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About a few things...
Is it normal or alright to feel guilty over something, for example, like food? I know, obviously, I need to eat as well as everyone else, but I find that I don't drink milk because the kids need it, as much, if not more, than I do. Might not be true, but that's how I feel. I also find that I make enough for supper for all of us to eat whatever, but I find I eat less to save that food for leftovers the next day (or in a couple days) and I snack on other small things - like I'll make rice and chicken for the kids, let them eat what they eat and I'll eat enough to tie me over and then I'll make a bowl of vegetable soup to save enough chicken for the kids the next day for them to have a more proper, balanced meal and diet. I try and limit my shopping outings... I try and do shopping in one shot for groceries. I also find that I look for sales, there's very few items I will pay extra for the real thing (Heinz ketchup and Miracle Whip are 2 things I can think of off the top of my head that I would rather go without than buy the cheap stuff) and I find I buy meat on sale and toss it in the freezer rather than cooking up fresh whatever every day. I still find it hard, though. I also sat down earlier to take a look at the bills... ALL are overdue, and yea, I know I have no one to blame but myself over it. I did call my mom and asked her if she'd be able to come over, or me go over to her house, to sit down and go through the bills. By over due, I mean I have 1 disconnection notice and the rest of the bills are waaaay up there - like if I put it off any longer, they will send disconnection notices for the other utilities. Does anyone have any ideas for bills and how to manage them? I went through them, but I did give up. It kind of made me upset to sit and go through them and think about them. The bills I have to pay a Rent, power, phone, Internet, cable, cell phone, car insurance. My rent I can't bother trying to change, nor can I bargain with the insurance company. I have basic PLPD on the car anyways, just enough to make it legal on the road. I also do need the home phone, and it's currently as a basic line, no long distance or anything. I do have call display, which I'm debating on getting rid of or not. That's the one and only 'extra' I see I have. The power also needs to be as it is. Before someone jumps on me about the others... (Internet, cable, cell phone...) I'm currently locked into a 2 year contract with the Internet. That started this past December around Christmas, so I'm stuck with the Internet contract until about December of '07. I was thinking, however, about calling the ISP and seeing if there is any possible way that I can still live out my contract for less money (IE, downgrade from the high speed ADSL to a lower grade ADSL or even possibly dial up - which I both assume are cheaper per month.) To cut the Internet would mean I would have a $250 charge on my account, and because the Internet and phone are the same company, same bill, I really can't do that because they'll cut my phone line if I don't pay that. To me, a smaller amount each month is easier to manage than a huge lump sum to pay off or be disconnected. For the cell phone, again, locked into a contract. To cancel the contract, I would have to pay whatever is equal to $20 per month per phone for whatever is left of my contract - that's $40 a month (for 2 phones) for however much time is left in my contract. I pay only about $50 a month for both of the phones anyways, so cancelling, would that make any sense at all? The cable TV (we currently have the digital cable package, which is $1 more a month than full cable, and I guess you get all these extra channels.) I am calling the cable company just before the end of the billing period to downgrade the cable to basic cable only, which is fairly cheap. I hesitate to just cut the cable completely, as there's a few kids' channels on basic cable that B watches, and the TV is something that I limit and use more as a priviledge. I limit the driving to only when it's necessary. Doctor's appointments, for one, are a necessary car ride. Groceries are a necessary car ride. If I need to run errands, I try and do it all in one day, and yes, I do plan my route out to avoid wasting time, gas and effort by running back and forth, here and there. We also walk to a lot of places if possible, and I try and use the bike and trailer, but with 2 kids in the trailer, I do have a hard time on the bike. Heck, we'd all go together along the river valley trails and N would take the kids in the trailer behind his bike, and I had enough trouble keeping up to him with no trailer or kids to pull! I've also cut down my consumption of garbage. I decided to cut my Pepsi addiction - I treat myself *maybe* once a week to a small bottle, which is a huge blow from my 1-2 bottles a day. Also, extras like going out to eat (even McDonald's drive-thru) and ordering in have been cut down to once a month if there's the extra cash. I tend to just pick B up a Happy Meal and have some soup or sandwiches at home for myself on the occasion of eating out. I felt a bit guilty the other day when I picked up some balls of yarn, though... I had crocheted (sp?) a baby blanket for A, about the size of a crib blanket. I wanted to make this blanket to wrap up for a Christmas present, and I want to do a second baby blanket the same as the one I just finished for this baby to have a matching (different color, though) baby blanket. I picked up a big, huge ball to make a blanket for B's Christmas present, and I kind of felt guilty, even though I had spent not that much money, and I justified it as it gave me something to do with my time. I still felt kinda bad doing it but did it anyways... Should I be feeling this way? Should I not be doing things like getting yarn for crafts for me on occasion? Should I be eating the soup instead of pigging out on the chicken and spaghetti? Am I doing everything wrong? Any ideas or tips for these kinds of situations? My mom has said Wednesday is good for her, and I know she'll give me an ear full, and then some... I also know anything she says will probably be true and right, but I kind of want to try and get some hints or advice, if possible, to be a bit prepared, maybe have some sort of plan to go in with when she goes through all this mess with me on Wednesday... |
#2
