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Fighting Over Kids



 
 
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  #1  
Old May 4th 04, 08:26 PM
Stepdad1963
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Posts: n/a
Default Fighting Over Kids

Hello,

I am the Stepdad of a 15 y o girl and 11 y o boy. I have been with them for
10 years so I have known them from a very young age.

My wife is the love of my life. She has always given me the freedom to
discipline the children and is not shy to step in if she feels I'm too
harsh.

Some background:
When the kids were young....EVERYONE was happy that the kids actually
listened to me when I said things like "no" or "stop" to the kids. They
tended to ignore Mom's attempts to calm them down. They were both VERY busy
kids. Daycare people were amazed when I picked up the boy and he actually
let me dress him without a problem. I think that even their Mom liked the
fact that I could step in when needed and often suggested that I take the
boy on errands as he would listen to me. I heard several comments from
friends of Mom's (now my friends too) on how different the kids are with me.

In a sentence, I'm much more strict with the kids than my wife is. I'm not
suggesting that my approach is better, rather than it is different. The
trouble is, now the kids are 15 and 11 and having a strict step parent is
not what ANYONE wants any longer. I'm getting the impression that my wife
and step kids would rather I butt out at this point.

I don't feel that I have changed at all and I have some difficulty accepting
that (after 10 years) I now should sit back and just accept whatever Mom
feels is appropriate for the kids. So far, I haven't. This is creating a
lot of fighting between my wife and I. She feels that I am way too strict
and I feel she is too soft. We tend to have opposing views on everything
when it comes to the kids. We need to find a happy medium but it is not
happening. It's the only thing we fight about by the way.

My step daughter is a great kid most of the time. She and I do not agree
though on the amount of freedom she should have. She has activities that
she goes out to on two nights a week which are supervised by an adult.
Most weekends she either has activities (tournaments etc) or we let her have
a friend over for a sleep over. There have been several occasions where she
has been very vague on where she is going. We find out later that things
were not as they seemed. She would go to a friends place where the parent
was
supposed to be home and we've found out later that the parent was not there.
She will ask to go to a friends place and then we find out that that friend
was planning on attending a mixed party. She keeps saying that she didn't
know that the parent wouldn't be there or she didn't know about the party
etc. I'm having difficulty believing her after so much of this.

My step son has two moods.....good and bad. When it's good it's great. He
laughs, is goofy in general and talks a blue streak. When it's bad, he
likes to do the very things he knows will get on my nerves. If you ask him
to stop doing something, he will do it just one more time just to show you
he's not listening. Lately he is starting to talk back which he has never
done before.

I tend to take the playstation away of revoke TV privileges when we have
problems but I am always paying a price with my wife as she feels that I am
being too strict. So, whenever the kids get into trouble, consequently, so
do I now. I keep getting told to "relax" and not be such a hard case. I
should say not just by my wife but by all of those same people that used to
be happy with how well the kids listened to me.

Over the past few years things have become much more tense and I have been
getting very angry with both the kids and my wife. It's not good for
anyone. I know I need to curve my anger but it seems to me like I'm the odd
man out now and it is very frustrating. Whenever I try to have a
conversation with my Stepdaughter she won't let me finish a sentence which
never fails to set me off. I'm at the point where I avoid conversations
with her as they tend to end badly. Then I get heck from my wife for not
talking with my stepdaughter.

This kids father is in their life. For the longest time, he only saw them
every third weekend due to his work schedule. There were typically no calls
in between visits. He would see them the required times but would often
call at the last minute and change plans which reaked havoc with us. The
kids love going to his house though as the girl gets to go where ever she
wants with no supervision and the boy plays playstation all weekend. Mind
you, that information may not be accurate as we do not have good
communication with their father and rely heavily on what the kids say.

I'm not sure if anyone can help but I thought I would send this out and
hopefully start a conversation around some of these issues.

Cheers.








  #2  
Old May 4th 04, 09:13 PM
toto
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Fighting Over Kids

On Tue, 4 May 2004 15:26:14 -0400, "Stepdad1963"
wrote:

Hello,

You may want to post this to alt.support.step-parents.

I haven't any advice as I never have been in this situation, but I am
sure some others will be able to help.

I am the Stepdad of a 15 y o girl and 11 y o boy. I have been with them for
10 years so I have known them from a very young age.

My wife is the love of my life. She has always given me the freedom to
discipline the children and is not shy to step in if she feels I'm too
harsh.

