Doula?

Hi to the friendly folks here! My name is Brigid, DH and I are having my
first baby in May and we are very excited !! Been reading along a while but
this is my first question. (...please be nice to me...I cry a lot these
days...)

Question: Do I really need a doula or labour coach? I was thinking of
hiring a doula but getting less sure. Considerations:

- My DH is a wonderful life partner but afraid of seeing me in pain - so
neither of us want him to be my labour coach. However, he will be there
with me.
- My pain threshold is fairly high (tattoos are the only experience and I am
fine with them, a weak comparison perhaps. fwiw it's how I know about the
pain thing with DH).
-I am a physically fit 30. The pregnancy has been completely uneventful and
by all accounts the baby is healthy (fingers crossed that he'll go vertex
on time).
- The hospital literature says a nurse will care for me during labour and
birth, and the birthing room is equipped with a ball, jacuzzi, etc.
- My favourite aunt will also be there (but haven't asked her to be a labour
coach).
-I have taken a prenatal course, read lots and am not *that* nervous
- We are on a limited budget (ie. no car, 1 bdrm apt, no nursery)

So - do we really need a doula? Do I even need a labour coach at all, with
a nurse and my two favourite people as supports? Your advice is
appreciated.

Brigid
& little guy: EDD May 8

"Nan" wrote in message
...
On Tue, 21 Feb 2006 20:38:28 -0500, "Brigid"
wrote:

Hi to the friendly folks here! My name is Brigid, DH and I are having my
first baby in May and we are very excited !! Been reading along a while
but
this is my first question. (...please be nice to me...I cry a lot these
days...)

Question: Do I really need a doula or labour coach? I was thinking of
hiring a doula but getting less sure. Considerations:

- My DH is a wonderful life partner but afraid of seeing me in pain - so
neither of us want him to be my labour coach. However, he will be there
with me.
- My pain threshold is fairly high (tattoos are the only experience and I
am
fine with them, a weak comparison perhaps. fwiw it's how I know about the
pain thing with DH).
-I am a physically fit 30. The pregnancy has been completely uneventful
and
by all accounts the baby is healthy (fingers crossed that he'll go vertex
on time).
- The hospital literature says a nurse will care for me during labour and
birth, and the birthing room is equipped with a ball, jacuzzi, etc.
- My favourite aunt will also be there (but haven't asked her to be a
labour
coach).
-I have taken a prenatal course, read lots and am not *that* nervous
- We are on a limited budget (ie. no car, 1 bdrm apt, no nursery)

So - do we really need a doula? Do I even need a labour coach at all,
with
a nurse and my two favourite people as supports? Your advice is
appreciated.

Brigid
& little guy: EDD May 8

My opinion? If you can afford a doula, then do it. I wish like crazy
we'd been able to afford one. I might have been able to tolerate the
pain and length of labor and avoid a repeat c-section if I'd had an
advocate.

You can always get by with an advocate that will help make sure your
wishes are followed. If your aunt or another person is willing and
available, that's great.
A labor nurse will be there, but not solely for you, IME. They have
other laboring moms to care for, so the nurse might not be there when
you feel you need her.

Nan

And, a nurse is only there during her 8 hour shift, and you may labor for 24
hours or longer. So, you may bond with one nurse, and not bond with others,
and even dislike others. Plus, you have to get to know someone knew every 8
hours, all while laboring. Better to have a doula that you meet and get to
know ahead of time, are comfortable with, and who is committed to being
there for your whole labor, to support you, and your dh, and advocate for
you.

I vote for getting a doula.
--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03
Addison Grace, 9/30/04

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Brigid wrote:
Question: Do I really need a doula or labour coach? I was thinking of
hiring a doula but getting less sure. Considerations:

- My DH is a wonderful life partner but afraid of seeing me in pain - so
neither of us want him to be my labour coach. However, he will be there
with me.
snip
-I have taken a prenatal course, read lots and am not *that* nervous
- We are on a limited budget (ie. no car, 1 bdrm apt, no nursery)

So - do we really need a doula? Do I even need a labour coach at all, with
a nurse and my two favourite people as supports? Your advice is
appreciated.


The best thing I did for my second baby was to hire a doula. I don't
know if I would have had a vaginal birth without her. The advantage
of a doula is that she is there solely for you. She has a bag of tricks
to help deal with labor, she's seen numerous births so she knows what's
going on. My doula was fabulous in both supporting me and giving my
husband the tools to support me (he was great).

If you can swing it, I highly recommend hiring one.

Mary W.