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![]() "xkatx" wrote in message news:%tOIg.14724$Nz6.14590@edtnps82... About a few things... Is it normal or alright to feel guilty over something, for example, like food? Sorry to say I didn't read your entire post..... got stuff to do right now. BUT..... its normal to sacrifice for the children. Why would you feel guilty? Unless you are 90 lbs.... you do what parents do. Bills? You pay what you can.... priority them! Cable?? What the hell do you have cable for?? If you can't pay rent, you should disconnect the cable. Even if its basic.... that is $10 - 15 a month towards things you need. Seems you made many bad decisions.... locking into many contracts. You can contact the companies and see what they will do but most will say, tough ****. You may be able to find someone to take over your cell phone contract. Isn't your rent subsidized? So that should already be pretty cheap. You need to work. Now. Go get a job. Get the kids into a daycare program, I am sure they have programs that will pay for day care for you. I wish you much luck. All you can do at this point is learn your lessons. Many of us been there too. |
#3
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![]() "Tiffany" wrote in message news:g_YIg.7358$4O4.3611@trnddc02... "xkatx" wrote in message news:%tOIg.14724$Nz6.14590@edtnps82... About a few things... Is it normal or alright to feel guilty over something, for example, like food? Sorry to say I didn't read your entire post..... got stuff to do right now. BUT..... its normal to sacrifice for the children. Why would you feel guilty? Unless you are 90 lbs.... you do what parents do. I also take into consideration that I need to eat something fairly normal as far as a diet goes. Normally, I don't mind eating whatever, but while pregnant, I find that I actually *need* to eat, more than I want to. I'm going to see if I can google some fairly easy, cheap, healthy meals during pregnancy. That thought did just come to mind. There has to be something. Bills? You pay what you can.... priority them! THIS is what I know I will need my mom's help on the most. Not help with her giving me money, but her help with breaking down bills and budgeting the money I do have. Cable?? What the hell do you have cable for?? If you can't pay rent, you should disconnect the cable. Even if its basic.... that is $10 - 15 a month towards things you need. Rent is paid, insurance is paid, and that's set to come out of my account every month on a set date. Right now, well, at the next billing period, the cable is gone. I just don't like the pro-rated idea, as the way it will turn out, I will basically have to pay the same amount as a full month - they say they need about a week to do any changes, which will leave a whole savings of nothing really, as next billing period for me starts right after. Seems you made many bad decisions.... locking into many contracts. You can contact the companies and see what they will do but most will say, tough ****. You may be able to find someone to take over your cell phone contract. As far as the power goes, I had no choice but to go with a contract. I need power anyways. I casually asked around to see if I could find anyone willing or wanting to take over the cell phone contract. At that point, I couldn't find anyone interested, but didn't actually search seriously. It doesn't seem like many people who want cell phones are without a phone. Seems everyone has one already or they refuse to have a cell phone and do not want one. Maybe I can offer a real good deal with my contract to someone - take the contract for free and I'll give you, um... some nice house plants! ![]() If I could even pass off just one phone of the 2 on contract, it would help quite a bit. I'm debating on cutting the home phone line (no contract there or any disconnection fees/penalties) and just keeping the cell phone, but I'm not sure if I like the idea of really no phone during the day (as the cell is used rarely during the day due to X amount of 'free' minutes) Something like giving the contract to someone else is something I had been looking into. I will start looking, a lot more seriously this time, though, and see if there's someone who wants a contract that isn't a full term. Isn't your rent subsidized? So that should already be pretty cheap. Yes, it is. You need to work. Now. Go get a job. Get the kids into a daycare program, I am sure they have programs that will pay for day care for you. B starts school right away here, so he's gone for the morning M-F. A can go in daycare, and there's subsidized daycare available. That means 1 full time and 1 part time (afternoon) daycare spots I would need, both would definitely be subsidized. No one will give me a job for a month or two. 32 weeks pregnant and looking for some type - any type - of job doesn't go over very well. I already have plans for September '07 to go back to school full time (2 year program). At that point, B will be in school full time, A will be 2 and this next one will be 11 months. I have contacted this daycare 2 blocks away from home that says they offer childcare from 0-12 years of age. I have asked to be put on the waiting list to have 2 baby full time spots and 1 6 year old part time (after school) spot available for that September. I *could* see about starting school when this baby is 6 months old (that's considered 0 years old, the youngest ANY daycare will take an infant, but most are 1 year of age as standard mat leave is 1 year) Starting school when this one is 6 months means in like April-ish, which is when school winds down and ends. Starting in September makes the most sense, and it gives me time to look into school loans or whatever is out there as an option, as well as getting everything together, doing as much research as possible. I wish you much luck. All you can do at this point is learn your lessons. Many of us been there too. Yes, that's why I asked. I know there's people here who have, at one point, been in a similar situation. I've been calling around, and my mom has been as well to help me out as she seems to have better access to what kind of resources are out there, and seeing what I can take and use to my advantage. One thing in the immediate future I am looking at is this support program for low income families. They offer support to families as far as life goes - budgeting and stretching a dollar, time management, generally learned parenting and life skills. The intake lady I need to talk to is out of the office until September 5th. There's nothing I can do about that but wait until she's back. |
#4
