Frustrated

Yes frustrated. I am so frustrated right now. I just found out that
the family of four that I currently have has their permancy planning
hearing next week. I was under the impression that it was next month,
but I was wrong it seems. Anyway at this point the caseworker does not
know yet what to recomend to the courts. She feels she can not
reccomend reunification and know that they will be safe, but yet if she
recomends termination she isn't sure that it will go through. The
parents have come to every visit without problems. The thing is that
they went through parent nurturing classes that were several months and
made NO improvement. When they were asked about this, they responded
that they did not know that they were suppose to demonstrate what they
were taught. HELLO???? Also, they were given a very detailed list on
what they should be doing at each visit, yet do not consistantly do it.
In fact they did none of it for the first several months of having it
and when the children got a new caseworker who is to the point and told
them she would be recomending termination if they didn't get it
together, they were ticked. Yet they still don't do half of what they
are suppose to at the visits. Simple stuff like spending indivudual
time with each child, and getting down on the floor and playing with
them instead of sitting on a chair the entire time ignoring them.
Occasionaly they will do one or two things on the list , but it is not
regular, nor is it with full ambition. It is not like they have had to
guess what it is they need to be doing. It has been clearer then
daylight! I am sorry but I feel they do not deserve back these kiddos.
Parenting is a full time job and the most serious job you could ever
have. If all they are required to do is parent for a supervised two
hour visit each week and CHOOSE not to do it to the best of their
ability and CHOOSE not to do what specifically is required of them, I
feel they have not taken this serious enough. These kids are ages 6, 3,
and twin 18 month olds and they are ALOT of work. I know, I've been
doing it for the last nine months, and let me tell you it isn't easy. I
just don't see how they will ever make it if they are returned to
parents who won't take their role as parenting serious. RRRRR..... I
am just so frustrated at this point.

carmon writes:

Yes frustrated. I am so frustrated right now. I just found out that
the family of four that I currently have has their permancy planning
hearing next week. I was under the impression that it was next month,
but I was wrong it seems. Anyway at this point the caseworker does not
know yet what to recomend to the courts. She feels she can not
reccomend reunification and know that they will be safe, but yet if she
recomends termination she isn't sure that it will go through. The
parents have come to every visit without problems. The thing is that
they went through parent nurturing classes that were several months and
made NO improvement. When they were asked about this, they responded
that they did not know that they were suppose to demonstrate what they
were taught. HELLO????

Hi, carmon!

I am curious how the parents' lack of improvement was measured. Where were
they supposed to demonstrate improvement -- in the classes or with their
children?

Also, they were given a very detailed list on
what they should be doing at each visit, yet do not consistantly do it.
In fact they did none of it for the first several months of having it
and when the children got a new caseworker who is to the point and told
them she would be recomending termination if they didn't get it
together, they were ticked. Yet they still don't do half of what they
are suppose to at the visits. Simple stuff like spending indivudual
time with each child, and getting down on the floor and playing with
them instead of sitting on a chair the entire time ignoring them.
Occasionaly they will do one or two things on the list , but it is not
regular, nor is it with full ambition.

Does the caseworker observe the visits and make the determination regarding
full ambition and whether the parents are accomplishing things on the list?
If so, it appears you agree with her. Do you observe the visits?

Doug

Carmon communicated:

These kids are ages 6, 3,
and twin 18 month olds and they are ALOT of work. I know, I've been

Absolutely!

I've been
doing it for the last nine months, and let me tell you it isn't easy. I

I am certain it was NOT easy for you. Some of the most challenging work ever
is good parenting. Twins, especially.

Do you feel they're playing with the cw's?

You say, parents, Mom and Dad?

Is one more full of energy than the other?

Perhaps they feel constrained since they are being observed. How old are these
parents?

Under 25, themselves?

May I ask if they had family with whom the children could have been placed?

4 kids under 6 are a HANDFUL. I do empathize with you. Are the 6 and 3 yo in
school? Preschool?



RRRRR..... I
am just so frustrated at this point.


Well, as Doug movingly communicated all we do have are moments with loved ones.

Hope they can look upon you with good memories, and it seems they will.
However, just because one is not a 100% parent does not mean that they will be
neglected.