Of course you have to make the decision on your own, but for *me* with three
births behind me, I definitely didn't see a need for a doula. Even with my
first and it was 19 hours, there wasn't anything that a doula could have
done that my husband didn't do for me. The nurses that I had were wonderful.
They were there when I needed them and out of the room when I didn't want
them there. Since you will have your aunt and husband there, you may not
need someone else there. Just educate yourself on the labor and remember to
move about during labor and you will be fine. Good luck and
congratulations!!
--
Sue (mom to three girls)

"Brigid" wrote in message
.. .
Hi to the friendly folks here! My name is Brigid, DH and I are having my
first baby in May and we are very excited !! Been reading along a while
but
this is my first question. (...please be nice to me...I cry a lot these
days...)

Question: Do I really need a doula or labour coach? I was thinking of
hiring a doula but getting less sure. Considerations:

- My DH is a wonderful life partner but afraid of seeing me in pain - so
neither of us want him to be my labour coach. However, he will be there
with me.
- My pain threshold is fairly high (tattoos are the only experience and I
am
fine with them, a weak comparison perhaps. fwiw it's how I know about the
pain thing with DH).
-I am a physically fit 30. The pregnancy has been completely uneventful
and
by all accounts the baby is healthy (fingers crossed that he'll go vertex
on time).
- The hospital literature says a nurse will care for me during labour and
birth, and the birthing room is equipped with a ball, jacuzzi, etc.
- My favourite aunt will also be there (but haven't asked her to be a
labour
coach).
-I have taken a prenatal course, read lots and am not *that* nervous
- We are on a limited budget (ie. no car, 1 bdrm apt, no nursery)

So - do we really need a doula? Do I even need a labour coach at all,
with
a nurse and my two favourite people as supports? Your advice is
appreciated.

Brigid
& little guy: EDD May 8

Hi Brgid,

It's my first post here too

Obviously, while TTC and since being pregnant, I have thought about hiring a
doula. This was particularly relevant as I had really appalling antenatal
care when I first got pregnant, but I've moved now, and my care is
fantastic. I know things work differently in the UK, but I feel I trust my
midwife to coach me through labour, and I have my lovely partner, so I have
decided not to go for the doula. That said, I think they give good support
after the birth, but my family are going to be taking it in turns to help
when my partner first goes back to work.

I hope this hasn't confused things further for you... I would go with your
instinct, but research potential doulas carefully and get references on
them.

Good luck!

Lucy

--
Due with a little girl 15.06.06

In article .com,
"carlye" wrote:

Brigid wrote:
Question: Do I really need a doula or labour coach? I was thinking of
hiring a doula but getting less sure.

I am going to buck the trend here and say that if money is particularly
tight, and you don't feel like you *need* a doula, I'd trust your
instincts and save the money for something else.

I'm with you. I don't want a doula -- I'm afraid I wouldn't like him or
her enough. But my husband was a great support person with my first, and
I'm planning on having a standard hospital birth, which might be
different from your situation.
--
Sara
accompanied by TK, due in April

Quoting, for users of Google Groups:
http://groups.google.com/support/bin...4213&topic=250

In article ,
"Sue" wrote:

Even with my
first and it was 19 hours, there wasn't anything that a doula could have
done that my husband didn't do for me. The nurses that I had were wonderful.
They were there when I needed them and out of the room when I didn't want
them there.

Yup, same here (although a longer labor, one I _refuse_ to repeat this
time, do you hear me? I refuse!). My nurse was great and low-key, and
was there from after I was admitted until the baby was born.
--
Sara
accompanied by TK, due in April

Quoting, for users of Google Groups:
http://groups.google.com/support/bin...4213&topic=250

"Anonymama" wrote in message
Yup, same here (although a longer labor, one I _refuse_ to repeat this
time, do you hear me? I refuse!). My nurse was great and low-key, and
was there from after I was admitted until the baby was born.

Oh, if it's any consolation at all, the second and third labors were only
four hours and that included pushing.
--
Sue (mom to three girls)

Hi Brigid,

I see you are posting from Canada.

Brigid writes:
: Hi to the friendly folks here! My name is Brigid, DH and I are having my
: first baby in May and we are very excited !! Been reading along a while but
: this is my first question. (...please be nice to me...I cry a lot these
: days...)

: Question: Do I really need a doula or labour coach? I was thinking of
: hiring a doula but getting less sure. Considerations:

Someone has already gone over the "need" issue. We are talking about
will a doula help, and how, and why...

: - My DH is a wonderful life partner but afraid of seeing me in pain - so
: neither of us want him to be my labour coach. However, he will be there
: with me.

