frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, but needhelp!)

"Ericka Kammerer" wrote in message
...
Donna Metler wrote:


I don't know if he'd do it, but you might want to try to get a referral
to a
high risk OB. While you're not high risk, you do have concerns and
worries,
and in my experience, the docs which specialize in high risk are much
more
willing to address those.

I'm not sure that would be the greatest idea. While
I agree that it's very important to have someone who's willing
to provide the necessary emotional support, if you go to a
high risk OB when you're not high risk, you really up your
chances of encountering the "when all you've got is a hammer,
everything looks like a nail" syndrome. A high risk OB is
on the lookout for trouble, and when you look hard enough,
you find it even when it's not there. I think it's likely
a setup for increased unnecessary intervention, which, in
turn, increases risk.
Midwives specialize in not only normal, healthy
pregnancies, but also in providing that additional measure
of one-on-one support. I would argue this would go straight
to the problem at hand, rather than trying to come at the
problem sideways and get additional support by upping
the perceived risk level.

Best wishes,
Ericka
Even so, she has a strong familial history of late-term pregnancy loss. So
far, her OB has not addressed her fears, given her anything to watch out
for, or any support whatsoever. I have real problems with the "one pregnancy
for free, then we worry" mentality. I've known too many women who had
concerns which were brushed off by their OBs, who ended up with problems.

I saw the high-risk OB once before complications started in my first
pregnancy, because I had concerns about my cerebral palsy and how it would
affect the baby. He did the high-level ultrasound, was able to answer a lot
of questions, and I came out very reassured. Effectively, I moved out of a
high risk category at that point.

In ,
Naomi Pardue wrote:

*Anyways, every single visit, we go there he puts that thing on my belly
*& we listen to the heartbeat. That is all he does. Then he asks me if I
*have any questions and off I go. Sorry, but this is not enough for me, I
*want more interaction and more attention
*
* (especially that this is my
*first child. Everything freaks me out and I am clueless most of the time).
*
*
*Ok. Am I missing something? You say he asks if you have any questions, and
*then you leave. But it sounds to me like you DO have a lot of questions. So,
*when he asks if you have qustions, say "Yes!" and then ask them! If you just
*leave, how is he supposed to know what your concerns are?

It's funny you should mention that Great minds think alike...
because I was thinking -

*Last visit, he told me that now I will start to visit him every 2 weeks.
*I asked him when my next ultrasound is gonna be (I thought one should
*have another ultrasound in the 3rd trimester), he said that therewasn't
*gonna be another one. I tried to transform my disappointment and my

Like at this point, she could have said "you know, I have some questions,
since you always ask me if I have questions. First - why don't I get
another ultrasound? Can you explain? What's the standard in obstetrics
regarding number of ultrasounds, anyway?" and so on. You know. Just start
asking as many questions as you have. As long as you do, you will be
interacting, and he will be giving you attention - right??

I just don't really get what's so upsetting. But maybe it's the guy's
demeanor. Maybe he asks over his shoulder, as he exits the room, "oh, uh,
any questions? no? OK, bye!"

--
hillary israeli vmd http://www.hillary.net
"uber vaccae in quattuor partes divisum est."
not-so-newly minted veterinarian-at-large

"Donna Metler" wrote in message
.. .

Even so, she has a strong familial history of late-term pregnancy loss. So
far, her OB has not addressed her fears, given her anything to watch out
for, or any support whatsoever. I have real problems with the "one
pregnancy
for free, then we worry" mentality.

It's entirely unclear as to whether the OP has ever *mentioned* any of her
sister's history and her own subsequent fears to the OB. In fact, I'm
getting the feeling that she has never said any of that, and is frustrated
that the OB hasn't initiated the conversation himself. That's a bit
unreasonable.

I write down my questions and bring them to each appointment, because I have
a marked tendency to forget what I was wondering about between appointments.
Or I call and speak with the nurse/midwife on triage. Perhaps the OP could
try that?

I've known too many women who had
concerns which were brushed off by their OBs, who ended up with problems.

Sure. OBs are, I would guess, more likely to be rushed, and therefore not
as willing to talk every visit -- but that's the nature of the beast. I'm
not excusing it, but I am saying that we, as consumers, have the right to
have our questions answered, but also the responsibility to ensure that our
questions get asked.

You wouldn't tell a waitress that you didn't want dessert, then be annoyed
when she didn't bring you a milkshake, would you? Ok, would you when you if
you weren't 9 months pregnant? grin

Donna

"Donna" wrote in message
...
Ok, would you when you if
you weren't 9 months pregnant? grin


I can't proof for crap these days. That should have read "Ok, would you if
you weren't 9 months pregnant?"

You all will apparently just have to take my word for the fact that I'm not
functionally illiterate.

Donna

zolw wrote in message
news:E2Qqc.7387$zw.4579@attbi_s01...
yes, my sister has a condition called placenta insufficiency. Apparently
her placenta ages quickly. At the same time, she does not get
contractions or go into labor, even after induction. I have already told
my doctor about that (the first few appointments I tried to give him as
much family history as possible. I have an aunt who would miscarriage
every single pregnancy at 6 months. Never had a child. My mom menopaused
at the age of 38. So, I thought all that may be real important for him
to know), he just said ok. Didn't even jot it down or anything.

