Empowering boys

"Tiffany" wrote in message
...

Paul Fritz wrote in message
...

"Tiffany" wrote in message
...

V wrote in message
...

"Tiffany" wrote in message
...

I don't think you were being gender biased. Both parents should
talk
to
the
kids, that way they see both sides of the card. Unfortutanly
both
parents
aren't always there. How much longer before you have the talk?

T



Oh we have. They know what I do and my kids (both) have been
taught
how to
defend themselves, against anyone trying to hurt them....as far as
sex
we
have
had the talk...and it was not so bad. I was just open and will
stay
opening to
questioning. I forget sometimes, there are single dads to girls
vice
versa,
hence using "mom's talking to sons" instead of parents talking to
their
children.
How old are your kids?
V



One....12 girl. We had the talk, retalk, reminder talk, ect. She
will
be
13
at the end of the month so its getting closer and closer to the
point
she
may do 'it'. Now I work to remind her what can happen that one
instant
with
out protection, stuff like that.

Yeah, two kids were caught at the local public school.......8th
graders,
he was getting a b.j. in a science room DURING class.

My ex overheard my daughter (13) taking to a friend about another girl
iin
her class (private catholic school) getting 'fingered' during
school.........YIKES



Yeah, its scary. I talk to mine about oral sex.... I don't want her
running
around giving blowjobs with disregard for her own sexual pleasure. lol.
Actually I don't say it that way. These girls just do the bj's and get
nothing back. In that case it is demoralizing. I do tell her that emotions
and feelings should be considered before doing anything sexual and that
were
she to be one of those girls doing the bj's or whatever, she would get a
reputation that would follow her through high school. I never spoke to her
about getting 'fingered'. I guess that will have to come up at the next
one.
I will add also that it is becoming common for teenagers to engage is anal
sex..... because all these things aren't really SEX you see. You can't get
pregnant doing these things. Thanks Clinton.

Side note...... imagine the teacher who caught the 2 in the mist of oral
sex
during a lecture!

Well, you have to watch out for the teachers as well. You may remember a
certain very successful H.S. basketball coach (and dean of students) ....I
went to school with him......that ended up doing a couple of years in the
Pa. State Prison for being involved with several female students.......and
apparently it had been going on for years.......perosnally, I don't think he
did enough time...........and had it been my daughter.....I'd probably be
doing time now.


T

"lm" wrote in message
...
On Thu, 4 Mar 2004 08:23:33 -0500, "Tiffany"
wrote:


Paul Fritz wrote in message
...

"Tiffany" wrote in message
...

V wrote in message
...

"Tiffany" wrote in message
...

I don't think you were being gender biased. Both parents should
talk
to
the
kids, that way they see both sides of the card. Unfortutanly
both
parents
aren't always there. How much longer before you have the talk?

T



Oh we have. They know what I do and my kids (both) have been
taught
how to
defend themselves, against anyone trying to hurt them....as far
as
sex
we
have
had the talk...and it was not so bad. I was just open and will
stay
opening to
questioning. I forget sometimes, there are single dads to girls
vice
versa,
hence using "mom's talking to sons" instead of parents talking to
their
children.
How old are your kids?
V



One....12 girl. We had the talk, retalk, reminder talk, ect. She
will
be
13
at the end of the month so its getting closer and closer to the
point
she
may do 'it'. Now I work to remind her what can happen that one
instant
with
out protection, stuff like that.

Yeah, two kids were caught at the local public school.......8th
graders,
he was getting a b.j. in a science room DURING class.

