x-post: what would/did you do differently with subsequent children?

With #2 becoming imminent, I'm trying to think if there is anything I/we
did with ds that I would like to NOT do with #2. I'd love to hear anyone
else's things they did do or would do differently. I can think of two
big ones for me.

The first thing that comes to mind is a habit I let ds get into, which
annoys me to no end. Somehow playing with my hair became an inextricable
part of nursing. It's like he physically cannot nurse without playing
with my hair. He has such a neurotic attachment to my hair that now that
he's over 3 1/2 and only nursing 1-2x/day, playing wiht my hair is quite
obviously a replacement for the comfort of nursing. Which in some
instances of fear or pain it's fine, but it's like he can't be near me
without grabbing for my hair, even when I'm dressing him or sitting near
him on the couch, and when he starts moving and jumping around, it's
really uncomfortable. I've gotten so frustrated sometimes that I very
nearly run to get the nearest pair of scissors!

Second thing for me is food. I somehow never fully transitioned ds to
eating the same as what we eat, and at nearly age 4 with #2 on the way,
I'm still preparing separate meals for ds. Breakfast is no big deal,
lunch is usually not either (although it's usually leftovers of the
separate meal I cooked a day or two before...), but boy am I getting
sick of cooking two dinners most nights! Part of it right now is just
some serious preschooler pickiness on his part, but I do think if I had
really kept pushing variety as I did early on, and hadn't gone so far
into cooking him separate meals in the first place, that we might be in
a different place with this now. I can hardly stand cooking one meal at
night, nevermind two!

-Karen, mom to Henry 3 1/2 and someone due 4/24/04-

I think I would learn how to nurse lying down earlier if possible.

This would probably not apply to you, but I would go ahead and
supplement a bit at first without fighting it and wean off over time
because I have twice done the low diaper count/dehydration at first
thing, so obviously my body just doesn't make enough milk at first.

I would get my older child used to falling asleep without me before
the baby comes.

I am not sure I would, but I would certainly be tempted to give a
binky early in order to not miss the window.

I have no thoughts about getting rid of the pinching my skin habit,
but the way your baby is with hair mine is with skin. She pinches me
all the time whether we are nursing or not. It drives me crazy.

KC

Karen wrote in message hlink.net...
With #2 becoming imminent, I'm trying to think if there is anything I/we
did with ds that I would like to NOT do with #2. I'd love to hear anyone
else's things they did do or would do differently. I can think of two
big ones for me.

The first thing that comes to mind is a habit I let ds get into, which
annoys me to no end. Somehow playing with my hair became an inextricable
part of nursing. It's like he physically cannot nurse without playing
with my hair. He has such a neurotic attachment to my hair that now that
he's over 3 1/2 and only nursing 1-2x/day, playing wiht my hair is quite
obviously a replacement for the comfort of nursing. Which in some
instances of fear or pain it's fine, but it's like he can't be near me
without grabbing for my hair, even when I'm dressing him or sitting near
him on the couch, and when he starts moving and jumping around, it's
really uncomfortable. I've gotten so frustrated sometimes that I very
nearly run to get the nearest pair of scissors!

Second thing for me is food. I somehow never fully transitioned ds to
eating the same as what we eat, and at nearly age 4 with #2 on the way,
I'm still preparing separate meals for ds. Breakfast is no big deal,
lunch is usually not either (although it's usually leftovers of the
separate meal I cooked a day or two before...), but boy am I getting
sick of cooking two dinners most nights! Part of it right now is just
some serious preschooler pickiness on his part, but I do think if I had
really kept pushing variety as I did early on, and hadn't gone so far
into cooking him separate meals in the first place, that we might be in
a different place with this now. I can hardly stand cooking one meal at
night, nevermind two!

-Karen, mom to Henry 3 1/2 and someone due 4/24/04-

"Karen"
With #2 becoming imminent, I'm trying to think if there is anything I/we
did with ds that I would like to NOT do with #2. I'd love to hear anyone
else's things they did do or would do differently. I can think of two
big ones for me.

Second thing for me is food. I somehow never fully transitioned ds to
eating the same as what we eat, and at nearly age 4 with #2 on the way,
I'm still preparing separate meals for ds. Breakfast is no big deal,
lunch is usually not either (although it's usually leftovers of the
separate meal I cooked a day or two before...), but boy am I getting
sick of cooking two dinners most nights! Part of it right now is just
some serious preschooler pickiness on his part, but I do think if I had
really kept pushing variety as I did early on, and hadn't gone so far
into cooking him separate meals in the first place, that we might be in
a different place with this now. I can hardly stand cooking one meal at
night, nevermind two!

