Is It EVER Okay to Let your Newborn Cry?

We've never let Michael Jude (now 19 weeks) cry and reading your post reminded
me of a similar if not identical post I myself placed here a few days after he
was born. We believe our
main responsibility right now is to build trust with this fabulous little
creature. He's new to this world and we want him to feel as secure as
possible. He sleeps with us at night and I have learned and come to love
nursing laying down. So does our baby. We sleep tummy to tummy and during the
day he's in either a sling, my arms or a swing and basically always around one
of us.

Once we stopped trying to put him in a bassinet or crib (the first two weeks
basically) everything got better.

We've igonred all of the meddling relatives and friends who tell us we're
spoiling him and he'll never leave our bed. We don't think a baby can be
spoiled enough and as a junior high school teacher, I've yet to encounter any
kids who still sleep with Mommy and Daddy

Hope this helps.

lisa

On 06 Apr 2004 02:14:58 GMT, (Zucca4) wrote:
We've igonred all of the meddling relatives and friends who tell us we're
spoiling him and he'll never leave our bed. We don't think a baby can be
spoiled enough and as a junior high school teacher, I've yet to encounter any
kids who still sleep with Mommy and Daddy

I've been there! I found comfort in other mothers and Dr. Sears, who
said the baby wants to be held/nursed constantly because that is how
the baby is, not because of our faults or the baby being spoiled
(speaking of a high needs baby) I got the tongue clicking too, it
drove me nuts sometimes. Especially when my cousin has a baby almost
the same age as mine who was bottlefed, CIO at night in the crib, and
"loves to watch tv, sits in the playpen and never bothers
anyone"...sigh (the baby is 15 months old)
Marie

On Mon, 05 Apr 2004 18:26:22 -0500, Phoebe & Allyson
wrote:

Carol Ann wrote:

Is it EVER okay to let your newborn cry in her
crib? If so, for how long?

I vote yes. Better to have a baby cry in her crib while mom gets it
together than have a mom who doesn't have it together try to deal with
screaming baby on her last nerve. Make sure she's safe, put her down,
close the door, move out of earshot, take a couple of deep breaths, wait
until you can deal before you go back in. She'll be fine, and hopefully
you'll be better. Same applies if you need a shower, or a hot meal, or
to pee.

IMHO, this is much, much, much different than putting a baby in the crib
at bedtime and not going in until the next morning.

I agree with this completely. I've left Grace to cry for five or ten
minutes while I went into the other room, put in earplugs, and took a
drink of water and several deep breaths. I don't like it, and I don't
do it often, but she needs a sane Mama first and foremost. I don't do
it often, because I don't get to that point often and I really try not
to unless I NEED it, and I don't leave her for longer than five
minutes or so, both because of all the reasons everyone has given you
about babies learning to give up and simply because I can't stand it
for longer than that, and creep in to see what's up with her. A few
times she's calmed down and is lying cheerfully gazing at her mobile,
though she's never put herself to sleep that way. Most of the time
she's still wailing, and is so happy when I pick her up that she stops
then.

Naomi
mama to Grace 2/23/04

Carol Ann wrote:

I just can't get Morgan to sleep without me holding her or having her suck
on my breast constantly.

I am really going crazy. Is it EVER okay to let your newborn cry in her
crib? If so, for how long?

This stage really sucks.

When we got desperate, DH would strap Ella into the sling, tuck her in his
big jumper and go for a 30 minute walk. I would recover in a silent house.
More often than not, by the time he got back, she would be asleep.

HTH,
ROSIE
Mum to Ella, 18 months

"Carol Ann" wrote in message news:WEkcc.196392$po.1013392@attbi_s52...
I just can't get Morgan to sleep without me holding her or having her suck
on my breast constantly.

I am really going crazy. Is it EVER okay to let your newborn cry in her
crib? If so, for how long?

~Carol Ann

I'd never make it a policy to let a newborn cry. They're just too
little and new. They must be allowed to rule. ; ) I'm sure you feel
that instinctively -- a newborn's cry is like an *order* that you are
compelled to obey.

The newborn period is crazy-making for many of us. It passes, perhaps
not soon enough, but it does.

Get as much help as you can and then proceed to cope as best you can.
Give up on getting much done. If you can get her to sleep in *any* way
and then she lets you put her down in a crib or bassinet or on a bed,
that's success. Go do something before she wakes back up.