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![]() "'Kate" wrote in message ... On Tue, 29 Aug 2006 03:26:51 GMT, "xkatx" the following was posted in blue dry erase marker: About a few things... Is it normal or alright to feel guilty over something, for example, like food? I know, obviously, I need to eat as well as everyone else, but I find that I don't drink milk because the kids need it, as much, if not more, than I do. Might not be true, but that's how I feel. I also find that I make enough for supper for all of us to eat whatever, but I find I eat less to save that food for leftovers the next day (or in a couple days) and I snack on other small things - like I'll make rice and chicken for the kids, let them eat what they eat and I'll eat enough to tie me over and then I'll make a bowl of vegetable soup to save enough chicken for the kids the next day for them to have a more proper, balanced meal and diet. I try and limit my shopping outings... I try and do shopping in one shot for groceries. I also find that I look for sales, there's very few items I will pay extra for the real thing (Heinz ketchup and Miracle Whip are 2 things I can think of off the top of my head that I would rather go without than buy the cheap stuff) and I find I buy meat on sale and toss it in the freezer rather than cooking up fresh whatever every day. I still find it hard, though. I also sat down earlier to take a look at the bills... ALL are overdue, and yea, I know I have no one to blame but myself over it. I did call my mom and asked her if she'd be able to come over, or me go over to her house, to sit down and go through the bills. By over due, I mean I have 1 disconnection notice and the rest of the bills are waaaay up there - like if I put it off any longer, they will send disconnection notices for the other utilities. Does anyone have any ideas for bills and how to manage them? Aside from having enough money to pay them? Yeah, call all the bill senders and explain that you've just separated, you're pregnant, and you're in need of help. See if they can extend your due dates or spread payments over time. You mean pay a bit above and beyond for a bill? What I mean is see if maybe Power Company will accept a payment plan of maybe an extra $20 on top of whatever the monthly bill may be? (eg: Power is $50 this month, pay $70 to them, next month bill is $60, pay $80 to them? - for example) If you have luxury bills like a cell phone and cable, get them disconnected. If you can get dial up instead, use dial up. Find the cheapest in your area. The cell phone is a contract. I have to find a way out of the contract or pawn the remaining contract (for 2 phones) off on someone else. Cable is scheduled to be knocked off for my next billing period. I do not like pro-rated rates, and with the time they need to disconnect (or so they say) it ends up being a few days before my new billing period anyways. It's the Internet that we have the regular high speed ADSL - on contract. I am going to call in and see if I can possibly live out the rest of my contract (or for as long as I need to, anyways) on something cheaper - like their dial up service. In this area, there's not much for options on stuff like that. Cut your insurance to just liability for now. Always have had only PLPD - minimum required for putting a car on the road. Check with the power company to see if you can negotiate a cheaper rate or find a new power company with a cheaper KWH rate and then call your current company ... see if they can beat it. Ah. Never thought of that. I got myself locked into a contract with the new power company back in November or so. They were far cheaper than what we were with, and with the contract, rates are locked at that amount and won't go up (then you get to the end of the contract and it goes way up lol) There's 2 power companies to choose from - AFAIK. We're on one and switched to that one from the other, with higher rates. Maybe I can negotiate for a cheaper rate, though! If you switch phone service, they will often have special deals for 6 months or so. Maybe by then, you'll be back on your feat or your ex will be able to help. The only other phone company around is through the cable company. New(er) service and by far less reliable than the actual phone company. That's what I hear from others who switched anyways. The cable company's phone service is also WAY more expensive. It's a set rate and comes with ALL the bells and whistles for that extra cost - currently pay about $25 for the phone - the cable company is, I think, something like $50 or $55 because it comes standard with free long distance (I do not call long distance or have any reason for this, even currently have a block on all long distance/charge phone numbers on my phone) call display, voice mail, call waiting, bla bla bla. I really have no use for any of those for the extra money it is. I also kinda like the phone number I have and have had since day 1. It's almost like a piece of me would be gone if I lost that phone number LOL j/k I went through them, but I did give up. It kind of made me upset to sit and go through them and think about them. The bills I have to pay a Rent, power, phone, Internet, cable, cell phone, car insurance. My rent I can't bother trying to change, nor can I bargain with the insurance company. I have basic PLPD on the car anyways, just enough to make it legal on the road. ok.. .then check around for cheaper companies anyway. Maybe something will be new since around March when I insured this car. Maybe someone might try and offer a better deal if I'm serious about switching? I also do need the home phone, and it's currently as a basic line, no long distance or anything. I do have call display, which I'm debating on getting rid of or not. That's the one and only 'extra' I see I have. The power also needs to be as it is. Why? For which part? With children and babies, I feel that a phone is a necessity in the case of emergency, not a luxury. With call display, I have had some issues with people calling as well as telemarketers harrassing me, not to mention there's a bill collection place on my case because they say that I was paid vacation pay 2 times from my last job - a year and a half ago. I've sent them documents and papers to show I was not over paid, and they call all hours. I log when they call and if it continues the way it is, I plan to make a complaint. Also, the power, well, you need power. I'd be evicted if the power was not on here, as you need to have power in order to stay a tenant. Before someone jumps on me about the others... (Internet, cable, cell phone...) I'm currently locked into a 2 year contract with the Internet. That started this past December around Christmas, so I'm stuck with the Internet contract until about December of '07. I was thinking, however, about calling the ISP and seeing if there is any possible way that I can still live out my contract for less money (IE, downgrade from the high speed ADSL to a lower grade ADSL or even possibly dial up - which I both