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Is It EVER Okay to Let your Newborn Cry?



 
 
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  #1  
Old April 5th 04, 10:59 PM
Carol Ann
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Default Is It EVER Okay to Let your Newborn Cry?

I just can't get Morgan to sleep without me holding her or having her suck
on my breast constantly.

I am really going crazy. Is it EVER okay to let your newborn cry in her
crib? If so, for how long?

~Carol Ann


  #2  
Old April 5th 04, 11:12 PM
H Schinske
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Default Is It EVER Okay to Let your Newborn Cry?

Carol Ann wrote:

I just can't get Morgan to sleep without me holding her or having her suck
on my breast constantly.

I am really going crazy. Is it EVER okay to let your newborn cry in her
crib? If so, for how long?


If you're really stressed out over it, by all means try swaddling her up and
putting her in the crib and letting her wail for a few minutes, while you go to
the bathroom, take a drink of water, a few long breaths, try not to cry
yourself (unless you really need to, of course, then go ahead), etc. It's
*possible* she'll go to sleep within five minutes. There are babies who do
this. It's also possible that she'll just get more worked up. It still won't
hurt her if it's just a few minutes, and if it helps you clear your head and
say, yeah, I can do this, I'm a mom now, and you can go back and hold her with
a little more strength and cheerfulness than you had before, then it's worth
it. If it turns out to make you feel worse than you did before, then you
learned something, and it's still not wasted.

--Helen
  #3  
Old April 5th 04, 11:16 PM
DeliciousTruffles
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Default Is It EVER Okay to Let your Newborn Cry?

Carol Ann wrote:

I just can't get Morgan to sleep without me holding her or having her suck
on my breast constantly.

I am really going crazy. Is it EVER okay to let your newborn cry in her
crib? If so, for how long?


I wouldn't and here are some reasons why:

-------------------------

http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sl...rtnursing.html

EXCERPT - A baby who is left to cry alone will eventually stop crying
because he has abandoned all hope that help will come: as far as he can
tell, no one cares enough to listen, or come and provide comfort. In the
book Our Babies, Ourselves: How Biology and Culture Shape the Way We
Parent, anthropology professor Meredith Small writes, "When signals are
missed, babies stop signalling; they withdraw; they suck their thumbs;
they turn away; they try to right the system themselves by not sending
out any more signals." The baby protects himself by shutting down, and
"accepts" the situation because he has learned that a response is not
forthcoming. Crying is also hard, physically, on baby: it can lead to
hoarseness that can last for days; the digestive system is upset; heart
rates can climb to levels over 200 beats per minute; and oxygen levels
in the blood are diminished.

http://www.news.harvard.edu/gazette/...enNeedTou.html

EXCERPT - The early stress resulting from separation causes changes in
infant brains that makes future adults more susceptible to stress in
their lives, say Commons and Miller.

"Parents should recognize that having their babies cry unnecessarily
harms the baby permanently," Commons said. "It changes the nervous
system so they're overly sensitive to future trauma."

http://www.aeca.org.au/news.html

EXCERPT - Controlled crying is a technique which is used as a way of
managing infants, and young children, who do not settle alone, or who
wake during the night.

The AAMIHI is concerned that controlled crying is not consistent with
what infants need for their optimal emotional and psychological health,
and may have unintended negative consequences.

To find out more - Click here for the AAIMHI's Position Paper

The following is not a study of CIO but I thought it was interesting

http://askdrsears.com/html/7/T070900.asp

5 REASONS WHY HIGH-NEED INFANTS SLEEP DIFFERENTLY

EXCERPT - "Why do high-need children need more of everything but sleep?"
a tired mother once asked me. Until we had a high-need infant, I would
have guessed that these babies would be worn out by the end of the day
and would actually need more sleep; certainly, their parents do. A tired
father once told me, "When it comes to sleep, I'm a high-need parent."
Here's why high-need babies sleep differently.

------------------------

In your copious amounts of free-time (LOL!)try reading "The No-Cry Sleep
Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. Another good read (won't help you an
awful lot now but later) is "Raising your Spirited Child" by Mary Sheedy
Kurcinka.

--
Brigitte aa #2145
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/j/joshuaandkaterina/
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/i/isabellazora/

"Readers are plentiful; thinkers are rare."
~ Harriet Martineau

  #4  
Old April 5th 04, 11:30 PM
A&G&K
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Default Is It EVER Okay to Let your Newborn Cry?

Sorry for top posting

Once again I agree with Brigitte ... I was going to point you in the
direction of the AECA paper, but Brigitte has provided the link below as
well as many others.

Of course there were times when I set DD in her bassinet while crying so
that I could go to the loo, but I never felt comfortable leaving her for
long. Sometimes though you might need to step outside the room and count to
10 for you sanity....

