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#11
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Confused and mad
Confused_Dad wrote: SpiderHam77, Again I don't think I quite worded the Adoption part well. My daughters name was legally changed to her stepfathers but he did not adopt her (they like using me as a bank). To me this is just an alternative way of adopting her without giving up the child support. I did fight it, Cost me a bundle too, but the courts sided with her mother and her name got changed. Okay this is still confusing me a little bit... I would be curious as to the reason as to why the judge allowed for the name change. Especially if you were contesting it. If she has Soul Custody and Gaurdianship then maybe I could see the judge siding with her on the basis that she is making a choice to unify her new family. But still, I know up here in Canada, a few friends of mine had similar situations. They're ex getting re-married and wanted to change the name of the child to match the new marriage. One of my friends took this to court and argued that this created more confusion in the child, and would start to dissilution who his real father was. As the child was only 4, he offered up the choice that when the child reaches the age of 10, if the boy decided he wanted to hold the same name as his Step-Father he would not contest... The boy is now 8... and living with him because the mom died a car accident a couple of years later. But I remember the argument, and like it because it puts the childs needs upfront and formost, and the parents wants in the back seat. The main issue I am encountering with the visitation is that I live in North Carolina and she lives in South Dakota (over 1500 miles away). This means I maybe get to see my daughter twice in a year (three days over Christmas) and some time in the summer. The summer issues is what is getting to me right now. My daughter doesn't want to spend as much time down here as she had the past two years (1 month). I can see this visitation dwindling more every year until she won't want to come at all. I could go on about my side of this but the sum total of it is that she is now so much like her mother that I am inevitably doomed. I do thank you for your post though. regards, Confused and simmered but still Mad Dad. See now if I were in your situation, I would try a new approach. Instead of forcing her to come out to you.. Why not you go there. Get a hotel for a few days.. fly into town... Maybe even offer up a trip somewhere.. Like decide you want to take her to Orlando for a couple of days, buy her a ticket there from where she is.. you do the same.. and meet there. Might be a good way to kinda meet in the middle. Somewhere she maybe wants to go instead feeling obligated to go to South Dakota. not say it's not a nice place... Just think about it from a Teens point of view... SpiderHam77 |
#12
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Confused and mad
"SpiderHam77" wrote ..................................... Okay this is still confusing me a little bit... I would be curious as to the reason as to why the judge allowed for the name change. Especially if you were contesting it. === In the US, anyone can change their name to anything they wish as long as there is not bad intent (to cover a criminal act, theft by deception, etc). There was no way he was going to win that one. I'd like to know who advised him to fight it. === If she has Soul Custody and === "Soul custody"--that's interesting. How does that work? If a parent has custody of a child's soul do they have to give it back when they turn 18? === === |
#13
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Confused and mad
SpiderHam77 wrote: Confused_Dad wrote: SpiderHam77, Again I don't think I quite worded the Adoption part well. My daughters name was legally changed to her stepfathers but he did not adopt her (they like using me as a bank). To me this is just an alternative way of adopting her without giving up the child support. I did fight it, Cost me a bundle too, but the courts sided with her mother and her name got changed. Okay this is still confusing me a little bit... I would be curious as to the reason as to why the judge allowed for the name change. Especially if you were contesting it. If she has Soul Custody Ye Gods, they award that now? As if mothers didn't have ENOUGH handed to them by the "family" courts... - Ron ^*^ |
#14
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Confused and mad
On Fri, 10 Feb 2006 18:43:57 GMT, "Gini" wrote:
"SpiderHam77" wrote .................................... Okay this is still confusing me a little bit... I would be curious as to the reason as to why the judge allowed for the name change. Especially if you were contesting it. === In the US, anyone can change their name to anything they wish as long as there is not bad intent (to cover a criminal act, theft by deception, etc). There was no way he was going to win that one. I'd like to know who advised him to fight it. I changed my eldest son's last name from my maiden name to my married name when I was pregnant with my next child. The reason, I felt, was to ensure my eldest did not feel like an outsider with a different last name than the rest of the family. Despite the fact that he did not have his father's name, the probate court had a requirement that the biological father consent to the name change (or consent by way of not disputing, which was the case). I'm not sure what would have happened if his biological father disputed the change, but then, I couldn't see why he would force my son to keep my maiden name. For the record, I never asked the biological father for anything as he preferred I get an abortion. I'm sure he was confused when his consent was sought. At any rate, the judge felt that my reasons were in the best interest of my son and, even when the non-custodial parent's name is the child's last name, sometimes it is difficult to know what is in the best interests of a child when it comes to their last name. Should they hang on to heritage at the risk of being a slightly different colored sheep in their (main) home environment? I don't have the answer to this. My sons, both those with their father's last name and the eldest with my ex's last name don't seem to care that my and my current husband's name is different. But then, we didn't have any more children. === If she has Soul Custody and === "Soul custody"--that's interesting. How does that work? If a parent has custody of a child's soul do they have to give it back when they turn 18? === === Beverly |
#15
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Confused and mad