It was less than 100 years ago, that parenting was seen in a totally different
light. Older children were expected to help out with younger ones. Skilled
parents made it fun, kinda like a Tom Sawyer painting the fence kinda thing.

Anyone over 50 remembers those days when older children (especially girls) were
guided into the skills of parenting with supervising younger sibs.

Even diapering. Which must be a lot of work with maybe 3 in nappies.

How is the emotional connection between parents and kids? That is the
important measure. One clever enough can always feign some type of behavior
for the test, but does it carry through?

The important measures are do the kids light up when they seem M and D? Run
over? Bubble over with talk? Seem excited and able to resume the
relationship?

Or have these kids been through the system before and are they unattached and
simply marking time?

Good wishes.

Forgive me for I do not know how to cut and paste on this web tv thing.
But to answer some of the questions that Doug and Fern asked.... The
caseworker observes some of the visits. The visits are all taped and a
case aid is supervising the entire time from a room where the taping is
taking place. I watch the visits once a month, and will be going in the
morning. The visits are quite sad actually. The oldest child, 6, is
excited to see her mom. I should add that she is under 25 and all her
children are by different fathers. She is currently with the father of
the twins. Also there is a 5th child that she willing gave up several
years ago. This child is 5, in between the 6 and 3 year old. At the
visits the eldest trys to tell mom about school and everyday things, the
mom does not respond to her at all. Not even with a OH, sounds
fun...Nothing. The mom has been through pysch evaluations and is shown
unable to care for the children herself. She is delayed and it is
evident. I feel with proper help she may beable to care for them
better. However the father is no help at all. He doesn't acknoledge
the children at visits. He is continually ordering the 6 year old to
get this for him, and pick up his cell phone he dropped, and on and on.
He routinely orders mom around too. He has requested that the girls
never wear dresses to a visit because he doesn't want to get accused of
something. Well my thought is if your doing nothing and it's being
taped, what are you concerned about. The eldest just finished
kindergarten and is quite behind. She has an IEP and when living at
home they were able to get disability for her. However none of the
disability monies were used to get her the help she needs. The three
year old has also been evaluated and suffers from delayment. Her's is
said to be caused by enviromental circumstances. They do not hold the
children, play with them on the floor, or spend any quality time with
them. There home, when children were removed, was condemed until
cleaned up. They legally can now live in it. They continually have
different people coming and going on a live in basis at their home.
Hygeine is horrible. The room has to be sprayed with disinfectant upon
leaving. Boyfriend is severly overweight which causes him to suffer
from heart problems and uncontrolled diabetes. And neither show no
interest in these children, other than the fact they are theirs, like
some kind of possesion. There is no family members interested in
getting involved, and some that are not fit. The caseworker has worked
hard to try and find kin, but to no luck. They have been through parent
nurturing classes, nutrition classes, and have had personal hygeine
training, yet none of the classes have shown to be of use to these
parents. They also have a toddler specialist who comes in and that too
has not gone anywhere. No improvement, but they do come to the visits
regularly. And I could go on and on and on. But I won't . Thanks for
listening.

carmon c writes:

Forgive me for I do not know how to cut and paste on this web tv thing.
But to answer some of the questions that Doug and Fern asked.... The
caseworker observes some of the visits. The visits are all taped and a
case aid is supervising the entire time from a room where the taping is
taking place. I watch the visits once a month, and will be going in the
morning. The visits are quite sad actually.

Hi, carmon!

Thank you for taking the time to answer my questions. The information you
provide suggests that this is a very tragic, difficult case. It must be
trying for you to talk about it, so I very much appreciate your efforts.

The oldest child, 6, is
excited to see her mom. I should add that she is under 25 and all her
children are by different fathers. She is currently with the father of
the twins. Also there is a 5th child that she willing gave up several
years ago. This child is 5, in between the 6 and 3 year old. At the
visits the eldest trys to tell mom about school and everyday things, the
mom does not respond to her at all. Not even with a OH, sounds
fun...Nothing.

