How do you manage day care communication, especially about food?

We've had our 4 1/2 month old son in what we believed was the highest
quality day care we could afford for about 6 weeks. It has "everything"
going for it -- great referrals, excellent physical condition, caring staff,
a low staff-child ratio (~ 2:5), and, naturally, high prices. It's located
in the "day services" campus, a non-denominational service run by a very
large and prestigious (for what that's worth) Lutheran church. The same
campus includes elder housing and elder day services.

As time has worn on, I'm increasingly disappointed in it, primarily from a
staff communication perspective. I (dad) do drop off in the morning and mom
does pick up in the evening. Due to the time difference, the two people
that are there in the morning are gone when mom picks up. Communication to
the morning staff is kind of bothersome -- some of this is the harried
nature of kid drop off, but there's seldom more than 4 (older) kids there
and at times I get the feeling of staff distraction or disinterest; they do
not seem to be paying the kind of attention I need from them.

When mom picks up in the PM, she has the luxury of a little more time and a
little better attention from the staff people (we're last or next to last to
pick up), but the downside being there's usually only one staff person left
and the lead staff person for our room has gone home by this time, so
anything communicated doesn't get communicated to the morning people unless
I do it.

On the advice of our pediatrician, we've been trying to consolidate his
feeding into fewer, larger bottles. We had been sending 3 x 6 oz bottles,
but due to consolidation have been sending only 2 x 8 oz bottles (he gets 8
oz at home now before day care, and had been getting 5 oz previously -- a
slight net increase). As an aside, he's at 37 oz of formula per day now,
and the pediatrician has said 40 ounces is the maximum he likes to see being
fed.

The first day we did this I communicated this to the staff that were
present, but when I picked up that night (wife was out of town), the "second
shift" was feeding him a third bottle mixed from our "emergency" formula
supply. When I walked in he was fussy and not interested in feeding. I
explained to her that we're trying to consolidate and that bottle shouldn't
have been necessary.

I explained this new feeding system *again* to the morning staff people the
next day, including doing the math for them. Two days later a PM staff
person (different from the one I spoke to) asked why we were cutting back
his formula. ARGH!!!

I'm kind of frustrated; what do I have to do to communicate a "plan"? I'm
also REALLY concerned that they're using food as a comforting tool. We're
about to start introducing cereal, which they can either contribute to or
turn to chaos.

What do you do to communicate your kids needs and your wishes to daycare?
We've talked to the director and she mentioned we could schedule daytime
"conferences" with the lead staff person (or any staff person), but that
comes with the obvious drawbacks of missed time off work and the fact that
we'd be doing it every 2-3 weeks. Plus we don't want to create animosity or
be seen as excessively high maintenance parents.

"Poor Impulse Control" wrote in message
...
We've had our 4 1/2 month old son in what we believed was the highest
quality day care we could afford for about 6 weeks. It has "everything"
going for it -- great referrals, excellent physical condition, caring
staff,
a low staff-child ratio (~ 2:5), and, naturally, high prices. It's
located
in the "day services" campus, a non-denominational service run by a very
large and prestigious (for what that's worth) Lutheran church. The same
campus includes elder housing and elder day services.

As time has worn on, I'm increasingly disappointed in it, primarily from a
staff communication perspective. I (dad) do drop off in the morning and
mom
does pick up in the evening. Due to the time difference, the two people
that are there in the morning are gone when mom picks up. Communication
to
the morning staff is kind of bothersome -- some of this is the harried
nature of kid drop off, but there's seldom more than 4 (older) kids there
and at times I get the feeling of staff distraction or disinterest; they
do
not seem to be paying the kind of attention I need from them.

When mom picks up in the PM, she has the luxury of a little more time and
a
little better attention from the staff people (we're last or next to last
to
pick up), but the downside being there's usually only one staff person
left
and the lead staff person for our room has gone home by this time, so
anything communicated doesn't get communicated to the morning people
unless
I do it.

On the advice of our pediatrician, we've been trying to consolidate his
feeding into fewer, larger bottles. We had been sending 3 x 6 oz bottles,
but due to consolidation have been sending only 2 x 8 oz bottles (he gets
8
oz at home now before day care, and had been getting 5 oz previously -- a
slight net increase). As an aside, he's at 37 oz of formula per day now,
and the pediatrician has said 40 ounces is the maximum he likes to see
being
fed.

