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Will's Birth Story (REALLY long and late)



 
 
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  #11  
Old June 3rd 04, 10:31 PM
Jill
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Default Will's Birth Story (REALLY long and late)


"Dagny" wrote
How could everyone we trusted do this to us and allow this to be done to

us.
We were supposed to be safe, no matter where we were. You had a doula, a
friend, your husband ...

Dagny



((((((((Dagny))))))))
A traumatic birth experience sucks! Let's hear it for our NEXT birth
experience which I trust will be much better!! (I haven't even thought of
trying for the next, lol, after all that trauma....but I will soon.)

Jill


  #12  
Old June 3rd 04, 10:43 PM
Larry McMahan
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Default Will's Birth Story (REALLY long and late)

Kat writes:

: When we first arrived at the hospital I made a comment that I should have
: had a homebirth. We just didn't have the foresight that I wouldn't be happy
: at the hospital and save up money for a home birth. That won't be an issue
: next time. Thank you Larry, I am glad Will is a happy baby and all in all I
: had the birth I wanted (I just wasn't happy where I was:-)).

Well, all I can say at this point is that I hope this story is an
educational experience for those hospital advocates who can't
understand why anyone would homebirth!

Larry
  #13  
Old June 4th 04, 12:16 AM
Dagny
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Default Will's Birth Story (REALLY long and late)


"Kat" wrote in message
...

Can I ask you what happened in your birth?


I can't do a birth story for usenet publication now/yet/?ever. I am not in
a good place.

It sounds like you and I are
having the same feelings from the births. You are going to have an
unassisted birth this time? How else are you preparing yourself and your
husband mentally?


Preparing myself isn't too hard because the idea of having another person,
any person, other than Meg, in the room with me when I birth again makes me
physically ill. Husband does not like, he will accept. -- Dagny




  #14  
Old June 4th 04, 02:25 AM
Kat
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Default Will's Birth Story (REALLY long and late)


"Dagny" wrote in message
...

"Kat" wrote in message
...

Can I ask you what happened in your birth?


I can't do a birth story for usenet publication now/yet/?ever. I am not

in
a good place.


I can understand that, it took me awhile to post this, even write it. I
really condensed it, some of it feels too close to disclose.


It sounds like you and I are
having the same feelings from the births. You are going to have an
unassisted birth this time? How else are you preparing yourself and

your
husband mentally?


Preparing myself isn't too hard because the idea of having another person,
any person, other than Meg, in the room with me when I birth again makes

me
physically ill. Husband does not like, he will accept. -- Dagny


I wish you well. I hope you have the birth experience you want/need.

Kat
Mama to Maggie 11/03/01
and Will 02/10/04



  #15  
Old June 4th 04, 10:12 AM
JoFromOz
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Default Will's Birth Story (REALLY long and late)

Dagny and Kat.

Both of your stories make me so very sad for you and for your babies.

I really, really want to be your Midwife for your next births to show you
that we aren't all like that!!!

The story made me cry, made me want to be there for you. I don't even know
either of you, but for some reason I got this protective feeling coming over
me to want to stand up for you and tell the other midwives/doctor off for
abusing you like that.

*sigh*

All I can say is I am terribly sorry, on behalf of the Midwifery profession!

Jo (RM)


  #16  
Old June 4th 04, 10:13 AM
JoFromOz
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Default Will's Birth Story (REALLY long and late)

Larry McMahan wrote:

Well, all I can say at this point is that I hope this story is an
educational experience for those hospital advocates who can't
understand why anyone would homebirth!

Larry


Here, Here!

Women are abused every day in the hospital system, most of the time without
their knowledge. It makes me very sad.

Jo (RM)


  #17  
Old June 4th 04, 05:49 PM
pologirl
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Default Will's Birth Story (REALLY long and late)

Kat ) posted her birth story, relating echoes to
being the victim of sexual abuse in her childhood. I gather that
in her previous, first birth, there were no such echoes.

