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#1
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Help With Toddler Hitting
I've consulted every book I have and need some new ideas. Maybe someone
has gone through this or has a better idea. My little girl is 19 months old and hits me out of frustration. She's been doing this since she was about 15 months old. I'm a SAHM and with her all day so it's not like she's learned this behavior. She doesn't hit other children, but if someone is bothering her or too much in her space (playground, gymboree, etc.) she will put up her arm in an "I'm going to hit you" position so they get out of her way. It's not the worst thing, but most of the time when she does take a swat at me I will either sit her in the corner for a moment or if I'm getting too angry from it happening too often, I'll put her in her crib for a short timeout. If we are out in public and she hits I will usually stop and sit her on the floor for a moment. I always tell her there is no hitting, hitting hurts, it makes mommy sad, etc. She has a hugh vocabulary for her age and her understanding of language is even better. What's Up???? How long does this phase last or is there something I'm missing?? Thanks. |
#2
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Help With Toddler Hitting
"Me" wrote in message ... What's Up???? How long does this phase last or is there something I'm missing?? DS does this. He does it out of frustration because he can't express himself. I put him in timeout. It does help calm him down. He is getting better as he gets older. I don't think it's something we really have to sweat over unless it doesn't improve. |
#3
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Help With Toddler Hitting
In article qYRVb.262262$xy6.1332700@attbi_s02, toypup wrote:
"Me" wrote in message ... What's Up???? How long does this phase last or is there something I'm missing?? DS does this. He does it out of frustration because he can't express himself. I put him in timeout. It does help calm him down. He is getting better as he gets older. I don't think it's something we really have to sweat over unless it doesn't improve. Toddlers hitting is farily common. If the child is bright but is having trouble communicating, extra effort on the part of the parent to aid the communication can reduce frustration. If the toddler seems to have trouble saying what they need, while have a huge receptive vocabulary, look into speech therapy. Fatigue, hunger, and need to use the bathroom can also reduce toddler tolerance---try to anticipate these needs and keep the toddler cooperative. -- Kevin Karplus http://www.soe.ucsc.edu/~karplus life member (LAB, Adventure Cycling, American Youth Hostels) Effective Cycling Instructor #218-ck (lapsed) Professor of Biomolecular Engineering, University of California, Santa Cruz Undergraduate and Graduate Director, Bioinformatics Affiliations for identification only. |
#4
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Help With Toddler Hitting
On Mon, 9 Feb 2004 14:49:31 EST, Me wrote:
My little girl is 19 months old and hits me out of frustration. She's been doing this since she was about 15 months old. I'm a SAHM and with her all day so it's not like she's learned this behavior. She doesn't hit other children, but if someone is bothering her or too much in her space (playground, gymboree, etc.) she will put up her arm in an "I'm going to hit you" position so they get out of her way. Anticipate when she is going to hit you and *stop* her from doing so before she does it. Stay calm yourself. Hold her hands firmly and say *we use gentle hands to touch people.* Show her how she can touch you gently. Don't lecture about hitting - at 19 months (and even older) lectures do little good and just make kids mommy-deaf. Acknowledge her anger. *I see that you are frustrated.* If you know *why* she is frustrated or angry, reflect that back to her. *You wanted to do that yourself, but it was too hard.* When she makes that *I'm going to hit you* gesture, you should probably intervene and take her away from the situation so that she doesn't assume that she can intimidate others. If other kids are getting out of her way when she does this, she is learning that it's ok to intimidate people, imo, and this should be nipped in the bud. Since you say she has a good vocabulary for her age, try role-playing situations where she tends to get frustrated with her dolls or stuffed animals. Let her see what she can do instead of hitting. Having the doll or animal hit and then stop and talk instead may help her evaluate her own behavior and give her some alternatives. -- Dorothy There is no sound, no cry in all the world that can be heard unless someone listens .. The Outer Limits |
#5
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Help With Toddler Hitting
Me wrote in message ...
