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Review: The Cat in the Hat (1/2)



 
 
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  #1  
Old November 24th 03, 05:27 PM
Steve Rhodes
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Default Review: The Cat in the Hat (1/2)

THE CAT IN THE HAT
A film review by Steve Rhodes

Copyright 2003 Steve Rhodes

RATING (0 TO ****): 1/2


What is the movie version of THE CAT IN THE HAT about? Set decorations and
dirty jokes. A perversion of the book, it stars AUSTIN POWERS's Mike Myers,
who gives a dirty old man rendition of the famous cat.



Easily one of the worst movies of the year, THE CAT IN THE HAT is so bad
that Dr. Seuss should sue from the grave. By television director Bo Welch
and television writers Alec Berg, David Mandel and Jeff Schaffer, it is one
of longest eighty minutes you'll ever spend in a theater.



Dakota Fanning, something of a fingers-across-the-blackboard actress in her
previous films such as I AM SAM and UPTOWN GIRLS, turns in the only decent
performance as a girl named Sally. The script uses her natural
obnoxiousness well, having her be an anal youngster who uses a lime green
Palm Pilot to manage her life. Spencer Breslin plays her brother, Kelly
Preston plays her mother and Alec Baldwin, as the mother's boyfriend, is the
villain of the piece.



The lifeless production is so obviously DOA that it makes you wonder if
anyone ever bothered to watch the dailies.



As the studios are counting the cash that the film's name draws in, they
have much more to be embarrassed about than the lack of energy in this kids'
movie. Most of all, they should be ashamed of the lewdness of the humor in
a PG-rated -- get serious MPAA! -- movie marketed to very young kids.
Although I could go on and on, let me provide you with a few examples: The
kids watch in horror as the cat ogles a Playboy like pinup pull-out of their
mother. As the cat tries to lick a garden hoe, he calls it a "dirty 'ho,"
but says that he loves it anyway. The cat is struck hard in the groin with
a big baseball bat. We see a man's naked buttock farting. All manner of
profanity is used, but they cut off the last letter in order to fool the
easily fooled MPAA. One of the songs, which are all awful, is about cutting
off a guy's balls. We have a dog pee on food and have jokes about fish
peeing in the water. And there is a scene of vomiting into a barf bag.



Now, I ask you parents. When you take your kids to a PG-rated movie based
one of the most beloved writers of children's' books ever, would you expect
to find any of this in it? I didn't think so. You should write the
studios, the newspapers and anyone you can think of and tell them what you
think of this perversion.



Even if the movie had had a complete script rewrite to something closer in
tone and spirit to the book, the costume for the cat would have sunk it
anyway. With no facial expression possible, save some control over his
lower lip, Myers ends up being as handicapped as members of certain ethnic
groups with their hands tied behind their backs. Performances come from
much more than merely speaking the words.



When the movie is over, don't be surprised if you find yourself bursting
into loud applause. Rarely have I felt so saved by having the ending
credits finally roll. Let's hope we don't have to endure anything this bad
again anytime soon.



THE CAT IN THE HAT runs 1:20. It is rated PG for "mild crude humor and some
double-entendres" and would be acceptable for kids around 12 and up, but I
couldn't recommend this movie to anyone.



My son Jeffrey, age 14, who is a big fan of Dr. Seuss stories and was really
looking forward to this film, gave it just one star. He liked the colors
and the gizmos but nothing else. He said that the movie wasn't for any age
and was disgusting and needlessly gross. He said that he should be able to
take the kids he baby-sits to a Dr. Seuss movie, but he couldn't take any of
them to this one.



The film is playing in nationwide release now in the United States. In the
Silicon Valley, it is showing at the AMC theaters, the Century theaters and
the Camera Cinemas.



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  #2  
Old November 26th 03, 06:19 PM
LFortier
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Default Review: The Cat in the Hat (1/2)

Steve Rhodes wrote:
THE CAT IN THE HAT




As the studios are counting the cash that the film's name draws in, they
have much more to be embarrassed about than the lack of energy in this kids'
movie. Most of all, they should be ashamed of the lewdness of the humor in
a PG-rated -- get serious MPAA! -- movie marketed to very young kids.
Although I could go on and on, let me provide you with a few examples: The
kids watch in horror as the cat ogles a Playboy like pinup pull-out of their
mother. As the cat tries to lick a garden hoe, he calls it a "dirty 'ho,"
but says that he loves it anyway. The cat is struck hard in the groin with
a big baseball bat. We see a man's naked buttock farting. All manner of
profanity is used, but they cut off the last letter in order to fool the
easily fooled MPAA. One of the songs, which are all awful, is about cutting
off a guy's balls. We have a dog pee on food and have jokes about fish
peeing in the water. And there is a scene of vomiting into a barf bag.




Ugh, thanks very much Steve. I knew it looked pretty dumb,
but hadn't heard about all that stuff. Definitely one to avoid.

Lesley

  #3  
Old November 27th 03, 12:31 PM
Heather
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Posts: n/a
Default Review: The Cat in the Hat (1/2)

Steve Rhodes wrote:
THE CAT IN THE HAT




As the studios are counting the cash that the film's name draws in, they
have much more to be embarrassed about than the lack of energy in this kids'
movie. Most of all, they should be ashamed of the lewdness of the humor in
a PG-rated -- get serious MPAA! -- movie marketed to very young kids.
Although I could go on and on, let me provide you with a few examples: The
kids watch in horror as the cat ogles a Playboy like pinup pull-out of their
mother. As the cat tries to lick a garden hoe, he calls it a "dirty 'ho,"
but says that he loves it anyway. The cat is struck hard in the groin with
a big baseball bat. We see a man's naked buttock farting. All manner of
profanity is used, but they cut off the last letter in order to fool the
easily fooled MPAA. One of the songs, which are all awful, is about cutting
off a guy's balls. We have a dog pee on food and have jokes about fish
peeing in the water. And there is a scene of vomiting into a barf bag.



Awww, that is such a shame!! I was looking forward to a live action
version of the book and cartoon I grew up with.

Heather H.
 




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