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#11
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Trouble makers?
"Rosalie B." wrote in message ... Ericka Kammerer wrote: Kat wrote: So I'm sorry this is so long. I've just had it with this kid that always seems to cause trouble and the parents that aren't any better. I've told DS over and over to stay away from this kid. As you can see by this point, that isn't going to work. It just isn't. They don't have the social skills to figure out how to get him to leave their group when they're playing outside. They will believe that just this one time it will be ok because he's not being bad right now and they figure they can back out when his behavior becomes unacceptable. This is especially true if all the other boys don't have the same rule. I suspect that this child behaves this way because he is looking for attention and friends. He doesn't seem to have either, and he doesn't know how to get them. When this kid has come to the door, on occasion, I've straight out told him that DS is not allowed to play with him because trouble always starts and DS always gets into some sort of trouble, often over something that really isn't a big deal. It's funny because the other boys in the area all seem to feel the same way as DS... This kid is NOT fun to play with, someone always gets hurt or in trouble and the reason is always this same kid causing trouble. Is there a better way to deal with this?? DS *doesn't* want to play with this boy, but he always seems to come around and will not leave even when asked. When I had this problem with the little boy next door, my instructions to my kindergarten age girl was - if you can't play with him, come inside and play. But don't come running to me to complain. (The little boy was younger and smaller than my child.) A clear rule - stay outside and deal or come inside. DS is not usually one to whine and complain. He's no angel, but I also know that he's not usually the one to start something. Even if something does happen between him and someone else, generally speaking he deals in a fairly proper way. Rarely do I step in when it's a minor issue (even if it's probably close to the end of the world when you're 7) She was not allowed to go anyone else's house, and no one came in to our house - partly because I had a year old child who might be napping, but also partly because we had just moved into the neighborhood and we were only going to be there for eight months. When her older sister was that age, we knew the neighbors better, and she could go to one child's house. I don't really have kids in the house. Right now it's nice enough to play outside, so outside play is what happens. The odd time the boy next door will come in. DS can have A friend, and it's usually the boy next door. We've had some issues with rules set here that some of those boys don't care to follow. I also have DDs that both NEED to nap during the afternoon. DS is normally NOT allowed to go into someone elses' house. There's the exception of the next door neighbours, but each time he's in there, he asks here first and then I am almost always outside our door (a foot from their door) when he knocks on their door or they go in and I make sure it's alright and everyone knows what's going on. Usually he's good about that, and on a rare occasion if it's another boy's house, not right beside us, I'll walk with him to take him there, even if it's 20 seconds to walk, and make sure parents are home and it's alright that DS's there. This is news to me that he was in this certain trouble-making kid's house. Normally DS does NOT play with him, doesn't like when he's around and I have seen him try and avoid this kid. When this child was a mother, she just stayed outside with her boy when he was outside. He wasn't outside by himself - he was with her and with the mothers of the other children he was playing with. This meant that there was less freedom for the children, but they were supervised. Frankly, the only way to effectively stop it is to have the kids play in your house, to which you control access, or for you to be outside with them while they're playing. This isn't fair, of course, but it's about the only thing that will successfully result in your child not interacting with this other child. You can also take a group of kids to a park/playground outside the other kid's stomping grounds. If the other kid won't behave, and his parents won't ensure he behaves, and your kid and his friends are incapable of leaving or driving him off, then that's about all you're left with. When the little girls that lived next door to us (younger than we were - maybe two and four and always with runny noses) used to come over and poop on our porch because they weren't trained, my mother's solution was not to be at home as much as possible. We were scheduled to the minute even though my mom was a WOHM. |
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