Cool my dd would love to stay at your house... She would get to eat her meal
and then your meal.!!!..
This is one, we did earlier on, we gave her stuff we ate...Sometimes I used
to feel guilty that is was to hot, spicy or whatever but now she asks for it
and sometimes I think I am sick of eating it. We find compared to some of
her friends she eats way more variety than others do at this age. (indian
and or curry's comes to mind) I will admit though sometimes she is picky
but she tends to be happy to eat her food. Sometimes she eat 1 hour after we
have finished, and she usually eats it cold. (or if I know she doesn't like
something then I cook something simple like noodles or a sandwhich and
figure to bad she will make up for it the next day)

I would, like being more firmer with bed time something we still struggle
with dd. I also would change the routine and I have been trying for ages to
do that but never works... gosh help me when school comes around, I can see
one tired grumpy kid coming up.

I also changed how often I bathed number 2 as her as a baby she had way to
much water. (she has horrible skin and I blame the hospital (long story but
prem) and partly myself for not knowing what I know now she has bad eczema)
Her brother has way less baths (or rather less baby bath crap in it) and
has much better skin.

I interduced (sp?) solids a little later the second time around. Im not sure
why but just did.

I realised what clothes were good fitting and what brands weren't and
therefore knew what stuff would last 10 washes a month (or more or less
washing) and what wouldn't last a week. I also learnt what stains dont come
out of clothing (just ask the stained clothing pile in the box outside) So I
think I have saved some money knowing this!

Nic
Mum to 3 1/2 yo big girl (dd)
Mum to 1 yo baby boy (ds)


-Karen, mom to Henry 3 1/2 and someone due 4/24/04-

Karen wrote in message hlink.net...
With #2 becoming imminent, I'm trying to think if there is anything I/we
did with ds that I would like to NOT do with #2. I'd love to hear anyone
else's things they did do or would do differently. I can think of two
big ones for me.

I have three and, as God is my witness, I will never be pregnant again
, so I guess the way I think of this question is, "what did you get
better at with each one?" It's all general:

More long-term thinking (what seemed like crises with certain of the
babies, e.g., my 2nd refusing to take a bottle [I work] or ever leave
my arms without shrieking and my 3rd climbing out of everything I had
that might keep her still for 2 seconds, eventually became normal
life)
Less sweating the details
Less caring what other parents thought about my parenting style or my
kids

The problem with trying to do specific things different with a
subsequent child is that that subsequent child is a different person
altogether and he/she may not respond to your new and improved methods
the way the first would have. E.g., my 2nd child was a poor sleeper,
and I learned some great lessons about how to get her to sleep
independently -- I got this very poor sleeper to happily go to sleep,
and stay asleep all night, on her own by 12 months. But now my 3rd
just doesn't respond to the lessons I learned with my second. Anyway,
have fun!

"Karen" wrote in message
link.net...
With #2 becoming imminent, I'm trying to think if there is anything I/we
did with ds that I would like to NOT do with #2. I'd love to hear anyone
else's things they did do or would do differently. I can think of two
big ones for me.

The first thing that comes to mind is a habit I let ds get into, which
annoys me to no end. Somehow playing with my hair became an inextricable
part of nursing. It's like he physically cannot nurse without playing
with my hair. He has such a neurotic attachment to my hair that now that
he's over 3 1/2 and only nursing 1-2x/day, playing wiht my hair is quite
obviously a replacement for the comfort of nursing. Which in some
instances of fear or pain it's fine, but it's like he can't be near me
without grabbing for my hair, even when I'm dressing him or sitting near
him on the couch, and when he starts moving and jumping around, it's
really uncomfortable. I've gotten so frustrated sometimes that I very
nearly run to get the nearest pair of scissors!

Second thing for me is food. I somehow never fully transitioned ds to
eating the same as what we eat, and at nearly age 4 with #2 on the way,
I'm still preparing separate meals for ds. Breakfast is no big deal,
lunch is usually not either (although it's usually leftovers of the
separate meal I cooked a day or two before...), but boy am I getting
sick of cooking two dinners most nights! Part of it right now is just
some serious preschooler pickiness on his part, but I do think if I had
really kept pushing variety as I did early on, and hadn't gone so far
into cooking him separate meals in the first place, that we might be in
a different place with this now. I can hardly stand cooking one meal at
night, nevermind two!

-Karen, mom to Henry 3 1/2 and someone due 4/24/04-



I wish I had known that babies wouldn't die if you let them cry for a
second. Ok, I didn't really think she'd die, but it killed me to hear DD1
cry for anything. So I got very little done until DD2 was born. Now I look
back and think of all the things I could have done instead of complaining
about not having enough time.

Denise

I'm the mom of three (2 boys and a girl), and these kids, from the
same two parents, the same household, the same set of basic operating
rules and values - are so different from each other, its like they
came from different planets.

I continue to be totally flummoxed by the differences, which were
apparent from birth (i.e. temperment, personality, physical patterns).

My conclusion is that every new baby is a first time out, and although
you know better what might work for you, what worked with #1 won't
necessarily work for #2 OR #3 etc. Its a humbling experience. You
think you have stuff figured out and have learned your lessons, and
then you have another baby and all bets are off. Not only is the new
baby a whole other kettle of fish, but the personality dynamic between
you, baby, older child etc. is a unique thing.

