9-year-old and not listening

Chookie wrote:
"shinypenny" wrote:

If you believe that people by nature are essentially good, then you
shouldn't be able to take away any of that essential goodness from
them.

Well, actually, I'm a good Calvinist and therefore subscribe to the doctrine
of total depravity... but I don't like star charts and similar either!

haha I was going to say the same thing... but I really like the marble
jar idea, sans taking away marbles, despite what Calvin might have
said! More for the "don't discourage your child" principle than for
the "people are essentially good" philosophy, however.

Em
mama to Micah, 11/14/04

I use a great red dot green dot system
a red dot is given when tantrums arise or bad behavoir and a green for
good effort or good work at school basically you set down the rules as
to what each dot represents.
Then at the end of the month the total is tallied up and if there are
more green dots then red you get a treat my 9yrold and 10yrold are
already receiving money for each green dot,and when the red dots are
superior in number then they pay me its worth
it works very well and many of my friends are now using the system.
Younger children can use somthing else they enjoy be it somthing to eat
or a little toy or card.
have a go but the most important thing is sticking to what you say and
also double or triple the red points for the gravity of the tantrum
The ONLY IMPORTANT thing is always give them a WARNING to stop before
you go angd give them there dots
Hope it helps
G
Sue wrote:
Can anyone give me some consequences for a child, when asked to help out
with chores or getting ready for school, bed, etc when she doesn't listen. I
start out giving the usual warnings and making sure I am not interrupting
something important for her to help out. Then, I end up getting really angry
and start yelling (which I know doesn't work, I am working on this myself)
when I have to ask 5-6 times for her to help or do anything. This child is 9
yrs old and we have gone spirling downward again with her thinking she
doesn't have to listen when I tell her to do something. It doesn't matter
what I ask, it's the same flop on the floor and wither and whine that she
can't help, blah blah. She doesn't play with any toys that I can take away.
Sending her to bed before everyone else really helps a lot; however, I don't
want her to associate any bad feelings with going to bed because that can be
an issue also. Thanks for any help.

--
Sue (mom to three girls)