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Is this alright??



 
 
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  #1  
Old June 26th 08, 12:37 AM posted to misc.kids
xkatx
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 690
Default Is this alright??

I have a friend that does a number of questionable things... in the past and
now.

Right now, it's potty training. Her DS is almost the same age as my DD1 -
he'll be 3 in September. She's doing the potty training thing. He will pee
all the time on the potty. He can go a full day in underwear with no
accidents. He'll hold it and only go in the potty (or toilet) and will say
when he has to pee.
The pooping part is the other issue, which doesn't seem to sit well with me.
I do talk to her daily and often enough, I can hear her DS literally
screaming and crying and her constantly saying something along the lines of,
"Go poop on the potty now" or "No getting off the potty until you poop" or
"No ______ until you poop on the potty" The kid is just crying and
screaming in the background.

He will not dirty underwear - he'll hold it for days at a time if need be.
As soon as he has a diaper on (in the case of nap time or bed time) then
he'll dirty a diaper. She has said she's kept him in underwear for days at
a time so he won't be able to go in the diaper but that's when he'll hold it
for days if need be.

A week or two ago I was at the store with her doing some shopping. One of
the main items on her list to get was a laxative - for her DS. She found a
children's laxative, good for 2 and older, that claimed to have basically
instant results. Apparently that night when they gave it to him - while he
was sitting on the toilet - he did go. She's been giving him an enema, and
that's daily. Last time I was talking to her - less than half an hour ago -
he was on the potty again crying and screaming up a storm, she was busy
yelling and shouting to go in the potty (this time it was no going in the
swimming pool until he went poop on the potty) and she took him off to give
him an enema - but only gave him half - then back to the potty he went.
When he didn't go again within about 5 mins, she took him off to give it to
him again. Meanwhile, she tells me that he very well knows what the enema
is and all that, and he's screaming again over it.

She said that he's going to be 3 in September and that 3 is too old for her
to change his diapers. She is set on having him completely potty trained
ASAP because she's not going to change his diapers come 3.

There's a number of things she does (or doesn't do) that really doesn't sit
well with me. This isn't a question about friendship and dropping her as a
friend or not, it's more of if I'm out to lunch on this one, and if I am,
then I'll let it go, but if not, I do feel that I will end up saying what I
really think about it fairly soon.

To me, this almost sounds a bit abusive.


  #2  
Old June 26th 08, 01:07 AM posted to misc.kids
Banty
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 2,278
Default Is this alright??

In article kFA8k.51142$gc5.7097@pd7urf2no, xkatx says...

I have a friend that does a number of questionable things... in the past and
now.

Right now, it's potty training. Her DS is almost the same age as my DD1 -
he'll be 3 in September. She's doing the potty training thing. He will pee
all the time on the potty. He can go a full day in underwear with no
accidents. He'll hold it and only go in the potty (or toilet) and will say
when he has to pee.
The pooping part is the other issue, which doesn't seem to sit well with me.
I do talk to her daily and often enough, I can hear her DS literally
screaming and crying and her constantly saying something along the lines of,
"Go poop on the potty now" or "No getting off the potty until you poop" or
"No ______ until you poop on the potty" The kid is just crying and
screaming in the background.

He will not dirty underwear - he'll hold it for days at a time if need be.
As soon as he has a diaper on (in the case of nap time or bed time) then
he'll dirty a diaper. She has said she's kept him in underwear for days at
a time so he won't be able to go in the diaper but that's when he'll hold it
for days if need be.

A week or two ago I was at the store with her doing some shopping. One of
the main items on her list to get was a laxative - for her DS. She found a
children's laxative, good for 2 and older, that claimed to have basically
instant results. Apparently that night when they gave it to him - while he
was sitting on the toilet - he did go. She's been giving him an enema, and
that's daily. Last time I was talking to her - less than half an hour ago -
he was on the potty again crying and screaming up a storm, she was busy
yelling and shouting to go in the potty (this time it was no going in the
swimming pool until he went poop on the potty) and she took him off to give
him an enema - but only gave him half - then back to the potty he went.
When he didn't go again within about 5 mins, she took him off to give it to
him again. Meanwhile, she tells me that he very well knows what the enema
is and all that, and he's screaming again over it.