My ex overheard my daughter (13) taking to a friend about another
girl
iin
her class (private catholic school) getting 'fingered' during
school.........YIKES



Yeah, its scary. I talk to mine about oral sex.... I don't want her
running
around giving blowjobs with disregard for her own sexual pleasure. lol.
Actually I don't say it that way. These girls just do the bj's and get
nothing back. In that case it is demoralizing. I do tell her that
emotions
and feelings should be considered before doing anything sexual and that
were
she to be one of those girls doing the bj's or whatever, she would get a
reputation that would follow her through high school. I never spoke to
her
about getting 'fingered'. I guess that will have to come up at the next
one.
I will add also that it is becoming common for teenagers to engage is
anal
sex..... because all these things aren't really SEX you see. You can't
get
pregnant doing these things. Thanks Clinton.

All of that thinking predates Clinton, you can be sure of that.

voice of experience???? sorry, I couldn't resist.............yes sex
predates Clinton, but the general acceptance of such acts 'not being sex' as
an excuse certain can be laid at his feet.


lm

'Kate wrote in message ...
On Thu, 4 Mar 2004 08:47:19 -0500, "Paul Fritz"


'Kate wrote in message

The problem with how you've reported is that each agency uses a
different criterion for what it includes as rape. For example, the
FBI
statistics do not include incomplete rape or non-violent rape. A
person
can be penetrated without ejaculation and that will not be included
(an
example only).

The rate of rape/sexual assault has lessened considerably since 1995.

If 248,000 people were raped or sexually assaulted in 2002 (reported
rapes only) and 44%* of reports filed are from victims who are 18
years
old or less, then 109,000 are under 18. If adolescence starts at age
13, then by the time a child reaches age 18 (5 years), 545,000 teens
will have reported being raped or sexually assaulted.

Classic example of stats gone bad.

Lets take your example......109,000 under age 18 were raped....lets
call
it 110,000 for easy math, so every year age group would average 22,000
rapes per year. ( 110,000 divide by 5 years. ) The cumulative total
would
be 110,000 as each year group passed their 18th year.

Actually, no. One would not divide the five years into the 110,000.
Doing that would only be manipulating the numbers and not be a true
picture of the risk. The chance of being raped increases dramatically
in the 16-19 year old female age group. It increases also for those
living in cities and who are black or hispanic. Spreading "risk" over
years evenly does not give a realistic picture of that risk given that
each age group does not have an equal "chance".

It doesn't matter how you divide up the numbers, the averages would still be
the same, as will the cumulative totals.



The 1 in 4 stat is bogus.

I can't say that anything you've shown would prove that and nothing I've
shown would disprove it.

Actaully, the numbers show that the 1 in 4 stat is bogus

In some areas of the country, there may be a
risk of 1:4 or 1:6. In some areas there may be 0 risk.

That does not affect the average.

If there is a
local problem, then it is up to that locality to address the
occurrences, find the cause, and lessen the risk. What I have seen is
that there is an overall rate of decline for rape that started in the
mid 1990's. I can think of several reasons for that and among those
reasons is manipulation of statistics and the definitions of the
variables that are used to compile the statistics. I don't think that
the victims did the manipulation so there must be another reason -
perhaps political.

Perhaps? That is the understatement of the year.




*Sex Offenses and Offenders. Bureau of Justice Statistics, U.S.
Department of Justice, 1997.

Age 12-34 are the highest risk years. Risk peaks in the late teens:
girls 16 to 19 are four times more likely than the general population
to
be victims of rape, attempted rape or sexual assault. [2000 NCVS.]

Has nothing to do with the 1 in 4 claimed ratio

Nor was I defending that statistic at that point. I was fact finding.
Part of the fact finding was getting information that would increase or
decrease risk among teens. If risk is higher when a teen enters those
age groups, then that is important to know.

No doubt, as well as the where's and how's......such as use of alcohol and
drugs.




Also, violent crime rates, overall, are higher for lower SES, and
some
minority groups. The statistics tend to vary by area/location too.
Urban v. suburban and rural have to be considerations when evaluating
risk. Urban areas have higher crime rates.

All in all, the numbers are confusing. It seems that in some areas,
the
incidence of rape may be as high as 1:6 male, 1:4 female. I would
like
to add that I have never seen a report on the incidence of rape in
prisons.

