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#1
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Yes, potty advice AGAIN
Two boys, about 3 1/2 yrs old. M has pooped on the potty many times
but right now mostly not. R has pooped on the potty I don't recall, but once? It's in the single digits anyway. My wife, who has to deal with most of the "fallout" is about to start chewing down phone poles out of frustration. She is starting to give the kids lectures in a very stressed out voice about how she is sick and tired of cleaning poopy underpants and I don't quite know that they have any idea what she is talking about or whether this borderline punitive approach is going to help, hurt, or indifferent. Now she's ready to have them go back to wearing pullups all the time even though they've been in undies for, man... 6 months? So we've had more progress on one side, definite regression. R just had surgery on his eye muscles which we anticipated would cause problems, but my tale here essentially precedes that. He's recovering pretty well but yes I'm sure all the eye drops are making him uneasy so whatever situation we were in prior to the surgery is just made worse for awhile. And his brother I think was also affected by this incident, at first because of all the attention R was getting. Most of the time the boys are just fine to sit in their poop, they don't care, don't ask to be changed. They also will just sit there and pee on the floor or at the dinner table even though they fully know how to pee in the toilet and do so when cajoled or given an ultimatum of the form "you can't come with me in my truck until you go pee". But "let's go pee" is a good way, especially with M, to start a cascade of screaming or at least running the other way. Often they are both defiant to go to the bathroom even to try. This last weekend we made it the project of the day, including some motivation of going to the toy store to buy something if everyone pooped. When I said this, R within seconds was sitting on the potty for a LONG time but nothing happened. My wife started to read him a book there. I think maybe the thing to do regarding the reward is simply to have it RIGHT THERE and something cheap enough that we can give it to him each time. Somehow this "we'll go to the toy store" reward seems just too intangible plus we can't do it every single time anyway. We tried the sticker charts for awhile and that was OK, but then they became obsessed with ripping them up, or pulling the pushpins out of the wall, or screaming for more stickers when they hadn't earned them, so my wife said "no more charts". The typical advice to "wait until they are ready" would seem to indicate that you shouldn't do ANYTHING other than make sure they know where the toilet is and what it's used for. I am certain they are both fully aware of that. Old and tired topic, but... looking to keep my wife from going over the edge primarily - and if we could get them trained before they turn 4, so much the better. I'm wondering if we are doing something obviously wrong. Thx! |
#2
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Yes, potty advice AGAIN
I wish I had some advice for you, but I went through, and am essentially
still going through, this with my 4 year old girl. I think part of the problem is that we pushed her too early because of the pressure to be trained before entering preschool at age 3 (and she was the 2nd youngest 3 year old in her class). The other problem I know is that I definitely would lecture and freak out occassionally out of pure frustration. Luckily we only had/have a problem with peeing and not pooping (that would really drive me insane). I also think this was her way of acting out when her twin brother and sister began to require more of my attention (they are 2). Anyway, feel like I'm rambling for the most part, but wanted your wife to know that she isn't the only one that looses her cool. It is very frustrating. I am finding that my 4 year old is beginning to go on her own, and it definitely helps when I keep my cool (plus I do think she is maturing and starting to understand a little more, which helps). I've also started to just accept when she doesn't want to go to the bathroom before we leave the house and suck it up and either pull over if she has to go or just find a potty whereever we are. (Which is sooo frustrating to me!) However, within the last week or two, if I ask in a very upbeat tone of voice and explain that there may not be a potty where we are going she will go (sometimes). It depends on both of our moods and what we are doing. (I do keep a portable potty in the car). By the way, my doctor felt there was nothing wrong with having consequences for this. Like changing themselves, getting their own change of clothes, etc. You know, natural consequences. But for my daughter, since she was 4, she even suggested the consequence of leaving or stopping what she was doing if this happened. I do this, as long as it