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#1
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Moments that break your heart.....
Yesterday, being the holiday that it was in the US, we did the obligatory calls
to family and close friends. T (15 YO) had no problem calling my mother or my step-father (whom he'd spent 3 weeks with this summer and loved it) or our friends..... When I suggested calling his paternal grandparents and father, his words broke my heart.... "why should I bother when they haven't bothered to call me?" As my heart was hurting for my not-so-little boy, I came up with every excuse in the book .... Nada, he wasn't buying it. The fact is..... he's right..... and it kills me. Just my 2 cents......... Christine |
#2
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ubject: Moments that break your heart.....
From: unya (Purchgdss) Date: 11/26/2004 4:21 PM Eastern Standard Time Message-id: Yesterday, being the holiday that it was in the US, we did the obligatory calls to family and close friends. T (15 YO) had no problem calling my mother or my step-father (whom he'd spent 3 weeks with this summer and loved it) or our friends..... When I suggested calling his paternal grandparents and father, his words broke my heart.... "why should I bother when they haven't bothered to call me?" As my heart was hurting for my not-so-little boy, I came up with every excuse in the book .... Nada, he wasn't buying it. The fact is..... he's right..... and it kills me. Just my 2 cents......... Christine (((Christine)))), Yes it is heartbreaking when a child matures to the realization that they are treated so poorly by people that should know better than to treat a child this way. When our girls were younger and didn't recognise thier dads handwriting was not even on the birthday cards or gifts they received it wasn't so bad.......now that they are 23 and 17 they "get it" and even have told him "don't bother if you can't even sign your own name". I use to say now, now he is still your dad...now I just say I am sorry, but it still breaks my heart as well that they have to go through this. Bev |
#3
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"Purchgdss" wrote in message ... Yesterday, being the holiday that it was in the US, we did the obligatory calls to family and close friends. T (15 YO) had no problem calling my mother or my step-father (whom he'd spent 3 weeks with this summer and loved it) or our friends..... When I suggested calling his paternal grandparents and father, his words broke my heart.... "why should I bother when they haven't bothered to call me?" As my heart was hurting for my not-so-little boy, I came up with every excuse in the book .... Nada, he wasn't buying it. The fact is..... he's right..... and it kills me. Just my 2 cents......... Christine It will get better. ((((CHRISTINE)))) V |
#4
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"Purchgdss" wrote in message ... Yesterday, being the holiday that it was in the US, we did the obligatory calls to family and close friends. T (15 YO) had no problem calling my mother or my step-father (whom he'd spent 3 weeks with this summer and loved it) or our friends..... When I suggested calling his paternal grandparents and father, his words broke my heart.... "why should I bother when they haven't bothered to call me?" As my heart was hurting for my not-so-little boy, I came up with every excuse in the book .... Nada, he wasn't buying it. The fact is..... he's right..... and it kills me. Just my 2 cents......... Christine Ah geez, I'm sorry. Give him a super big hug for me and here's one for you too. (((Christine))) Christine |
#5
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- because we treat other people the way that we would like to be
treated? Yep. Gave him that one. - because he's your father Ditto here. - because not calling will not make things better. Calling might make things better. That makes it the better choice. That's an interesting one.... I will try that this week. How about not asking when it's not a choice? How is that? Call his father/paternal grandparents first? Yes, I've done that too. Dumb-asses (excuse the french) said "Thanks for the call, T" and got me busted. Or making it seem like a pleasant, nice thing to do instead of a chore? "I know your father will be expecting your call" or "I know your father's always happy to hear from you." Yeah, that works until Dad says to him "It's not a good time right now, I'll call you back"..... He's still waiting from the last one. Wouldn't it be silly to have everyone sit around waiting to be called... all with hurt feelings thinking that *so and so* didn't care enough to call me? See above. BTW, I totally get that his father could do a better job of staying in touch with his son but maybe he needs an invitation to do that. For example, your son can ask if it would be ok with his dad if he calls him every Wednesday at 8 pm. Sometimes kids *can* fix the parent. They can teach us new ways. They often bring new and different things home from their friends' homes. He's really too young to give up hope. When his father's dead, then he can give up hope. Plenty of kids around nowdays who wouldn't mind having even a **** ass dad to call. 'Kate Yes, we've done the scheduled call thing, but it's worse when the parent/grandparents don't hold to it. I have seen too many times T has sat on pins and needles for hours expecting the call that never comes or when he calls, it's not a good time. I don't doubt many kids would love to get a call froma ****-assed Dad/Grandparents.... I know mine WOULD. That's what kills me. He has sooooo much to tell them these days.... That he's passed driver's ed and behind the wheel, getting his driver's permit, how well he's doing in JROTC, etc. They don't know what they are missing, he's becoming a man so fast... Just my 2 cents......... Christine |