assume are cheaper per month.) To cut the Internet would mean I would have a $250 charge on my account, and because the Internet and phone are the same company, same bill, I really can't do that because they'll cut my phone line if I don't pay that. To me, a smaller amount each month is easier to manage than a huge lump sum to pay off or be disconnected. Find an area that they do not cover and tell them that's where you're moving. They will tell you, "We don't currently cover that area." It's not your fault that they don't cover that area. You will probably not have to pay out the contract that you're willing to keep... it's their problem that they don't cover that area. Internet and phone are the same company, comes on the same bill each month. It's then down to phone or no phone if I say we're moving and moving to an area they might not cover for Internet. They'd also disconnect the phone, and the other phone company is, by far, more expensive for what I need, unless I could come up with something like I'm moving to this area, I am leaving the phone as I'm allowing a friend to rent here after I move and they have their own ISP? Hm... Maybe that doesn't make sense... For the cell phone, again, locked into a contract. To cancel the contract, I would have to pay whatever is equal to $20 per month per phone for whatever is left of my contract - that's $40 a month (for 2 phones) for however much time is left in my contract. I pay only about $50 a month for both of the phones anyways, so cancelling, would that make any sense at all? Same as above - find out their coverage area. Tell them you're moving to an area they don't currently cover. If they ask for an address, you don't have one yet as you've only just obtained the job and will be in a hotel for a short time while apartment hunting. Tell them to send the final bill to your mother and it will be paid. You can work that "paid" part out later. Ah theys *seem* to cover EVERYWHERE... Even in Las Vegas, I had coverage. No coverage on the airplane, though LOL Unless I'm moving out of the country or something... If calling and saying I'm moving to something like, I don't know, England, is that very far-fetched and obnoxious? I might then still be responsible to live out my contract (pay them lots to back out of the contract early) or be expected to find someone to take over the remaining contract... I think I will call and see. A friend's girlfriend said a little while back that if you call a company and say you still want their service but want a cheaper rate, they'll suggest knocking off features - no voice mail, no free evening/weekend minutes, etc., and if you say something like you use the phone for business and require these features or options, they have ways to knock your bill down even more without losing any features. Not sure how true this is (this woman is fairly obnoxious and childish at times) but... Maybe that's one thing I will ask about. The cable TV (we currently have the digital cable package, which is $1 more a month than full cable, and I guess you get all these extra channels.) I am calling the cable company just before the end of the billing period to downgrade the cable to basic cable only, which is fairly cheap. I hesitate to just cut the cable completely, as there's a few kids' channels on basic cable that B watches, and the TV is something that I limit and use more as a priviledge. I limit the driving to only when it's necessary. Doctor's appointments, for one, are a necessary car ride. Groceries are a necessary car ride. If I need to run errands, I try and do it all in one day, and yes, I do plan my route out to avoid wasting time, gas and effort by running back and forth, here and there. We also walk to a lot of places if possible, and I try and use the bike and trailer, but with 2 kids in the trailer, I do have a hard time on the bike. Heck, we'd all go together along the river valley trails and N would take the kids in the trailer behind his bike, and I had enough trouble keeping up to him with no trailer or kids to pull! I've also cut down my consumption of garbage. I decided to cut my Pepsi addiction - I treat myself *maybe* once a week to a small bottle, which is a huge blow from my 1-2 bottles a day. Also, extras like going out to eat (even McDonald's drive-thru) and ordering in have been cut down to once a month if there's the extra cash. I tend to just pick B up a Happy Meal and have some soup or sandwiches at home for myself on the occasion of eating out. I felt a bit guilty the other day when I picked up some balls of yarn, though... I had crocheted (sp?) a baby blanket for A, about the size of a crib blanket. I wanted to make this blanket to wrap up for a Christmas present, and I want to do a second baby blanket the same as the one I just finished for this baby to have a matching (different color, though) baby blanket. I picked up a big, huge ball to make a blanket for B's Christmas present, and I kind of felt guilty, even though I had spent not that much money, and I justified it as it gave me something to do with my time. I still felt kinda bad doing it but did it anyways... Should I be feeling this way? Should I not be doing things like getting yarn for crafts for me on occasion? Should I be eating the soup instead of pigging out on the chicken and spaghetti? Am I doing everything wrong? Any ideas or tips for these kinds of situations? My mom has said Wednesday is good for her, and I know she'll give me an ear full, and then some... I also know anything she says will probably be true and right, but I kind of want to try and get some hints or advice, if possible, to be a bit prepared, maybe have some sort of plan to go in with when she goes through all this mess with me on Wednesday... 