She said that he's going to be 3 in September and that 3 is too old for her
to change his diapers. She is set on having him completely potty trained
ASAP because she's not going to change his diapers come 3.

There's a number of things she does (or doesn't do) that really doesn't sit
well with me. This isn't a question about friendship and dropping her as a
friend or not, it's more of if I'm out to lunch on this one, and if I am,
then I'll let it go, but if not, I do feel that I will end up saying what I
really think about it fairly soon.

To me, this almost sounds a bit abusive.


Wow, yes, definite control problem. Enemas can be a feature in abuse. There's
no reason for a parent to be giving an enema.

This may be an occasion to say something.

Banty

  #3  
Old June 26th 08, 01:35 AM posted to misc.kids
Jeff
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 1,321
Default Is this alright??

xkatx wrote:
I have a friend that does a number of questionable things... in the past and
now.

Right now, it's potty training. Her DS is almost the same age as my DD1 -
he'll be 3 in September. She's doing the potty training thing. He will pee
all the time on the potty.


He needs to learn to pee *in* the potty, not on it. ;-)

He can go a full day in underwear with no
accidents. He'll hold it and only go in the potty (or toilet) and will say
when he has to pee.
The pooping part is the other issue, which doesn't seem to sit well with me.
I do talk to her daily and often enough, I can hear her DS literally
screaming and crying and her constantly saying something along the lines of,
"Go poop on the potty now" or "No getting off the potty until you poop" or
"No ______ until you poop on the potty" The kid is just crying and
screaming in the background.


It sounds like a power struggle. It's his poop. Guess who will win?

He will not dirty underwear - he'll hold it for days at a time if need be.
As soon as he has a diaper on (in the case of nap time or bed time) then
he'll dirty a diaper. She has said she's kept him in underwear for days at
a time so he won't be able to go in the diaper but that's when he'll hold it
for days if need be.


This is quite unhealthy. It may lead to problems with stool retention
and constipation. She should let him go in the diaper. When he is ready,
he will go in the potty.

A week or two ago I was at the store with her doing some shopping. One of
the main items on her list to get was a laxative - for her DS. She found a
children's laxative, good for 2 and older, that claimed to have basically
instant results. Apparently that night when they gave it to him - while he
was sitting on the toilet - he did go. She's been giving him an enema, and
that's daily. Last time I was talking to her - less than half an hour ago -
he was on the potty again crying and screaming up a storm, she was busy
yelling and shouting to go in the potty (this time it was no going in the
swimming pool until he went poop on the potty) and she took him off to give
him an enema - but only gave him half - then back to the potty he went.
When he didn't go again within about 5 mins, she took him off to give it to
him again. Meanwhile, she tells me that he very well knows what the enema
is and all that, and he's screaming again over it.

She said that he's going to be 3 in September and that 3 is too old for her
to change his diapers. She is set on having him completely potty trained
ASAP because she's not going to change his diapers come 3.


He is potty trained. He can hold it for a long time. He will put it in
the potty when he is ready, not her. She needs to let unload into his
diapers and use the potty when he is ready.

There's a number of things she does (or doesn't do) that really doesn't sit
well with me. This isn't a question about friendship and dropping her as a
friend or not, it's more of if I'm out to lunch on this one, and if I am,
then I'll let it go, but if not, I do feel that I will end up saying what I
really think about it fairly soon.

To me, this almost sounds a bit abusive.


  #4  
Old June 26th 08, 02:14 AM posted to misc.kids
toypup[_2_]
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 222
Default Is this alright??



"xkatx" wrote in message
news:kFA8k.51142$gc5.7097@pd7urf2no...

A week or two ago I was at the store with her doing some shopping. One of
the main items on her list to get was a laxative - for her DS. She found
a children's laxative, good for 2 and older, that claimed to have
basically instant results. Apparently that night when they gave it to
him - while he was sitting on the toilet - he did go. She's been giving
him an enema, and that's daily. Last time I was talking to her - less
than half an hour ago - he was on the potty again crying and screaming up
a storm, she was busy yelling and shouting to go in the potty (this time
it was no going in the swimming pool until he went poop on the potty) and
she took him off to give him an enema - but only gave him half - then back
to the potty he went. When he didn't go again within about 5 mins, she
took him off to give it to him again. Meanwhile, she tells me that he
very well knows what the enema is and all that, and he's screaming again
over it.


