Empowering boys

Betty wrote in message
news:ElO1c.691692$ts4.259847@pd7tw3no...

"Tiffany" wrote in message
...

Sure, you have to tell your kid that just because someone IS a figure
of
authority doesn't mean you can actually TRUST them. It must be confusing
to
kids. I have already told my daughter that she doesn't even open the
door
for someone dressed as a police officer. That basically there is no
reason
for the cop to enter the house, he can talk through the door. And if
someone
claims I am injured and at the hospital and is taking her there.... I
tell
her forget it, if I am injured she can't help anyways and needs to wait
for
her Grandmother.



This is were the "password" system comes in handy. There are times when,
especially single parents, have to have someone else pick up their child.
Establishing a password system with your child insures that only someone
who
YOU have asked to pick them up will be able to.

My son knows not to go with anyone, even someone he knows, if the person
does not give the password.
If I am not there to meet him (if I was hurt or unable to call), and some
one (other then my cousin) who does not have the password tries to pick
him
up, he knows not to go with that person, but to go to my cousins house
which
is just across the street from us.

Once the password has been used, you have to change it of course.

Betty



That's a good idea.... but luckily my daughter is old enough now that she
could be left alone.... no need to have someone other then the select
relatives ever pick her up.

T

On Thu, 4 Mar 2004 17:38:58 -0500, "P.Fritz"
wrote:


"lm" wrote in message
.. .
On Thu, 4 Mar 2004 17:24:05 -0500, "Tiffany"
wrote:


P.Fritz wrote in message
...

"lm" wrote in message
...
On Thu, 4 Mar 2004 08:23:33 -0500, "Tiffany"

wrote:


Paul Fritz wrote in message
...

"Tiffany" wrote in message
...

V wrote in message
...

"Tiffany" wrote in message
...

I don't think you were being gender biased. Both parents
should
talk
to
the
kids, that way they see both sides of the card.
Unfortutanly
both
parents
aren't always there. How much longer before you have the
talk?

T



Oh we have. They know what I do and my kids (both) have been
taught
how to
defend themselves, against anyone trying to hurt them....as
far
as
sex
we
have
had the talk...and it was not so bad. I was just open and
will
stay
opening to
questioning. I forget sometimes, there are single dads to
girls
vice
versa,
hence using "mom's talking to sons" instead of parents
talking
to
their
children.
How old are your kids?
V



One....12 girl. We had the talk, retalk, reminder talk, ect.
She
will
be
13
at the end of the month so its getting closer and closer to
the
point
she
may do 'it'. Now I work to remind her what can happen that one
instant
with
out protection, stuff like that.

Yeah, two kids were caught at the local public school.......8th
graders,
he was getting a b.j. in a science room DURING class.

My ex overheard my daughter (13) taking to a friend about
another
girl
iin
her class (private catholic school) getting 'fingered' during
school.........YIKES



Yeah, its scary. I talk to mine about oral sex.... I don't want her
running
around giving blowjobs with disregard for her own sexual pleasure.
lol.
Actually I don't say it that way. These girls just do the bj's and
get
nothing back. In that case it is demoralizing. I do tell her that
emotions
and feelings should be considered before doing anything sexual and
that
were
she to be one of those girls doing the bj's or whatever, she would
get
a
reputation that would follow her through high school. I never spoke
to
her
about getting 'fingered'. I guess that will have to come up at the
next
one.
I will add also that it is becoming common for teenagers to engage
is
anal
sex..... because all these things aren't really SEX you see. You
can't
get
pregnant doing these things. Thanks Clinton.

All of that thinking predates Clinton, you can be sure of that.

voice of experience???? sorry, I couldn't resist.............yes
sex
predates Clinton, but the general acceptance of such acts 'not being
sex'
as
an excuse certain can be laid at his feet.



I think it didn't help a society that is already going down the tubes
with a
lack of basic morals. He definately started the phrase that is still
sticking that certain sexual acts AREN'T sex.

You guys didn't spend much time around catholic schools, did you?
Girls have been protecting their virtue whilst having nonsex-sex for a
long time.

lm


Not the schools I went to.

Maybe back then you just didn't have the way with women you have now.
:-)

lm

'Kate wrote in message ...
On Thu, 04 Mar 2004 22:47:00 GMT, "Betty"

This is were the "password" system comes in handy. There are times when,
especially single parents, have to have someone else pick up their child.
Establishing a password system with your child insures that only someone
who
YOU have asked to pick them up will be able to.
Betty

That is excellent advice! Thank you for posting it.

'Kate



Your welcome, but I didn't realise this wasn't common knowledge or a common
practice.
The password system is used by almost everyone we know.

In fact, it is taught in our school as part of the "C.A.R.E." program. I
can't remember what the acronym exactly stands for, but starting in
Kindergarten right through grade 7, all classes teach safety and sexual
awareness. Yesterday my son brought home a page on improper touching and
how to prevent it or how to respond if it happens.

Betty

'Kate wrote in message
...
On Thu, 4 Mar 2004 16:46:05 -0500, "P.Fritz"


'Kate wrote in message
...
On Thu, 4 Mar 2004 08:47:19 -0500, "Paul Fritz"


'Kate wrote in message

The problem with how you've reported is that each agency uses a
different criterion for what it includes as rape. For example,
the
FBI
statistics do not include incomplete rape or non-violent rape.
A
person
can be penetrated without ejaculation and that will not be
included
(an
example only).