I am curious about what mom does in place of paying attention to her
6-year-old daughter. Is her attention directed elsewhere -- with the
younger child, the father of the twins, the observers, etc -- or is there a
blank, "nobody at home" response to the 6-year-old? Does her unattentive
presenting behavior seem forced or practiced?

In this environment, impact of the Hawthorne Effect -- the tendency for
subjects who know they are being observed or studied to behave
differently -- has to be considered.

The mom has been through pysch evaluations and is shown
unable to care for the children herself. She is delayed and it is
evident. I feel with proper help she may beable to care for them
better.

Do you now the diagnosis? Is the cognitive delay the result of low IQ or
brain injury? Or was it determined the disturbance was caused by enviornmen
tal stressors? Not that this matters so much in considering the impact of
the presenting behaviors on the child. But it may speak to the possiblity
of improvement.

However the father is no help at all. He doesn't acknoledge
the children at visits. He is continually ordering the 6 year old to
get this for him, and pick up his cell phone he dropped, and on and on.
He routinely orders mom around too.

I see. Is your guess that may be a passive-aggressive response to the
controlled environment of the visits and involvement of the agency or a
reflection of normal, day to day life in the household? Either way, it must
be difficult for you to observe this and, more importantly, of course, it
must be very hard on the children.

He has requested that the girls
never wear dresses to a visit because he doesn't want to get accused of
something.

This may be more a indicator of the time in which we live than unreasonable
conduct by the father. Unfortunately, there is good reason for the father
to be alarmed that his behavior and overatures could be misinterpreted as
"grooming" techniques or meet criteria of a indicator of child sexual abuse.
He makes an odd request, but I am assuming it is easy enough to conform to
the father's request about clothing without negatively impacting the
children in any way. I assume this is being done.

Well my thought is if your doing nothing and it's being
taped, what are you concerned about.

Understandable conclusion. Yet it is this mindset -- "I know I haven't done
anything wrong, do I have nothing to worry about" -- that gets a lot of
parents in trouble during the assessment/investigation stage. Yes, the
parent knows they have not abused or neglected their children. But they do
NOT know what indicators agency is looking for and the meaning the worker
puts to those indicators. In most cases, the worker is not looking for
evidence of abuse or neglect at all, but behaviors or statements that meet
indicator criteria. The fact is that so-called "indicators" in risk
assessments and similar tools are inherently flawed, overgeneralized and so
subjective that the instruments fail all empirical tests for internal
reliability (the capacity of the instrument to measure what it is supposed
to measure). For this reason, parents who are absolutely convinced that
they have not maltreated their child are especially vulnerable to false
positive findings.

Innocent parents tend to be very talkative. Precisely because they know in
their heart they have not abused or neglected their child, they tend to be
very disclosing and open. Since they don't have any concerns about being
found to be abusive, they will tell you they are angry about the
investigation in the first place, etc. They do not know that their
mistreatment at the hands of their parents as a child is an "indicator"
against them.

PARENT: "I would never hurt my child, because I know how it feels. My step
father used to slap he 'side the head when I was a little girl, and I said
to myself right then I will NEVER be that way with my kids."

Innocent parents tend to disclose small shortcomings in their parenting to
provide emphasis on the point that they do not make large mistakes or
actually abuse. "I don't spank my children. I may yell at them when they
do something I have asked them not to do, because, well, it ****es me off.
But I would never hit them, no matter how angry I was."

REPORT and INDICATORS: Anger management problem. "Custodial mother admits
to yelling at her children when she is angry." Indicators are now anger,
past history of abuse, poor responses to child-initated stressors,
indicatiors of unreasonable expectations of children, and indications of
internal emotional disorders underlining the anger. (The child's behavior,
afterall, is usually merely a trigger that drives the parents to act out
internal conflicts.)

Innocent parents tend to be defensive.

CASEWORKER: "Has your husband ever hit you in front of the children?"

PARENT: "No, no, no. Of course not. Never. No matter how much I may push
him sometimes, he has never even raised his hand to me. He will hollar
back, sure. Everybody argues sometimes. But that man has never hit or
threatened me. I am grateful for that."

REPORT: "Custodial mother admitted that the father yells at her in front of
the children."