1) if you don't eat well, then your unborn child will suffer the loss. Your body will take the nutrients. I know. Just what I don't need is to be a lump laying in a bed or on bed rest because of being unhealthy... Or end up with something like a C-section real early because of problems and having to deal with the kids plus trying to manage a hospital with an extreme preemie baby or something... Oh, yea, as nice as it sounds, bed rest is out lol 2) you need help from the ex, your family, and social services. You need to contact churches to see who can help. The ex is out. I'll let that part go with the flow and let family maintenance do what they do better than I could ever do. I'm not going to try and beg and negotiate with him anymore. I do know that all he wants and needs is his time. TBH, I know that with time, it won't be this big headache. That's the future, which I am not going to look into (that area, anyways) as it's the present I want to deal with now. Not what can, may, possibly, perhaps happen down the road in a month, 6 months, a year, 10 years, whatever. I asked my mom. She definitely has the best for resources like this that I more than likely need. Family also seems more willing and able to help now than they were a few months ago. I also am in contact with SS. I get the feeling that the worker I have is newer and isn't as familiar with everything available. Or maybe she's just lazy. I did ask about extras - clothing, food, money from any other source. She said that in September, she can and will issue me extra money - a baby allowance thing that is a one time thing. I think she said it's an extra $250 for baby needs. I also asked about clothing for me, as obviously what I was wearing last year does not fit, and she hasn't gotten back to me yet. Also asked about clothing allowances for school for B. Again, no word yet, I will call her tomorrow morning. Time to beg, borrow, and beg. Sorry hon... that's the best I have. 'K No, and that's fine. It's far better than what I currently have to go with! |
#5
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![]() "xkatx" wrote in message news:6z%Ig.14782$Nz6.4712@edtnps82... "Tiffany" wrote in message news:g_YIg.7358$4O4.3611@trnddc02... "xkatx" wrote in message news:%tOIg.14724$Nz6.14590@edtnps82... About a few things... Is it normal or alright to feel guilty over something, for example, like food? snipped Things may be very different there then here so not sure what all we suggest applies. Kate of course has good ideas. I for one, forgot that you were pregnant so make sure to eat healthy. There are programs for prego women here.... called WIC or something. Gives vouchers for milk, cheese, ect. Electric companies have programs to help low income families... check with them. (I assume when you say POWER you are talking your electric) Contract issues..... what kate suggested might work depending. I have heard ppl try anything and everything to get out of a cell phone contract with no luck. But the internet contract... ask about a suspension... tell em why. |
#6
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![]() "xkatx" wrote in message news ![]() "'Kate" wrote in message ... On Tue, 29 Aug 2006 03:26:51 GMT, "xkatx" the following was posted in blue dry erase marker: snip You mean pay a bit above and beyond for a bill? What I mean is see if maybe Power Company will accept a payment plan of maybe an extra $20 on top of whatever the monthly bill may be? (eg: Power is $50 this month, pay $70 to them, next month bill is $60, pay $80 to them? - for example) snip The cell phone is a contract. I have to find a way out of the contract or pawn the remaining contract (for 2 phones) off on someone else. Cable is scheduled to be knocked off for my next billing period. I do not like pro-rated rates, and with the time they need to disconnect (or so they say) it ends up being a few days before my new billing period anyways. It's the Internet that we have the regular high speed ADSL - on contract. I am going to call in and see if I can possibly live out the rest of my contract (or for as long as I need to, anyways) on something cheaper - like their dial up service. In this area, there's not much for options on stuff like that. snip Always have had only PLPD - minimum required for putting a car on the road. snip Ah. Never thought of that. I got myself locked into a contract with the new power company back in November or so. They were far cheaper than what we were with, and with the contract, rates are locked at that amount and won't go up (then you get to the end of the contract and it goes way up lol) There's 2 power companies to choose from - AFAIK. We're on one and switched to that one from the other, with higher rates. Maybe I can negotiate for a cheaper rate, though! snip The only other phone company around is through the cable company. New(er) service and by far less reliable than the actual phone company. That's what I hear from others who switched anyways. The cable company's phone service is also WAY more expensive. It's a set rate and comes with ALL the bells and whistles for that extra cost - currently pay about $25 for the phone - the cable company is, I think, something like $50 or $55 because it comes standard with free long distance (I do not call long distance or have any reason for this, even currently have a block on all long distance/charge phone numbers on my phone) call display, voice mail, call waiting, bla bla bla. I really have no use for any of those for the extra money it is. I also kinda like the phone number I have and have had since day 1. It's almost like a piece of me would be gone if I lost that phone number LOL j/k snip Maybe something will be new since around March when I insured this car. Maybe someone might try and offer a better deal if I'm serious about switching? snip For which part? With children and babies, I feel that a phone is a necessity in the case of emergency, not a luxury. With call display, I have had some issues with people calling as well as telemarketers harrassing me, not to mention there's a bill collection place on my case because they say that I was paid vacation pay 2 times from my last job - a year and a half ago. I've sent them documents and papers to show I was not over paid, and they call all hours. I log when they call and if it continues the way it is, I plan to make a complaint. Also, the power, well, you need power. I'd be evicted if the power was not on here, as you need to have power in order to stay a tenant. snip Internet and phone are the same company, comes on the same bill each month. It's then down to phone or no phone if I say we're moving and moving to an area they might not cover for Internet. They'd also disconnect the phone, and the other phone company is, by far, more expensive for what I need, unless I could come up with something like I'm moving to this area, I am leaving the phone as I'm allowing a friend to rent here after I move and they have their own ISP? Hm... Maybe that doesn't make sense... snip Ah theys *seem* to cover EVERYWHERE... Even in Las Vegas, I had coverage. No coverage on the airplane, though LOL Unless I'm moving out of the country or something... If calling and saying I'm moving to something like, I don't know, England, is that very far-fetched and obnoxious? I might then still be responsible to live out my contract (pay them lots to back out of the contract early) or be expected to find someone to take over the remaining contract... I think I will call and see. A friend's girlfriend said a little while back that if you call a company and say you still want their service but want a cheaper