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Two under two!!



 
 
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  #41  
Old August 5th 06, 10:31 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
Catherine Woodgold
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Default Two under two!!

"Jamie Clark" ) writes:
Oh yeah! I forgot, but one of the things that I did with my girls when
Addie was newborn was that if I was dealing with Taylor, putting her shoes
on, for example, and Addie began to cry, I wouldn't stop what I was doing
with Taylor to jump over to Addie. Instead, I'd call out, "Addie, I'll be
right there, honey. I'm just putting shoes on Taylor. As soon as I'm done,
it's your turn." Now of course my 2 week old baby didn't understand that,
but my 2 year old did, she understood that it was her turn, and then it
would be the baby's turn.


That's excellent. And I wouldn't be so sure the newborn
didn't understand. She might not understand the words, but
she might well understand that she's the one being talked
to and get the general idea, especially after the same
scene has played out more than onece.
  #42  
Old August 5th 06, 11:39 PM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy,misc.kids.breastfeeding
Amy Austin
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Default Two under two!!


Ericka asked why I didn't just talk my DH into a homebirth

We talked about it a lot when I was pregnant with DD, and he was so
seriously, seriously uncomfortable with it, that I don't think anything
would change his mind. DD's birth was hard for him (seeing me in pain,
not being able to help, worrying that something would go wrong...), and
I don't think it's very loving of me to make this baby's birth even
harder on him by putting him into a situation where I know he'll be
terribly uncomfortable.

Laying in supplies for a homebirth is a precaution that I want to take
to protect my bed and my floors, just in case. But chances are, we'll
make it to the hospital. We could be there in 20 minutes, even if I
had to call him at work and say, "It's time," during rush hour. DD may
end up in the delivery room with us, but that's not the worst thing
that could happen. I watched my brother being born when I was 3, and I
turned out ok.

Amy

  #43  
Old August 6th 06, 02:43 AM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy,misc.kids.breastfeeding
Ericka Kammerer
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Default Two under two!!

Amy Austin wrote:
Ericka asked why I didn't just talk my DH into a homebirth


I didn't say talk him into it. I said put him face
to face with a midwife so that he can see whether or not
his fears are based in reality or in his imagination. Yes,
you should take his concerns seriously, but in my experience,
many men who have serious reservations find that they
evaporate when they sit down and have a serious discussion
with a real, live midwife who actually has sound, reasoned,
researched answers for his questions and concerns.

We talked about it a lot when I was pregnant with DD, and he was so
seriously, seriously uncomfortable with it, that I don't think anything
would change his mind. DD's birth was hard for him (seeing me in pain,
not being able to help, worrying that something would go wrong...), and
I don't think it's very loving of me to make this baby's birth even
harder on him by putting him into a situation where I know he'll be
terribly uncomfortable.


I honestly don't think either of you know for sure that
he'll be terribly uncomfortable unless he does a little
legwork himself. I would not suggest that you push it if
he discusses things with a midwife or two and still walks
away feeling uncomfortable. I just think that if it is
something *YOU* would like to explore, and/or if it is
something that seems to have some significant benefits in
your situation given the previous precipitate labor,
it would be appropriate for him to be willing to seriously
consider the option. I have seen too many men who were
dead set against it change their minds once they sat
down and had an informed discussion with a midwife or
two to feel like someone has adequately considered
the option if they haven't taken that step. If you
were against it, you might also be converted by a
discussion, but at least the two of you would be on
the same page, so I don't see the need to explore all
the options. I mean, I could make an intellectual
argument for why it might be in your best interests to
do so, but I figure it's your (pl.) life and you get
to decide things how you want. It's only when the two
of you might have differing inclinations that I think
there's some obligation to consider on his part, just
as I would say that if he were hellbent on a homebirth
and you weren't too keen on it *you* ought
to seriously entertain the issue while reserving the
right to remain against it once you'd done due
diligence. If you think it's something that might
hold some appeal for you, then since you're the one
actually giving birth, I don't really think it ought
to be too much skin off his nose to seriously entertain
the issue.

Best wishes,
Ericka
  #44  
Old August 6th 06, 03:31 PM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy,misc.kids.breastfeeding
Amy Austin
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Posts: 34
Default Two under two!!


Ericka Kammerer wrote:
Amy Austin wrote:
Ericka asked why I didn't just talk my DH into a homebirth


I didn't say talk him into it.


Well, I was summarizing. I didn't want to get in trouble for not
trimming, etc. like other folks did in this thread.

I said put him face
to face with a midwife so that he can see whether or not
his fears are based in reality or in his imagination.


My mom had my brother and my sister at home, a dear friend of ours is
planning a homebirth in September, and that friend's mom is a midwife,
and we've spent a lot of time with her. While we haven't "interviewed"
midwives ourselves, he is familiar with the reasons to have a
homebirth, and the arguments both for and against. And even though he
respects my mom, our friend, and our friend's mom, he thinks they're
crazy for taking that kind of risk (and he still sees it as a risk)
with an event as unpredictable as birth.