Some background:
When the kids were young....EVERYONE was happy that the kids actually
listened to me when I said things like "no" or "stop" to the kids. They
tended to ignore Mom's attempts to calm them down. They were both VERY busy
kids. Daycare people were amazed when I picked up the boy and he actually
let me dress him without a problem. I think that even their Mom liked the
fact that I could step in when needed and often suggested that I take the
boy on errands as he would listen to me. I heard several comments from
friends of Mom's (now my friends too) on how different the kids are with me.

In a sentence, I'm much more strict with the kids than my wife is. I'm not
suggesting that my approach is better, rather than it is different. The
trouble is, now the kids are 15 and 11 and having a strict step parent is
not what ANYONE wants any longer. I'm getting the impression that my wife
and step kids would rather I butt out at this point.

I don't feel that I have changed at all and I have some difficulty accepting
that (after 10 years) I now should sit back and just accept whatever Mom
feels is appropriate for the kids. So far, I haven't. This is creating a
lot of fighting between my wife and I. She feels that I am way too strict
and I feel she is too soft. We tend to have opposing views on everything
when it comes to the kids. We need to find a happy medium but it is not
happening. It's the only thing we fight about by the way.

My step daughter is a great kid most of the time. She and I do not agree
though on the amount of freedom she should have. She has activities that
she goes out to on two nights a week which are supervised by an adult.
Most weekends she either has activities (tournaments etc) or we let her have
a friend over for a sleep over. There have been several occasions where she
has been very vague on where she is going. We find out later that things
were not as they seemed. She would go to a friends place where the parent
was
supposed to be home and we've found out later that the parent was not there.
She will ask to go to a friends place and then we find out that that friend
was planning on attending a mixed party. She keeps saying that she didn't
know that the parent wouldn't be there or she didn't know about the party
etc. I'm having difficulty believing her after so much of this.

My step son has two moods.....good and bad. When it's good it's great. He
laughs, is goofy in general and talks a blue streak. When it's bad, he
likes to do the very things he knows will get on my nerves. If you ask him
to stop doing something, he will do it just one more time just to show you
he's not listening. Lately he is starting to talk back which he has never
done before.

I tend to take the playstation away of revoke TV privileges when we have
problems but I am always paying a price with my wife as she feels that I am
being too strict. So, whenever the kids get into trouble, consequently, so
do I now. I keep getting told to "relax" and not be such a hard case. I
should say not just by my wife but by all of those same people that used to
be happy with how well the kids listened to me.

Over the past few years things have become much more tense and I have been
getting very angry with both the kids and my wife. It's not good for
anyone. I know I need to curve my anger but it seems to me like I'm the odd
man out now and it is very frustrating. Whenever I try to have a
conversation with my Stepdaughter she won't let me finish a sentence which
never fails to set me off. I'm at the point where I avoid conversations
with her as they tend to end badly. Then I get heck from my wife for not
talking with my stepdaughter.

This kids father is in their life. For the longest time, he only saw them
every third weekend due to his work schedule. There were typically no calls
in between visits. He would see them the required times but would often
call at the last minute and change plans which reaked havoc with us. The
kids love going to his house though as the girl gets to go where ever she
wants with no supervision and the boy plays playstation all weekend. Mind
you, that information may not be accurate as we do not have good
communication with their father and rely heavily on what the kids say.

I'm not sure if anyone can help but I thought I would send this out and
hopefully start a conversation around some of these issues.

Cheers.



--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..

The Outer Limits
  #3  
Old May 4th 04, 09:41 PM
toypup
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Fighting Over Kids


"Stepdad1963" wrote in message
news
I don't feel that I have changed at all and I have some difficulty

accepting
that (after 10 years) I now should sit back and just accept whatever Mom
feels is appropriate for the kids. So far, I haven't. This is creating a
lot of fighting between my wife and I. She feels that I am way too strict
and I feel she is too soft. We tend to have opposing views on everything
when it comes to the kids. We need to find a happy medium but it is not
happening. It's the only thing we fight about by the way.


The problem may be that after 10 years, things have changed and you haven't.
Maybe some counseling? It's hard to accept and I hope things get better.


  #4  
Old May 4th 04, 10:30 PM
Beth Kevles
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Fighting Over Kids


Hi -

I think that you, you and your wife, or you and your family may need
some counseling.

1. You and your wife may find it helpful to take a class on parenting
teens. Teens need increasing amounts of independence and
responsibility, but they also still need a degree of structure and
consistent consequences. Consequences that make sense are very
helpful; you need to explain your reasons for rules as much as
possible. A class may help you find some balance.