Also - have you got a sling? The can be a lifesaver if Morgan is like my DD
and will only sleep on you. I have a Baba sling (
http://www.babaslings.com/ ) which I haven't used on a newborn yet (but its
great for a 1+ yo) and I'm sure I will even be able to bf with this new bub
in it. I had an ABA sling with DD which was great when I needed to do
things but didn't want to leave a fussy DD, but I never could bf in it.

Hang in there ... just focus on one day at a time and soon enough everything
will get easier.

Amanda

--
DD 15th August 2002
1 tiny angel Nov 2003
EDD 19th August 2004



"DeliciousTruffles" wrote in
message ...
Carol Ann wrote:

I just can't get Morgan to sleep without me holding her or having her

suck
on my breast constantly.

I am really going crazy. Is it EVER okay to let your newborn cry in her
crib? If so, for how long?


I wouldn't and here are some reasons why:

-------------------------

http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sl...rtnursing.html

EXCERPT - A baby who is left to cry alone will eventually stop crying
because he has abandoned all hope that help will come: as far as he can
tell, no one cares enough to listen, or come and provide comfort. In the
book Our Babies, Ourselves: How Biology and Culture Shape the Way We
Parent, anthropology professor Meredith Small writes, "When signals are
missed, babies stop signalling; they withdraw; they suck their thumbs;
they turn away; they try to right the system themselves by not sending
out any more signals." The baby protects himself by shutting down, and
"accepts" the situation because he has learned that a response is not
forthcoming. Crying is also hard, physically, on baby: it can lead to
hoarseness that can last for days; the digestive system is upset; heart
rates can climb to levels over 200 beats per minute; and oxygen levels
in the blood are diminished.

http://www.news.harvard.edu/gazette/...enNeedTou.html

EXCERPT - The early stress resulting from separation causes changes in
infant brains that makes future adults more susceptible to stress in
their lives, say Commons and Miller.

"Parents should recognize that having their babies cry unnecessarily
harms the baby permanently," Commons said. "It changes the nervous
system so they're overly sensitive to future trauma."

http://www.aeca.org.au/news.html

EXCERPT - Controlled crying is a technique which is used as a way of
managing infants, and young children, who do not settle alone, or who
wake during the night.

The AAMIHI is concerned that controlled crying is not consistent with
what infants need for their optimal emotional and psychological health,
and may have unintended negative consequences.

To find out more - Click here for the AAIMHI's Position Paper

The following is not a study of CIO but I thought it was interesting

http://askdrsears.com/html/7/T070900.asp

5 REASONS WHY HIGH-NEED INFANTS SLEEP DIFFERENTLY

EXCERPT - "Why do high-need children need more of everything but sleep?"
a tired mother once asked me. Until we had a high-need infant, I would
have guessed that these babies would be worn out by the end of the day
and would actually need more sleep; certainly, their parents do. A tired
father once told me, "When it comes to sleep, I'm a high-need parent."
Here's why high-need babies sleep differently.

------------------------

In your copious amounts of free-time (LOL!)try reading "The No-Cry Sleep
Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. Another good read (won't help you an
awful lot now but later) is "Raising your Spirited Child" by Mary Sheedy
Kurcinka.

--
Brigitte aa #2145
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/j/joshuaandkaterina/
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/i/isabellazora/

"Readers are plentiful; thinkers are rare."
~ Harriet Martineau



  #5  
Old April 6th 04, 12:26 AM
Phoebe & Allyson
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Is It EVER Okay to Let your Newborn Cry?

Carol Ann wrote:

Is it EVER okay to let your newborn cry in her
crib? If so, for how long?


I vote yes. Better to have a baby cry in her crib while mom gets it
together than have a mom who doesn't have it together try to deal with
screaming baby on her last nerve. Make sure she's safe, put her down,
close the door, move out of earshot, take a couple of deep breaths, wait
until you can deal before you go back in. She'll be fine, and hopefully
you'll be better. Same applies if you need a shower, or a hot meal, or
to pee.

IMHO, this is much, much, much different than putting a baby in the crib
at bedtime and not going in until the next morning.

Phoebe

  #6  
Old April 6th 04, 12:34 AM
toypup
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Posts: n/a
Default Is It EVER Okay to Let your Newborn Cry?


"Carol Ann" wrote in message
news:WEkcc.196392$po.1013392@attbi_s52...
I just can't get Morgan to sleep without me holding her or having her suck
on my breast constantly.


Does this bother you because you think you should put her down (family says
so, don't want her spoiled, need to get stuff done, etc.) or because you are
too tired to BF?

If you need to get stuff done, I recommend the Ultimate Baby Wrap. It's the
best baby carrier I've owned yet (and I'ved owned 6).

