out I was pregnant. And the miscarriage means that I've left work for all practical purposes 2 weeks earlier than planned. I didn't expect to be leaving work because I stopped being pregnant...but my work is all about babies and while it was bad enough to read about complications and other people's birth stories while pg, it is a million times harder to read all that stuff 6 hours a day while recovering from a miscarriage. So what am I going to do with myself? Step 1: Clean house Step 2: Garden Step 3: Work on sewing projects with my mother (projects include a sling-friendly diaper bag, sling-friendly nursing clothes, really comfortable maternity underwear, and baby clothes that don't get grown out of in 3 weeks. Hopefully we'll be making patterns for some manufacturers to take to market.) Step 4: Write a book (no I'm not kidding...I'm working on a book on babywearing with Jeni from www.thebabywearer.com .) Step 5: Help with founding national nonprofit organization (yes, really... see www.nineinnineout.org for more info.) Step 6: Plan babywearing conference Step 7: Develop marketing campaigns for various projects. Step 8: Set up a schedule of babywearing workshops for 2005. Step 9: Wish I could go back to work so I could get a break now and then... I guess my point is that you make of your time what you will. You could add to my list, "Read science fiction novels," or maybe, "sleep as late as I want to," and definitely, "make saving money my pet hobby, via home-cooking and shopping sales." My suggestion? Take a week as a vacation, a complete vacation. Do *nothing* not critically necessary to your well-being. Then take stock. What have you been putting off until you have time? Jenrose |
#7
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Life changes due to pregnancy (emotional, past loss ment)
Donna Metler wrote:
The last day of school was yesterday-and I'm hitting major depression. [...] Is it normal to feel this upset about life changes? Yes. Give yourself a little time to come down from the school year. (Don't you usually feel depressed at this point in the school year?) I had thought I would need desperately to return to work, and in a sense I do...but not to the work that my old job morphed into while I was gone immediately after the birth. My career may benefit from a breather and some stock-taking, and it will still be there when I am ready to go back to it. Actually, I can continue many aspects of my career even while officially not in the workforce. An income would be nice but at this point is optional. I worked out an income and expense analysis, and if I work now and hire someone for child care, I do not come out ahead, and I would be exhausted too. Not a winning proposition. Also, like Jenrose, I have major plans for my "free" time (ha ha), including *three* book projects. Pologirl |
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