2. It doesn't sound as though you're too strict (from what you
say) but it ALSO doesn't sound as though your wife is too lenient.
Rather, it sounds as though you're not on the same page. Marital
counseling may help with this.

3. Because you and your wife are fighting over discipline issues, AND
because the other dad is back in the picture, you may find family
counseling helpful. Remember, you really DON'T know what goes on at
Dad's place.

I hope these suggestions help.

--Beth Kevles

http://web.mit.edu/kevles/www/nomilk.html -- a page for the milk-allergic
Disclaimer: Nothing in this message should be construed as medical
advice. Please consult with your own medical practicioner.

NOTE: No email is read at my MIT address. Use the AOL one if you would
like me to reply.
  #5  
Old May 4th 04, 11:21 PM
LisaBell
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Fighting Over Kids

What leaps out at me is* why not* just butt out? All the arguing just
seems to be destroying your relationship with your family.

Much of your stepkids behaviour is probably typical tween/teen
attitude. The little kid who enjoyed the security of limits imposed by
the parent, becomes a teenager with many different needs.
Communication is key. If you and your stepdaughter are not
communicating, you are gaining nothing (except perhaps ill feeling)
over staying out of it altogether. You can't compel kids at this age,
they just go sneaking behind your back. You need to influence them.

Take the stepdad issue out of it. Perceiving this as a personal
rejection doesn't help, as you become invested in making them do your
will. It's not about you: biological dads have the same problems with
their teens.

Furthermore, parents who aren't on the same page are a recipe for
problems. You and your wife *must* find a workable medium, happy or
not. Making it a battle of wills between her way and yours won't do.
Get some counselling if you can't work it out alone. In the meantime
I'd back way off with the kids, and start mending those communication
bridges.

--Lisa bell





On Tue, 4 May 2004 15:26:14 -0400, "Stepdad1963"
wrote:

Hello,

I am the Stepdad of a 15 y o girl and 11 y o boy. I have been with them for
10 years so I have known them from a very young age.

My wife is the love of my life. She has always given me the freedom to
discipline the children and is not shy to step in if she feels I'm too
harsh.

Some background:
When the kids were young....EVERYONE was happy that the kids actually
listened to me when I said things like "no" or "stop" to the kids. They
tended to ignore Mom's attempts to calm them down. They were both VERY busy
kids. Daycare people were amazed when I picked up the boy and he actually
let me dress him without a problem. I think that even their Mom liked the
fact that I could step in when needed and often suggested that I take the
boy on errands as he would listen to me. I heard several comments from
friends of Mom's (now my friends too) on how different the kids are with me.

In a sentence, I'm much more strict with the kids than my wife is. I'm not
suggesting that my approach is better, rather than it is different. The
trouble is, now the kids are 15 and 11 and having a strict step parent is
not what ANYONE wants any longer. I'm getting the impression that my wife
and step kids would rather I butt out at this point.

I don't feel that I have changed at all and I have some difficulty accepting
that (after 10 years) I now should sit back and just accept whatever Mom
feels is appropriate for the kids. So far, I haven't. This is creating a
lot of fighting between my wife and I. She feels that I am way too strict
and I feel she is too soft. We tend to have opposing views on everything
when it comes to the kids. We need to find a happy medium but it is not
happening. It's the only thing we fight about by the way.

My step daughter is a great kid most of the time. She and I do not agree
though on the amount of freedom she should have. She has activities that
she goes out to on two nights a week which are supervised by an adult.
Most weekends she either has activities (tournaments etc) or we let her have
a friend over for a sleep over. There have been several occasions where she
has been very vague on where she is going. We find out later that things
were not as they seemed. She would go to a friends place where the parent
was
supposed to be home and we've found out later that the parent was not there.
She will ask to go to a friends place and then we find out that that friend
was planning on attending a mixed party. She keeps saying that she didn't
know that the parent wouldn't be there or she didn't know about the party
etc. I'm having difficulty believing her after so much of this.

My step son has two moods.....good and bad. When it's good it's great. He
laughs, is goofy in general and talks a blue streak. When it's bad, he
likes to do the very things he knows will get on my nerves. If you ask him
to stop doing something, he will do it just one more time just to show you
he's not listening. Lately he is starting to talk back which he has never
done before.