I probably should mention it to him once more.
I wonder whether he might think it's appropriate to check (via u/s) the
placenta in 8th month. (apparently they can do this) Remind him about your
sister, and ask him whether it would be a good idea. Might be a good idea to
see if your insurance would cover this. Suspect the aunt's problems were
unrelated, and genetically she's probably considered far enough from you not
to be concerned-and you're past 6 months :-)
Maybe if you haven't insurance for it you might think it was worth paying to
check the placenta?
I don't know whether there is any genetic aspect in placenta
insufficiency-maybe that would be a good point to start-by asking your
doctor that.
Debbie

Donna wrote:

"Nan" wrote in message
...


But, if you aren't getting your emotional needs met by this doctor,
you could consider switching to a midwife, or another doctor that is
recommended to you.

Nan, I know what you're trying to say, but I can't let this pass -- your OB
isn't there to meet emotional needs. That's what husbands, mothers,
newgroups, doulas and (possibly) midwives are for. The OB is there to
monitor the pregnancy. You cannot expect an emotionally satisfying
relationship. If it happens, great, but that's not what you go to an OB
for.

Well, yes and no. I think *any* health care provider
has some obligation to meet some emotional needs. One can't
completely sever the ties between body, mind, and spirit.
Good doctors will bring something in the way of a good
"bedside manner" to the relationship. A health care provider
may not be able to provide *all* of the emotional needs
for a particular client in a particular situation. There
are certainly limits on what is reasonable to expect.
But I don't think their job ends at scientific observation
either.

Best wishes,
Ericka

Donna Metler wrote:

Even so, she has a strong familial history of late-term pregnancy loss. So
far, her OB has not addressed her fears, given her anything to watch out
for, or any support whatsoever. I have real problems with the "one pregnancy
for free, then we worry" mentality. I've known too many women who had
concerns which were brushed off by their OBs, who ended up with problems.

I agree that he should have heard her concerns and
provided her with concrete information (and medically appropriate
followup, if needed). If he didn't have the expertise to
provide that information, then a referral for a consult with
someone who did would be appropriate. But if she is not
at increased risk, then going with a high risk OB is, I
believe, unreasonable and undesireable.

Best wishes,
Ericka

"Ericka Kammerer" wrote in message
...
Donna wrote:

The OB is there to
monitor the pregnancy. You cannot expect an emotionally satisfying
relationship. If it happens, great, but that's not what you go to an OB
for.



Well, yes and no. I think *any* health care provider
has some obligation to meet some emotional needs. One can't
completely sever the ties between body, mind, and spirit.
Good doctors will bring something in the way of a good
"bedside manner" to the relationship. A health care provider
may not be able to provide *all* of the emotional needs
for a particular client in a particular situation. There
are certainly limits on what is reasonable to expect.
But I don't think their job ends at scientific observation
either.

Ok, I can live with your definition. I still think that there really
isn't an expectation of emotional sustenance implicit in the OB/pregnant
lady relationship -- particularly given a non-eventful pregnancy. I don't
expect my accountant to commiserate with me when I have a particularly
onerous tax bill. I don't go to my mechanic for routine maintenance and
expect anything more than that he will answer my questions, and do his best
to keep my (increasingly elderly) truck running. I don't expect more than
that from my OB, either (again, assuming a non-eventful pregnancy).

But the biggest complaint I hear about physicians of all specialties is a
perceived lack of bedside manner, so I do realize that MDs are not blameless
in this. I just don't think that an emotionally supportive relationship is
an intrinsic part of the contract.

Donna

Donna wrote in message
...

"Donna Metler" wrote in message
.. .

Even so, she has a strong familial history of late-term pregnancy loss.
So
far, her OB has not addressed her fears, given her anything to watch out
for, or any support whatsoever. I have real problems with the "one
pregnancy
for free, then we worry" mentality.

It's entirely unclear as to whether the OP has ever *mentioned* any of her
sister's history and her own subsequent fears to the OB.


She has-and the reason why (placenta insufficiency) and that her aunt had a
history of still birth at 6 months too.
Debbie

Althought I understand your analogy, Donna, doctors aren't exempt from
caring for a *person* - people aren't just machines.

That is why I am a caring Midwife

Jo (RM)

Donna wrote:

Ok, I can live with your definition. I still think that there
really isn't an expectation of emotional sustenance implicit in the
OB/pregnant lady relationship -- particularly given a non-eventful
pregnancy. I don't expect my accountant to commiserate with me when
I have a particularly onerous tax bill. I don't go to my mechanic
for routine maintenance and expect anything more than that he will
answer my questions, and do his best to keep my (increasingly
elderly) truck running. I don't expect more than that from my OB,
either (again, assuming a non-eventful pregnancy).

But the biggest complaint I hear about physicians of all specialties
is a perceived lack of bedside manner, so I do realize that MDs are
not blameless in this. I just don't think that an emotionally
supportive relationship is an intrinsic part of the contract.

Donna