INDICATORS: Indications of failure to protect, passive response to father's
controlling behaviors and tendency to understate or minimize behaviors in
the home are now added to the list of indicators. It goes on and on.

Since good parenting is more an art that a science, innocent parents tend to
disclose their caregiving as being a learning experience. They recognize
that they have made minor mistakes and admit, usually with some degree of
pride, that they have adjusted for them. They disclose the frustration they
experience when trying to balance what is the right thing for them to do for
their children. They realize they don't always get it right. Excellent
growing tools for parents, but not the things to talk about when a
caseworker is checking off boxes in a risk assessment.

The family you speak of appear to have a cluster of grave problems that go
far beyond clicking a blinking indicator light or two, so the case we
discuss is a bad example of my point. Nonetheless, whatever his other
rather blantant presenting problems are, the father is correctly concerned
about the potential of being falsely accused of grooming behaviors.

Heck, its a possibility! He also meets other indicators of people who have
the potential to sexually abuse children.

The eldest just finished
kindergarten and is quite behind. She has an IEP and when living at
home they were able to get disability for her. However none of the
disability monies were used to get her the help she needs.

Do you know what sort of help she needed? What services should the parents
have purchased with the disability money? Did the parents have in home
services that could have advised the parents about what services or programs
were required for the child?

The three
year old has also been evaluated and suffers from delayment. Her's is
said to be caused by enviromental circumstances.

Sad. How does the impairment present itself in the behavior of the
3-year-old? I am assuming that, as the foster caregiver, you got a written
summary of the child's condition and the causal environmental factors
underlining the cognitive delay. What were the environmental factors? Do
you think they can be overcome with kind, loving care today and in the
future?

It appears you have a very difficult job now and in the future. I admire
you for undertaking it. What has been your plan and practice in raising the
three year old and dealing with her impairment?

They do not hold the
children, play with them on the floor, or spend any quality time with
them.

Tragic. I find the fruits of this observation very alarming. Do the
children attempt to initiate contact, play and related interactions? Is
there a diagnosis of attachment disorders with the children? Do you think,
at this point, there is some confusion in the minds of the children over who
is their caregiver and rightful playmate? It is too bad that the parents do
not participate in what we know to be one of the greatest joys of parenting.
Getting on the floor to play with our kids should come naturally. It brings
us joy and inspiration -- like singing in church. That the parents avoid
this opportunity makes you wonder what could have got in the way of their
natural drive to attach with their own children. Heartbreaking.

There home, when children were removed, was condemed until
cleaned up. They legally can now live in it. They continually have
different people coming and going on a live in basis at their home.
Hygeine is horrible. The room has to be sprayed with disinfectant upon
leaving.

Do you know if the condition of the home and the parent's hygene is what
triggered the removals?

Boyfriend is severly overweight which causes him to suffer
from heart problems and uncontrolled diabetes. And neither show no
interest in these children, other than the fact they are theirs, like
some kind of possesion. There is no family members interested in
getting involved, and some that are not fit.

Do you know the reasons why the family members who have expressed interest
in caring for the children were found to be unfit?

The caseworker has worked
hard to try and find kin, but to no luck. They have been through parent
nurturing classes, nutrition classes, and have had personal hygeine
training, yet none of the classes have shown to be of use to these
parents.

Common problem. Caseworkers see this all the time. What has been your
experience overall with the effectiveness of parent nurturing and personal
hygeine classes? Do most parents change or is the unfortunate observations
you note regarding this case more commonplace?

They also have a toddler specialist who comes in and that too
has not gone anywhere. No improvement, but they do come to the visits
regularly. And I could go on and on and on. But I won't . Thanks for
listening.

Very sad case. I would find it very, very difficult if I was in your
position. The children are lucky that you are there doing what you do.

I very much appreciate your willingness to discuss this trying case with me.
It was very helpful to me and, I am sure, helpful to many of the other
members of this newsgroup. I appreciate your candor. It is only by taking
a careful look at the way things are now in child welfare practice that we
can begin to plan and make the reforms necessary for a more promising
future.

Thanks again, carmon!