The first day we did this I communicated this to the staff that were
present, but when I picked up that night (wife was out of town), the
"second
shift" was feeding him a third bottle mixed from our "emergency" formula
supply. When I walked in he was fussy and not interested in feeding. I
explained to her that we're trying to consolidate and that bottle
shouldn't
have been necessary.

I explained this new feeding system *again* to the morning staff people
the
next day, including doing the math for them. Two days later a PM staff
person (different from the one I spoke to) asked why we were cutting back
his formula. ARGH!!!

I'm kind of frustrated; what do I have to do to communicate a "plan"? I'm
also REALLY concerned that they're using food as a comforting tool. We're
about to start introducing cereal, which they can either contribute to or
turn to chaos.

What do you do to communicate your kids needs and your wishes to daycare?
We've talked to the director and she mentioned we could schedule daytime
"conferences" with the lead staff person (or any staff person), but that
comes with the obvious drawbacks of missed time off work and the fact that
we'd be doing it every 2-3 weeks. Plus we don't want to create animosity
or
be seen as excessively high maintenance parents.

'


There are two things.

What I would do is write it down, keep it short and to the point. I write 2
copies, one for the bag the food goes in and one to clip with the daily
sheet. I send a note every day until I think everyone has gotten the drift.
I will tell someone that I am going to clip a note for a couple of days
until I think everyone has had a chance to see it. In our state, every child
has to have a daily sheet where the staff writes down what was eaten and
when the diaper was changed. So something sticking out from the back of the
daily sheet will be seen. The staff at the center we go to either likes this
as it removes the burden of their telling other staff members what they
heard or they are saying they like it to be nice and polite! Anyway, it has
alleviated the telephone game issues at our daycare.

Poor Impulse Control wrote:

I'm kind of frustrated; what do I have to do to communicate a "plan"?

Write it down.

I found the end of day people were the most clueless so I never bothered
trying to communicate more then the basics to them. :-) They were fine with
the babies but they were fillers and relief people.

I'm also REALLY concerned that they're using food as a comforting
tool. We're about to start introducing cereal, which they can either
contribute to or turn to chaos.

Since you are having concerns in this area I would suggest sticking with
cereal just at home or holding off all together. Solids aren't really
recommended until 6 months anyway so there is no harm in waiting until
things are figured out in this regard.

When you do talk to the daycare be sure and discuss some guidelines about
sticking to your new plan. At what point, if any, do you want them to stop
trying to comfort him and give a 3rd bottle - things like that.

What do you do to communicate your kids needs and your wishes to
daycare?

Does each child have a clip board or folder to keep track of feeding,
changing, sleeping etc? Mine did and they used that to make other comments
on as well. You might have to send the written note every day, with a
request to attach it to that sheet, because each day a new sheet gets put
out. If they don't have that I'd send the note with a request to post it
somewhere.

We've talked to the director and she mentioned we could
schedule daytime "conferences" with the lead staff person (or any
staff person), but that comes with the obvious drawbacks of missed
time off work and the fact that we'd be doing it every 2-3 weeks.

Is it possible to do that by phone? Or could you schedule this conference
slightly before your regular drop off time. If they knew in advance they
could plan to have an extra set of hands on at that time etc.

Plus we don't want to create animosity or be seen as excessively high
maintenance parents.

I don't think you need to worry about that as long as you focus on the big
things and not every minor detail of the day. I would call the feeding
issues you've mentioned a big thing and I think most daycares understand
that. Also be open and ready to listen to what they have to say. If 2
bottles just really doesn't work for him at daycare (I don't know why -
maybe they can't get him to take a nap or maybe he's to distracted to eat
that much, or falls asleep before finishing or something) then you can
discuss solutions or find compromises. It sort of sounds like the relief
staff just didn't know the new plan though (i.e. he'd had plenty of milk
even though only two bottles) since he wasn't hungry so hopefully something
written and posted will help.

Managing daycare can be so stressful - good luck!

--
Nikki

Poor Impulse Control wrote:

We've had our 4 1/2 month old son in what we believed was the highest
quality day care we could afford for about 6 weeks. It has "everything"
going for it -- great referrals, excellent physical condition, caring staff,
a low staff-child ratio (~ 2:5), and, naturally, high prices. It's located
in the "day services" campus, a non-denominational service run by a very
large and prestigious (for what that's worth) Lutheran church. The same
campus includes elder housing and elder day services.

