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#11
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Will's Birth Story (REALLY long and late)
"Dagny" wrote How could everyone we trusted do this to us and allow this to be done to us. We were supposed to be safe, no matter where we were. You had a doula, a friend, your husband ... Dagny ((((((((Dagny)))))))) A traumatic birth experience sucks! Let's hear it for our NEXT birth experience which I trust will be much better!! (I haven't even thought of trying for the next, lol, after all that trauma....but I will soon.) Jill |
#12
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Will's Birth Story (REALLY long and late)
Kat writes:
: When we first arrived at the hospital I made a comment that I should have : had a homebirth. We just didn't have the foresight that I wouldn't be happy : at the hospital and save up money for a home birth. That won't be an issue : next time. Thank you Larry, I am glad Will is a happy baby and all in all I : had the birth I wanted (I just wasn't happy where I was:-)). Well, all I can say at this point is that I hope this story is an educational experience for those hospital advocates who can't understand why anyone would homebirth! Larry |
#13
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Will's Birth Story (REALLY long and late)
"Kat" wrote in message ... Can I ask you what happened in your birth? I can't do a birth story for usenet publication now/yet/?ever. I am not in a good place. It sounds like you and I are having the same feelings from the births. You are going to have an unassisted birth this time? How else are you preparing yourself and your husband mentally? Preparing myself isn't too hard because the idea of having another person, any person, other than Meg, in the room with me when I birth again makes me physically ill. Husband does not like, he will accept. -- Dagny |
#14
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Will's Birth Story (REALLY long and late)
"Dagny" wrote in message ... "Kat" wrote in message ... Can I ask you what happened in your birth? I can't do a birth story for usenet publication now/yet/?ever. I am not in a good place. I can understand that, it took me awhile to post this, even write it. I really condensed it, some of it feels too close to disclose. It sounds like you and I are having the same feelings from the births. You are going to have an unassisted birth this time? How else are you preparing yourself and your husband mentally? Preparing myself isn't too hard because the idea of having another person, any person, other than Meg, in the room with me when I birth again makes me physically ill. Husband does not like, he will accept. -- Dagny I wish you well. I hope you have the birth experience you want/need. Kat Mama to Maggie 11/03/01 and Will 02/10/04 |
#15
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Will's Birth Story (REALLY long and late)
Dagny and Kat.
Both of your stories make me so very sad for you and for your babies. I really, really want to be your Midwife for your next births to show you that we aren't all like that!!! The story made me cry, made me want to be there for you. I don't even know either of you, but for some reason I got this protective feeling coming over me to want to stand up for you and tell the other midwives/doctor off for abusing you like that. *sigh* All I can say is I am terribly sorry, on behalf of the Midwifery profession! Jo (RM) |
#16
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Will's Birth Story (REALLY long and late)
Larry McMahan wrote:
Well, all I can say at this point is that I hope this story is an educational experience for those hospital advocates who can't understand why anyone would homebirth! Larry Here, Here! Women are abused every day in the hospital system, most of the time without their knowledge. It makes me very sad. Jo (RM) |
#17
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Will's Birth Story (REALLY long and late)
Kat ) posted her birth story, relating echoes to
being the victim of sexual abuse in her childhood. I gather that in her previous, first birth, there were no such echoes. Perhaps not due to any such echoes, but nonetheless in a similar vein of emotional anguish, Dagny wrote: I can't do a birth story for usenet publication now/yet/?ever. I am not in a good place. I hear you both saying you would prefer unassisted births next time, but does that really fix the problem, or just avoid stirring things up? Kat and Dagny, have you ever heard of critical stress debriefing? This is something that first responders (EMTs, firemen, search and rescue volunteers) sometimes use to help them let go of bad memories or feelings. Sometimes, they need to do this not so much because of a recent event, but because a recent event causes an old, almost forgotten event or some other unresolved personal issues to come to the surface. It is amazing how stuff you thought never bothered you can emerge years later, and you discover in fact it bothers you. A CS debriefing is confidential (no one takes any notes, and they don't even need to know your name) and mediated by highly skilled people who themselves have first hand experience dealing with their own emotional/psychological trauma from their own work as first responders. Typically a CS debriefing is also free; this is part of the volunteer emergency services culture. A CS debriefing is *not* counseling! It may last only an hour or two, there is no followup, and its purpose is only to allow you / help you to vent. Which by itself is often very therapeutic. Both of you sound like you could benefit from such a debriefing, along with your DHs and the other key players who appear in your birth stories (published or not). Kat, you might even include the OB and/or nurse who made your experience so unpleasant; including them might help them too, but mainly it could help you to see that perhaps a large part of your issues with them are really more to do with issues left over from your childhood experiences. In my own birth story, I said my greatest fear was bleeding to death, and that I was taking a risk by delivering at the hospital I chose, which had a bad record WRT delivery-related maternal deaths. What I didn't say was that when I screwed up the courage to *talk* about this fear openly with my midwife, reminding her of those deaths made her break down and cry. My point here is that your birth experiences are causing you grief but has it occurred to you that perhaps they are also causing your caregivers grief? People who choose such careers are on the whole very empathetic, although their behavior may not always reveal it. Pologirl |
#18
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Will's Birth Story (REALLY long and late)