I tend to take the playstation away of revoke TV privileges when we have
problems but I am always paying a price with my wife as she feels that I am
being too strict. So, whenever the kids get into trouble, consequently, so
do I now. I keep getting told to "relax" and not be such a hard case. I
should say not just by my wife but by all of those same people that used to
be happy with how well the kids listened to me.

Over the past few years things have become much more tense and I have been
getting very angry with both the kids and my wife. It's not good for
anyone. I know I need to curve my anger but it seems to me like I'm the odd
man out now and it is very frustrating. Whenever I try to have a
conversation with my Stepdaughter she won't let me finish a sentence which
never fails to set me off. I'm at the point where I avoid conversations
with her as they tend to end badly. Then I get heck from my wife for not
talking with my stepdaughter.

This kids father is in their life. For the longest time, he only saw them
every third weekend due to his work schedule. There were typically no calls
in between visits. He would see them the required times but would often
call at the last minute and change plans which reaked havoc with us. The
kids love going to his house though as the girl gets to go where ever she
wants with no supervision and the boy plays playstation all weekend. Mind
you, that information may not be accurate as we do not have good
communication with their father and rely heavily on what the kids say.

I'm not sure if anyone can help but I thought I would send this out and
hopefully start a conversation around some of these issues.

Cheers.








  #6  
Old May 4th 04, 11:31 PM
dragonlady
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Fighting Over Kids

In article ,
"Stepdad1963" wrote:


First, for what it's worth, this sounds like a LOT of families as the
kids move into their teen years, and may have little to do with the
"step" issue.

Hello,

I am the Stepdad of a 15 y o girl and 11 y o boy. I have been with them for
10 years so I have known them from a very young age.

My wife is the love of my life. She has always given me the freedom to
discipline the children and is not shy to step in if she feels I'm too
harsh.

Some background:
When the kids were young....EVERYONE was happy that the kids actually
listened to me when I said things like "no" or "stop" to the kids. They
tended to ignore Mom's attempts to calm them down. They were both VERY busy
kids. Daycare people were amazed when I picked up the boy and he actually
let me dress him without a problem. I think that even their Mom liked the
fact that I could step in when needed and often suggested that I take the
boy on errands as he would listen to me. I heard several comments from
friends of Mom's (now my friends too) on how different the kids are with me.

In a sentence, I'm much more strict with the kids than my wife is. I'm not
suggesting that my approach is better, rather than it is different. The
trouble is, now the kids are 15 and 11 and having a strict step parent is
not what ANYONE wants any longer. I'm getting the impression that my wife
and step kids would rather I butt out at this point.

I don't feel that I have changed at all and I have some difficulty accepting
that (after 10 years) I now should sit back and just accept whatever Mom
feels is appropriate for the kids.


If this is accurate, it is a problem: your parenting SHOULD change as
the kids have moved from very young to their teens and "tweens".

Some people are great parents for little kids, but need to learn new
schools to navigate the challenges of letting go of older kids -- it
isn't easy.

In fact, I don't think I know too many people who are great parents at
EVERY age and stage -- most excel at one age, or are really bad at one
age.

So far, I haven't. This is creating a
lot of fighting between my wife and I. She feels that I am way too strict
and I feel she is too soft. We tend to have opposing views on everything
when it comes to the kids. We need to find a happy medium but it is not
happening. It's the only thing we fight about by the way.

My step daughter is a great kid most of the time. She and I do not agree
though on the amount of freedom she should have. She has activities that
she goes out to on two nights a week which are supervised by an adult.
Most weekends she either has activities (tournaments etc) or we let her have
a friend over for a sleep over. There have been several occasions where she
has been very vague on where she is going. We find out later that things
were not as they seemed. She would go to a friends place where the parent
was
supposed to be home and we've found out later that the parent was not there.
She will ask to go to a friends place and then we find out that that friend
was planning on attending a mixed party. She keeps saying that she didn't
know that the parent wouldn't be there or she didn't know about the party
etc. I'm having difficulty believing her after so much of this.


This sounds like pretty normal behavior for a 15 yo. Since she has
shown that she can't be trusted to go to other people's house, the
solution is NOT to prevent her from going, but to call the parents
yourself, to confirm that they know what is going on. This one is
actually easier than it sounds: you simply tell her that since her
friends aren't telling her the truth about what is going on, you need to
double check on her behalf.

I really don't see any point in punishing after the fact for this sort
of thing: rather, the natural consequences are that you go back to
closer supervision by calling the other family, which most 15 yo's
really hate, until you can be sure she's fully aware of what is going
on, and is willing to tell you the truth. The object is to make sure
she's safe while she learns more responsible behavior, and punishing her
won't accomplish that -- it will just make her better at hiding
inappropriate behavior.

