If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. |
|
|
Thread Tools | Display Modes |
#1
|
|||
|
|||
Daycare dilema
Hi there
My son is 20 months old and has been going to day care since he was 12 mths. He goes for 3 days a week from 10am - 4pm. The last 3 weeks he has become very clingy and doesn't want me to leave. He has never been clingy before in any situation unless he is sick. He doesn't sleep very well at day care so I'm not sure if he is worried about nap time. He is only clingy going to day care. If I leave the room in a different situation (around at a friends, etc) he is fine. He knows the staff well at daycare. I just don't know what to do. I'm sending him for his own benefit as they do so many cool things and there is a high staff to child ratio. He used to love going there. Over the last weeks I've left him and he's got over me going but stayed a bit grisly over the day. Today I took him back home with me. He was so upset and everytime I gave him to someone else or put him down he got so upset. Am I creating a spoilt child? Do I drop him off say "bye" and run or do I drop him off and run away when he's not looking? Or do not send him until he's older? I don't know what to do. Has anyone got any links to research about daycare for under twos? Thanks for listening, Camille |
#2
|
|||
|
|||
Daycare dilema
"camandshane" ) writes:
Has anyone got any links to research about daycare for under twos? I did a web search and found this page, which summarizes some research and gives some references: http://www.fulltimemothers.org/ccres.htm Generally, it suggests that daycare is bad for young children's emotional development. Intuitively, I would think this would tend to apply especially (or only?) when the child is unhappy about separating from the parents. |
#3
|
|||
|
|||
Daycare dilema
camandshane writes:
Hi there My son is 20 months old and has been going to day care since he was 12 mths. He goes for 3 days a week from 10am - 4pm. The last 3 weeks he has become very clingy and doesn't want me to leave. He has never been clingy before in any situation unless he is sick. He doesn't sleep very well at day care so I'm not sure if he is worried about nap time. He is only clingy going to day care. If I leave the room in a different situation (around at a friends, etc) he is fine. He knows the staff well at daycare. Has he recently been ill, does he have a cold, or has anything else happened to make him feel under par in some way? We find that our son, who is generally very happy at nursery, will have trouble being left in the morning for a while under such circumstances; then becomes fine again once he's fully well/settled. I just don't know what to do. I'm sending him for his own benefit as they do so many cool things and there is a high staff to child ratio. He used to love going there. Over the last weeks I've left him and he's got over me going but stayed a bit grisly over the day. Today I took him back home with me. He was so upset and everytime I gave him to someone else or put him down he got so upset. One thing I will say is that multiple attempts to give him to someone else or put him down ("everytime") is probably a mistake, I think. I'd say there are basically three options: (a) stay with him until he calms down and you're pretty sure he'll be OK when you leave - and then *do* leave, whether or not he cries when you do so - or (b) just leave him crying, or (c) aim for (a), but observe that he's not reaching a state where you feel confident leaving him, so just take him home (and I think that should really be exceptional - it's really a situation where you've reached "oops, shouldn't have started from here"). That is, don't appear uncertain of what to do, by repeatedly looking as though you're about to leave him and then not doing so. Am I creating a spoilt child? Do I drop him off say "bye" and run or do I drop him off and run away when he's not looking? Or do not send him until he's older? I don't know what to do. Mmm. If he's staying noticeably grisly over the day, that's a bit different from what we've seen from our son. If he's not his usual self from about 10 minutes after we leave, then it does seem to mean he's feeling unwell. The "being unsettled" pattern is that he cries on being left and is then his usual self a few minutes later. Do you have more information about exactly what he's like during the day? Do the staff think he's unwell (teething?), or are there specific situations he doesn't like, or what? When you took him home today, was he fine with you for the rest of the day, or was he also a bit grisly with you, which would strongly suggest he's not feeling quite well? If you do decide to carry on taking him, I'd advise against the "run off when he's not looking" approach, but there are several options. This is hearsay since it's DH who takes Colin, not me, but DH has a variety of techniques which seem to have in common that they allow a bit of reluctance on Colin's part and involve some distraction - being tickled (at just the right moment, no good doing that if he's already crying, I'd think!), or immediately distracted with a request to do something; allowing the drop-off process to take longer than it might if it were going smoothly, anyway. Other people find that it works best to just do it as fast as possible, the say goodbye and run approach. On the few occasions when I've been the one to take Colin in the morning (which is in itself disruptive, of course, and only happens if DH is away) then what I find helps is if I talk to him all the way there about what's going to happen, in detail - "when we get there you'll take off your coat and I'll take you into the playroom and ..... and I'll go to work and work all day and you'll stay at nursery and play, and in the afternoon I'll come and fetch you". Repeat repeat repeat! Has anyone got any links to research about daycare for under twos? It's not quite clear what the research question would be? Are you hoping for research specifically on how to do separation, or on more generally whether daycare is good for a 20 month old child? There's no very clear answer to the latter, AIUI - the one thing everyone's agreed on is that it matters that the daycare be high quality (as it sounds as though yours is). Personally, my feeling is that high quality daycare is a good thing for a 20 month old child, but you really have to balance it for your own child, taking the rest of your family situation into account. Sidheag DS Colin Oct 27 2003 |
#4
|
|||
|
|||
Daycare dilema
My son has been going to day care since he was six months old...
