If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. |
|
|
Thread Tools | Display Modes |
#11
|
|||
|
|||
How do you decide?
I've gone into it in great detail previously but ... basically Connor
compares himself unfavorably against the others (esp. Hanna for whom *everything* is easy -- rather Midas-like, whereas the boys have to work at, say, handwriting). So he compares and then *totally* gives up. So he needs to get away from her. Plus they hang together waaaay too much in class and recess and basically don't have *any* friends other than the other multiples we hang with. Plus every teacher they've had has said I should separate them ... for varying reasons -- distracting each other (both innocently and deliberately), competing, acting as a unit, shutting other kids out, .............. so for me a very clear and easy choice. e.g. this week their swim classes ended with chasing games in the pool. EHC chased no-one but each other. sigh --Janet Elliot, Hanna, Connor (10/21/96) and Holly (4/4/01) "Andrea" wrote in message ... This is the first year that I have had the option of putting my girls in a different class, since their preschool has three 3 year-old classes. The director called me to ask if I want them in the same class and I told her I do. At the end of last school year I asked Jordan & Madison's teachers how they did in the same class....did they play with other children or stick together, etc.? The teachers said they did very well in the same class and that they were surprised that one of them was not more dominant than the other. They said that with all the other twins they have had one twin was always more dominant than the other. They both have different interests (Madison's favorite thing at school is art and Jordan's is music) and when I dropped them off last year they almost always went into 2 different directions. Jordan has been clinging to me a lot lately too and I think it will help her to know that Madison in the room with her. So I'm pretty confident I made the right decision, but then I started thinking about other factors that should be considered when they get older. I am going to make the decision on a year by year basis, but I would like to hear how those of you with twins in school have made your decisions over the years. TIA, Andrea twin girls-Jordan & Madison 3 yrs. old |
#12
|
|||
|
|||
How do you decide?
It also depends upon the twin set. As Janet says hers are always at each
other even in class. Kathleen and Chris last year came home to tell us about their day in class. The teacher had asked each child to clean their desks. Kathleen (the teachers dream kid), said she didn't have to as her desk was already neat, when I asked about Chris's desk (who sits in the front of class because of eye site), she said "how should I know". I was actually really glad to get the answer as it means that neither pay much attention to the other one in class. On the playground I know that they don't play together - Chris plays basketball with the older boys and Kathleen hangs with her "gal pals." The only time I have ever heard something about the playground was when Chris got threatened by a 4th grader for accidentally pushing him while running. I imagine they keep eyes on each other but don't play around. Again, it totally depends upon the kids. As far as competition, our competition stays mainly in the house, except that Kathleen was put on the A honor roll last year and Chris missed even the A/B by one B (a really stupid system if you ask me for second graders). He was mad because the A honor roll kids got to have breakfast with the principal." It would have been an issue had he been in another class or not. Shirley Chris and Kathleen 1/95 "H Schinske" wrote in message ... wrote: I don't get it. Why does this bother you? My twins are completely different people too, which is why they have differences in the first place. It doesn't bother me to talk about those differences. I think it's *needless* comparisons we're talking about. There is a difference between noting that there are differences, and framing every comment about either twin IN TERMS OF their difference from the other. For instance, there is no particular reason people can't say of one twin, "Gee, she's pretty tall, isn't she?" without any reference to whether she is taller or shorter than her sister. I would not like it if everything people said about me was phrased solely in terms of how I differ from my husband, and vice versa. (I say my husband, and not one of my siblings, because I think twin relationships are often quite a bit like spousal ones in some ways.) --Helen |
#13
|
|||
|
|||
How do you decide?
Helen writes:
I think it's *needless* comparisons we're talking about. There is a difference between noting that there are differences, and framing every comment about either twin IN TERMS OF their difference from the other. For instance, there is no particular reason people can't say of one twin, "Gee, she's pretty tall, isn't she?" without any reference to whether she is taller or shorter than her sister. Hmm. Adjectives like "tall" are always in comparison to something. She's not tall compared to a building, but she's certainly tall compared to a mushroom. What you really mean when you say she is "tall" is that she is tall relative to other people of the same age, and gender, and race, and socioeconomic status (all factors that tend to affect height). If you're already comparing a child to other children of the same age, and the child has a twin, it seems awfully normal to me to use the twin as an obvious basis of comparison, because they are the same age, after all. On lots of "developmental milestones", I really have no idea whether my son is more or less advanced relative to other children of the same age, because I don't see enough other children, nor do I know their exact ages, so I can't draw any conclusions. But it's often obvious when he's better at some things, and not so good at other things, as his sister. It doesn't bother me to talk about that. I guess, if my children were in a class with lots of other children of very similar ages, it would seem more normal to compare them individually with the class overall. But it still wouldn't *bother* me when people point out comparisons between them (especially when they are really obvious anyway, like that one reads better, or is taller, or whatever). Maybe this is just something I'm not going to understand. David desJardins |
#14
|
|||
|
|||
How do you decide?
|
#15
|
|||
|
|||
How do you decide?
("She's pretty good at math, isn't she? Is she better than X?"), and
the ranking of things that are not significantly different and really oughtn't to be described in terms of comparison. But why do you say "ought not"? What difference does it make? You've said it's unnecessary, but you haven't said why it would be bad, or harmful, or undesirable. You think it could possibly be *good* for kids to hear "You're prettier than your sister," "You're smarter than your sister," "You're nicer than your sister," "You're more musical than your sister," "You're more athletic than your sister," "You work harder than your sister," "You're more polite than your sister," yada yada yada? You *really* don't see how it's better to hear things like "You look very pretty," "What a nice thing to say," "You sang very well," "You really improved your time on the mile," "You worked very hard on this," "What nice manners you have!"? --Helen |
#16
|
|||
|
|||
How do you decide?
