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#1
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Questions about baby shower
Hi,
I moved to another country when I got married, nearly 2 yrs ago, but for different reasons I haven't learnt fluently the language (German) yet. So, I have only 3-4 proper friends, that's including my mother in law, who speak English (or Spanish, that's my mother tongue). One of these friends used to live in the USA for quite a while, and she had the idea of throwing me a baby shower (it is NOT a common thing here, for what I know, but is slowly becoming fashionable, same in my home country). Both my sisters in law had one, and I think my friend did too for the youngest son, born here. It's very thoughful and I'm thrilled by her kindness, but I'm completely scared, because she's inviting her friends from her church (the same my mother in law attends), so leaving aside them and my SILs, I won't know any of the ladies in there!!! It's completely overwhelming to me to receive gifts from people I've never seen before! On top of that, my friend asked me to write a list of things I need. I don't think there are registries in the shops here, and certainly there are very few baby shops -unlike my home country, where they are everywhere-. Should I accept gracefully all the attentions, write the list and let it up to people if they want to get me stuff, or just go by my current impulse, which is declining politely and say "it's not necessary to get me anything, just nappies if you really feel compelled to bring something"...? Honestly, we don't need a lot of things, we are getting most from my SILs, and what's left to buy is the crib (too expensive), a high chair (we don't even need it yet!) and a sling (and that I want to choose it myself). I know it will be a good opportunity to socialize and meet other ladies in the area, but I'm terribly shy and don't really know the protocol. I'm afraid of offending someone if I decline or look like a greedy cow if I accept!! Any advice on what to do? V. PS: I'm due in the beginning of October, BTW......... I should have introduced myself, but I'll leave it for a next post, still have time!! |
#2
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Questions about baby shower
"Should I accept gracefully all the attentions..."
I think I meant "graciously". Ooops! *blush* |
#3
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Questions about baby shower
Hi V
I'm new here and haven't introduced myself yet but will reply to your post anyway. I do understand your dilemma. I've just moved to Spain and although none of my friends (woe is me!) :-) have offered to give me a birthday shower, I'll most likely be in a state of conundrum just as you are now if someone did. Where I'm from, baby showers are not the in-thing either and frankly, I'm not even sure what goes on during such an occassion (do you just sit there on your big a** with your bulging tummy and receive gifts from people??? ). I don't mind gifts especially if they come from people I know but I'd feel very awkward (sp?) receiving gifts from those I don't. Personally, I would Politely decline the offer ( although in your case this also depends on your relationship with your friend and how touchy she is about the whole idea ). I get shy around people I don't know as well and I don't think there's any worse torture than feeling left out on an occasion that's supposed to be for you. Also, on a more "stronger" statement, I believe that no one should be given a bridal shower when she's not going to enjoy it! Pregnancy has enough worries (and pains) in itself that there's no need to add more. But of course, this is just my opinion. :-) I'm not sure I've helped. But here's hoping that whatever you decide to do, it will turn out for the best! ========= Aimee Expecting first child in 8 weeks!!! Visit me at my blog, http://www.cleanbibs.com/blog for my pregnancy stories, worries and an advice or two. |
#4
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Questions about baby shower
V. wrote:
Should I accept gracefully all the attentions, write the list and let it up to people if they want to get me stuff, or just go by my current impulse, which is declining politely and say "it's not necessary to get me anything, just nappies if you really feel compelled to bring something"...? Honestly, we don't need a lot of things, we are getting most from my SILs, and what's left to buy is the crib (too expensive), a high chair (we don't even need it yet!) and a sling (and that I want to choose it myself). I know it will be a good opportunity to socialize and meet other ladies in the area, but I'm terribly shy and don't really know the protocol. I'm afraid of offending someone if I decline or look like a greedy cow if I accept!! Any advice on what to do? I think you're between a rock and a hard place. I would be very twitchy about a shower in a country that doesn't do them attended by people I didn't know. That just seems inappropriate. I might talk to the host and express how uncomfortable you are about a shower and that you don't really need anything appropriate to a shower gift, and while you really appreciate the thought, you'd feel much more comfortable with a lower key gathering without mandatory gifts, or no party at all. Now, it's possible that all these folks are gung ho to do something they're thinking you'll otherwise be sad at missing out on, and maybe they're thinking it's a lot of fun to do this novel thing that isn't a part of their usual experience. If you can't rein her in a bit, I wouldn't worry *too* much. Just think of an idea for a theme that might be fun and inexpensive for people--advice? children's books? Best wishes, Ericka |
#5
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Questions about baby shower
"V." wrote in message