He absolutely loves it while he is there, but we went through a phase (lasting six-eight months!) where he would be hysterically clingy when I left him. Actually, the phase had two parts - the first stage was the 'normal' seperation anxiety phase that settled down reasonably quickly; then the centre changed management not long after, and there were a lot of staff changes in a short period of time. Then it started up in earnest - but I could see into the room where I dropped him off from the car park, and he'd nearly always settle down by the time I walked back to the car (two minutes). He has since settled down and is happy for me to leave him - but we now go a couple of hours later since I stopped working, and I am dropping him off in *his* room, rather than the nursery. Can you leave him - but not leave the centre - so you can check up on him say ten minutes later through a window? Also, maybe keep him home one week and spend some quality time together, then take him back again? You wouldn't be *spoiling* him - He's still only a baby and not even two yet. When he plays up and says he doesn't want to go to school, that's a different story. I wouldn't go seeking intanets opinions about whether daycare is good/bad for your child - you will only end up feeling guilty and/or confused. You're the mother - go by your best instincts. Jodi |
#5
|
|||
|
|||
Daycare dilema
I just don't know what to do. I'm sending him for his own benefit as
they do so many cool things and there is a high staff to child ratio Wow - you'd think a child's own benefit would be to have his own mom raise him...not other people. Maybe, just MAYBE he wants to spend time with you because you have been dumping him off at daycare since he was a year old. Crazy idea, I know. Scott |
#6
|
|||
|
|||
Daycare dilema
In article outparenting.com,
Kinslayer says... I just don't know what to do. I'm sending him for his own benefit as they do so many cool things and there is a high staff to child ratio Wow - you'd think a child's own benefit would be to have his own mom raise him...not other people. Maybe, just MAYBE he wants to spend time with you because you have been dumping him off at daycare since he was a year old. Crazy idea, I know. Scott I have an idea that takes care of all concerns, and by jove I can't figure out why it isnt' happening already! His *dad* can take care of him. Cheers, Banty |
#7
|
|||
|
|||
Daycare dilema
On 21 Dec 2005 10:21:51 -0800, Banty wrote:
I have an idea that takes care of all concerns, and by jove I can't figure out why it isnt' happening already! His *dad* can take care of him. Is dad working during the day?? It doesn't sound to me as if the OP *needs* the daycare so she can go to work, but that she's using it as a socialization tool. Nothing wrong with that. Nan |
#8
|
|||
|
|||
Daycare dilema
On Wed, 21 Dec 2005 13:07:54 -0500, "Kinslayer"
wrote: Wow - you'd think a child's own benefit would be to have his own mom raise him...not other people. eyeroll One day a week for 6 hours does not constitute "raising" her child. Maybe, just MAYBE he wants to spend time with you because you have been dumping him off at daycare since he was a year old. Crazy idea, I know. Yeah, Maybe, just MAYBE you're a troll. Crazy idea, I know. Nan |
#9
|
|||
|
|||
Daycare dilema
In article , Nan says...
On 21 Dec 2005 10:21:51 -0800, Banty wrote: I have an idea that takes care of all concerns, and by jove I can't figure out why it isnt' happening already! His *dad* can take care of him. Is dad working during the day?? Somebody is, I take it. It doesn't sound to me as if the OP *needs* the daycare so she can go to work, but that she's using it as a socialization tool. Nothing wrong with that. She hasn't said (or I've missed it), but the hours suggest a part-time employment. So maybe Dad can cut back on his hours to be at home three days a week..... Banty |
#10
|
|||
|
|||
Daycare dilema
Thanks Nan!!!
His Dad does work long hours - we own our own retail shops and we don't have a choice. I do work also but I can work from home - doing wages, tax, blaugh blaugh blaugh - all the boring stuff. I wan't being a bad Mum sending him to daycare for my benefit - I thought I would give it a go as they do have great programs and help me out with cool activities and setting boundaries at home - things I would never think of. He has always loved it up to now - he would go running down the hall to his room and hug the teachers and not even give me a second look. I thought it would be good to carry on this part of his life as it is consistent and I am about to have another baby and completely rock his world. Oh well - if there is one thing I've learnt - you can't plan life exactly with a child - they always change their ideas :-) Thanks for your reply's and Merry Xmas Camille |
Thread Tools | |
Display Modes | |
|
|
Similar Threads | ||||
Thread | Thread Starter | Forum | Replies | Last Post |
Pros & Cons of Daycare | [email protected] | General | 168 | August 20th 05 10:35 PM |
Pros & Cons of Daycare | [email protected] | General | 14 | August 15th 05 02:17 PM |
Grants For Starting A Daycare Center-A Primer | [email protected] | General | 0 | May 20th 05 10:35 PM |
wow, I actually found a really good daycare | glunk | General | 2 | July 29th 04 12:59 PM |
Toddler qs - daycare, new baby, et.c - long! | Irene | General | 10 | April 20th 04 04:44 AM |