Questions about baby shower

Has anyone ever had their shower after the baby? My MIL is insistent that we
do it after (Jewish superstitious tradition), but everone else is
encouraging me otherwise. It doesn't really matter so much to me, and I am
not eager to make war with MIL (and it would be ugly). Since I am due in
November, I am worried that no one is going to want to have to gather up
during the holidays for MORE gift giving.

Other questions:
I have never been a fan of all female showers- any good Jack and Jill
stories out there? Were single guys invited? Did they feel wierd?

I heard about a shower where they didn't open any presents to avoid the long
lull in the middle of the party. At first I thought this sounded cool
(neither DH or I are looking forward to being the center of attention for
that long). But maybe people like seeing their gift opened?

Thank in advance for any advice!
Erin

"Steve and/or Erin" wrote in message
...
Has anyone ever had their shower after the baby? My MIL is insistent that
we
do it after (Jewish superstitious tradition), but everone else is
encouraging me otherwise. It doesn't really matter so much to me, and I am
not eager to make war with MIL (and it would be ugly). Since I am due in
November, I am worried that no one is going to want to have to gather up
during the holidays for MORE gift giving.

Other questions:
I have never been a fan of all female showers- any good Jack and Jill
stories out there? Were single guys invited? Did they feel wierd?

I heard about a shower where they didn't open any presents to avoid the
long
lull in the middle of the party. At first I thought this sounded cool
(neither DH or I are looking forward to being the center of attention for
that long). But maybe people like seeing their gift opened?

Thank in advance for any advice!
Erin


If it doesn't matter so much to you when to have the shower I would go ahead
and give in to your MIL's wishes. You would more than likely want to wait
for the shower until after the holidays anyway wouldn't you though?
Everyone will be busy and you might not feel up to it yet anyway. I had a
mixed gender shower for my best friend and we just made it into a BBQ and
let the guys drink beer (or whatever) and just pretty much had a get
together/celebration thing. We still did a female centered activity to
honor my bf and her baby, but otherwise it was very informal and I think
everyone really enjoyed themselves. I honestly think people like to see
their gift opened so they can see the reaction. But anyway, I hope whatever
you decision you make you have a great time. Good luck!
Kat
Mama to Maggie 11/03/01
and Will 02/10/04

Steve and/or Erin wrote:

Has anyone ever had their shower after the baby? My MIL is insistent that we
do it after (Jewish superstitious tradition), but everone else is
encouraging me otherwise. It doesn't really matter so much to me, and I am
not eager to make war with MIL (and it would be ugly). Since I am due in
November, I am worried that no one is going to want to have to gather up
during the holidays for MORE gift giving.

Other questions:
I have never been a fan of all female showers- any good Jack and Jill
stories out there? Were single guys invited? Did they feel wierd?

I heard about a shower where they didn't open any presents to avoid the long
lull in the middle of the party. At first I thought this sounded cool
(neither DH or I are looking forward to being the center of attention for
that long). But maybe people like seeing their gift opened?

Good heavens, why on earth would you have a shower
under these circumstances? It sounds to me like the perfect
solution is for you to throw a "meet the baby" party or
a naming party or a dedication party or whatever suits
you after the baby is born. You (or family) can throw it
(because it's not a shower). They're usually co-ed. If
people are feeling gifted out, they aren't *required* to
bring a gift (at a shower, they will be required to bring
a gift), but most will anyway. You don't open gifts during
the party because gifts are not required and you would not
want to embarrass anyone who didn't bring one. Everyone
gets to meet the baby. Guys won't feel weird. You don't
have to play stupid games. Sounds like a win all around
to me.

Best wishes,
Ericka

In ,
Steve and/or Erin wrote:

*Has anyone ever had their shower after the baby? My MIL is insistent that we
*do it after (Jewish superstitious tradition), but everone else is

There's no specific Jewish tradition of having a shower after the baby is
born. In fact, most of my Jewish friends (and I am including myself here)
don't have showers at all.