You can even go to the extent of calling while she's there.

I realize I'm NOT talking about what you asking about -- you say your
wife is more lenient than you are, but not what your two responses are
to this situation. If your response is to want to ground her rather
than being more careful, then you may not be doing what is most likely
to get a positive result.

(And, at 15, it is my opinion that she's old enough to go to mixed
parties -- I assume you mean boy/girl mixed -- so if you've forbidden
them and the only way she can go is to sneak, then you have another
issue.)

My step son has two moods.....good and bad. When it's good it's great. He
laughs, is goofy in general and talks a blue streak. When it's bad, he
likes to do the very things he knows will get on my nerves. If you ask him
to stop doing something, he will do it just one more time just to show you
he's not listening. Lately he is starting to talk back which he has never
done before.


Sounds REALLY normal for a 10 yo.

I tend to take the playstation away of revoke TV privileges when we have
problems but I am always paying a price with my wife as she feels that I am
being too strict. So, whenever the kids get into trouble, consequently, so
do I now. I keep getting told to "relax" and not be such a hard case. I
should say not just by my wife but by all of those same people that used to
be happy with how well the kids listened to me.


In fact, you may need to relax into their teenageness. You may also
need a bigger bag of tricks than just revoking privileges, and you may
need to learn to negotiate with the kids themselves.

How much time do you spend with other parents of teens? Have you gotten
to know their friend's parents? You need to find other parents with
whom to do some reality checking about what is and isn't normal at this
age, and perhaps even take a parenting class for parents of teens and
tweens, so you can develop better skills for dealing with this stage of
parenting -- a challenging stage for many of us!


Over the past few years things have become much more tense and I have been
getting very angry with both the kids and my wife. It's not good for
anyone. I know I need to curve my anger but it seems to me like I'm the odd
man out now and it is very frustrating. Whenever I try to have a
conversation with my Stepdaughter she won't let me finish a sentence which
never fails to set me off. I'm at the point where I avoid conversations
with her as they tend to end badly. Then I get heck from my wife for not
talking with my stepdaughter.


Yes, you need to learn to NOT get angry with Stepdaughter, not because
what she's doing is wonderful, but because what YOU are doing isn't
productive. I've found when working with kids who interrupt all the
time, one of two approaches USUALLY works. Either, I just keep talking
as though I don't hear them, then ask them to repeat what they wanted to
say -- or I shut up, and let them finish. Many people (not just kids)
will realize they aren't letting you get a word in edgewise, and will
stop interrupting if you just stop talking often enough.

Some people have a conversational style that is fast paced and
interrupts others. Getting angry at them is seldom productive.

This kids father is in their life. For the longest time, he only saw them
every third weekend due to his work schedule. There were typically no calls
in between visits. He would see them the required times but would often
call at the last minute and change plans which reaked havoc with us. The
kids love going to his house though as the girl gets to go where ever she
wants with no supervision and the boy plays playstation all weekend. Mind
you, that information may not be accurate as we do not have good
communication with their father and rely heavily on what the kids say.

I'm not sure if anyone can help but I thought I would send this out and
hopefully start a conversation around some of these issues.


The problem with the other Dad is one that you cannot get involved with,
I think. That has to be between their Mom and Dad, unless their Mom
asks you to get involved.
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

  #7  
Old May 5th 04, 05:51 PM
Stepdad1963
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Fighting Over Kids

Thank you for your advise. I think I might have given you some wrong
impressions. Please allow me to clarity:

It's not that I want to prevent my SD from going places, rather than I want
to deal with the deception. She is in fact quite busy most weeks. Two
nights a week she is out at one organized activity or another and as I said,
every second weekend she has some activity going on. She often has a friend
over on the weekend for sleepovers.

As for the mixed party......I just want to clarify that I have NO problem
with mixed parties at all. She has been told she can have them here too (so
far she hasn't). My problem was that we were not told about the party until
after she got to her friends' place and that the party was supervised by
parents we do not know. I do know the parents of her two closest friends.
We socialize together.

Someone else suggested that I call the parents home which I actually do.
That's how I found out one time that the parent wasn't there after we were
told that the parent would be there. My big issue is that nothing is as it
seems with my SD. She tends to use words like "I thought" or "that's what
'so and so' said". There is always information that is missing and I am now
in the habit of asking a gazillion questions whenever she wants to do
something (which I actually would prefer not to have to do by the way). Mom
tends to just say yes without asking anything.