If you're worried about spoiling her, don't worry about that.

If you need to go to the bathroom, you gotta do what you gotta do and she'll
live, though I've managed nicely with DD in UBW.

If you're not bothered but the family is, just ignore them.

If you're too tired to BF, do it side lying.

If you're completely frazzled, put her down and leave. She'll live. If
that's the case on a daily basis, you may need someone to help you around
the house. Maybe one of those newborn nannies or a houskeeper or a
relative?


  #7  
Old April 6th 04, 12:50 AM
nina
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Is It EVER Okay to Let your Newborn Cry?

I dont let newborns cry. They tend to get so upset it takes far longer to
recalm them than usual. Sometimes a few minutes of crying have to be
endured,but newborns require pretty much round the clock care and attention.
ztry handing her off to someone,swings work well. I was by myself when my
baby was born and the swing was a lifesaver,
A few minutes of crying wont hurt,but try to keep it to very brief periods.

"Carol Ann" wrote in message
news:WEkcc.196392$po.1013392@attbi_s52...
I just can't get Morgan to sleep without me holding her or having her suck
on my breast constantly.

I am really going crazy. Is it EVER okay to let your newborn cry in her
crib? If so, for how long?

~Carol Ann




  #8  
Old April 6th 04, 01:01 AM
Cheryl S.
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Is It EVER Okay to Let your Newborn Cry?

"Carol Ann" wrote in message
news:WEkcc.196392$po.1013392@attbi_s52...
I just can't get Morgan to sleep without me holding her
or having her suck on my breast constantly.


It's pretty normal behavior for a newborn. Remember she's got a lot to
deal with at this point too - she's never even had to breathe until a
few days ago, and now she's got all kinds of bodily functions and
endless weird sensations, sights, and sounds to process. You're the
only comfort she's got, so of course she wants to stay close to you. I
do know how tiring it can be and I do completely sympathize with you,
but trust me, it is very temporary. Just take it a day, or even an hour
at a time if need be. There will be a time, before you know it, when
you won't have trouble getting a shower, and when that time comes it
won't matter whether you have showered in this current minute. What
will matter is that you were there for her.

I am really going crazy. Is it EVER okay to let your
newborn cry in her crib? If so, for how long?


I wouldn't let a newborn cry for longer than it took to go to the
bathroom, under normal circumstances. If by "going crazy" you mean you
are so frustrated you are afraid you may harm her, then put her down in
her crib for as long as it takes until you feel in control. Step
outside if you need to and take a lot of deep breaths. Think about what
you need to do to regain control (yell? punch pillows? cry? call
someone and talk for a few minutes?), do it, and then go pick her back
up. Hang in there!
--
Cheryl S.
Mom to Julie, 3, and Jaden, 6 months


  #9  
Old April 6th 04, 01:12 AM
DeliciousTruffles
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Is It EVER Okay to Let your Newborn Cry?

Cheryl S. wrote:

If by "going crazy" you mean you
are so frustrated you are afraid you may harm her, then put her down in
her crib for as long as it takes until you feel in control. Step
outside if you need to and take a lot of deep breaths. Think about what
you need to do to regain control (yell? punch pillows? cry? call
someone and talk for a few minutes?), do it, and then go pick her back
up. Hang in there!


Oh yes! Excellent point Cheryl and excellent advice!

--
Brigitte aa #2145
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/j/joshuaandkaterina/
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/i/isabellazora/

"Readers are plentiful; thinkers are rare."
~ Harriet Martineau

  #10  
Old April 6th 04, 01:27 AM
Kereru
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Posts: n/a
Default Is It EVER Okay to Let your Newborn Cry?


"Carol Ann" wrote in message
news:WEkcc.196392$po.1013392@attbi_s52...
I just can't get Morgan to sleep without me holding her or having her suck
on my breast constantly.

I am really going crazy. Is it EVER okay to let your newborn cry in her
crib? If so, for how long?

~Carol Ann



Yeah I have done it, I think that it's okay, others will disagree. Some
people say it teaches baby to learn that they are abandoned. I put them in
bed, leave and wait a few minutes (up to five depending on how upset they
are) then go back in. The way I see it, I am teaching my babies that I will
always come but not straight away. I never found that they went to sleep
crying but I did find that after a few minutes and then a pat or a stroke on
the head they would fall asleep.

I know people suggest carrying the baby all the time but I never could, mine
didn't sleep well like that and it drove me crazy.

So if you are getting desperate, make sure baby is comfortable, fed,and
tired and leave. Go somewhere that you can't hear the crying, take some deep
breaths and get yourself together and then go back.

Good Luck

FWIW my boys are happy secure, well attached little men and I left them
crying for short periods on numerous occasions.


 




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