Perhaps not due to any such echoes, but nonetheless in a similar
vein of emotional anguish, Dagny wrote:
I can't do a birth story for usenet publication now/yet/?ever. I
am not in a good place.


I hear you both saying you would prefer unassisted births next time,
but does that really fix the problem, or just avoid stirring things
up?

Kat and Dagny, have you ever heard of critical stress debriefing?
This is something that first responders (EMTs, firemen, search and
rescue volunteers) sometimes use to help them let go of bad memories
or feelings. Sometimes, they need to do this not so much because
of a recent event, but because a recent event causes an old, almost
forgotten event or some other unresolved personal issues to come to
the surface. It is amazing how stuff you thought never bothered
you can emerge years later, and you discover in fact it bothers you.
A CS debriefing is confidential (no one takes any notes, and they
don't even need to know your name) and mediated by highly skilled
people who themselves have first hand experience dealing with their
own emotional/psychological trauma from their own work as first
responders. Typically a CS debriefing is also free; this is part
of the volunteer emergency services culture. A CS debriefing is
*not* counseling! It may last only an hour or two, there is no
followup, and its purpose is only to allow you / help you to vent.
Which by itself is often very therapeutic. Both of you sound like
you could benefit from such a debriefing, along with your DHs and
the other key players who appear in your birth stories (published
or not). Kat, you might even include the OB and/or nurse who made
your experience so unpleasant; including them might help them too,
but mainly it could help you to see that perhaps a large part of
your issues with them are really more to do with issues left over
from your childhood experiences. In my own birth story, I said my
greatest fear was bleeding to death, and that I was taking a risk
by delivering at the hospital I chose, which had a bad record WRT
delivery-related maternal deaths. What I didn't say was that when
I screwed up the courage to *talk* about this fear openly with my
midwife, reminding her of those deaths made her break down and cry.
My point here is that your birth experiences are causing you grief
but has it occurred to you that perhaps they are also causing your
caregivers grief? People who choose such careers are on the whole
very empathetic, although their behavior may not always reveal it.

Pologirl
  #18  
Old June 4th 04, 06:40 PM
Joybelle
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Default Will's Birth Story (REALLY long and late)


"Kat" wrote in message
...
snip
Sorry this was so long, Thanks for reading!!!
Kat
Mama to Maggie 11/03/01
and Will 02/10/04 (almost 4 months old!!!)


Kat,
I am so glad you decided to share your birth story. I remember when you
first posted after Will was born about how traumatized you were. This was a
big step!! It took me a similar amount of time to share my son's
experience, and I literally bawled while I wrote the story. I know how
difficult, but therapeutic, it was to share.

I had a successful homebirth, but I was very upset with how some things
went. My midwife wasn't terrible to me, but I ended up feeling like my
birth experience was taken from me. I, like Dagny, am considering going
unassisted if I have another child. I had actually entertained the thought
with my last pregnancy, but I don't think I was ready for that step. That
being said, my first homebirth with the midwife was wonderful. I wish you
the best for you future homebirth!

I'm sorry you went through what you did.
--
Joy

Rose 1-30-99
Iris 2-28-01
Spencer 3-12-03


  #19  
Old June 4th 04, 06:52 PM
Dagny
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Posts: n/a
Default Will's Birth Story (REALLY long and late)


"pologirl" wrote in message
om...
Kat ) posted her birth story, relating echoes to
being the victim of sexual abuse in her childhood. I gather that
in her previous, first birth, there were no such echoes.

Perhaps not due to any such echoes, but nonetheless in a similar
vein of emotional anguish, Dagny wrote:
I can't do a birth story for usenet publication now/yet/?ever. I
am not in a good place.


I hear you both saying you would prefer unassisted births next time,
but does that really fix the problem, or just avoid stirring things
up?


Define "problem." Does it fix the problem that I cannot possibly expect to
birth with someone in the room after what terrorism I experienced last time?
Abso****inglutely. Birth is a physiological process tied to psychology, and
becomes riskier if you do not have a safe zone to birth.


Kat and Dagny, have you ever heard of critical stress debriefing?


snip
I thank you greatly for your concern.