Would not affect the under 18 stat significantly

Correct but something that has been discussed in the university that I
attend because it also serves the prison system. I hadn't looked at the
stats to ascertain that they weren't reported along with the rate of
violent assaults in the general population. That was more for me.


My general belief is that one victim is too many when it's someone
you
love. Teaching rape prevention and awareness to both male and female
teens is a great idea.

NO arguement there, but teaching the truth is more important than
teaching
urban myths.

It depends on what one calls truth. If one's city has a higher report
rate and a lower conviction rate, then there's a problem that needs to
be addressed. If one's city has a high report and conviction rate, then
that is a different problem. Overall, being in a city that has a high
number of reported rapes & convictions will raise one's risk. Using
statistics that are locally relevant and applying them nationally is not
the way to go on something like this and vice versa... using national
numbers to make local risk seem less can be potentially harmful. We live
in our own areas. The urban myth may be more of a reality in a specific
town.

Sorry, but the claimed stat was "in the United States": that is an average
across the board, not a local anomally.


'Kate

P.Fritz wrote in message
...

"Tiffany" wrote in message
...

Paul Fritz wrote in message
...


Well, you have to watch out for the teachers as well. You may remember a
certain very successful H.S. basketball coach (and dean of students) ....I
went to school with him......that ended up doing a couple of years in the
Pa. State Prison for being involved with several female students.......and
apparently it had been going on for years.......perosnally, I don't think
he
did enough time...........and had it been my daughter.....I'd probably be
doing time now.



Sure, you have to tell your kid that just because someone IS a figure of
authority doesn't mean you can actually TRUST them. It must be confusing to
kids. I have already told my daughter that she doesn't even open the door
for someone dressed as a police officer. That basically there is no reason
for the cop to enter the house, he can talk through the door. And if someone
claims I am injured and at the hospital and is taking her there.... I tell
her forget it, if I am injured she can't help anyways and needs to wait for
her Grandmother.

P.Fritz wrote in message
...

"lm" wrote in message
...
On Thu, 4 Mar 2004 08:23:33 -0500, "Tiffany"
wrote:


Paul Fritz wrote in message
...

"Tiffany" wrote in message
...

V wrote in message
...

"Tiffany" wrote in message
...

I don't think you were being gender biased. Both parents
should
talk
to
the
kids, that way they see both sides of the card. Unfortutanly
both
parents
aren't always there. How much longer before you have the
talk?

T



Oh we have. They know what I do and my kids (both) have been
taught
how to
defend themselves, against anyone trying to hurt them....as far
as
sex
we
have
had the talk...and it was not so bad. I was just open and will
stay
opening to
questioning. I forget sometimes, there are single dads to girls
vice
versa,
hence using "mom's talking to sons" instead of parents talking
to
their
children.
How old are your kids?
V



One....12 girl. We had the talk, retalk, reminder talk, ect. She
will
be
13
at the end of the month so its getting closer and closer to the
point
she
may do 'it'. Now I work to remind her what can happen that one
instant
with
out protection, stuff like that.

Yeah, two kids were caught at the local public school.......8th
graders,
he was getting a b.j. in a science room DURING class.

My ex overheard my daughter (13) taking to a friend about another
girl
iin
her class (private catholic school) getting 'fingered' during
school.........YIKES



Yeah, its scary. I talk to mine about oral sex.... I don't want her
running
around giving blowjobs with disregard for her own sexual pleasure. lol.
Actually I don't say it that way. These girls just do the bj's and get
nothing back. In that case it is demoralizing. I do tell her that
emotions
and feelings should be considered before doing anything sexual and that
were
she to be one of those girls doing the bj's or whatever, she would get
a
reputation that would follow her through high school. I never spoke to
her
about getting 'fingered'. I guess that will have to come up at the next
one.
I will add also that it is becoming common for teenagers to engage is
anal
sex..... because all these things aren't really SEX you see. You can't
get
pregnant doing these things. Thanks Clinton.