Doug

Doug,
Motheres unresponsiveness is like she doesn't even here her, though she
is standing right there. Her attention is not with any of the other
children. It is like she is in her own galaxy. The 6 year old
continues to repeat herself, until she gives up.

Dad seems like he is a yeller. Oldest child has told of some physical
punishments, but nothing too horrific. He is very verbally abusive
though. Even through the visits.

Nothing has been purchased to assist the eldest child with her
educational delays. Nor have they ever asked how she is doing in school
since she came into care. Dad made a comment at a visit a while back
that he needed ot know when the child will be back in the home so he can
get her money situated again. He said he wants to save up some money
and get the hell out of here when this is all done.

The reason they were pulled was severe neglect. I should mention that
the 6 year old child had been pulled prior for suspected sexual abuse,
that was unfounded. And the 3 year old had been pulled a year ago when
mom failed to pick up the child from the babysitters, and did not show
for 4 days. At that time the 6 year old was living with an aunt and
twins were left with someone else. The home situation when pulled was
the children were out in the streets playing at all hours of the day and
night, in just their underwear, covered in dirt from head to toe.
Babies were left in cribs all day, with bottles galore, most empty or
spoiled. The 6 year old, then 5, was responsible for making the
bottles. When she first came to us, it took time for her to understand
that she could play and I would feed the babies and change them. She
said that it was her twins, and she has to cause it is he "job".

There was just one aunt who showed interest but she too is very delayed.
On disability for mental disorder. She however loves the eldest child
deeply and visits her monthly. She is only the eldest childs relative.
They are looking into one other aunt for this child. However noone
wants to get involved with the other children, because they say they do
not want any ties to the bio parents.

The children are aware of the difference between their mom and dad and
foster family. They attempt to interact with parents but parents show
no interest to them.

Yesterday at visit parents did not bring breakfast. There visit is
first thing in the morning so they are suppose to bring breakfast after
going through this nutrition class. Mom is babysitting (which blows my
mind anyone would leave there child with someone who has there chidren
in the system currently), she said she forgot breakfast because she had
to get the other two children ready. I believe these other children
may be relatives that are living there on and off, but I am not sure.
They had been living there at one point though. The case aid asked mom
and dad if they would like to go to the gas station across the street
quick to get something. Dad said they have no money now that the eldest
childs disability is on hold.

What else can I say. I guess time will tell and it's in gods hands

carmon c writes:

Doug,
Motheres unresponsiveness is like she doesn't even here her, though she
is standing right there. Her attention is not with any of the other
children. It is like she is in her own galaxy. The 6 year old
continues to repeat herself, until she gives up.

Hi, carmon!

Thank you for your response. The six-year-old's ordeal in trying to get
mom's attention is tragic.

Dad seems like he is a yeller. Oldest child has told of some physical
punishments, but nothing too horrific. He is very verbally abusive
though. Even through the visits.

Nothing has been purchased to assist the eldest child with her
educational delays. Nor have they ever asked how she is doing in school
since she came into care. Dad made a comment at a visit a while back
that he needed ot know when the child will be back in the home so he can
get her money situated again. He said he wants to save up some money
and get the hell out of here when this is all done.

The father seems reactive to the intervention itself. He seems preoccupied
with the process. Is he aware that his anticipation of "when" he will get
his child back may be based on the false premise that she is coming back?
Have authorities been up front with him about his chances?

Parents becoming obsessed with the wrongness of the intervention itself is a
common observation of mine. I would assume you have often seen the same
thing. The trouble is that it is fully understandable in cases where the
facts show the intervention truly is misquided and a horrible mistake when
there is truth to the allegations of maltreatment leading to the
intervention. The trick is knowing which set of facts apply. It can happen
that this preoccupation with the unfairness of the system is of such
intensity that it drowns out actions the parent is or should be taking on
behalf of their children.

The reason they were pulled was severe neglect. I should mention that
the 6 year old child had been pulled prior for suspected sexual abuse,
that was unfounded. And the 3 year old had been pulled a year ago when
mom failed to pick up the child from the babysitters, and did not show
for 4 days. At that time the 6 year old was living with an aunt and
twins were left with someone else. The home situation when pulled was
the children were out in the streets playing at all hours of the day and
night, in just their underwear, covered in dirt from head to toe.
Babies were left in cribs all day, with bottles galore, most empty or
spoiled. The 6 year old, then 5, was responsible for making the
bottles. When she first came to us, it took time for her to understand
that she could play and I would feed the babies and change them. She
said that it was her twins, and she has to cause it is he "job".