As time has worn on, I'm increasingly disappointed in it, primarily from a
staff communication perspective. I (dad) do drop off in the morning and mom
does pick up in the evening. Due to the time difference, the two people
that are there in the morning are gone when mom picks up. Communication to
the morning staff is kind of bothersome -- some of this is the harried
nature of kid drop off, but there's seldom more than 4 (older) kids there
and at times I get the feeling of staff distraction or disinterest; they do
not seem to be paying the kind of attention I need from them.

When mom picks up in the PM, she has the luxury of a little more time and a
little better attention from the staff people (we're last or next to last to
pick up), but the downside being there's usually only one staff person left
and the lead staff person for our room has gone home by this time, so
anything communicated doesn't get communicated to the morning people unless
I do it.

On the advice of our pediatrician, we've been trying to consolidate his
feeding into fewer, larger bottles. We had been sending 3 x 6 oz bottles,
but due to consolidation have been sending only 2 x 8 oz bottles (he gets 8
oz at home now before day care, and had been getting 5 oz previously -- a
slight net increase). As an aside, he's at 37 oz of formula per day now,
and the pediatrician has said 40 ounces is the maximum he likes to see being
fed.

The first day we did this I communicated this to the staff that were
present, but when I picked up that night (wife was out of town), the "second
shift" was feeding him a third bottle mixed from our "emergency" formula
supply. When I walked in he was fussy and not interested in feeding. I
explained to her that we're trying to consolidate and that bottle shouldn't
have been necessary.

I explained this new feeding system *again* to the morning staff people the
next day, including doing the math for them. Two days later a PM staff
person (different from the one I spoke to) asked why we were cutting back
his formula. ARGH!!!

I'm kind of frustrated; what do I have to do to communicate a "plan"? I'm
also REALLY concerned that they're using food as a comforting tool. We're
about to start introducing cereal, which they can either contribute to or
turn to chaos.

What do you do to communicate your kids needs and your wishes to daycare?
We've talked to the director and she mentioned we could schedule daytime
"conferences" with the lead staff person (or any staff person), but that
comes with the obvious drawbacks of missed time off work and the fact that
we'd be doing it every 2-3 weeks. Plus we don't want to create animosity or
be seen as excessively high maintenance parents.

Hmmm...I haven't had to deal with this personally, but
there are a few things that strike me, for whatever they're worth:

1) Insisting a 4.5 month old baby have fewer larger bottles seems
very odd advice to me (and perhaps to the daycare folks as well).
This advice is at odds with all I've read about current feeding
recommendations, perhaps absent a specific problem causing such
a recommendation. (And advice is increasingly moving to holding
off on solids until 6 months as well.) While it is not the daycare
folks' job to question your parenting, it may be that this
recommendation from your ped is developmentally inappropriate
and difficult for the daycare folks to accommodate as a result.
After all, it's darned hard to force a child to eat if he isn't
interested (and one is generally advised *not* to push a baby
to finish a bottle if he isn't interested--doing so can really
mess up their hunger cues). It's also odd that your ped has a
max amount to feed a baby. Most recommendations I've seen are
the same for formula feeding as for breastfeeding--feel the
child when he's hungry whatever amount he is interested in
eating. After all, in a breastfeeding situation you'd have no
idea how much or how little he was getting at any feeding.

2) Have you tried written communication? Many daycares do this
as a matter of course. If yours doesn't, perhaps you could put
together a checksheet to make it easy for them to report what
was going on during the day. You could also use that sheet
to convey information to them and have them write down their
issues or concerns for you.

3) I think you're probably a long way from having to worry about
the staff using food inappropriately. Your baby is only 4.5
months old! At this stage, it's perfectly sensible to offer
food if the baby is fussing and there isn't anything else
obviously wrong. Goodness knows that I and most other
parents I know would try feeding pretty early in the decision
hierarchy with a fussy child, if not first, and I can assure
you that my kids are very normal, healthy eaters at almost 10,
7, and 1.5 years old.