There have been trials of critical stress debriefing and IIRC it has not
been effective with post traumatic stress disorder. I don't know if Kat has
PTSD. I do.

There are no reliable treatments for PTSD short of drugs. I am tapped out
of resources to gamble away on the chance that some nondrug behavioral
health treatment might do more good than harm.

My point here is that your birth experiences are causing you grief
but has it occurred to you that perhaps they are also causing your
caregivers grief? People who choose such careers are on the whole
very empathetic, although their behavior may not always reveal it.


Yes my caregiver is devastated, as well she should be. Women should not be
disrespected, violated, raped and permanently spiritually, mentally, and
physically damaged during a healthy normal birth, by their "caregiver"
intervening in such healthy normal birth, and causing grave problems, and
scaring the **** out of her, against the woman's wishes.


Dagny


  #20  
Old June 4th 04, 06:52 PM
Kat
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Posts: n/a
Default Will's Birth Story (REALLY long and late)


"pologirl" wrote in message
om...
Kat ) posted her birth story, relating echoes to
being the victim of sexual abuse in her childhood. I gather that
in her previous, first birth, there were no such echoes.

Perhaps not due to any such echoes, but nonetheless in a similar
vein of emotional anguish, Dagny wrote:
I can't do a birth story for usenet publication now/yet/?ever. I
am not in a good place.


I hear you both saying you would prefer unassisted births next time,
but does that really fix the problem, or just avoid stirring things
up?

Kat and Dagny, have you ever heard of critical stress debriefing?
This is something that first responders (EMTs, firemen, search and
rescue volunteers) sometimes use to help them let go of bad memories
or feelings. Sometimes, they need to do this not so much because
of a recent event, but because a recent event causes an old, almost
forgotten event or some other unresolved personal issues to come to
the surface. It is amazing how stuff you thought never bothered
you can emerge years later, and you discover in fact it bothers you.
A CS debriefing is confidential (no one takes any notes, and they
don't even need to know your name) and mediated by highly skilled
people who themselves have first hand experience dealing with their
own emotional/psychological trauma from their own work as first
responders. Typically a CS debriefing is also free; this is part
of the volunteer emergency services culture. A CS debriefing is
*not* counseling! It may last only an hour or two, there is no
followup, and its purpose is only to allow you / help you to vent.
Which by itself is often very therapeutic. Both of you sound like
you could benefit from such a debriefing, along with your DHs and
the other key players who appear in your birth stories (published
or not). Kat, you might even include the OB and/or nurse who made
your experience so unpleasant; including them might help them too,
but mainly it could help you to see that perhaps a large part of
your issues with them are really more to do with issues left over
from your childhood experiences. In my own birth story, I said my
greatest fear was bleeding to death, and that I was taking a risk
by delivering at the hospital I chose, which had a bad record WRT
delivery-related maternal deaths. What I didn't say was that when
I screwed up the courage to *talk* about this fear openly with my
midwife, reminding her of those deaths made her break down and cry.
My point here is that your birth experiences are causing you grief
but has it occurred to you that perhaps they are also causing your
caregivers grief? People who choose such careers are on the whole
very empathetic, although their behavior may not always reveal it.

Pologirl


Thank you for your suggestion, and yes I was alluding to a sexual abuse
past. I have been seeing a counselor since before my DD was born and we had
no idea I would react like I did with DS's birth. I am thinking I might
have been feeling like I was wrenched from where I felt the safest and most
cared for, and most private sanctuary to the hosptial where I didn't feel
safe and felt that I was just a "patient" to the people, and I felt very out
of sync among other things there. THe thing is, my triage nurse was the one
who started the rollercoaster and noone knew how to help come down. In all
honesty I think my OB did his best for me but I think I would do better with
a midwife assisted homebirth (I never said I wanted unassisted), and I would
feel more comfortable discussing this things with her. Thank you again for
your suggestions and insight.
Kat
mama to Maggie 11/03/01
and Will 02/10/04



 




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