Beverly wrote: I changed my eldest son's last name from my maiden name to my married name when I was pregnant with my next child. The reason, I felt, was to ensure my eldest did not feel like an outsider with a different last name than the rest of the family. Despite the fact that he did not have his father's name, the probate court had a requirement that the biological father consent to the name change (or consent by way of not disputing, which was the case). I'm not sure what would have happened if his biological father disputed the change, but then, I couldn't see why he would force my son to keep my maiden name. For the record, I never asked the biological father for anything as he preferred I get an abortion. I'm sure he was confused when his consent was sought. Well I'm glad to hear there wasn't any issue on the name change from the EX... or the fact he wasn't consulted. But how old was your Son when you did it... I mean if your Son had has your Ex's last name, and was 6-7, and involved with is child... and you decided you were getting re-married.. should the child still be expected to change his last name to... To me the largest factor in such an act has to be the the age, relationship with the NCP, most of the time father. I mean I'm a Single Father, if my son is 6, if he were to go live with my Ex again, and she decided to remarry and change her name. I would be all over not changing my Son's last name.. In someways, there is alot in a name. And the problem is most children will believe what you tell them. If you tell them that it's better that they change they're name... because you are Mommy, they will go along with it. Most children don't posess the understanding that there are other reasons like Family Unity, or your trying to forget the past... just that you think it's best. And as a result they start to think as this new man as Daddy, because they have the same name now... and would become confused why old daddy has a different last name then them. Now if the child is like 2 years of age.. they wouldn't understand it anyways... And if the Bio-Dad has no quams, then sure , why not... It would help create a stable environment for the child... But I think as adults we look to far at our own interests, and trying to harmonize things in our lives, that we don't really take into acount the feelings of the child. Kinda like the idea that if you start to bad mouth your ex all the time because of things they did to you... They start to form an opinion of the person based on that. The man maybe an excellent father. Just because you don't like them anymore.. or they may of cheated on you.. or whatever the reasons for your dislikes, that truely should never be expressed to the child. As a father one of the things that I personally feels bonds me to my Son is the fact that he carries my last name. May sound dumb. But for the fathers of the world I think it instils a little more pride in being a dad. Maybe as a woman you don't think of it as much. But to me, one of my crowning acheivements in my life is my Son... Again if someone were to tell me, oh ya by the way, you have a great relationship with your son, but I'm going to remarry someone, and start a new family, therefore he needs to have his name changed to fit in with any potential children.... I would have a fit. Personally I'm glad the courts required you to seek the ok from the Bio-Dad. You may not want anything to do with him.. but he is still the father wether you like it or not... SpiderHam77 |
#16
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Confused and mad
"SpiderHam77" wrote in message ups.com... Beverly wrote: I changed my eldest son's last name from my maiden name to my married name when I was pregnant with my next child. The reason, I felt, was to ensure my eldest did not feel like an outsider with a different last name than the rest of the family. Despite the fact that he did not have his father's name, the probate court had a requirement that the biological father consent to the name change (or consent by way of not disputing, which was the case). I'm not sure what would have happened if his biological father disputed the change, but then, I couldn't see why he would force my son to keep my maiden name. For the record, I never asked the biological father for anything as he preferred I get an abortion. I'm sure he was confused when his consent was sought. Well I'm glad to hear there wasn't any issue on the name change from the EX... or the fact he wasn't consulted. But how old was your Son when you did it... I mean if your Son had has your Ex's last name, and was 6-7, and involved with is child... and you decided you were getting re-married.. should the child still be expected to change his last name to... To me the largest factor in such an act has to be the the age, relationship with the NCP, most of the time father. I mean I'm a Single Father, if my son is 6, if he were to go live with my Ex again, and she decided to remarry and change her name. I would be all over not changing my Son's last name.. In someways, there is alot in a name. And the problem is most children will believe what you tell them. If you tell them that it's better that they change they're name... because you are Mommy, they will go along with it. Most children don't posess the understanding that there are other reasons like Family Unity, or your trying to forget the past... just that you think it's best. And as a result they start to think as this new man as Daddy, because they have the same name now... and would become confused why old daddy has a different last name then them. Now if the child is like 2 years of age.. they wouldn't understand it anyways... And if the Bio-Dad has no quams, then sure , why not... It would help create a stable environment for the child... But I think as adults we look to far at our own interests, and trying to harmonize things in our lives, that we don't really take into acount the feelings of the child. Kinda like the idea that if you start to bad mouth your ex all the time because of things they did to you... They start to form an opinion of the person based on that. The man maybe an excellent father. Just because you don't like them anymore.. or they may of cheated on you.. or whatever the reasons for your dislikes, that truely should never be expressed to the child. As a father one of the things that I personally feels bonds me to my Son is the fact that he carries my last name. May sound dumb. But for the fathers of the world I think it instils a little more pride in being a dad. Maybe as a woman you don't think of it as much. But to me, one of my crowning acheivements in my life is my Son... Again if someone were to tell me, oh ya by the way, you have a great relationship with your son, but I'm going to remarry someone, and start a new family, therefore he needs to have his name changed to fit in with any potential children.... I would have a fit. Personally I'm glad the courts required you to seek the ok from the Bio-Dad. You may not want anything to do with him.. but he is still the father wether you like it or not... Come on Spidey. Pay attention! The child did not have his bio dad's last name--he had his *mom's maiden name*. The bio dad was in no way involved in the child's life! Do you think the bio dad should have been given the right to decide that the child should keep *mom's maiden name*? |
#17
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Confused and mad
Ok guys, this issue depends on your state entirely. Unmarried fathers
are usually screwed on this and fathers who were married to the mother when the child was born usually have to give their consent. |
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