All of that thinking predates Clinton, you can be sure of that.

voice of experience???? sorry, I couldn't resist.............yes sex
predates Clinton, but the general acceptance of such acts 'not being sex'
as
an excuse certain can be laid at his feet.



I think it didn't help a society that is already going down the tubes with a
lack of basic morals. He definately started the phrase that is still
sticking that certain sexual acts AREN'T sex.

T

On Thu, 4 Mar 2004 17:24:05 -0500, "Tiffany"
wrote:


P.Fritz wrote in message
...

"lm" wrote in message
...
On Thu, 4 Mar 2004 08:23:33 -0500, "Tiffany"
wrote:


Paul Fritz wrote in message
...

"Tiffany" wrote in message
...

V wrote in message
...

"Tiffany" wrote in message
...

I don't think you were being gender biased. Both parents
should
talk
to
the
kids, that way they see both sides of the card. Unfortutanly
both
parents
aren't always there. How much longer before you have the
talk?

T



Oh we have. They know what I do and my kids (both) have been
taught
how to
defend themselves, against anyone trying to hurt them....as far
as
sex
we
have
had the talk...and it was not so bad. I was just open and will
stay
opening to
questioning. I forget sometimes, there are single dads to girls
vice
versa,
hence using "mom's talking to sons" instead of parents talking
to
their
children.
How old are your kids?
V



One....12 girl. We had the talk, retalk, reminder talk, ect. She
will
be
13
at the end of the month so its getting closer and closer to the
point
she
may do 'it'. Now I work to remind her what can happen that one
instant
with
out protection, stuff like that.

Yeah, two kids were caught at the local public school.......8th
graders,
he was getting a b.j. in a science room DURING class.

My ex overheard my daughter (13) taking to a friend about another
girl
iin
her class (private catholic school) getting 'fingered' during
school.........YIKES



Yeah, its scary. I talk to mine about oral sex.... I don't want her
running
around giving blowjobs with disregard for her own sexual pleasure. lol.
Actually I don't say it that way. These girls just do the bj's and get
nothing back. In that case it is demoralizing. I do tell her that
emotions
and feelings should be considered before doing anything sexual and that
were
she to be one of those girls doing the bj's or whatever, she would get
a
reputation that would follow her through high school. I never spoke to
her
about getting 'fingered'. I guess that will have to come up at the next
one.
I will add also that it is becoming common for teenagers to engage is
anal
sex..... because all these things aren't really SEX you see. You can't
get
pregnant doing these things. Thanks Clinton.

All of that thinking predates Clinton, you can be sure of that.

voice of experience???? sorry, I couldn't resist.............yes sex
predates Clinton, but the general acceptance of such acts 'not being sex'
as
an excuse certain can be laid at his feet.



I think it didn't help a society that is already going down the tubes with a
lack of basic morals. He definately started the phrase that is still
sticking that certain sexual acts AREN'T sex.

You guys didn't spend much time around catholic schools, did you?
Girls have been protecting their virtue whilst having nonsex-sex for a
long time.

lm

"Tiffany" wrote in message
...


I don't know.... me and my friends weren't giving head all over schools.
lol



There was a scary article in the Globe and Mail a few months back that said
girl even as young as 11-12 are performing oral sex, because it is consider
the "new" goodnight kiss.

Not only should girls this young not be having any kind of sex on ethical
grounds, but if they start that young and it is just a game, then it loses
all meaning.
Sharing themselves with someone will never be special.

Betty

"lm" wrote in message
...
On Thu, 4 Mar 2004 17:24:05 -0500, "Tiffany"
wrote:


P.Fritz wrote in message
...

"lm" wrote in message
...
On Thu, 4 Mar 2004 08:23:33 -0500, "Tiffany"

wrote:


Paul Fritz wrote in message
...

"Tiffany" wrote in message
...

V wrote in message
...