I don't know about her, but there is no way I could have a BM on command.
Ask your friend if you told her to BM right now, could she do it? Even if
she tried?

The whole thing with not giving him diapers so that he would retain and then
giving him laxatives every night is definitely not healthy. Will she talk
to a doctor?

  #5  
Old June 26th 08, 12:43 PM posted to misc.kids
Nan
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 346
Default Is this alright??

On Wed, 25 Jun 2008 23:37:52 GMT, "xkatx" wrote:

I have a friend that does a number of questionable things... in the past and
now.

Right now, it's potty training. Her DS is almost the same age as my DD1 -
he'll be 3 in September. She's doing the potty training thing. He will pee
all the time on the potty. He can go a full day in underwear with no
accidents. He'll hold it and only go in the potty (or toilet) and will say
when he has to pee.
The pooping part is the other issue, which doesn't seem to sit well with me.
I do talk to her daily and often enough, I can hear her DS literally
screaming and crying and her constantly saying something along the lines of,
"Go poop on the potty now" or "No getting off the potty until you poop" or
"No ______ until you poop on the potty" The kid is just crying and
screaming in the background.

He will not dirty underwear - he'll hold it for days at a time if need be.
As soon as he has a diaper on (in the case of nap time or bed time) then
he'll dirty a diaper. She has said she's kept him in underwear for days at
a time so he won't be able to go in the diaper but that's when he'll hold it
for days if need be.

A week or two ago I was at the store with her doing some shopping. One of
the main items on her list to get was a laxative - for her DS. She found a
children's laxative, good for 2 and older, that claimed to have basically
instant results. Apparently that night when they gave it to him - while he
was sitting on the toilet - he did go. She's been giving him an enema, and
that's daily. Last time I was talking to her - less than half an hour ago -
he was on the potty again crying and screaming up a storm, she was busy
yelling and shouting to go in the potty (this time it was no going in the
swimming pool until he went poop on the potty) and she took him off to give
him an enema - but only gave him half - then back to the potty he went.
When he didn't go again within about 5 mins, she took him off to give it to
him again. Meanwhile, she tells me that he very well knows what the enema
is and all that, and he's screaming again over it.

She said that he's going to be 3 in September and that 3 is too old for her
to change his diapers. She is set on having him completely potty trained
ASAP because she's not going to change his diapers come 3.

There's a number of things she does (or doesn't do) that really doesn't sit
well with me. This isn't a question about friendship and dropping her as a
friend or not, it's more of if I'm out to lunch on this one, and if I am,
then I'll let it go, but if not, I do feel that I will end up saying what I
really think about it fairly soon.

To me, this almost sounds a bit abusive.


No, it doesn't sound like you're out to lunch. Although I don't think
I'd call it abusive, it's definitely a power struggle.

Perhaps when you're talking to her you could mention your own
children's experiences as a way to give her a reality check.

Something like, "Oh, my child xxxxx definitely wouldn't go until HE
was ready... I found it way less stressful just to let him go at his
pace and he quickly trained himself."

The way she's going, she's setting herself up for having her child
need a diaper waaaaay past the age of three.

Nan

  #6  
Old June 27th 08, 08:17 AM posted to misc.kids
Tai[_2_]
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 68
Default Is this alright??

xkatx wrote:
I have a friend that does a number of questionable things... in the
past and now.

Right now, it's potty training. Her DS is almost the same age as my
DD1 - he'll be 3 in September. She's doing the potty training thing.
He will pee all the time on the potty. He can go a full day in
underwear with no accidents. He'll hold it and only go in the potty
(or toilet) and will say when he has to pee.
The pooping part is the other issue, which doesn't seem to sit well
with me. I do talk to her daily and often enough, I can hear her DS
literally screaming and crying and her constantly saying something
along the lines of, "Go poop on the potty now" or "No getting off the
potty until you poop" or "No ______ until you poop on the potty" The
kid is just crying and screaming in the background.

He will not dirty underwear - he'll hold it for days at a time if
need be. As soon as he has a diaper on (in the case of nap time or
bed time) then he'll dirty a diaper. She has said she's kept him in
underwear for days at a time so he won't be able to go in the diaper
but that's when he'll hold it for days if need be.