Obviously, if you feel strongly about this feeding regimen, then
it's absolutely true that the daycare folks should be doing as
you request. I am only suggesting that what your ped has told
you is outside current recommendations enough that it is not
surprising if it flies against their instincts and doesn't fit
in well with the way they usually do things, making it more
difficult for them to comply with your wishes even if they're
generally on board.

Just for your reference, here are excerpts from several websites
on amounts of formula:

http://www.babycentre.co.uk/refcap/9136.html
From the age of two months up to six months, you should be feeding your
baby four to six ounces at a feeding, and he'll have anything from 23 to
35 ounces a day.

http://pediatrics.about.com/cs/agess...our_months.htm
At this age, breast milk or an iron fortified infant formula is the only
food that your infant needs and he should be nursing or drinking 5-6
ounces 4-6 times each day (24-32 ounces),

http://www.enfamil.ca/en/feeding/howmuchformula.html

age #bottles amt./bottle Total/day
3-5 mos 6-7 5-6 ounces Up to 35 ounces

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/0/T000100.asp
Between birth and six months of age your baby will need an average of 2
to 2.5 ounces of formula per pound per day. So, if your baby weighs ten
pounds, she will need 20 to 25 ounces per day.

* Newborns may take only an ounce or two at each feeding
* One to two months: 3 to 4 ounces per feeding
* Two to six months: 4 to 6 ounces per feeding
* Six months to a year: as much as 8 ounces at a feeding

Small, more frequent feedings will work better than larger ones spaced
farther apart. Your baby's tummy is about the size of his fist. Take a
full bottle and place it next to your baby's fist and you'll see why
tiny tummies often spit the milk back up when they're given too much at
one time.

Best wishes,
Ericka

I agree that doing it in writing is likely to work better. Our nursery has
a system which seems to work well: each child has a "diary", a spiral bound
notebook, which goes home with the collecting parent each night and comes
back in with the delivering parent in the morning. The nursery staff write
in it how DS's day went (e.g. "Colin had a great day today/was a bit
unsettled today and needed lots of cuddles. He [did some finger
painting/enjoyed playing with the car/did a lot of walking
practice/...]..."), what he had for snacks/lunch and how much of it he ate,
how many wet and dirty nappies he had, and anything else they want us to
know. We can also write in it anything we want them to know. Usually we
don't actually write anything, but it is sometimes useful. Maybe it would
be useful to suggest to the director that she might consider something like
this? It doesn't have to be immensely time-consuming: sometimes it hasn't
been written when I arrive, and a staff member will sit and write it right
then, taking maybe 3 minutes to do so. On occasion, it's come home blank
because nobody's had time to write it, and that's fine.

The other thing that all good nurseries here seem to do is to have a
keyworker system. One member of staff has overall responsibility for your
child: you would communicate this kind of thing to her, and it would be her
job to make sure that the others know it.

Thinking specifically about this feeding issue, one thing you may be coming
across is that the staff have to do what they see as best for your son. It
is not (contrary to some parents' expectations: not sure if this applies to
you) their job to implement your requests if they think that's bad for him.
They are professionals with their own qualifications and experience; and if
he were harmed as a result of something you told them to do, they would be
blamed, not just you. So you have to convince them that your plan makes
sense: you can't just tell them what to do and expect them to do it. I'm
not as experienced as they will be, but this "consolidation" plan sounds
(based on the little you say about it: but maybe some staff members are not
hearing any more) rather weird to me; maybe it does to them too. It doesn't
help that I'm made suspicious of your pediatrician by the fact that you say
you're "about" to introduce cereal, when current evidence-based advice is
not to do this until 6 months, except in a few very exceptional
circumstances. Maybe they feel the same. I wouldn't necessarily assume that
they are all wrong and your pediatrician all right, if I were you...

HTH,

Sidheag
DS Colin Oct 27 2003

Poor Impulse Control wrote:

We had been sending 3 x 6 oz
bottles, but due to consolidation have been sending only 2 x 8 oz
bottles (he gets 8 oz at home now before day care, and had been
getting 5 oz previously -- a slight net increase).

I forgot this in my first post. I just wanted to comment that my son didn't
ever drink 8 ounce bottles and he had bottles until he was 12-13months old.
It was always between 4-6 ounces and he'd get 3-4 a day. As he got older
and ate solids the bottles went down in number (2-3 w/cups of liquid at
solids meals) but the ounces still stayed at 6 (even if I filled them to 8 -
which I did when I used formula). I assume some baby somewhere does it or
they wouldn't make bottles that big. Only sharing because such big bottles
for such a young baby might not be very common at the daycare and I didn't
want you to think they were off their rocker :-).