is reasonable, and I try like h*ll to remain as calm as I possibly can, and it does seem to work. I try not to "punish", just let them experience "consequences" to her behavior. As for night time, I don't care if she is in pullups until she is a teenager ;-p I'm so not ready to deal with that yet. She asked once to go to bed without a pullup because her friend does, and of course we were up in the middle of the night changing sheets. NOt that I don't expect this when it finally does happen, but this is a girl who wakes up with a pull up so heavy I practically need a crane to lift it ;-) We tried waking her, but she sleeps so deeply, she just can't. Anyway, good luck, I definitely feel your (and your wife's pain). I am NOT looking forward to training my twins, but I certainly learned alot from my older daughter and hopefully will not make the same mistakes! Leann "Larry" wrote in message oups.com... Two boys, about 3 1/2 yrs old. M has pooped on the potty many times but right now mostly not. R has pooped on the potty I don't recall, but once? It's in the single digits anyway. My wife, who has to deal with most of the "fallout" is about to start chewing down phone poles out of frustration. She is starting to give the kids lectures in a very stressed out voice about how she is sick and tired of cleaning poopy underpants and I don't quite know that they have any idea what she is talking about or whether this borderline punitive approach is going to help, hurt, or indifferent. Now she's ready to have them go back to wearing pullups all the time even though they've been in undies for, man... 6 months? So we've had more progress on one side, definite regression. R just had surgery on his eye muscles which we anticipated would cause problems, but my tale here essentially precedes that. He's recovering pretty well but yes I'm sure all the eye drops are making him uneasy so whatever situation we were in prior to the surgery is just made worse for awhile. And his brother I think was also affected by this incident, at first because of all the attention R was getting. Most of the time the boys are just fine to sit in their poop, they don't care, don't ask to be changed. They also will just sit there and pee on the floor or at the dinner table even though they fully know how to pee in the toilet and do so when cajoled or given an ultimatum of the form "you can't come with me in my truck until you go pee". But "let's go pee" is a good way, especially with M, to start a cascade of screaming or at least running the other way. Often they are both defiant to go to the bathroom even to try. This last weekend we made it the project of the day, including some motivation of going to the toy store to buy something if everyone pooped. When I said this, R within seconds was sitting on the potty for a LONG time but nothing happened. My wife started to read him a book there. I think maybe the thing to do regarding the reward is simply to have it RIGHT THERE and something cheap enough that we can give it to him each time. Somehow this "we'll go to the toy store" reward seems just too intangible plus we can't do it every single time anyway. We tried the sticker charts for awhile and that was OK, but then they became obsessed with ripping them up, or pulling the pushpins out of the wall, or screaming for more stickers when they hadn't earned them, so my wife said "no more charts". The typical advice to "wait until they are ready" would seem to indicate that you shouldn't do ANYTHING other than make sure they know where the toilet is and what it's used for. I am certain they are both fully aware of that. Old and tired topic, but... looking to keep my wife from going over the edge primarily - and if we could get them trained before they turn 4, so much the better. I'm wondering if we are doing something obviously wrong. Thx! |
#3
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Yes, potty advice AGAIN
Larry wrote: Two boys, about 3 1/2 yrs old. M has pooped on the potty many times but right now mostly not. R has pooped on the potty I don't recall, but once? It's in the single digits anyway. My wife, who has to deal with most of the "fallout" is about to start chewing down phone poles out of frustration. She is starting to give the kids lectures in a very stressed out voice about how she is sick and tired of cleaning poopy underpants and I don't quite know that they have any idea what she is talking about or whether this borderline punitive approach is going to help, hurt, or indifferent. Now she's ready to have them go back to wearing pullups all the time even though they've been in undies for, man... 6 months? So we've had more progress on one side, definite regression. R just had surgery on his eye muscles which we anticipated would cause problems, but my tale here essentially precedes that. He's recovering pretty well but yes I'm sure all the eye drops are making him uneasy so whatever situation we were in prior to the surgery is just made