A week or two ago I was at the store with her doing some shopping. One of
the main items on her list to get was a laxative - for her DS.
She found a children's laxative, good for 2 and older, that claimed
to have basically instant results. Apparently that night when they
gave it to him - while he was sitting on the toilet - he did go. She's
been giving him an enema, and that's daily. Last time I was
talking to her - less than half an hour ago - he was on the potty
again crying and screaming up a storm, she was busy yelling and
shouting to go in the potty (this time it was no going in the
swimming pool until he went poop on the potty) and she took him off
to give him an enema - but only gave him half - then back to the
potty he went. When he didn't go again within about 5 mins, she took
him off to give it to him again. Meanwhile, she tells me that he
very well knows what the enema is and all that, and he's screaming
again over it.
She said that he's going to be 3 in September and that 3 is too old
for her to change his diapers. She is set on having him completely
potty trained ASAP because she's not going to change his diapers come
3.
There's a number of things she does (or doesn't do) that really
doesn't sit well with me. This isn't a question about friendship and
dropping her as a friend or not, it's more of if I'm out to lunch on
this one, and if I am, then I'll let it go, but if not, I do feel
that I will end up saying what I really think about it fairly soon.

To me, this almost sounds a bit abusive.


Keeping a perfectly healthy child on a routine which includes a daily enema,
laxatives and screaming at him over his bowel habits _is_ borderline
abusive, in my opinion, and it's certainly unhealthy. Goodness knows what
she's doing to his body's messaging system, let alone the psychological
effects of making his bowel control development such a huge issue to therm
both.

She probably won't listen to you but for the sake of the child I do think
you should suggest she discuss her methods with a doctor. It's hard to
openly criticise a friend's parenting choices but I think your misgivings
are very well founded. She's made a terrible power struggle over something
that should be handled in a relaxed and positive manner.

I'm fairly sure both my sons were still pooping in their night nappies first
thing in the morning until they were 3 1/2 and I never felt at any stage
they were particularly late in their bowel control. It was comfortable and
convenient for them and I was still wiping their and their sister's bottoms
until they were nearly four, anyway, so it's not like I was going to be
relieved of poop clean up duty! I think you friend has very unrealistic
expectations about toilet training. Some children click early with all the
combinations of day, night bladder and bowel training but a large proportion
of 2 year olds are only just getting going on those processes.

Also, not every child (or adult) needs to move his bowels every single
day - why on earth does she think she gets to decide something like that
about her son's body and then _force_ the issue with laxatives? Poor little
lad!


  #7  
Old June 27th 08, 03:22 PM posted to misc.kids
xkatx
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 690
Default Is this alright??


"xkatx" wrote in message
news:kFA8k.51142$gc5.7097@pd7urf2no...
I have a friend that does a number of questionable things... in the past
and now.

snip

So, it seems that I'm not out to lunch with how I'm thinking about this
friend and what she's doing.
One thing that a few have mentioned, I didn't even think of... How *can* a
person just go on demand? I haven't heard of anyone doing that.
It's funny (well, not really funny) that she was saying something about
giving him a laxative because he's "all gummed up" - hm... I wonder why.
It's a little disturbing when on the phone and the kid is just absolutely
screaming over this whole thing. The kids' dad, she told me, won't sit with
him when he's on the potty (and what they have is a potty seat on their main
floor toilet, although he will use a regular toilet if there's no potty seat
to pee) and how he'll sit for maybe 5 mins with the kid then if he doesn't
go in those few mins, he's sent away (and NOT really in a nice, "Ok, you
didn't go this time, maybe next time we'll try again") and then she tells
her DH that SHE doesn't want to change poopy diapers anymore and he's not
home all day to deal with it so why would he care?
DD1 is the same age as this little guy, and quite frankly, I might feel the
same if there was a poopy diaper 5 or 6 times a day like a small baby, but
what's once a day, or maybe twice a day every now and then?
He's not in daycare or anything similar... They actually don't even really
leave the house (this is a whole other story, though)
She said something that she has called the 24 hour health nurse line about
his training and she was disgusted when they told her basically the same
thing - he'll go when he's ready and no, they don't recommend forcing it in
any way.


  #8  
Old June 27th 08, 04:48 PM posted to misc.kids
Banty
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 2,278
Default Is this alright??

In article 3J69k.53995$gc5.3474@pd7urf2no, xkatx says...