"Tiffany" wrote in message
...

I don't think you were being gender biased. Both parents
should
talk
to
the
kids, that way they see both sides of the card.
Unfortutanly
both
parents
aren't always there. How much longer before you have the
talk?

T



Oh we have. They know what I do and my kids (both) have been
taught
how to
defend themselves, against anyone trying to hurt them....as
far
as
sex
we
have
had the talk...and it was not so bad. I was just open and
will
stay
opening to
questioning. I forget sometimes, there are single dads to
girls
vice
versa,
hence using "mom's talking to sons" instead of parents
talking
to
their
children.
How old are your kids?
V



One....12 girl. We had the talk, retalk, reminder talk, ect.
She
will
be
13
at the end of the month so its getting closer and closer to
the
point
she
may do 'it'. Now I work to remind her what can happen that one
instant
with
out protection, stuff like that.

Yeah, two kids were caught at the local public school.......8th
graders,
he was getting a b.j. in a science room DURING class.

My ex overheard my daughter (13) taking to a friend about
another
girl
iin
her class (private catholic school) getting 'fingered' during
school.........YIKES



Yeah, its scary. I talk to mine about oral sex.... I don't want her
running
around giving blowjobs with disregard for her own sexual pleasure.
lol.
Actually I don't say it that way. These girls just do the bj's and
get
nothing back. In that case it is demoralizing. I do tell her that
emotions
and feelings should be considered before doing anything sexual and
that
were
she to be one of those girls doing the bj's or whatever, she would
get
a
reputation that would follow her through high school. I never spoke
to
her
about getting 'fingered'. I guess that will have to come up at the
next
one.
I will add also that it is becoming common for teenagers to engage
is
anal
sex..... because all these things aren't really SEX you see. You
can't
get
pregnant doing these things. Thanks Clinton.

All of that thinking predates Clinton, you can be sure of that.

voice of experience???? sorry, I couldn't resist.............yes
sex
predates Clinton, but the general acceptance of such acts 'not being
sex'
as
an excuse certain can be laid at his feet.



I think it didn't help a society that is already going down the tubes
with a
lack of basic morals. He definately started the phrase that is still
sticking that certain sexual acts AREN'T sex.

You guys didn't spend much time around catholic schools, did you?
Girls have been protecting their virtue whilst having nonsex-sex for a
long time.

lm


Not the schools I went to.

"Tiffany" wrote in message
...

Sure, you have to tell your kid that just because someone IS a figure of
authority doesn't mean you can actually TRUST them. It must be confusing
to
kids. I have already told my daughter that she doesn't even open the door
for someone dressed as a police officer. That basically there is no reason
for the cop to enter the house, he can talk through the door. And if
someone
claims I am injured and at the hospital and is taking her there.... I tell
her forget it, if I am injured she can't help anyways and needs to wait
for
her Grandmother.



This is were the "password" system comes in handy. There are times when,
especially single parents, have to have someone else pick up their child.
Establishing a password system with your child insures that only someone who
YOU have asked to pick them up will be able to.

My son knows not to go with anyone, even someone he knows, if the person
does not give the password.
If I am not there to meet him (if I was hurt or unable to call), and some
one (other then my cousin) who does not have the password tries to pick him
up, he knows not to go with that person, but to go to my cousins house which
is just across the street from us.

Once the password has been used, you have to change it of course.

Betty

lm wrote in message
...
On Thu, 4 Mar 2004 17:24:05 -0500, "Tiffany"
wrote:


P.Fritz wrote in message
...



I think it didn't help a society that is already going down the tubes
with a
lack of basic morals. He definately started the phrase that is still
sticking that certain sexual acts AREN'T sex.

You guys didn't spend much time around catholic schools, did you?
Girls have been protecting their virtue whilst having nonsex-sex for a
long time.

lm

No, I am not catholic. Lets not get into that. lol
I actually went to a Christian school and we sure weren't doing all that.

T