There was just one aunt who showed interest but she too is very delayed.
On disability for mental disorder.

Do you know specifics of the mental disorder? What is her diagnosis? Most
DSM-IV defined disorders would not be an interference to raising children.
In fact, we ALL qualify for a few of those labels. The pertinent question
is, "which ones."

She however loves the eldest child
deeply and visits her monthly. She is only the eldest childs relative.
They are looking into one other aunt for this child. However noone
wants to get involved with the other children, because they say they do
not want any ties to the bio parents.

The children are aware of the difference between their mom and dad and
foster family. They attempt to interact with parents but parents show
no interest to them.

Very sad.

Yesterday at visit parents did not bring breakfast. There visit is
first thing in the morning so they are suppose to bring breakfast after
going through this nutrition class. Mom is babysitting (which blows my
mind anyone would leave there child with someone who has there chidren
in the system currently), she said she forgot breakfast because she had
to get the other two children ready. I believe these other children
may be relatives that are living there on and off, but I am not sure.
They had been living there at one point though. The case aid asked mom
and dad if they would like to go to the gas station across the street
quick to get something. Dad said they have no money now that the eldest
childs disability is on hold.

What else can I say. I guess time will tell and it's in gods hands

It seems to me that the biggest barrier you face at this point is time. You
are understandably interested in the case being brought to a conclusion so
the children can be freed for perminent care. As you have noticed, you have
an uphill battle.

It may be difficult to understand why the agency is dragging its feet.

If practice in your area is similar to my jurisdiction, the reason is that
the parents are willingly consuming services -- even though they are, by
your report, ineffective. The state is currently drawing down federal Title
IV-E funds for each of the children. Since the agency is in the business of
providing "services" it is financially comfortable with the present
situation. In addition, since the agency receives considerably more in
Title IV-E funds than the cost of the services it provides, the bureaucracy
has a flow of funds it can apply to maintaining itself and growing. Like
ANY bureaucracy, the agency is concerned first and foremost with its own
survivial.

So, as tragic as it is for the children involved in the case you have
described, the present situation represents the homostatis sought and
maintained by child welfare agencies. Any change in custody (TPR and
adoption) would disrupt that balance by stopping Title IV-E funding based on
these children and cause the parents to stop consuming services.

In my jurisdiction, a case like the sad one you describe would be called a
"cash cow."

Congress and the USDHHS has known this for years and the problem was the
motivating factor behind passing the Adoption and Safe Families Act (ASFA).
This law attempted to light a fire under state child welfare agencies to
seek permenancy for children and granted them a direct bonus for adopting
children out of foster care. Implementation of intent of the law has failed
horribly, of course, because Congress failed to put their money where their
mouth was -- the lion's share of the funding remains in holding children in
foster care and providing their parents services. The current Congress is
now at work to revise the funding structure to remove the funding incentive
to retain children in state care.

This is the purpose of the Pew Commission Report. Even though it says
nothing new about the problems foster children experience, it provides the
"scientific" ammunition elected officials want to bring down the old funding
system. Reform will be opposed by the corporations that run group foster
homes and "treatment centers", psychotherapists, child welfare consultants
of assorted species and intent, and other well-funded and highly motivated
stakeholders. The lobbyists will loose the battle and we will see change
this year.

Meanwhile, the immediate problem you face seems to me to center around
convincing the caseworker and her/his supervisor that time is of the essence
in this matter. Your voice can make a difference, if persistant and loud
enough. Obviously, each day that goes by without a permenency decision in
this case is damaging to the children. You note in your comments that you
have asked your worker what the plan is and you are getting unclear messages
back.

I wish you the best of luck. I hope that your efforts on behalf of these
children pays off in the agency picking up its feet and acting in the best
interests of the children.