"xkatx" wrote in message
news:kFA8k.51142$gc5.7097@pd7urf2no...
I have a friend that does a number of questionable things... in the past
and now.

snip

So, it seems that I'm not out to lunch with how I'm thinking about this
friend and what she's doing.
One thing that a few have mentioned, I didn't even think of... How *can* a
person just go on demand? I haven't heard of anyone doing that.
It's funny (well, not really funny) that she was saying something about
giving him a laxative because he's "all gummed up" - hm... I wonder why.
It's a little disturbing when on the phone and the kid is just absolutely
screaming over this whole thing. The kids' dad, she told me, won't sit with
him when he's on the potty (and what they have is a potty seat on their main
floor toilet, although he will use a regular toilet if there's no potty seat
to pee) and how he'll sit for maybe 5 mins with the kid then if he doesn't
go in those few mins, he's sent away (and NOT really in a nice, "Ok, you
didn't go this time, maybe next time we'll try again") and then she tells
her DH that SHE doesn't want to change poopy diapers anymore and he's not
home all day to deal with it so why would he care?
DD1 is the same age as this little guy, and quite frankly, I might feel the
same if there was a poopy diaper 5 or 6 times a day like a small baby, but
what's once a day, or maybe twice a day every now and then?
He's not in daycare or anything similar... They actually don't even really
leave the house (this is a whole other story, though)
She said something that she has called the 24 hour health nurse line about
his training and she was disgusted when they told her basically the same
thing - he'll go when he's ready and no, they don't recommend forcing it in
any way.



I dont' usually advise this, but I would say something along the lines of, yes,
the nurse is right.

I sure as heck would have a hard time standing by and watching this.

Banty

  #9  
Old June 27th 08, 06:10 PM posted to misc.kids
Clisby[_2_]
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 75
Default Is this alright??

xkatx wrote:
"xkatx" wrote in message
news:kFA8k.51142$gc5.7097@pd7urf2no...
I have a friend that does a number of questionable things... in the past
and now.

snip

So, it seems that I'm not out to lunch with how I'm thinking about this
friend and what she's doing.
One thing that a few have mentioned, I didn't even think of... How *can* a
person just go on demand? I haven't heard of anyone doing that.
It's funny (well, not really funny) that she was saying something about
giving him a laxative because he's "all gummed up" - hm... I wonder why.
It's a little disturbing when on the phone and the kid is just absolutely
screaming over this whole thing. The kids' dad, she told me, won't sit with
him when he's on the potty (and what they have is a potty seat on their main
floor toilet, although he will use a regular toilet if there's no potty seat
to pee) and how he'll sit for maybe 5 mins with the kid then if he doesn't
go in those few mins, he's sent away (and NOT really in a nice, "Ok, you
didn't go this time, maybe next time we'll try again") and then she tells
her DH that SHE doesn't want to change poopy diapers anymore and he's not
home all day to deal with it so why would he care?
DD1 is the same age as this little guy, and quite frankly, I might feel the
same if there was a poopy diaper 5 or 6 times a day like a small baby, but
what's once a day, or maybe twice a day every now and then?


If she has to feel in control, she'd do better to start teaching him how
to clean up after himself. There's no reason a normal, healthy
3-year-old can't clean up his own poopy diapers/underwear.

Clisby

He's not in daycare or anything similar... They actually don't even really
leave the house (this is a whole other story, though)
She said something that she has called the 24 hour health nurse line about
his training and she was disgusted when they told her basically the same
thing - he'll go when he's ready and no, they don't recommend forcing it in
any way.


  #10  
Old June 28th 08, 04:43 PM posted to misc.kids
toypup[_2_]
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 222
Default Is this alright??



"Clisby" wrote in message
If she has to feel in control, she'd do better to start teaching him how
to clean up after himself. There's no reason a normal, healthy 3-year-old
can't clean up his own poopy diapers/underwear.


I think they can, but they don't do a very good job of it. The poop would
end up everywhere and the kid would stay so unclean. DD is 4 yo. They make
the kids wipe their own bottoms at preschool. She does it, but she doesn't
get clean. Her bottom is so raw sometimes. She's made some accidents in
the bathroom which she tried to clean up herself. By the time she's done, I
have a bigger mess to clean up.

 




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