That being said, I have been to a number of both planned and unplanned (as
in, baby unexpectedly arrived early) "welcome to the new baby" parties
which were held in lieu of showers. Oh, and I can't comment on the
timing issue, really, as we Jews don't really have problems with all the
Christmas holiday hassle . Oh, and I vastly prefer when the mom DOES
open the gifts



--
hillary israeli vmd http://www.hillary.net
"uber vaccae in quattuor partes divisum est."
not-so-newly minted veterinarian-at-large

Umm.. I've never been to a baby shower that was before the baby was born. I
don't know how it is elsewhere, but in the part of Canada where I'm from,
the shower is always after the baby is born so that the people can hold the
baby while the gifts are being opened and also, since I'm not going to know
the sex before birth, the gifts can be gender specific. Of course, I don't
live in Canada anymore, I'm in NC, but since we've decided not to find out
the sex, I've requested we have the shower after the baby is born.

-Meagan


"Ericka Kammerer" wrote in message
...
Steve and/or Erin wrote:

Has anyone ever had their shower after the baby? My MIL is insistent
that we
do it after (Jewish superstitious tradition), but everone else is
encouraging me otherwise. It doesn't really matter so much to me, and I
am
not eager to make war with MIL (and it would be ugly). Since I am due in
November, I am worried that no one is going to want to have to gather up
during the holidays for MORE gift giving.

Other questions:
I have never been a fan of all female showers- any good Jack and Jill
stories out there? Were single guys invited? Did they feel wierd?

I heard about a shower where they didn't open any presents to avoid the
long
lull in the middle of the party. At first I thought this sounded cool
(neither DH or I are looking forward to being the center of attention
for
that long). But maybe people like seeing their gift opened?

Good heavens, why on earth would you have a shower
under these circumstances? It sounds to me like the perfect
solution is for you to throw a "meet the baby" party or
a naming party or a dedication party or whatever suits
you after the baby is born. You (or family) can throw it
(because it's not a shower). They're usually co-ed. If
people are feeling gifted out, they aren't *required* to
bring a gift (at a shower, they will be required to bring
a gift), but most will anyway. You don't open gifts during
the party because gifts are not required and you would not
want to embarrass anyone who didn't bring one. Everyone
gets to meet the baby. Guys won't feel weird. You don't
have to play stupid games. Sounds like a win all around
to me.

Best wishes,
Ericka

*Has anyone ever had their shower after the baby? My MIL is insistent that
we
*do it after (Jewish superstitious tradition), but everone else is

I never have, only while the woman was pregnant.

There's no specific Jewish tradition of having a shower after the baby is
born. In fact, most of my Jewish friends (and I am including myself here)
don't have showers at all.

You have not met my sister - who had 3, count them, 3 showers just for baby
#1
Actually I thought there was a superstition about buying stuff and setting
up the baby's room before the birth - someone does it while you're in the
hospital.

That being said, I have been to a number of both planned and unplanned (as
in, baby unexpectedly arrived early) "welcome to the new baby" parties
which were held in lieu of showers. Oh, and I can't comment on the
timing issue, really, as we Jews don't really have problems with all the
Christmas holiday hassle . Oh, and I vastly prefer when the mom DOES
open the gifts
--
hillary israeli vmd http://www.hillary.net

I know for the kids' birthday parties we open presents after everyone's
left. But I'm hoping adults wouldn't yell "mine" and cry cos they can't
keep the gift they brought - lol.

I think I saw on A Baby Story on tv one time a Jewish family who had all
the stuff ordered and it was either at the store or someone else's
house, the taboo was about bringing it into the baby's house before the
baby was actually born and found out to be ok. I've heard that somewhere
else too, and was left with the impression that maybe it was more of an
eastern European thing than necessarily Jewish.

I think the final decision should suit you, not your MIL, but maybe you
can cut a deal and leave all the stuff at her(!) or someone else's house
until the baby comes home safe and sound. The time to start showing your
MIL that you will make the decisions about your baby is now, otherwise
you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of struggle.