My girls did well together in Kindergarten. One of the main reasons we
separated them for 1st grade is a strange one. I am tired of shared playdates and invitations! The kids in their class felt if they invited one over for a playdate then they had to invite the other one as well. The competition and stress of two girls sharing one friend was huge. This year with them being in separate 1st grade classes I am hoping this trend will die out. I think having their own friends and space outside of school will be a big benefit. -- Erin Morgan and Megan 2/15/97 Evan 5/14/00 "Andrea" wrote in message ... This is the first year that I have had the option of putting my girls in a different class, since their preschool has three 3 year-old classes. The director called me to ask if I want them in the same class and I told her I do. At the end of last school year I asked Jordan & Madison's teachers how they did in the same class....did they play with other children or stick together, etc.? The teachers said they did very well in the same class and that they were surprised that one of them was not more dominant than the other. They said that with all the other twins they have had one twin was always more dominant than the other. They both have different interests (Madison's favorite thing at school is art and Jordan's is music) and when I dropped them off last year they almost always went into 2 different directions. Jordan has been clinging to me a lot lately too and I think it will help her to know that Madison in the room with her. So I'm pretty confident I made the right decision, but then I started thinking about other factors that should be considered when they get older. I am going to make the decision on a year by year basis, but I would like to hear how those of you with twins in school have made your decisions over the years. TIA, Andrea twin girls-Jordan & Madison 3 yrs. old |
#17
|
|||
|
|||
How do you decide?
Helen writes:
You think it could possibly be *good* for kids to hear "You're prettier than your sister," "You're smarter than your sister," "You're nicer than your sister," "You're more musical than your sister," "You're more athletic than your sister," "You work harder than your sister," "You're more polite than your sister," yada yada yada? Hey, none of these are like the previous examples. Before, your example of a "needless comparison" was "She's taller than her sister." I don't see how *that* is anything more than a simple statement of fact. She can obviously already see that she's taller than her sister. How can it do any harm to say it? Similarly, when I say "Sarah's pronunciation is clearer than Louis's," or, "Sarah likes using the potty but Louis doesn't," or, "Louis likes to type on the keyboard, but Sarah doesn't," these are just simple statements of fact. But saying, "She's prettier than her sister," is a completely different sort of thing. So are "smarter", "nicer", "more musical", etc. Those are value judgments, and totally subjective anyway. What you're really saying is, "I like your appearance better than your sister's appearance." And sure, I agree that *that* (in fact, the whole idea of even deciding whose appearance you like better, much less talking about it) is not the sort of way I would expect a parent to behave. David desJardins |
#18
|
|||
|
|||
How do you decide?
|
#19
|
|||
|
|||
How do you decide?
Helen writes:
I apologize if my strong feelings have gotten in the way of my expressing myself more clearly, particularly if they've sounded ill-tempered (I was ill-tempered, but not really at you). Not at all. Particularly with people with older multiples, it's really helpful to hear about issues people have that I might run into in the future. David desJardins |
#20
|
|||
|
|||
How do you decide?
Something that I have found is that they need to know they have strong
points in different things. Whether they are in the same class or not believe me, they know. They hear each other read, do math or just question/answer things. It is sooo important to stress that even though they are twins, they are very different and have different talents. One may be better at math or reading, but the other might be better at drawing. My DS is a fantastic artist, it shows in everything that he does, he has a perceptive eye that can distinguish symmetry, lines, distance, etc. His sister doesn't have any of those skills and does talk about how Chris is better at drawing. Chris's art teacher is the same one Kathleen has and he works with all kids, but has said many times how talented Chris is, of course he doesn't say that Kathleen isn't but it's there just by the grades he gets. She is a wonderful Irish Dancer, passionate, dedicated and very artistic in her presentation. Something that even Chris says he of course could never achieve. I try to stress over and over, just as everyone has a burden to carry in life (loss of parents, disease or other things - in our house Chris has seizures and medicine and tests that he has to live with), each one of us also has a talent that grows and needs to be fed. They will be compared all of their lives, maybe not directly but they compare each other - especially as they get older, and you would be lying if you told both they were equal in everything. It's more truthful to let them know how they are talented and what they seem to excel in. BTW, Kathleen is a straight A student (Chris A/B). She retains some things quicker and school work comes easier to her than him. They see that too, one seems to have to study more than the other. Chris write better, I could go on and on. But it will start to grow and I think especially with multiples you have to be prepared to be honest but supportive. Shirley Chris and Kathleen 1/95 "David desJardins" wrote in message ... Helen writes: I apologize if my strong feelings have gotten in the way of my expressing myself more clearly, particularly if they've sounded ill-tempered (I was ill-tempered, but not really at you). Not at all. Particularly with people with older multiples, it's really helpful to hear about issues people have that I might run into in the future. David desJardins |
Thread Tools | |
Display Modes | |
|
|
Similar Threads | ||||
Thread | Thread Starter | Forum | Replies | Last Post |
Watch cute kids and decide which is the cutest... | Parvinder | General | 1 | July 19th 04 02:18 AM |
How did you decide? | CY | Breastfeeding | 47 | January 23rd 04 09:51 AM |
And again he strikes........ Doan strikes ...... again! was Kids should work... | Kane | General | 2 | December 6th 03 03:28 AM |
And again he strikes........ Doan strikes ...... again! was Kids should work... | Kane | Spanking | 2 | December 6th 03 03:28 AM |
Follow these 15 simple tests before you decide to have children. | [email protected] | Pregnancy | 5 | September 19th 03 01:08 AM |