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"Purchgdss" wrote in message ... snip Yeah, that works until Dad says to him "It's not a good time right now, I'll call you back"..... He's still waiting from the last one. snip That is my problem. I have the kids call and he says, "hey I will call such and such a night." If he does, it is late and he knows how early we all get up (since we have discussed the late calling issue). It seems to always be on HIS time. It is not about HIM , but about the KIDS. Errrr. V |
#7
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"'Kate" wrote in message ... On 26 Nov 2004 21:21:28 GMT, unya (Purchgdss) wrote: Yesterday, being the holiday that it was in the US, we did the obligatory calls to family and close friends. T (15 YO) had no problem calling my mother or my step-father (whom he'd spent 3 weeks with this summer and loved it) or our friends..... When I suggested calling his paternal grandparents and father, his words broke my heart.... "why should I bother when they haven't bothered to call me?" As my heart was hurting for my not-so-little boy, I came up with every excuse in the book .... Nada, he wasn't buying it. The fact is..... he's right..... and it kills me. Just my 2 cents......... Christine - because we treat other people the way that we would like to be treated? - because he's your father - because not calling will not make things better. Calling might make things better. That makes it the better choice. How about not asking when it's not a choice? Or making it seem like a pleasant, nice thing to do instead of a chore? "I know your father will be expecting your call" or "I know your father's always happy to hear from you." Wouldn't it be silly to have everyone sit around waiting to be called... all with hurt feelings thinking that *so and so* didn't care enough to call me? BTW, I totally get that his father could do a better job of staying in touch with his son but maybe he needs an invitation to do that. For example, your son can ask if it would be ok with his dad if he calls him every Wednesday at 8 pm. Sometimes kids *can* fix the parent. They can teach us new ways. They often bring new and different things home from their friends' homes. He's really too young to give up hope. When his father's dead, then he can give up hope. Plenty of kids around nowdays who wouldn't mind having even a **** ass dad to call. 'Kate Excellent advice Kate :-) |
#9
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"Purchgdss" wrote in message When I suggested calling his paternal grandparents and father, his words broke my heart.... "why should I bother when they haven't bothered to call me?" Is this a new senario? Freddie and his mother and Freddie and his grandparents never call each other from our house. Never. Birthdays, Christmas, anytime. OK so Freddie is almost 9 and does not know any better. I also rarely prompt him to phone, in fact he has never phoned his maternal g'parents. They have never phoned him here either. Not sure about at his mothers but it's not my job to "cover" for the absent parent these days. I used to but I decided that it can do neither Freddie or I any good in the long run. Freddie's mother is hardly "absent" now anyway. They see each other every week now and Freddie stays there for two nights minimum! Not bad for a mother who never phones her son! Dennis |
#10
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On Sat, 27 Nov 2004 18:22:24 GMT, "CME"
wrote: Yeah I see your point Kate but seems like he's already done HIS part. Christine I don't view parent/child relationships as not worth the effort until either the child or the parent is dead. I understand that it's difficult to keep trying though. But it's even harder to live with having lost hope that the relationship will improve and there's satisfaction from knowing that we did our best even if it doesn't work out. 'Kate Agreed. That's why I keep trying to get them together. But other than the suggestion and the "prompting", I won't dial the phone for him anymore. But I will keep trying.... I guess this time of year always gets to me worst for my son.... We go thru this in varying degrees all year long (and have for MANY Many years).... I'm sorry, I guess it was just a "vent". But thanks for the idea.... I will try that one this or next week. Just my 2 cents......... Christine |
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