rate, they'll suggest knocking off features - no voice mail, no free evening/weekend minutes, etc., and if you say something like you use the phone for business and require these features or options, they have ways to knock your bill down even more without losing any features. Not sure how true this is (this woman is fairly obnoxious and childish at times) but... Maybe that's one thing I will ask about. snip I know. Just what I don't need is to be a lump laying in a bed or on bed rest because of being unhealthy... Or end up with something like a C-section real early because of problems and having to deal with the kids plus trying to manage a hospital with an extreme preemie baby or something... Oh, yea, as nice as it sounds, bed rest is out lol snip The ex is out. I'll let that part go with the flow and let family maintenance do what they do better than I could ever do. I'm not going to try and beg and negotiate with him anymore. I do know that all he wants and needs is his time. TBH, I know that with time, it won't be this big headache. That's the future, which I am not going to look into (that area, anyways) as it's the present I want to deal with now. Not what can, may, possibly, perhaps happen down the road in a month, 6 months, a year, 10 years, whatever. I asked my mom. She definitely has the best for resources like this that I more than likely need. Family also seems more willing and able to help now than they were a few months ago. I also am in contact with SS. I get the feeling that the worker I have is newer and isn't as familiar with everything available. Or maybe she's just lazy. I did ask about extras - clothing, food, money from any other source. She said that in September, she can and will issue me extra money - a baby allowance thing that is a one time thing. I think she said it's an extra $250 for baby needs. I also asked about clothing for me, as obviously what I was wearing last year does not fit, and she hasn't gotten back to me yet. Also asked about clothing allowances for school for B. Again, no word yet, I will call her tomorrow morning. snip No, and that's fine. It's far better than what I currently have to go with! Kat - your best bet is to buckle down and do the things that a responsible adult would do. I read your answers, and this reads like a game... "Why don't you..................." .. "Yes, but ..........................." You have a ton of reasons for NOT doing what needs to be done. Time to put on your big girl panties, kiddo, and start being the adult in your house. |
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![]() xkatx wrote: About a few things... Is it normal or alright to feel guilty over something, for example, like food? I know, obviously, I need to eat as well as everyone else, but I find that I don't drink milk because the kids need it, as much, if not more, than I do. Might not be true, but that's how I feel. I also find that I make enough for supper for all of us to eat whatever, but I find I eat less to save that food for leftovers the next day (or in a couple days) and I snack on other small things - like I'll make rice and chicken for the kids, let them eat what they eat and I'll eat enough to tie me over and then I'll make a bowl of vegetable soup to save enough chicken for the kids the next day for them to have a more proper, balanced meal and diet. Kat is there a program where you live called WIC ? (Women Infants and Children) In Pa there is this program which my daughter/we have used to help supply formula ,baby foods ,milk, cereal ,juice ,eggs cheese and peanut butter . you can look into that for you and the children. I try and limit my shopping outings... I try and do shopping in one shot for groceries. I also find that I look for sales, there's very few items I will pay extra for the real thing (Heinz ketchup and Miracle Whip are 2 things I can think of off the top of my head that I would rather go without than buy the cheap stuff) looking for sales would be a given no matter what your situation is right? Maybe you should go without the ketchup and mayo then ....Ya know I and many others have been where you are at times and even over the past 5-6 years I had found myself and younger daughter homeless after Gayle died. We lost everything and I mean everything kiddo. We learned quickly to be grateful for the "Cheap stuff" and I find I buy meat on sale and toss it in the freezer rather than cooking up fresh whatever every day. I still find it hard, though. There is nothing wrong with sale meat that is frozen , just remember to cook it the day you defrost it. I also sat down earlier to take a look at the bills... ALL are overdue, and yea, I know I have no one to blame but myself over it. I did call my mom and asked her if she'd be able to come over, or me go over to her house, to sit down and go through the bills. By over due, I mean I have 1 disconnection notice and the rest of the bills are waaaay up there - like if I put it off any longer, they will send disconnection notices for the other utilities. Does anyone have any ideas for bills and how to manage them? Others have offered you the same advice I would on this. We fell behind on our electric last year and I called the elec co and we worked out an arrangement like the one I saw someone suggest to you here.We pay the current and a small amount (we pay 15.00) on the past due amount each month , thius will secure your elec. Try and do the same with the others. I went through them, but I did give up. It kind of made me upset to sit and go through them and think about them. The bills I have to pay a Rent, power, phone, Internet, cable, cell phone, car insurance. My rent I can't bother trying to change, nor can I bargain with the insurance company. I have basic PLPD on the car anyways, just enough to make it legal on the road. I also do need the home phone, and it's currently as a basic line, no long distance or anything. I do have call display, which I'm debating on getting rid of or not. That's the one and only 'extra' I see I have. The power also needs to be as it is. Before someone jumps on me about the others... (Internet, cable, cell phone...) I'm currently locked into a 2 year contract with the Internet. That started this past December around Christmas, so I'm stuck with the Internet contract until about December of '07. I was thinking, however, about calling the ISP and seeing if there is any possible way that I can still live out my contract for less money (IE, downgrade from the high speed ADSL to a lower grade ADSL or even possibly dial up - which I both assume are cheaper per month.) To cut the Internet would mean I would have a $250 charge on my account, and because the Internet and phone