The rate of rape/sexual assault has lessened considerably since
1995.

If 248,000 people were raped or sexually assaulted in 2002
(reported
rapes only) and 44%* of reports filed are from victims who are
18
years
old or less, then 109,000 are under 18. If adolescence starts
at age
13, then by the time a child reaches age 18 (5 years), 545,000
teens
will have reported being raped or sexually assaulted.

Classic example of stats gone bad.

Lets take your example......109,000 under age 18 were
raped....lets
call
it 110,000 for easy math, so every year age group would average
22,000
rapes per year. ( 110,000 divide by 5 years. ) The cumulative
total
would
be 110,000 as each year group passed their 18th year.

Actually, no. One would not divide the five years into the 110,000.
Doing that would only be manipulating the numbers and not be a true
picture of the risk. The chance of being raped increases
dramatically
in the 16-19 year old female age group. It increases also for those
living in cities and who are black or hispanic. Spreading "risk"
over
years evenly does not give a realistic picture of that risk given
that
each age group does not have an equal "chance".

It doesn't matter how you divide up the numbers, the averages would
still be
the same, as will the cumulative totals.

LOL... yes, averages mean just that.

The 1 in 4 stat is bogus.

I can't say that anything you've shown would prove that and nothing
I've
shown would disprove it.

Actaully, the numbers show that the 1 in 4 stat is bogus

In some areas of the country, there may be a
risk of 1:4 or 1:6. In some areas there may be 0 risk.

That does not affect the average.

If there is a
local problem, then it is up to that locality to address the
occurrences, find the cause, and lessen the risk. What I have seen
is
that there is an overall rate of decline for rape that started in the
mid 1990's. I can think of several reasons for that and among those
reasons is manipulation of statistics and the definitions of the
variables that are used to compile the statistics. I don't think
that
the victims did the manipulation so there must be another reason -
perhaps political.

Perhaps? That is the understatement of the year.


*Sex Offenses and Offenders. Bureau of Justice Statistics, U.S.
Department of Justice, 1997.

Age 12-34 are the highest risk years. Risk peaks in the late
teens:
girls 16 to 19 are four times more likely than the general
population
to
be victims of rape, attempted rape or sexual assault. [2000
NCVS.]

Has nothing to do with the 1 in 4 claimed ratio

Nor was I defending that statistic at that point. I was fact
finding.
Part of the fact finding was getting information that would increase
or
decrease risk among teens. If risk is higher when a teen enters
those
age groups, then that is important to know.

No doubt, as well as the where's and how's......such as use of alcohol
and
drugs.
snip
Sorry, but the claimed stat was "in the United States": that is an
average
across the board, not a local anomally.

I can't imagine assessing risk in individual towns other than my own. I
can believe that the 1:4, 1:6 is possible in some areas. I would not
defend, however, a statistic that I was unwilling to research so I
didn't. I also think it's foolish to discount that there are high risk
groups and if I argued those numbers, it would be on the basis of high
v. low risk groups and say "as high as".

Any rape. regardless of age is horrific, I just don't like seeing issues
used to advance an agenda based all false data.




'Kate

"Lisa" wrote in message ...
"Sky KIng" wrote in message
l.net...
In article ,
says...

"Sky KIng" wrote in message
l.net...
In article ,
says...


That is something for mothers to talk to their preteen sons
about,
not an
assault counselor, I come in after the fact.

Why not fathers talking to their sons? Moms can talk to their
daughters.




You think he'd step up to the plate after having ****ed off before the
child was born?

Try again

You mean after the woman left with the kid without telling dad
right.....? Spare me your Dad=Bad and Mom=Good ****.


I dunno, folks tell me I'm a good **** all the time. How bout you? You
some bad **** boy?

No..I am a grown man. We see you agenda now. I knew it.

"Sky King" wrote in message
om...

No..I am a grown man. We see you agenda now. I knew it.

Sky king are you raising children alone? Just curious , V

On Sun, 07 Mar 2004 02:30:41 GMT, "V" wrote:


"Sky King" wrote in message
. com...

No..I am a grown man. We see you agenda now. I knew it.

Sky king are you raising children alone? Just curious , V

No, he's not, at least according to his posting to talk.rape and
soc.men. He probably won't even see this. This thread started
crossposted, and it just happens I post to both assp and talk.rape, so
I can tell you that his home groups are those, not this one.

Cele

"V" wrote in message ...
"Sky King" wrote in message
om...

No..I am a grown man. We see you agenda now. I knew it.

Sky king are you raising children alone? Just curious , V

Mine are raised but I did the majority of the raising....

"Sky King" wrote in message
m...
"V" wrote in message
...
"Sky King" wrote in message
om...

No..I am a grown man. We see you agenda now. I knew it.

Sky king are you raising children alone? Just curious , V

Mine are raised but I did the majority of the raising....

Well your insight is welcomed in this group as far I am concerned.
V

"Cele" wrote in message
...
On Sun, 07 Mar 2004 02:30:41 GMT, "V" wrote:


"Sky King" wrote in message
. com...

No..I am a grown man. We see you agenda now. I knew it.

Sky king are you raising children alone? Just curious , V

No, he's not, at least according to his posting to talk.rape and
soc.men. He probably won't even see this. This thread started
crossposted, and it just happens I post to both assp and talk.rape, so
I can tell you that his home groups are those, not this one.

Cele


You post to talk.rape too? I read the group and posted a few times so I could
get some perspective on survivors of rape.
V