Appropriate age to "go steady"?

On Mon, 26 Jan 2004 14:02:07 EST, illecebra wrote:
On Mon, 26 Jan 2004 13:26:25 EST, (H Schinske)
wrote:

Susan wrote:

Not to start a panic or anything, but when I graduated 8th grade, I
was one of thre or four girls in my class that were still virgins.

*blink*

What surprises me about this is that you KNEW. About them, I mean, not you. I
can't think of very many people, even in high school, where I knew for sure
they were or were not virgins.

--Helen

It's kind of hard not to notice sometimes... what I find funny is
that in high school (I went to a private Catholic school), everyone
seemed to think that I must be sleeping around because I could talk
about sex without blushing, and few who didn't have firsthand
knowledge suspected the girls who actually were.

There's no way I would start making assumptions. Back when
I was in High School, my best friend's sister was "well-known"
as someone who was sleeping around - extremely pretty,
very popular, dated a new guy practically every week, etc,
and, according to my sister, all the girls talked among
themselves about what a "tramp" she was. Heck, I assumed
she wasn't a virgin at the very least, either.

Imagine my surprise when BF's sister came to me when
she was a senior, asking if I thought she was old enough
to lost her virginity with her boyfriend.

Turns out that a lot of the reason she went out with so
many guys was they all expected her to sleep with them on
the first date, so she'd dump them, and of course the
guys would make up stories that something had happened,
and the other girls would hear and believe them,
etc, etc. None of it was true.

"Scott" wrote in message
...
Leah Adezio wrote:

[snip good advice]

(in
the short time they were 'steadies', he never attempted to kiss her,
though
because her parents were even stricter than my late husband and I were
and I
think my son was afraid of her father g).


chuckle

I hope to be the father that boys are afraid of with respect
to DD :-D

*snork*

Let's not dump this all on the boys, though. Given how aggressive some
girls can be, *I* feel like sitting them down, giving them the hard stare
and saying, 'Don't you even *think* about seducing my babies....'

So far, so good, though. My just turned 18 year old has *finally* begun
wading into the dating pool, having attended his first semi-formal this
winter and talking more about girls he thinks are interesting.

His current potential dilemna is that there is a girl who appears to be
taking interest in him...and was acting like she was even last year....but
she also had a boyfriend. I told my son just to keep his distance and
remain friends with her because he was also friendly with the boyfriend.

Now, it appears that boyfriend is on the way out of the picture. Since his
friendship with the boy has also strengthened since they all met (since we
moved into the district over a year ago), I suggested that if they do break
up, to let some time elapse before asking the girl out or anything so that
the boy doesn't think that my son was just waiting to move in like some
teenaged predator. ...that it's as just as important to take the boy's
feelings into consideration because breaking up can really suck.

Leah

Scott DD 10.5 and DS 7.95

Actually, that is something to worry about. Some boys are physiologically
ready to do it at age 12

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/q...&dopt=Abstract
and do it at age 12; others might not be able to have sex until age 15 or
16. Kids at these ages (adolescents) are not well-known for good self
control or good judgement. Note: The study was in 1990 -- kids are having
sex and becoming sexually mature at a younger age. (I am not suggesting
that
your daughter would do this at this age; the point is that it happens at
this age and you should prepare your daughter).

True. But then right now I have the ability to go out my front door and stab
the closest person I find with a 6 inch kitch knife. I don't, of course,
because I know it would be a stupid thing to do. Children are not stupid,
they do understand the adult world a lot more than some adults give them
credit for. This is an issue of trust. Do you trust your children not to
have sex until they are ready? If you do not trust them, you have to ask
yourself some questions.





Besides, the issue will come up within the next few years, so now is a
good
time to begin to deal with it. And, this is a subject that is on their
minds
a lot at this age and well into adulthood. And her friends might be doing
it.

Personally, I think education is the key. Once they have the proper
knowledge about sex and condoms and birth control, and understand that
having sex can mean having a baby the 1st time they have sex, it is up to
them to make their own decisions. Knowlege and the ability to use that
knowledge is the key.


I agree entirely.

On Mon, 26 Jan 2004 21:37:45 EST, "Weyoun the Dancing Borg"
wrote:

snip

True. But then right now I have the ability to go out my front door and stab
the closest person I find with a 6 inch kitch knife. I don't, of course,
because I know it would be a stupid thing to do. Children are not stupid,
they do understand the adult world a lot more than some adults give them
credit for. This is an issue of trust. Do you trust your children not to
have sex until they are ready? If you do not trust them, you have to ask
yourself some questions.

snip

Kids act and think a lot more like adults than most adults give them
credit for. Now look at how many stupid adults there are out there
and ask yourself whether or not that's a good thing.

I think I'll trust my son to make good choices when the time comes
around, about sex, money, career path, and everything else in
life--because I've already started teaching him about all these
things. (He's a year old.)

It's largely in how you raise them, with the rest having to do with
individual personalitites. My take is that you can't control them
every minute, so it's better to teach them to control themselves and
make responsible choices. In letting my young teen or preteen (ok I
don't have one yet, so I'm hypothesizing) go out on a date, I'd worry
more about them getting mugged, etc. than them having sex if they're
not ready for it. Two young people out alone make a great target.

Susan

H Schinske wrote:

Susan wrote:

Not to start a panic or anything, but when I graduated 8th grade, I
was one of thre or four girls in my class that were still virgins.

*blink*

What surprises me about this is that you KNEW. About them, I mean, not you. I
can't think of very many people, even in high school, where I knew for sure
they were or were not virgins.

--Helen


When a girl asks "Is he your boyfriend or are you just sleeping
together?" (and this isn't apparently an odd question) I can see Susan's
viewpoint.

Jeanne

X-No-Archive: yes
illecebra wrote:

On Mon, 26 Jan 2004 21:37:45 EST, "Weyoun the Dancing Borg"
wrote:

snip

True. But then right now I have the ability to go out my front door
and stab the closest person I find with a 6 inch kitch knife. I
don't, of course, because I know it would be a stupid thing to do.
Children are not stupid, they do understand the adult world a lot
more than some adults give them credit for. This is an issue of
trust. Do you trust your children not to have sex until they are
ready? If you do not trust them, you have to ask yourself some
questions.

snip

Kids act and think a lot more like adults than most adults give them
credit for. Now look at how many stupid adults there are out there
and ask yourself whether or not that's a good thing.

I think I'll trust my son to make good choices when the time comes
around, about sex, money, career path, and everything else in
life--because I've already started teaching him about all these
things. (He's a year old.)

It's largely in how you raise them, with the rest having to do with
individual personalitites. My take is that you can't control them
every minute, so it's better to teach them to control themselves and
make responsible choices. In letting my young teen or preteen (ok I
don't have one yet, so I'm hypothesizing) go out on a date, I'd worry
more about them getting mugged, etc. than them having sex if they're
not ready for it. Two young people out alone make a great target.

Susan

Yup, that's the bigger danger. I had a friend who's mother was always
watching him - she went through his bags when he came home, she listened to
him on the phone, she installed Net Nanny on his PC (he was 16), she was
even known to follow him around town.

I have no idea why, he never did anything wrong, didn't smoke or drink - she
was just nuts. He moved out at 17 and they do not talk because of this.
Soemtimes you just have to let bad things happen to your kids - they will
live and learn. You can tell them not to use their mobile phone in the
middle of town, and if they do not listen to you, they get it stolen. They
don't end up hurt, but they lose the phone. But they wont do it again. Of
course with sex it's a very different thing, once you catch an STD it might
be impossible to get rid of it. I don't know where I'm going with this heeh