are the same company, same bill, I really can't do that because they'll cut my phone line if I don't pay that. To me, a smaller amount each month is easier to manage than a huge lump sum to pay off or be disconnected. For the cell phone, again, locked into a contract. To cancel the contract, I would have to pay whatever is equal to $20 per month per phone for whatever is left of my contract - that's $40 a month (for 2 phones) for however much time is left in my contract. I pay only about $50 a month for both of the phones anyways, so cancelling, would that make any sense at all? The cable TV (we currently have the digital cable package, which is $1 more a month than full cable, and I guess you get all these extra channels.) I am calling the cable company just before the end of the billing period to downgrade the cable to basic cable only, which is fairly cheap. I hesitate to just cut the cable completely, as there's a few kids' channels on basic cable that B watches, and the TV is something that I limit and use more as a priviledge. ugh......My granddaughter did not suffer any at all when we shut off our cable to allow us to catch up with the bill. We played DVDand VCR tapes of disney flicks for TV time. When my unemployment ran dry we knew we had to make adjustments and this is one of the things we did to aviod having items shut off on us we took the bull by the horns and called and shut them off, whatever it was that was not a necessity. Do not look at this as a pemanent problem it is not , right now you have to sacrifice to survive. Once you have the baby and can work out child care and get a job things will still be tough but you will be in charge and in control of where and how you spend the money and slowly with discipline you will make it. You NEED the bare necessities right now, a roof over your heads ,food , elec. water. Focus on this. The contracts will have to wait. At least if you are able to pay on the contract early termination once it is paid off you will not have that unecessary debt every month taking away from the basic needs .If you cant pay them right now OH WELL! The sooner you cancel this stuff the sooner the overdue amount will stop building higher and higher. Yes it makes a world of sense to cancel the things that are not needed to survive ASAP! I limit the driving to only when it's necessary. Doctor's appointments, for one, are a necessary car ride. Groceries are a necessary car ride. If I need to run errands, I try and do it all in one day, and yes, I do plan my route out to avoid wasting time, gas and effort by running back and forth, here and there. We also walk to a lot of places if possible, and I try and use the bike and trailer, but with 2 kids in the trailer, I do have a hard time on the bike. Heck, we'd all go together along the river valley trails and N would take the kids in the trailer behind his bike, and I had enough trouble keeping up to him with no trailer or kids to pull! Yes I agree except for the trailer ! Girl how pregnant are you ? NO trailer pulling O.K. ?!?!?!?!?! I've also cut down my consumption of garbage. I decided to cut my Pepsi addiction - I treat myself *maybe* once a week to a small bottle, which is a huge blow from my 1-2 bottles a day. Ummmm....O.K. Now you make me mad like my daughter made me mad! Your baby does not thrive very well on Junk. Soda is Junk indeed , you should be drinking juices and milk and water. I really hope there is a program out there that can help you eat right for both yourand your unborn babies heatlh. Also, extras like going out to eat (even McDonald's drive-thru) and ordering in have been cut down to once a month if there's the extra cash. I tend to just pick B up a Happy Meal and have some soup or sandwiches at home for myself on the occasion of eating out. I felt a bit guilty the other day when I picked up some balls of yarn, though... I had crocheted (sp?) a baby blanket for A, about the size of a crib blanket. I wanted to make this blanket to wrap up for a Christmas present, and I want to do a second baby blanket the same as the one I just finished for this baby to have a matching (different color, though) baby blanket. I picked up a big, huge ball to make a blanket for B's Christmas present, and I kind of felt guilty, even though I had spent not that much money, and I justified it as it gave me something to do with my time. I still felt kinda bad doing it but did it anyways... If you cant afford to feed yourself or children you do not spend money on yarn period. You feel guilty dont do it your intuition is usually right . Should I be feeling this way? Should I not be doing things like getting yarn for crafts for me on occasion? Should I be eating the soup instead of pigging out on the chicken and spaghetti? Am I doing everything wrong? Any ideas or tips for these kinds of situations? I think you really know the answers to these Kat..........You need to watch the sodium intake ...soups are loaded with sodium ...you need to eat healthy . My mom has said Wednesday is good for her, and I know she'll give me an ear full, and then some... I also know anything she says will probably be true and right, but I kind of want to try and get some hints or advice, if possible, to be a bit prepared, maybe have some sort of plan to go in with when she goes through all this mess with me on Wednesday... Kat people make mistakes you made a mistake trusting Norm. If you can and I think from what I have read before about your relationship with your parents you can, then ask for help from them ,buckle down ,respect what they do for you and do not make them regret helping you. I realise I am a little late in my response and I hope things are working out. What decisions have you made about all this so far? Bev |