The trouble is, lately, she is talking about quitting her organized
activities in order to free up her time to "hang" with friends. She doesn't
want to have to miss the "more fun" activities because she is committed to
something else. I've always been of the opinion that organized sports is
very good for a child and I am disappointed to hear her recent plan. This
stems from the fact that my SD had to miss a dance at school because she had
a basketball tournament to attend. We've been trying to teach her that
staying with something she joined was important and that ditching something
simply because something else sounds like more fun was not the thing to do.
I think her coach who volunteers her time to this team would agree. Mom
agrees with keeping her commitment this year but thinks it's no big deal to
quit the activities next year.

Her marks have taken a dive since Junior High too. She used to be in the
90's but now she is bringing home marks sometimes in the 60's. She tells us
it's because it's too hard but all of her lowest marks are all equally the
marked with the lowest marks in effort.

The way I see it is, she is primarily concerned with social activities only.
I realize that this is perfectly normal for a teenager but I would like to
have a healthy balance. She has ditched things she didn't want to do by
saying that it was happening on a weekend she was to go to her Dads' and she
"didn't want to disappoint him", only to later call him up and switch
weekends with him when a fun thing came up.

So am I supposed to just back off completely and let her go where ever she
wants, whenever she wants? Should I let her grades keep dropping and never
mind the comments on the reportcard regarding the lack of effort? I'm not
sure I can just sit here and watch that. I've watched other children grow
up doing pretty much whatever they want and they are not doing so great now
that their in their 20's. Not in school, working enough for money to party
with.....not paying room and board.....not really doing anything
constructive.

Up to this point the kids have been taught to be very responsible and so
far, they have been great at it. They do chores around the house without
any problems and are both quite capable of making a meal for themselves. I
think it has boosted their confidence greatly. Their mother has done a
great job with them and I like to think I had something to do with it too.
They really are good kids. I'm just worried that if we give my SD too much
freedom that she might go down the wrong path.....that's all. If we let her
quit her sports......I'm afraid of what will she might migrate to. I've
always thought that it was better to keep a kid busy in organized activities
than to have them have nothing to do.

Thank you for you responses.




  #8  
Old May 5th 04, 06:45 PM
Barbara Bomberger
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Fighting Over Kids

On Tue, 4 May 2004 15:26:14 -0400, "Stepdad1963"
wrote:

Hello,

I am the Stepdad of a 15 y o girl and 11 y o boy. I have been with them for
10 years so I have known them from a very young age.


My initial reaction is that this has nothing to do with "step
parenting" and is simply two different parenting styles for the most
part.

My husband and I are actually fairly simlar, although the examples are
the same. I am much stricter in terms of rules (although we are both
really big on the independence factor) he less so.

It sounds like the two of you may need some help on parenting teens,
but you know what, as long as parents agree on the major rules, I
personally dont think it is a disaster of parents disagree on the
minor things. Over the years my husband h as mellowed me out about
certain things, and he has come to realize I am right about other
things.

And if you werent a step parent getting the ole "you cant tell me what
to do" then youd be getting the ole "I can't wait till Im eighteen and
on my own", to which this mom answers "me too, darlin, me too"

Barb
r have

  #9  
Old May 5th 04, 07:15 PM
Stepdad1963
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Fighting Over Kids

I agreee that this is not a "step thing" either.
I'm just trying to give as much info as I can.
Thx for the rely.

"Barbara Bomberger" wrote in message
...
On Tue, 4 May 2004 15:26:14 -0400, "Stepdad1963"
wrote:

Hello,

I am the Stepdad of a 15 y o girl and 11 y o boy. I have been with them

for
10 years so I have known them from a very young age.


My initial reaction is that this has nothing to do with "step
parenting" and is simply two different parenting styles for the most
part.

My husband and I are actually fairly simlar, although the examples are
the same. I am much stricter in terms of rules (although we are both
really big on the independence factor) he less so.

It sounds like the two of you may need some help on parenting teens,
but you know what, as long as parents agree on the major rules, I
personally dont think it is a disaster of parents disagree on the
minor things. Over the years my husband h as mellowed me out about
certain things, and he has come to realize I am right about other
things.

And if you werent a step parent getting the ole "you cant tell me what
to do" then youd be getting the ole "I can't wait till Im eighteen and
on my own", to which this mom answers "me too, darlin, me too"

Barb
r have



 




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