I've consulted every book I have and need some new ideas. Maybe someone has gone through this or has a better idea. My little girl is 19 months old and hits me out of frustration. She's been doing this since she was about 15 months old. I'm a SAHM and with her all day so it's not like she's learned this behavior. She doesn't hit other children, but if someone is bothering her or too much in her space (playground, gymboree, etc.) she will put up her arm in an "I'm going to hit you" position so they get out of her way. It's not the worst thing, but most of the time when she does take a swat at me I will either sit her in the corner for a moment or if I'm getting too angry from it happening too often, I'll put her in her crib for a short timeout. If we are out in public and she hits I will usually stop and sit her on the floor for a moment. I always tell her there is no hitting, hitting hurts, it makes mommy sad, etc. She has a hugh vocabulary for her age and her understanding of language is even better. What's Up???? How long does this phase last or is there something I'm missing?? Thanks. Sounds like you're doing the right thing, but maybe consistency is key? She's a year and a half? She's only beginning to understand that other people have feelings. You can't allow her to threaten anyone else, that's very important. Don't play down her hitting, it sounds like she is ready for boundaries to be solidly established. Do you take her away from the playground when she threatens to hit other children? I mean, leave and go home? Do you make clear before she goes into the playground that she is not to raise her arm to other children or you will take her home? I think if she is as verbose as you say, she should understand that well enough. Otherwise I am sure you can simplify that enough. When she has her short time outs, do you leave her with toys in her playpen or crib? This shouldn't be for more than two or three minutes, anything longer and she'll forget why she's in there :-), but she shouldn't have her playthings in there, either, during time out. Perhaps with that consistency (I'm not sure if you already do these things?) she'll tire of it. Praise her when she plays with other children and doesn't threaten to hit them. Praise her when an hour's gone by and she hasn't hit you. She should be able to understand being rewarded for good behaviour, as well. |
#6
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Help With Toddler Hitting
toto wrote in message ne
Anticipate when she is going to hit you and *stop* her from doing so before she does it. Stay calm yourself. Hold her hands firmly and say *we use gentle hands to touch people.* Show her how she can touch you gently. Don't lecture about hitting - at 19 months (and even older) lectures do little good and just make kids mommy-deaf. Acknowledge her anger. *I see that you are frustrated.* If you know *why* she is frustrated or angry, reflect that back to her. *You wanted to do that yourself, but it was too hard.* When I had a problem with hitting I followed this advice (by Dorothy - Thank you! :-D) and it worked very well, and quickly. This is after I had spent 2-3 months trying other things that didn't put a dent in the behavior. In addition we also took a look at his whole life and changed some other things at the same time and I think it had a very positive impact and was why once the hitting was gone, we hardly ever had it happen again. Your things would most likely be different but as an example we increased rough house play, re-arranged our early evening routine, increased onene time with daddy, and changed the bedtime routine. Actually - I changed his brothers bed time routine but it had a positive impact on Hunter. In the long term we continually worked on ways for him to express frustration and how to walk away from his brother. This took a long time and we didn't see results for a long time. He was way behind in his speech and his personality is such that this would have been hard even if he wasn't. I don't think this did a thing for the hitting but I did see positive results down the road a year or two so it was worth it. :-) For one thing, he hardly ever intentinally hurts his brother, which is nice. Walking away is no longer so easy now though. They are becoming artful at provoking/teasing each other! -- Nikki |
#7
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Help With Toddler Hitting
Fatigue, hunger, and need to use the bathroom can also reduce toddler
tolerance- LOL. I'm taking a computer break because I am finding myself unusually snippy and ill-tempered with my 11 yo today -- I was reading this and realized I'm tired (too little sleep the last few days), hungry (new diet, also contributing to fatigue) and... darned if it ain't true... I have to go to the bathroom. No wonder I'm out of sorts. So it works for adults too... -Dawn Mom to Henry, 11 |
#8
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Help With Toddler Hitting
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#9
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Help With Toddler Hitting
Hold her hands firmly and say *we use gentle hands to touch people.* Show her how she can touch you gently. Don't lecture about hitting - at 19 months (and even older) lectures do little good and just make kids mommy-deaf. Thanks. Sometimes just saying something different can work. Acknowledge her anger. *I see that you are frustrated.* Good reminder :-). When she makes that *I'm going to hit you* gesture, you should probably intervene and take her away from the situation so that she doesn't assume that she can intimidate others. If other kids are getting out of her way when she does this, she is learning that it's ok to intimidate people, imo, and this should be nipped in the bud. This is a great suggestion. I never looked at her "hand up" as intimidating. In fact I was real happy to see her stand up for herself, but perhaps I should make sure she doesn't turn into a bully. Of course she is only 19 mos and 22 pounds, but it's sooo funny to see her stand up to even a 40 pound boy in her class. Since you say she has a good vocabulary for her age, try role-playing situations where she tends to get frustrated with her dolls or stuffed animals. Let her see what she can do instead of hitting. Having the doll or animal hit and then stop and talk instead may help her evaluate her own behavior and give her some alternatives. Another good suggestion. It's hard to balance my parenting between the "she's only 19 months old" and the "she does get it" idea |
#10
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Help With Toddler Hitting
"lili today, who knows tomorrow?" wrote: Sounds like you're doing the right thing, but maybe consistency is key? She's a year and a half? She's only beginning to understand that other people have feelings. You can't allow her to threaten anyone else, that's very important. Thanks. I never thought of her hand up as threatening, but since it was mentioned by toto also I'm going to pay a little more attention to that one. Don't play down her hitting, it sounds like she is ready for boundaries to be solidly established. Do you take her away from the playground when she threatens to hit other children? I mean, leave and go home? Do you make clear before she goes into the playground that she is not to raise her arm to other children or you will take her home? I think if she is as verbose as you say, she should understand that well enough. It's more like a self perseverance thing, but next time I will be a little more clear with her. I suppose I could tell her that if I see that behavior again we are leaving. Otherwise I am sure you can simplify that enough. When she has her short time outs, do you leave her with toys in her playpen or crib? This shouldn't be for more than two or three minutes, anything longer and she'll forget why she's in there :-), but she shouldn't have her playthings in there, either, Her time outs are usually for just a few minutes and I never have anything fun in there. Heck, sometimes I will even take her "lovely/blanket" out of her crib if I've reached my limit. Thanks for the tips! Sometimes we are all in need of an extra brain or two. |
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