"Kat" wrote in message ... snip Sorry this was so long, Thanks for reading!!! Kat Mama to Maggie 11/03/01 and Will 02/10/04 (almost 4 months old!!!) Kat, I am so glad you decided to share your birth story. I remember when you first posted after Will was born about how traumatized you were. This was a big step!! It took me a similar amount of time to share my son's experience, and I literally bawled while I wrote the story. I know how difficult, but therapeutic, it was to share. I had a successful homebirth, but I was very upset with how some things went. My midwife wasn't terrible to me, but I ended up feeling like my birth experience was taken from me. I, like Dagny, am considering going unassisted if I have another child. I had actually entertained the thought with my last pregnancy, but I don't think I was ready for that step. That being said, my first homebirth with the midwife was wonderful. I wish you the best for you future homebirth! I'm sorry you went through what you did. -- Joy Rose 1-30-99 Iris 2-28-01 Spencer 3-12-03 |
#19
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Will's Birth Story (REALLY long and late)
"pologirl" wrote in message om... Kat ) posted her birth story, relating echoes to being the victim of sexual abuse in her childhood. I gather that in her previous, first birth, there were no such echoes. Perhaps not due to any such echoes, but nonetheless in a similar vein of emotional anguish, Dagny wrote: I can't do a birth story for usenet publication now/yet/?ever. I am not in a good place. I hear you both saying you would prefer unassisted births next time, but does that really fix the problem, or just avoid stirring things up? Define "problem." Does it fix the problem that I cannot possibly expect to birth with someone in the room after what terrorism I experienced last time? Abso****inglutely. Birth is a physiological process tied to psychology, and becomes riskier if you do not have a safe zone to birth. Kat and Dagny, have you ever heard of critical stress debriefing? snip I thank you greatly for your concern. There have been trials of critical stress debriefing and IIRC it has not been effective with post traumatic stress disorder. I don't know if Kat has PTSD. I do. There are no reliable treatments for PTSD short of drugs. I am tapped out of resources to gamble away on the chance that some nondrug behavioral health treatment might do more good than harm. My point here is that your birth experiences are causing you grief but has it occurred to you that perhaps they are also causing your caregivers grief? People who choose such careers are on the whole very empathetic, although their behavior may not always reveal it. Yes my caregiver is devastated, as well she should be. Women should not be disrespected, violated, raped and permanently spiritually, mentally, and physically damaged during a healthy normal birth, by their "caregiver" intervening in such healthy normal birth, and causing grave problems, and scaring the **** out of her, against the woman's wishes. Dagny |
#20
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Will's Birth Story (REALLY long and late)
"pologirl" wrote in message om... Kat ) posted her birth story, relating echoes to being the victim of sexual abuse in her childhood. I gather that in her previous, first birth, there were no such echoes. Perhaps not due to any such echoes, but nonetheless in a similar vein of emotional anguish, Dagny wrote: I can't do a birth story for usenet publication now/yet/?ever. I am not in a good place. I hear you both saying you would prefer unassisted births next time, but does that really fix the problem, or just avoid stirring things up? Kat and Dagny, have you ever heard of critical stress debriefing? This is something that first responders (EMTs, firemen, search and rescue volunteers) sometimes use to help them let go of bad memories or feelings. Sometimes, they need to do this not so much because of a recent event, but because a recent event causes an old, almost forgotten event or some other unresolved personal issues to come to the surface. It is amazing how stuff you thought never bothered you can emerge years later, and you discover in fact it bothers you. A CS debriefing is confidential (no one takes any notes, and they don't even need to know your name) and mediated by highly skilled people who themselves have first hand experience dealing with their own emotional/psychological trauma from their own work as first responders. Typically a CS debriefing is also free; this is part of the volunteer emergency services culture. A CS debriefing is *not* counseling! It may last only an hour or two, there is no followup, and its purpose is only to allow you / help you to vent. Which by itself is often very therapeutic. Both of you sound like you could benefit from such a debriefing, along with your DHs and the other key players who appear in your birth stories (published or not). Kat, you might even include the OB and/or nurse who made your experience so unpleasant; including them might help them too, but mainly it could help you to see that perhaps a large part of your issues with them are really more to do with issues left over from your childhood experiences. In my own birth story, I said my greatest fear was bleeding to death, and that I was taking a risk by delivering at the hospital I chose, which had a bad record WRT delivery-related maternal deaths. What I didn't say was that when I screwed up the courage to *talk* about this fear openly with my midwife, reminding her of those deaths made her break down and cry. My point here is that your birth experiences are causing you grief but has it occurred to you that perhaps they are also causing your caregivers grief? People who choose such careers are on the whole very empathetic, although their behavior may not always reveal it. Pologirl Thank you for your suggestion, and yes I was alluding to a sexual abuse past. I have been seeing a counselor since before my DD was born and we had no idea I would react like I did with DS's birth. I am thinking I might have been feeling like I was wrenched from where I felt the safest and most cared for, and most private sanctuary to the hosptial where I didn't feel safe and felt that I was just a "patient" to the people, and I felt very out of sync among other things there. THe thing is, my triage nurse was the one who started the rollercoaster and noone knew how to help come down. In all honesty I think my OB did his best for me but I think I would do better with a midwife assisted homebirth (I never said I wanted unassisted), and I would feel more comfortable discussing this things with her. Thank you again for your suggestions and insight. Kat mama to Maggie 11/03/01 and Will 02/10/04 |
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