worse for awhile. And his brother I think was also affected by this incident, at first because of all the attention R was getting. Most of the time the boys are just fine to sit in their poop, they don't care, don't ask to be changed. They also will just sit there and pee on the floor or at the dinner table even though they fully know how to pee in the toilet and do so when cajoled or given an ultimatum of the form "you can't come with me in my truck until you go pee". But "let's go pee" is a good way, especially with M, to start a cascade of screaming or at least running the other way. Often they are both defiant to go to the bathroom even to try. This last weekend we made it the project of the day, including some motivation of going to the toy store to buy something if everyone pooped. When I said this, R within seconds was sitting on the potty for a LONG time but nothing happened. My wife started to read him a book there. I think maybe the thing to do regarding the reward is simply to have it RIGHT THERE and something cheap enough that we can give it to him each time. Somehow this "we'll go to the toy store" reward seems just too intangible plus we can't do it every single time anyway. We tried the sticker charts for awhile and that was OK, but then they became obsessed with ripping them up, or pulling the pushpins out of the wall, or screaming for more stickers when they hadn't earned them, so my wife said "no more charts". The typical advice to "wait until they are ready" would seem to indicate that you shouldn't do ANYTHING other than make sure they know where the toilet is and what it's used for. I am certain they are both fully aware of that. Old and tired topic, but... looking to keep my wife from going over the edge primarily - and if we could get them trained before they turn 4, so much the better. I'm wondering if we are doing something obviously wrong. Thx! |
#4
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Yes, potty advice AGAIN
Larry wrote: Two boys, about 3 1/2 yrs old. M has pooped on the potty many times but right now mostly not. R has pooped on the potty I don't recall, but once? It's in the single digits anyway. My wife, who has to deal with most of the "fallout" is about to start chewing down phone poles out of frustration. She is starting to give the kids lectures in a very stressed out voice about how she is sick and tired of cleaning poopy underpants and I don't quite know that they have any idea what she is talking about or whether this borderline punitive approach is going to help, hurt, or indifferent. Now she's ready to have them go back to wearing pullups all the time even though they've been in undies for, man... 6 months? So we've had more progress on one side, definite regression. R just had surgery on his eye muscles which we anticipated would cause problems, but my tale here essentially precedes that. He's recovering pretty well but yes I'm sure all the eye drops are making him uneasy so whatever situation we were in prior to the surgery is just made worse for awhile. And his brother I think was also affected by this incident, at first because of all the attention R was getting. Most of the time the boys are just fine to sit in their poop, they don't care, don't ask to be changed. They also will just sit there and pee on the floor or at the dinner table even though they fully know how to pee in the toilet and do so when cajoled or given an ultimatum of the form "you can't come with me in my truck until you go pee". But "let's go pee" is a good way, especially with M, to start a cascade of screaming or at least running the other way. Often they are both defiant to go to the bathroom even to try. This last weekend we made it the project of the day, including some motivation of going to the toy store to buy something if everyone pooped. When I said this, R within seconds was sitting on the potty for a LONG time but nothing happened. My wife started to read him a book there. I think maybe the thing to do regarding the reward is simply to have it RIGHT THERE and something cheap enough that we can give it to him each time. Somehow this "we'll go to the toy store" reward seems just too intangible plus we can't do it every single time anyway. We tried the sticker charts for awhile and that was OK, but then they became obsessed with ripping them up, or pulling the pushpins out of the wall, or screaming for more stickers when they hadn't earned them, so my wife said "no more charts". The typical advice to "wait until they are ready" would seem to indicate that you shouldn't do ANYTHING other than make sure they know where the toilet is and what it's used for. I am certain they are both fully aware of that. Old and tired topic, but... looking to keep my wife from going over the edge primarily - and if we could get them trained before they turn 4, so much the better. I'm wondering if we are doing something obviously wrong. Thx! |
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