--
Nikki

"Ericka Kammerer" wrote in message
...

Hmmm...I haven't had to deal with this personally, but
there are a few things that strike me, for whatever they're worth:

1) Insisting a 4.5 month old baby have fewer larger bottles seems
very odd advice to me (and perhaps to the daycare folks as well).
This advice is at odds with all I've read about current feeding
recommendations, perhaps absent a specific problem causing such
a recommendation. (And advice is increasingly moving to holding
off on solids until 6 months as well.) While it is not the daycare
folks' job to question your parenting, it may be that this
recommendation from your ped is developmentally inappropriate
and difficult for the daycare folks to accommodate as a result.

Right before we started daycare, it was unusual for our son to take a third
bottle during the daytime -- he'd eat an AM bottle (which we give him at
home) and then two more 5 oz bottles during the day. Occasionally he'd eat
a third bottle very late in the afternoon, but not consistently.

Owing to that inconsistency, we began packing a third bottle, expecting to
get it back unused 3 days out of 5. We also made the bottles to 6 oz,
simply because it was easier to mix formula in even amounts.

To our surprise, he was being fed every bottle, from day one. I wasn't as
concerned then about over feeding or comfort feeding, but it did raise a
flag in my head why my child suddenly needed 45% more formula almost
overnight, especially when weekend and holiday feeding schedules remained
largely unchanged. Sure, the stimulus in daycare may result in more hunger,
but a regular 18 vs around 12.5 on average?

After all, it's darned hard to force a child to eat if he isn't
interested (and one is generally advised *not* to push a baby
to finish a bottle if he isn't interested--doing so can really
mess up their hunger cues). It's also odd that your ped has a
max amount to feed a baby. Most recommendations I've seen are
the same for formula feeding as for breastfeeding--feel the
child when he's hungry whatever amount he is interested in
eating. After all, in a breastfeeding situation you'd have no
idea how much or how little he was getting at any feeding.

The maximum amount has been a consistent verbal commnet made by our
pediatrician and in the written materials the pediatrician's office has
given us. It's not stated as some kind of hard maximum, but as the upper
range. The pediatrician has specifically said (and I'm paraphrasing) that
he starts to ask a lot of questions about 4 month old babies taking more
than about 40 oz of formula per days.

I'm not saying that we're not misunderstanding our pediatrician or that a
followup appointment to discuss this issue in depth isn't advisable, but I
also have a hard time throwing out his advice. An experienced (25 years),
well-known pediatrician in a successful and highly regarded practice
probably at least has a very good feel for how much babies eat.

2) Have you tried written communication? Many daycares do this
as a matter of course. If yours doesn't, perhaps you could put
together a checksheet to make it easy for them to report what
was going on during the day. You could also use that sheet
to convey information to them and have them write down their
issues or concerns for you.

Not yet, although I'm inclined to start leaving them a pre-written note
attached to the daily status sheet.

3) I think you're probably a long way from having to worry about
the staff using food inappropriately. Your baby is only 4.5
months old! At this stage, it's perfectly sensible to offer
food if the baby is fussing and there isn't anything else
obviously wrong. Goodness knows that I and most other
parents I know would try feeding pretty early in the decision
hierarchy with a fussy child, if not first, and I can assure
you that my kids are very normal, healthy eaters at almost 10,
7, and 1.5 years old.
Obviously, if you feel strongly about this feeding regimen, then
it's absolutely true that the daycare folks should be doing as
you request. I am only suggesting that what your ped has told
you is outside current recommendations enough that it is not
surprising if it flies against their instincts and doesn't fit
in well with the way they usually do things, making it more
difficult for them to comply with your wishes even if they're
generally on board.

Perhaps it is too early to "worry", but (and I'm zipping up my flamesuit
now), I have to wonder about some of the staff's own relationships and
attitudes about food. Two of them are clearly obese and while, yes, I am
making assumptions, I'd rather that my child not be taught whatever
unhealthy food habits they have, including using food as a palliative.