Your husband being afraid of you being in pain is a vote *for* a doula.
His fear may result in him pressuring you into inappropriate interventions
because he misinterprets your pain as "too much." A doula will be able
to balance the pain versus the risk of the interventions much better.

: - My pain threshold is fairly high (tattoos are the only experience and I am
: fine with them, a weak comparison perhaps. fwiw it's how I know about the
: pain thing with DH).

I have never had a tatoo (or given birth) myself, so I am cannot make a
valid comparison.

: -I am a physically fit 30. The pregnancy has been completely uneventful and
: by all accounts the baby is healthy (fingers crossed that he'll go vertex
: on time).

Go vertex? He isn't vertex now? Ah, yes, he is probably still swimming ]
around. Is that what you meant? Being phsically fit is a big help, but
90% of it is mental, so there are a lot of other factors.

: - The hospital literature says a nurse will care for me during labour and
: birth, and the birthing room is equipped with a ball, jacuzzi, etc.

Hmmm. What is more important than what the hospital literature says is
what is their rate for such interventions as c-section, vacuum, forceps,
epidural, episiotomy, induction, augmentation, etc. You are better off
withouth any of these, but if your hospital has the highest percentages
in the region, that trumps their literature. This is where a knowledgable
doula can make a *big* difference.

: - My favourite aunt will also be there (but haven't asked her to be a labour
: coach).

What are her views on childbirth? How may children did she have? Did she
give birth vaginally? Did she go natural? If she is a fearful as your
DH or too compliant with hospital policy, she can be a negative influence,
and again you would need a doula to provide a balanced view.

: -I have taken a prenatal course, read lots and am not *that* nervous
: - We are on a limited budget (ie. no car, 1 bdrm apt, no nursery)

Hospital sponsored prenatal class? I am not a fan of hospital classes.
They do not teach you to birth, they teach you to be a compliant patient!

: So - do we really need a doula? Do I even need a labour coach at all, with
: a nurse and my two favourite people as supports? Your advice is
: appreciated.

Some more questions first. What are your birth plans? Do you plan to go
natural? Why or why not? What do you understand natural to mean? How
important is it to you. Have you done any independent research to figure
out what the risks and benefits are?

When you have a clear idea of what you expect out of your birth experience,
I think it will be much easier to make suggestions regarding a doula and
how you could usefully employ her.

Read "The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth" by Henci Goer, then
come back here and ask the questions again. :-)

: Brigid
: & little guy: EDD May 8

Good luck,
Larry

Brigid wrote:

Question: Do I really need a doula or labour coach?

Nope. Those babies come out one way or another and the doula has little do
say about it ;-) I have never had a doula. I didn't have horrible
experiences but I think my first labor and birth would have been a little
better experience had I had one.

- My DH is a wonderful life partner but afraid of seeing me in pain -
so neither of us want him to be my labour coach. However, he will be
there with me.

Good call :-) My dh was there. I *needed* him there. He would never want
to miss it. He is so not the right person to wipe my brow though, lol. I
needed some nurturing, he was glad he wasn't pressured to be something he
isn't.

- My pain threshold is fairly high (tattoos are the only experience
and I am fine with them, a weak comparison perhaps.

I've had both. A very weak comparison - sorry ;-) It isn't the pain that
gets you really. It is not knowing how to handle it, not knowing what to
expect next, not feeling in control, having it be so all consuming, etc.

-I am a physically fit 30. The pregnancy has been completely
uneventful and by all accounts the baby is healthy

All good things but probably not a factor when considering a doula.

- The hospital literature says a nurse will care for me during labour
and birth, and the birthing room is equipped with a ball, jacuzzi,
etc.

I had an awesome nurse with #2. I was also better prepared just from past
experience of course. I had not as great a nurse with #1. We didn't click
and she didn't help me 'mentally' which is what I needed.

- My favourite aunt will also be there (but haven't asked her to be a
labour coach).

My aunt was there too, as a support person. I wouldn't have traded that for
the world. She helped me in and out of the tub, talked nice to me :-) all
those great things. She doesn't know all that much about birth though so
she didn't *know* how to help me focus when I needed that help etc. She
didn't have a 'bag of tricks' as far as positioning etc. goes and I think a
doula would know those things.

- We are on a limited budget (ie. no car, 1 bdrm apt, no nursery)

I'm cheap so wouldn't spend the money :-) I do think it would have been a
big bonus with #1 though. I didn't have one with #2 and was fine and don't
plan on having one this time either.

Good luck!!

--
Nikki
Hunter 4/99
Luke 4/01
Thing One and Thing Two :-) EDD 4/06