daddy not bonding with baby

ALanphear wrote:

My baby is 8 months old and has not bonded well with her daddy (my
husband).

[snip]


We are trying to have Katherine spend more time with my husband, but
all she does is cry uncontrollably when he holds her or if I try to
leave the two alone together. I cannot even get up from sitting next
to her without her crying.


Don't be too sure that the baby hasn't bonded with your husband. She
may just have a preference for you and this is the age for separation
anxiety (this is good - she's realizing she's an individual separate
from you).

Does anyone have any suggestions on how we can change things now or is
it too late for Katherine to bond well with her daddy? I really feel
sorry for my husband, but at the same time have trouble letting him
hold Katherine because I feel bad for her when she cries.


We did the cruel method of having DH spend time alone with DD while I
either went to a different part of the house or out to the library or
grocery store. At 8 months, we also stopped the nursing to sleep routine
and DH started reading at bedtime and putting her to bed. She loved to
listen to us read so this was an easy thing to do.

Jeanne

Lucy wrote and I snipped:

"ALanphear" wrote in message
om...
My baby is 8 months old and has not bonded well with her daddy (my
husband). When she was 4 months old we went to Canada for 5 weeks.
My husband was supposed to join us for a week, but couldn't find his
birth certificate and therefore didn't get to go. My little girl,
Katherine, was doing fine with him before this trip, but since we got
back all she does is cry in a tantrum when he holds her or when she
even thinks he is going to hold her. My husband also works shift work
and really doesn't get to spend enough time with her. I am a stay at
home mom and basically do everything with Katherine.

My DD did best if people didn't try to pick her up or get too close. If they
were just close by but not touching her, she'd get a little upset but then
would be OK. After a few meetings like that, she'd generally warm up to them
and would go to them to be picked up. OTOH, there were certain people that
she never got used to until she got past the stranger anxiety.

I heartily agree with the approach Lucy is recommending and NOT with
those who suggest just leaving baby with daddy so she HAS to get used to
it.

I my mind's eye, I can see the dad approaching, low and slow, the baby
in her bouncy seat or swing or whatever and playing from a distance,
quietly, with a big smile. If he can find 10 minutes here and there in
a week, rather than just picking her up and holding her right off the
bat, she may warm up to him better. Being there behind mom during
diaper changes and whatnot, would also help.

The key to gaining trust, IMO, is respecting the baby and the baby's
wishes/fears.

Good luck to the OP,
-Patty, mom to Corinne (5.75y) and Nathan (3.5y)
and stepmom to Victoria (13.5y)