Just for your reference, here are excerpts from several websites
on amounts of formula:

http://www.babycentre.co.uk/refcap/9136.html
From the age of two months up to six months, you should be feeding your
baby four to six ounces at a feeding, and he'll have anything from 23 to
35 ounces a day.

http://pediatrics.about.com/cs/agess...our_months.htm
At this age, breast milk or an iron fortified infant formula is the only
food that your infant needs and he should be nursing or drinking 5-6
ounces 4-6 times each day (24-32 ounces),

http://www.enfamil.ca/en/feeding/howmuchformula.html

age #bottles amt./bottle Total/day
3-5 mos 6-7 5-6 ounces Up to 35 ounces

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/0/T000100.asp
Between birth and six months of age your baby will need an average of 2
to 2.5 ounces of formula per pound per day. So, if your baby weighs ten
pounds, she will need 20 to 25 ounces per day.

Small, more frequent feedings will work better than larger ones spaced
farther apart. Your baby's tummy is about the size of his fist. Take a
full bottle and place it next to your baby's fist and you'll see why
tiny tummies often spit the milk back up when they're given too much at
one time.

Our baby has been drinking 7 oz for his last feeding for over a month and a
half. He hasn't spit up regularly in over a month, and I can't remember the
last time he spit up on me. He's able to drink 8 oz bottles easily, with no
spit up or reluctance to eat.

Also, we're already beyond the top limits of the feedings recommended
above -- 37 oz.

Our daycare has a daily chart.
They give us a blank one we write the feeding schedule on,
then they photo copy that to use for the daily reports.
When my son's schedule changed, I created a new master.
Don't be afraid to be "high maintenance"
This is your kid, and daycare is helping to raise him. If you don't all work
together as a team,
them you'll find yourselves working against one another.
It is good for everyone to understand the plan!
good luck with this,
jojo





"Poor Impulse Control" wrote in message
...
We've had our 4 1/2 month old son in what we believed was the highest
quality day care we could afford for about 6 weeks. It has "everything"
going for it -- great referrals, excellent physical condition, caring
staff,
a low staff-child ratio (~ 2:5), and, naturally, high prices. It's
located
in the "day services" campus, a non-denominational service run by a very
large and prestigious (for what that's worth) Lutheran church. The same
campus includes elder housing and elder day services.

As time has worn on, I'm increasingly disappointed in it, primarily from a
staff communication perspective. I (dad) do drop off in the morning and
mom
does pick up in the evening. Due to the time difference, the two people
that are there in the morning are gone when mom picks up. Communication
to
the morning staff is kind of bothersome -- some of this is the harried
nature of kid drop off, but there's seldom more than 4 (older) kids there
and at times I get the feeling of staff distraction or disinterest; they
do
not seem to be paying the kind of attention I need from them.

When mom picks up in the PM, she has the luxury of a little more time and
a
little better attention from the staff people (we're last or next to last
to
pick up), but the downside being there's usually only one staff person
left
and the lead staff person for our room has gone home by this time, so
anything communicated doesn't get communicated to the morning people
unless
I do it.

On the advice of our pediatrician, we've been trying to consolidate his
feeding into fewer, larger bottles. We had been sending 3 x 6 oz bottles,
but due to consolidation have been sending only 2 x 8 oz bottles (he gets
8
oz at home now before day care, and had been getting 5 oz previously -- a
slight net increase). As an aside, he's at 37 oz of formula per day now,
and the pediatrician has said 40 ounces is the maximum he likes to see
being
fed.

The first day we did this I communicated this to the staff that were
present, but when I picked up that night (wife was out of town), the
"second
shift" was feeding him a third bottle mixed from our "emergency" formula
supply. When I walked in he was fussy and not interested in feeding. I
explained to her that we're trying to consolidate and that bottle
shouldn't
have been necessary.

I explained this new feeding system *again* to the morning staff people
the
next day, including doing the math for them. Two days later a PM staff
person (different from the one I spoke to) asked why we were cutting back
his formula. ARGH!!!

I'm kind of frustrated; what do I have to do to communicate a "plan"? I'm
also REALLY concerned that they're using food as a comforting tool. We're
about to start introducing cereal, which they can either contribute to or
turn to chaos.