I made a whole new set of mistakes with #2, and again with #3, since
they were so different - and I'd tried what I'd done before,
discovered I needed plan B or C or D, and lived to regret a whole new
set of choices. Like, who can see into the future and know in advance
exactly what is going to be the right course of action that won't
result in some unthought of consequence.

The good part of experience is that you are more relaxed, you realize
that there is no one perfect way to do anything, and that its okay to
try a bunch of ideas (i.e. baby is resilient, so you don't have to be
perfect from the get go).

By the way, having 3, I've given up on the food wars. My oldest is now
13, and only just starting to like "adult" food (i.e. anything other
than very bland, plain, single ingredient foods). I encourage them to
try new things, but I do make a single separate kid meal like plain
chicken, rice and green beans, and then hubbie and I often eat
something else. Its not worth it to me to get into fights trying to
force them to eat what we want to eat (heck, they don't like spice,
they don't like anything with sauces, they don't like anything with
multiple ingredients such as stew or casserole - even stuffing freaks
them out). It just takes too much time and energy - and my middle kid
has sensory issue that makes him ultra sensitive to smells, tastes and
textures - and I decided to pick my battles. I know they will outgrow
it.

Mary G.

"Ericka Kammerer" wrote in message
...
it ;-) I'd say the other trick is to listen to your
mother, who still knows best, but I imagine that doesn't
work for everybody's mother ;-)

If you listened to my mom, you'd be schizophrenic ("he's too cold, put some
more clothes on him," I put some on -- 5 minutes later, "he's too hot, take
some clothes off," I take it off-- 5 minutes later, "he's too cold, put some
clothes on him," I put some on -- repeats process until I get upset, and she
can't understand why I don't take her advice). Not, kidding, LOL.

Karen wrote:

With #2 becoming imminent, I'm trying to think if there is anything I/we
did with ds that I would like to NOT do with #2. I'd love to hear anyone
else's things they did do or would do differently.


You know, your post really made me think, and to be
honest, I can't think of anything! That's not because I
think I did everything right the first time, because I
surely didn't. I think the thing that was *right* for
me was that I started out determined not to sweat the
small stuff and determined to listen to my instincts
and be flexible. So, I frequently started down wrong
paths, but rarely persisted after it was clear it was
a bad idea. I think that's about all anyone can do,
especially given that every kid is different.
So, my advice to people is to relax and listen
to their guts and remain flexible--you'll screw up, but
probably not on the big stuff, and if you do, you'll fix
it ;-) I'd say the other trick is to listen to your
mother, who still knows best, but I imagine that doesn't
work for everybody's mother ;-)

Best wishes,
Ericka

I would stress less about introducing solids - I certainly wouldn't prepare
painstakingly original purees for months on end when the baby didn't even
look interested until she was 11 months old....

I would just wait until No. 2 grabbed the food from my plate and started
eating for themselves...

So much time and food wasted on a baby who wasn't ready!

ROSIE


"Karen" wrote in message
link.net...
With #2 becoming imminent, I'm trying to think if there is anything I/we
did with ds that I would like to NOT do with #2. I'd love to hear anyone
else's things they did do or would do differently. I can think of two
big ones for me.

Second thing for me is food. I somehow never fully transitioned ds to
eating the same as what we eat, and at nearly age 4 with #2 on the way,
I'm still preparing separate meals for ds. Breakfast is no big deal,
lunch is usually not either (although it's usually leftovers of the
separate meal I cooked a day or two before...), but boy am I getting
sick of cooking two dinners most nights! Part of it right now is just
some serious preschooler pickiness on his part, but I do think if I had
really kept pushing variety as I did early on, and hadn't gone so far
into cooking him separate meals in the first place, that we might be in
a different place with this now. I can hardly stand cooking one meal at
night, nevermind two!

-Karen, mom to Henry 3 1/2 and someone due 4/24/04-

oh gosh, this is the bane of my existence! i don't like to cook in the
first place and before DD2 came along, we usually ended up eating really
simple things that DD1 would eat... sandwhiches, soups, chicken. but i've
started to cook a lot more, a lot healthier, and more varieties. at first,
i would fix her something separate. but she's 10. she eats what they serve
her at school. she'll eat absolutely anything my BIL cooks simply because
she adores him. but at home? nothing. so, we've made a rule that if she
doesn't want what i've fixed, she can fix her own or be hungry. she's
started eating a little more, but tonight she wouldn't eat anything and got
upset that i wouldn't let her have doritoes for dinner. she ended up just
having bread and butter. i feel guilty on the one hand, but on the other, i
would never have dared to do that to my parents!

DD2 will eat just about anything she can get her hands on.

randi
mother of megan, 10, riley, 13mo, and chloe due in 3 1/2wks!