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![]() "xkatx" wrote in message news:%tOIg.14724$Nz6.14590@edtnps82... About a few things... Is it normal or alright to feel guilty over something, for example, like food? Yes completely normal... I know, obviously, I need to eat as well as everyone else, but I find that I don't drink milk because the kids need it, as much, if not more, than I do. Calcium tablets work... That's what I did... Might not be true, but that's how I feel. I also find that I make enough for supper for all of us to eat whatever, but I find I eat less to save that food for leftovers the next day (or in a couple days) and I snack on other small things - like I'll make rice and chicken for the kids, let them eat what they eat and I'll eat enough to tie me over and then I'll make a bowl of vegetable soup to save enough chicken for the kids the next day for them to have a more proper, balanced meal and diet. Nothing wrong with that nor anything abnormal about that at all... I try and limit my shopping outings... I try and do shopping in one shot for groceries. I also find that I look for sales, there's very few items I will pay extra for the real thing (Heinz ketchup and Miracle Whip are 2 things I can think of off the top of my head that I would rather go without than buy the cheap stuff) and I find I buy meat on sale and toss it in the freezer rather than cooking up fresh whatever every day. I still find it hard, though. That's the only way to shop... I'm with you on the miracle whip tho LOL I also sat down earlier to take a look at the bills... ALL are overdue, and yea, I know I have no one to blame but myself over it. I did call my mom and asked her if she'd be able to come over, or me go over to her house, to sit down and go through the bills. By over due, I mean I have 1 disconnection notice and the rest of the bills are waaaay up there - like if I put it off any longer, they will send disconnection notices for the other utilities. Hmmmmm take your bills into the nearest welfare office... I know they will assist you with utilities... You don't need your mom to fix you... YOU need to fix you... That includes your bills... Does anyone have any ideas for bills and how to manage them? Yup for now pay the necessary ones... Call up the collectors and arrange a payment schedule with them... Put a little on each bill if possible... Keep the roof over your head and the utilities food in your tummies and limit everything else... Get your bottom into the nearest welfare office for help if you don't have enough for the necessary bills I went through them, but I did give up. It kind of made me upset to sit and go through them and think about them. The bills I have to pay a Rent, power, phone, Internet, cable, cell phone, car insurance. My rent I can't bother trying to change, nor can I bargain with the insurance company. I have basic PLPD on the car anyways, just enough to make it legal on the road. I also do need the home phone, and it's currently as a basic line, no long distance or anything. I do have call display, which I'm debating on getting rid of or not. That's the one and only 'extra' I see I have. The power also needs to be as it is. Before someone jumps on me about the others... (Internet, cable, cell phone...) I'm currently locked into a 2 year contract with the Internet. That started this past December around Christmas, so I'm stuck with the Internet contract until about December of '07. I was thinking, however, about calling the ISP and seeing if there is any possible way that I can still live out my contract for less money (IE, downgrade from the high speed ADSL to a lower grade ADSL or even possibly dial up - which I both assume are cheaper per month.) To cut the Internet would mean I would have a $250 charge on my account, and because the Internet and phone are the same company, same bill, I really can't do that because they'll cut my phone line if I don't pay that. To me, a smaller amount each month is easier to manage than a huge lump sum to pay off or be disconnected. For the cell phone, again, locked into a contract. To cancel the contract, I would have to pay whatever is equal to $20 per month per phone for whatever is left of my contract - that's $40 a month (for 2 phones) for however much time is left in my contract. I pay only about $50 a month for both of the phones anyways, so cancelling, would that make any sense at all? The cable TV (we currently have the digital cable package, which is $1 more a month than full cable, and I guess you get all these extra channels.) I am calling the cable company just before the end of the billing period to downgrade the cable to basic cable only, which is fairly cheap. I hesitate to just cut the cable completely, as there's a few kids' channels on basic cable that B watches, and the TV is something that I limit and use more as a priviledge. I limit the driving to only when it's necessary. Doctor's appointments, for one, are a necessary car ride. Groceries are a necessary car ride. If I need to run errands, I try and do it all in one day, and yes, I do plan my route out to avoid wasting time, gas and effort by running back and forth, here and there. We also walk to a lot of places if possible, and I try and use the bike and trailer, but with 2 kids in the trailer, I do have a hard time on the bike. Heck, we'd all go together along the river valley trails and N would take the kids in the trailer behind his bike, and I had enough trouble keeping up to him with no trailer or kids to pull! I've also cut down my consumption of garbage. I decided to cut my Pepsi addiction - I treat myself *maybe* once a week to a small bottle, which is a huge blow from my 1-2 bottles a day. Also, extras like going out to eat (even McDonald's drive-thru) and ordering in have been cut down to once a month if there's the extra cash. I tend to just pick B up a Happy Meal and have some soup or sandwiches at home for myself on the occasion of eating out. I felt a bit guilty the other day when I picked up some balls of yarn, though... I had crocheted (sp?) a baby blanket for A, about the size of a crib blanket. I wanted to make this blanket to wrap up for a Christmas present, and I want to do a second baby blanket the same as the one I just finished for this baby to have a matching (different color, though) baby blanket. I picked up a big, huge ball to make a blanket for B's Christmas present, and I kind of felt guilty, even though I had spent not that much money, and I justified it as it gave me something to do with my time. I still felt kinda bad doing it but did it anyways... Should I be feeling this way? Should I not be doing things like getting yarn for crafts for me on occasion? Should I be eating the soup instead of pigging out on the chicken and spaghetti? Am I doing everything wrong? Any ideas or tips for these kinds of situations? My mom has said Wednesday is good for her, and I know she'll give me an ear full, and then some... I also know anything she says will probably be true and right, but I kind of want to try and get some hints or advice, if possible, to be a bit prepared, maybe have some sort of plan to go in with when she goes through all this mess with me on Wednesday... |
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its the only way...
On Wed, 30 Aug 2006 01:40:20 GMT, "Moon Shyne" wrote: ..... You have a ton of reasons for NOT doing what needs to be done. Time to put on your big girl panties, kiddo, and start being the adult in your house. |
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best information
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