What do you do to communicate your kids needs and your wishes to daycare?
We've talked to the director and she mentioned we could schedule daytime
"conferences" with the lead staff person (or any staff person), but that
comes with the obvious drawbacks of missed time off work and the fact that
we'd be doing it every 2-3 weeks. Plus we don't want to create animosity
or
be seen as excessively high maintenance parents.

"Sidheag McCormack" wrote in message
...
I agree that doing it in writing is likely to work better. Our nursery has
a system which seems to work well: each child has a "diary", a spiral
bound
notebook, which goes home with the collecting parent each night and comes
back in with the delivering parent in the morning. The nursery staff write
in it how DS's day went (e.g. "Colin had a great day today/was a bit
unsettled today and needed lots of cuddles. He [did some finger
painting/enjoyed playing with the car/did a lot of walking
practice/...]..."), what he had for snacks/lunch and how much of it he
ate,
how many wet and dirty nappies he had, and anything else they want us to
know. We can also write in it anything we want them to know. Usually we
don't actually write anything, but it is sometimes useful. Maybe it would
be useful to suggest to the director that she might consider something
like
this? It doesn't have to be immensely time-consuming: sometimes it hasn't
been written when I arrive, and a staff member will sit and write it right
then, taking maybe 3 minutes to do so. On occasion, it's come home blank
because nobody's had time to write it, and that's fine.

The other thing that all good nurseries here seem to do is to have a
keyworker system. One member of staff has overall responsibility for your
child: you would communicate this kind of thing to her, and it would be
her
job to make sure that the others know it.

Thinking specifically about this feeding issue, one thing you may be
coming
across is that the staff have to do what they see as best for your son. It
is not (contrary to some parents' expectations: not sure if this applies
to
you) their job to implement your requests if they think that's bad for
him.

I think *this* depends entirely on what the parent's expectation is when
selecting a care situation. ... How do I explain this....

I would *not* be happy with a care situation which failed to consider my
opinion as the higher on a sort of decision tree. Also, I would not be happy
with a care situation in which active communication of dissenting opinions
is not expected and preferred. That is, I would prefer to *discuss* the
differing views. In the final analysis, though, I am Mamma and even if I do
not "know best" the responsibility to do what is right lies with me.

So anyway, I am not sure you meant to say they can pick and choose which
requests to honor or not, but that is what it sounded like. I would not
agree with that.

They are professionals with their own qualifications and experience; and
if
he were harmed as a result of something you told them to do, they would be
blamed, not just you. So you have to convince them that your plan makes
sense: you can't just tell them what to do and expect them to do it.

I think I agree with the spirit of this statement, though not the letter. On
one hand, anyone is going to be able to properly implement that which they
understand and get behind personally. On the other hand, I would not expect
that information that was shared would go disregarded.

I'm
not as experienced as they will be, but this "consolidation" plan sounds
(based on the little you say about it: but maybe some staff members are
not
hearing any more) rather weird to me; maybe it does to them too.

My expectation in this case would be that they would express these concerns,
not simply disregard the request.


It doesn't
help that I'm made suspicious of your pediatrician by the fact that you
say
you're "about" to introduce cereal, when current evidence-based advice is
not to do this until 6 months, except in a few very exceptional
circumstances. Maybe they feel the same. I wouldn't necessarily assume
that
they are all wrong and your pediatrician all right, if I were you...



OP, I want to agree with the folks who are gently questioning the feeding
advice you are getting from your ped. Is there some special circumstance
that warrants going against current wisdom?

In article , Poor Impulse Control says...



Not to have anything to say specifically about the daycare you've chosen, and
the people therein, and the feeding regimen for your baby... (honestly, I don't
have anything to comment on it right now..)

But I used a family daycare situation, and my experience was quite different.
That is largely because I had three, just three, caregivers for my son, one
full time, two part time (one part timer being the daughter of the full timer,
while she pursued a early childhood education degree with the rest of her time,
the other being an older lady), througout the years my son needed daycare in our
town, from 18 months 'till kinder. That stability and smallness allowed me to
both really choose, and really know, my son's caregivers. And the communication
aspect was an easy, and pleasant, one. More like partners than hires.

Now a particular family caregiver may or may not want to work with you on the
feeding regimen. But it *may* be the sort of setting that you would feel more
comfortable in for you child if you want really close communication, and really
want to match your caregivers' personal style to yours.

Cheers,
Banty