On the other hand, a welcome baby party would be fine after the fact
too. We had a traditional beforehand shower with #1, but there was an
awful lot going on in our family before #2's arrival (SIL high risk
pg/2nd c-sect due 1 month before me, IL's rather ill, etc.). Ds1's bday
was a month after baby was born, so we had one big party for ds1, big
cake, and smaller cakes for my birthday and welcome baby. Ds1's school
friends brought presents for him, and family and personal friends
generally brought gifts for both kids and a little token for me as well.
We only opened ds1's presents at the party, and the others for baby and
me at home later.

I could go either way about opening the gifts at the party, it does get
to be a bit much after a while, but people do like to see their gifts
opened. I definitely have hated parties where the gifts got passed
around the room. I'd rather they be put out sort of on display so you
can look at them if you want to.

I think it's nice for husbands/men to be included in celebrating a new
baby in their family or of their good friends, we had male friends at
our shower for ds1, and have been to at least one other shower with men,
both married and single. Really, as long as there's beer and food and
cake, what could they have to complain about?

-Karen, mom to Henry 4 and William 3 months-

Steve and/or Erin wrote:
Has anyone ever had their shower after the baby? My MIL is insistent that we
do it after (Jewish superstitious tradition), but everone else is
encouraging me otherwise. It doesn't really matter so much to me, and I am
not eager to make war with MIL (and it would be ugly). Since I am due in
November, I am worried that no one is going to want to have to gather up
during the holidays for MORE gift giving.

Other questions:
I have never been a fan of all female showers- any good Jack and Jill
stories out there? Were single guys invited? Did they feel wierd?

I heard about a shower where they didn't open any presents to avoid the long
lull in the middle of the party. At first I thought this sounded cool
(neither DH or I are looking forward to being the center of attention for
that long). But maybe people like seeing their gift opened?

Thank in advance for any advice!
Erin

In ,
Sophie wrote:

* There's no specific Jewish tradition of having a shower after the baby is
* born. In fact, most of my Jewish friends (and I am including myself here)
* don't have showers at all.
*
*You have not met my sister - who had 3, count them, 3 showers just for baby

Just because a Jewish person does something, that doesn't mean the thing
is a "Jewish tradition," IYKWIM

*Actually I thought there was a superstition about buying stuff and setting
*up the baby's room before the birth - someone does it while you're in the
*hospital.

Yep. You don't buy baby stuff til the baby is born alive and healthy!
That's the Jewish tradition. Nothing about having or not having a shower
at a particular time. That's all I meant.

h.

--
hillary israeli vmd http://www.hillary.net
"uber vaccae in quattuor partes divisum est."
not-so-newly minted veterinarian-at-large

I have told everyone who has even breathed the word "shower" that I don't
want one until the baby is safely in my arms and home. That way I KNOW
everything is OK, and if the baby turns out to be too big for newborn
clothes at birth (which happened to a friend of mine), or ends up being a
tiny preemie, or ends up being a boy even though the ultrasound indicated a
girl, we're covered.

I like the idea of a "meet the baby" gathering, rather than a more
traditional shower. A lot of things at them don't appeal to me. And since
I'm due right at Christmas, putting any sort of party off until afterwards
seems like a good idea.

In . net,
Karen wrote:

*I think I saw on A Baby Story on tv one time a Jewish family who had all
*the stuff ordered and it was either at the store or someone else's
*house, the taboo was about bringing it into the baby's house before the
*baby was actually born and found out to be ok. I've heard that somewhere
*else too, and was left with the impression that maybe it was more of an
*eastern European thing than necessarily Jewish.

As a Jew of eastern European descent, I'm of the understanding it is a
Jewish thing . That's basically what we did, btw. My MIL went and got
the stuff after our son was born.


--
hillary israeli vmd http://www.hillary.net
"uber vaccae in quattuor partes divisum est."
not-so-newly minted veterinarian-at-large