It's not as though he's never met a midwife or someone who has had a
homebirth, and so he thinks they're all hippies or something...

We spent a lot of time fighting during my last pregnancy. I've gotten
him to agree that we need to be prepared for an emergency home birth
"just in case," which is as far as he's going to go. I don't want to
spend this pregnancy fighting over it. Honestly, it's just not
important enough to me. I had a positive experience in the hospital
last time, he's agreed that if all goes well, it makes sense to come
home early (especially if I end up with a roommate again). We're
compromising.

I don't know about you, but I would much rather be the one giving birth
than have to watch him endure it. I think it's important for me to be
respectful of his concerns, and what will alleviate them (being in the
hospital), considering the fact that my giving birth is difficult for
him, too.

Amy

  #45  
Old August 6th 06, 05:28 PM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy,misc.kids.breastfeeding
Ericka Kammerer
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Posts: 2,293
Default Two under two!!

Amy Austin wrote:

My mom had my brother and my sister at home, a dear friend of ours is
planning a homebirth in September, and that friend's mom is a midwife,
and we've spent a lot of time with her. While we haven't "interviewed"
midwives ourselves, he is familiar with the reasons to have a
homebirth, and the arguments both for and against. And even though he
respects my mom, our friend, and our friend's mom, he thinks they're
crazy for taking that kind of risk (and he still sees it as a risk)
with an event as unpredictable as birth.

It's not as though he's never met a midwife or someone who has had a
homebirth, and so he thinks they're all hippies or something...


But the question is whether he has *personally* put
his specific concerns to a specific midwife and listened
to her responses. What are the risks he is concerned about?
What would she do if that situation came up? How often do
they come up? What are the results when they come up?

We spent a lot of time fighting during my last pregnancy. I've gotten
him to agree that we need to be prepared for an emergency home birth
"just in case," which is as far as he's going to go. I don't want to
spend this pregnancy fighting over it. Honestly, it's just not
important enough to me. I had a positive experience in the hospital
last time, he's agreed that if all goes well, it makes sense to come
home early (especially if I end up with a roommate again). We're
compromising.


And compromise is fine, and it's certainly your
prerogative to decide you don't want to go any further
on this matter. My only point was that someone who
hasn't sat down and put his concerns to the expert to
hear her responses hasn't *really* gone the distance in
terms of entertaining that alternative. If it is not
important to you that he do so, I agree that there isn't
a lot of sense making waves over that. And I do agree that
there is value in not spending a pregnancy fighting with
one's spouse.

I don't know about you, but I would much rather be the one giving birth
than have to watch him endure it. I think it's important for me to be
respectful of his concerns, and what will alleviate them (being in the
hospital), considering the fact that my giving birth is difficult for
him, too.


I suspect I'd rather give birth than be a bystander
myself, but I'm not nearly as charitable as you are. If
I'm the one giving birth, then frankly, I think that my
preferences have greater weight and someone, even my husband,
who wants me to do something different bears the burden of
proving to me that my preferences are somehow unreasonable.
I would respect him and his feelings enough to seriously
entertain the alternatives, but not enough to put myself
in what I felt was a less desirable or less safe situation
simply so that he could feel more comfortable while I was
giving birth. Call it selfish, but that's my perspective.
Fortunately, my husband feels the same way, so feeling that
way has never put any strain on our marriage. And, of course,
my husband appreciates that when the matter is something where
he is primarily impacted, I recognize that his preferences
have more weight and that I ought not to argue against them
unless I can make a strong case.

Best wishes,
Ericka
  #46  
Old August 6th 06, 05:40 PM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy,misc.kids.breastfeeding
cjra
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Posts: 1,015
Default Two under two!!


Amy Austin wrote:
Ericka asked why I didn't just talk my DH into a homebirth

We talked about it a lot when I was pregnant with DD, and he was so
seriously, seriously uncomfortable with it, that I don't think anything
would change his mind. DD's birth was hard for him (seeing me in pain,
not being able to help, worrying that something would go wrong...), and
I don't think it's very loving of me to make this baby's birth even
harder on him by putting him into a situation where I know he'll be
terribly uncomfortable.


FWIW - my husband was also very hesitant about a homebirth at first.
However, in addition to presenting him with all the research,
explaining that should we have a homebirth, he plays a primary role
helped. Once he realized he would be in a position to help me,that he
*could* do something to help, made it better. I understand that feeling
of helplessness, but with the homebirth (or at least, the labor on my
part since in the end we transferred to the hospital) he *could* do
something to help, indeed was expected to. He *was* able to help
relieve the pain - not make it go away, but make it bearable. He was
able to offer support - emotional and physical. He could take some
control of the situation. Heck, even being responsible for preparing
the room was a big deal because it gave him a real role. Having him
take an active role in the planning and the process made a world of
difference in making him comfortable about the homebirth.

 




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