... Hi, I moved to another country when I got married, nearly 2 yrs ago, but for different reasons I haven't learnt fluently the language (German) yet. So, I have only 3-4 proper friends, that's including my mother in law, who speak English (or Spanish, that's my mother tongue). One of these friends used to live in the USA for quite a while, and she had the idea of throwing me a baby shower (it is NOT a common thing here, for what I know, but is slowly becoming fashionable, same in my home country). Both my sisters in law had one, and I think my friend did too for the youngest son, born here. It's very thoughful and I'm thrilled by her kindness, but I'm completely scared, because she's inviting her friends from her church (the same my mother in law attends), so leaving aside them and my SILs, I won't know any of the ladies in there!!! It's completely overwhelming to me to receive gifts from people I've never seen before! On top of that, my friend asked me to write a list of things I need. I don't think there are registries in the shops here, and certainly there are very few baby shops -unlike my home country, where they are everywhere-. Should I accept gracefully all the attentions, write the list and let it up to people if they want to get me stuff, or just go by my current impulse, which is declining politely and say "it's not necessary to get me anything, just nappies if you really feel compelled to bring something"...? Honestly, we don't need a lot of things, we are getting most from my SILs, and what's left to buy is the crib (too expensive), a high chair (we don't even need it yet!) and a sling (and that I want to choose it myself). I know it will be a good opportunity to socialize and meet other ladies in the area, but I'm terribly shy and don't really know the protocol. I'm afraid of offending someone if I decline or look like a greedy cow if I accept!! Any advice on what to do? V. PS: I'm due in the beginning of October, BTW......... I should have introduced myself, but I'll leave it for a next post, still have time!! Congrats! Here is what I would do -- I would tell your friend that you are not comfortable having a shower with people you don't know at it. If she really wants to throw you a shower, please only include this list of people -- my 3-4 friends, my MIL, and 2 SIL's. If you have a neighbor that you get along with, or a coworker you could add them, but there is nothing wrong with an intimate shower -- 7 people including yourself. It could be a nice tea, or whatever. It could also include spouses, which would almost double the size of the party, but not the amount of gifts. You could also ask that instead of that (or in addition to that), perhaps she'd be willing to have some sort of a morning or afternoon coffee gathering, and invite a few of her friends (from her neighborhood or church) that you don't know, that she thinks you would like and vise versa. Especially handy would be ladies who are pregnant or have small children, and speak a little English, or are very forgiving of your sparing German). That way it's not a shower, just a social gathering to meet some new people. -- Jamie Earth Angels: Taylor Marlys -- 01/03/03 Addison Grace -- 09/30/04 Check out the family! -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1, Password: Guest Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and Password |
#6
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Questions about baby shower
people that come, will be wanting to meet you, wanting to have friendly
things to say, they would not come if they didn't, personally, if a friend invited me to a shower for someone I didn't know, who was from a foreign country, I would gladly go and take a small gift for them, I've lived away from home, both where the language is and isn't different from my native tongue (English). I also wouldn't expect anything more than a formal note as a thank you, I wouldn't expect you to write some kind of detailed personal note, just "Dear Anne, thank you so much for coming to the shower, it was lovely to meet you, thank you also for your gift, it was very helpful", or something like that. You should ask your friend (the hostess) to help you with the names and addresses. Cheers Anne |
#7
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Questions about baby shower
V. wrote:
I know it will be a good opportunity to socialize and meet other ladies in the area, but I'm terribly shy and don't really know the protocol. I'm afraid of offending someone if I decline or look like a greedy cow if I accept!! Any advice on what to do? Two separate issues here - how to meet people, and whether or not to put people you don't know in a position where they are *expected* to bring you a present. I would not do the latter. No matter what is or is not becoming fashionable, that strikes me as a little out of line, especially in a country where such things are not commonplace. But the former is an issue for you. How do you find you best meet people? I'm not great with socialising myself, but my ideal way of meeting people would be at some kind of big get-together with some sort of specific getting-to-know-you activity planned, so that it doesn't all revolve around awkward social conversation. However, you might prefer smaller meetings whereby, say, she organises some sort of get-together with just one or two new people for you to meet. Whatever it is you would find easiest, maybe that's what you should ask for. So, I would say something like "That is so kind of you, and I would love to have a way to celebrate this pregnancy, but I don't think a shower is a good idea - I don't think it's fair to people to expect them to buy gifts for me when they've never met me. But you know what I would really love?" And then ask for whichever it is you think would be easier on you, whether it's a big party without the 'shower' theme that obligates people to give gifts and with some kind of 'getting-to-know-you' theme instead, or whether it's a small get-together where you just get to meet one or two other people in such a way that you can get to chat. As far as the list goes - yes, if there's stuff you genuinely need, I would have a list so that if people actually ask what you want and you think they really want to know and are not just being polite you could tell them. Just don't send it around to everyone you know. ;-) All the best, Sarah -- http://www.goodenoughmummy.typepad.com "That which can be destroyed by the truth, should be" - P. C. Hodgell |
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