If she is the type (as so many are) to wake back up when your warm
body leaves, then try using a sling or other carrier. I discovered CNN
when I had my first, and then I rediscovered it twice with each
subsequent newborn. I also look back with fondness at the time I was
able to spend reading when I had a newborn. In other words, I am not
naturally a "sitter," but I gave up and found stuff to do *while*
sitting with a newborn. Now that my youngest is a toddler, sitting is
out the window. So, try to enjoy it . . .?

That said, as some others have noted, it is certainly OK for a newborn
to cry sometimes because you're getting something done and/or need to,
really need to, put her down and walk away. But try to find longer
term ways to cope, and even enjoy, your new predicament. Good luck!

there were actually days when the baby was on my boob for 19 hours!

Now he's mostly on it at night and about every three hours during the day
except for naps times.

I'm so happy I stuck with the nursing and the Family Bed...Much more restful.

lisa

On 06 Apr 2004 18:46:06 GMT, (Zucca4) wrote:
there were actually days when the baby was on my boob for 19 hours!

I remember my dad visiting and saying "Is it *always* lunchtime around
here?"
Marie

I didn't start letting DD cry until she was around 4.5 - 5 months old. We
had a hard time too, just stick it out, things will get better!

"Carol Ann" wrote in message
news:WEkcc.196392$po.1013392@attbi_s52...
I just can't get Morgan to sleep without me holding her or having her suck
on my breast constantly.

I am really going crazy. Is it EVER okay to let your newborn cry in her
crib? If so, for how long?

~Carol Ann

"Carol Ann" wrote in message news:WEkcc.196392$po.1013392@attbi_s52...
I just can't get Morgan to sleep without me holding her or having her suck
on my breast constantly.

I am really going crazy. Is it EVER okay to let your newborn cry in her
crib? If so, for how long?

~Carol Ann

Depending on how crazy "crazy" is, then yes. If you're absolutely at
the end of your tether then the safest place for her is in the crib
until you've collected yourself back together. People have made the
points about trust and newborns' needs, but at the same time children
aren't so fragile that a few moments of not getting what they want
(even at this age) will scar them forever. If you're reaching this
point daily or more than daily you need to figure out ways of meeting
both your needs that are more sustainable. But if it's every once in
a while you won't undo all your other parenting efforts by letting her
holler for a few minutes and meeting your own needs first.

Kate
and the Bug, 10 months

IMO and IME, yes it is sometimes okay to put the baby down and let them cry
for a little bit. I suspect the ones who are adamant about never letting the
baby cry never had a colicky baby. My oldest was a colicky baby and would
cry every night for 4-5 hours straight. I am not exaggerating one little
bit. No matter what I did; held her, rocked her, fed her, changed her diaper
many times, rode the dryer, and many other techniques I tried to stop her
from crying helped in the least little bit. After a many hours of this, some
nights I just had to put her down after I made sure that she was alright and
let her cry in her crib for just a little bit. I would go outside and
collect myself, get a drink of water, go to the bathroom and take some deep
breaths and then I could go back and handle it some more. There are also
some babies who get all touched out from all the holding and rocking and so
on. I found there were some times when my daughter was all held out and
overstimulated that she was more comforted by just laying on her own. This
is so much different than letting your baby CIO. They are not going to feel
abandoned if you just need a few minutes to collect yourself. And to make
you feel a little bit better, my colicky baby that cried every night for 4-5
hours straight and was left on very few occasions to cry is an 11-year-old
girl now. She is extremely happy, very outgoing, loves and trusts her family
immensely and is a smart girl and has many friends. I can't see where a few
minutes of crying on her own has had any detrimental effect on her at all.
If it is some relief that you need, go ahead and get it. If you are trying
to get your newborn on a schedule right now and wanting her to CIO so she
will go to sleep, then no it's not a good idea at this point. She does need
you, but she also needs a mom that can cope. Can someone else take her for
awhile so you can recharge? Hang in there Carol, it can be hard at this
point. ((((Hugs)))
--
Sue (mom to three girls)
I'm Just a Raggedy Ann in a Barbie Doll World...

Carol Ann wrote in message
news:WEkcc.196392$po.1013392@attbi_s52...
I just can't get Morgan to sleep without me holding her or having her suck
on my breast constantly.

I am really going crazy. Is it EVER okay to let your newborn cry in her
crib? If so, for how long?

~Carol Ann