I very much appreciate you taking the time to explain in detail your
observations of this family. Hopefully, a sliver of the observations I have
shared will be helpful to you.

Doug

"carmon c" wrote in message
...
Doug,
Motheres unresponsiveness is like she doesn't even here her, though she
is standing right there. Her attention is not with any of the other
children. It is like she is in her own galaxy. The 6 year old
continues to repeat herself, until she gives up.

Dad seems like he is a yeller. Oldest child has told of some physical
punishments, but nothing too horrific. He is very verbally abusive
though. Even through the visits.

Nothing has been purchased to assist the eldest child with her
educational delays. Nor have they ever asked how she is doing in school
since she came into care. Dad made a comment at a visit a while back
that he needed ot know when the child will be back in the home so he can
get her money situated again. He said he wants to save up some money
and get the hell out of here when this is all done.

The reason they were pulled was severe neglect. I should mention that
the 6 year old child had been pulled prior for suspected sexual abuse,
that was unfounded. And the 3 year old had been pulled a year ago when
mom failed to pick up the child from the babysitters, and did not show
for 4 days. At that time the 6 year old was living with an aunt and
twins were left with someone else. The home situation when pulled was
the children were out in the streets playing at all hours of the day and
night, in just their underwear, covered in dirt from head to toe.
Babies were left in cribs all day, with bottles galore, most empty or
spoiled. The 6 year old, then 5, was responsible for making the
bottles. When she first came to us, it took time for her to understand
that she could play and I would feed the babies and change them. She
said that it was her twins, and she has to cause it is he "job".

There was just one aunt who showed interest but she too is very delayed.
On disability for mental disorder. She however loves the eldest child
deeply and visits her monthly. She is only the eldest childs relative.
They are looking into one other aunt for this child. However noone
wants to get involved with the other children, because they say they do
not want any ties to the bio parents.

The children are aware of the difference between their mom and dad and
foster family. They attempt to interact with parents but parents show
no interest to them.

Yesterday at visit parents did not bring breakfast. There visit is
first thing in the morning so they are suppose to bring breakfast after
going through this nutrition class. Mom is babysitting (which blows my
mind anyone would leave there child with someone who has there chidren
in the system currently), she said she forgot breakfast because she had
to get the other two children ready. I believe these other children
may be relatives that are living there on and off, but I am not sure.
They had been living there at one point though. The case aid asked mom
and dad if they would like to go to the gas station across the street
quick to get something. Dad said they have no money now that the eldest
childs disability is on hold.

What else can I say. I guess time will tell and it's in gods hands


This is similar to some of my experiences, which also include parental units
not even showing up at scheduled visitations, being "missing in action"
where cps doesn't know where they are, being focused on getting a child's
welfare monies back in place in order to enable themselves to live, not
providing a home at all for the child to return to - and still, cps
continues with reunification efforts. Even though the new laws supposedly
mandate lessening the time that children are allowed to "languish" in foster
care, the verbiage can be interpreted that there need only be a "plan" in
place for permanancy within the guidelines. The "plan" may also include
extended reunification efforts which encompasses endless services which the
bio's fail to avail themselves of.

What is the outlook for these children should parental rights be terminated?
Are you interested in adopting them? Has any concurrent action taken place
such as identifying relatives and conducting home studies on them and their
homes? This might make the difference with respect to the treatment of the
parents and subsequently, the efforts at obtaining a permanent safe family
home for them.

The end standard for termination judicially is a clear and convincing case
that neither parent is able to provide a safe family home: "...now and in
the foreseeable future".

Another question: Have you been able to attend the Family Court Hearings?
Have you received proper notification of them? If not, you might want to
consider asserting your rights to be a party to these proceedings. Your
State statutes and Administrative Rules will have reference to the rights of
foster parents in the court cases of their foster children and your Contract
"should" too, but these are more often than not, dismal instruments. Your
State Foster Parent organization might be able to help you to sort through
some of these issues too. Some States are better than others with help for
foster caregivers but none, as in zero, are actually adequate for the needs
of both the fostering parents and the fostered little ones.

My personal best to you and thank you for contributing towards the
well-being of your children and your care and concern for their little
futures,
Sherman.