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#1
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After school care = coronary or divorce?
OK, I apologize for being melodramatic, but I wanted to get the
attention of as many folks as possible. I need your help. My spouse and I are at loggerheads over putting our daughter (8 years old) in an after-school program. We both work, my schedule is flexible, my spouse's is not (8-5 M-F). The school bus comes at 8:10am, and I have been getting her on the bus, and then leaving for work so I can arrive at 8:30am. In order to pick her up, I have to leave work at 3:50pm at the latest. If I skip my lunch, I can put in about 7.5 h a day (which in reality is probably more than most of my colleagues). However, I feel uncomfortable about my supervisor seeing me arrive a bit late, AND leave early. I have asked my spouse to try to arrange to arrive at work at 8:30am instead of 8:00am so that I can go into work earlier. This way, one of us is getting our daughter on the bus, and the other getting her off of it, and we're both putting in a proper 8 hours. My spouse is very reluctant to do this, and has suggested enrolling our daughter in an after-school program (accredited) run at the elementary school. Our daughter would be in the program for about an hour after the regular school day. My opinion (I stress "MY", and realize other have equally valid views), is that our daughter should not spend any more than eight hours at school, the normal length of the school day. I would rather continue our current arrangement than go the after-school care route. However, in this economy, I fear for my job security too. In this situation, I am making considerably more than my spouse. However, I also understand the desire to create a successful career, regardless of your wage. My questions a 1. Do others who have had this situation have any suggestions that worked well for them to solve this problem? 2. Is it unreasonable for me to expect my spouse to change working scheduals (and take a minor cut in pay) to alleviate some of this stress? I realize that this is a problem my spouse and I have to work out ourselves, but I could really use the advice of someone who has gone through it already. Thanks in advance, at |
#3
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#4
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#5
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1. Do others who have had this situation have any suggestions that
worked well for them to solve this problem? I'm not sure why you think after school care is a problem. If you think it's like school, it's not at all. At least none of the after school programs we've ever used. My kids LOVED after school programs. They're a lot of fun, they give kids a good chance to unwind and just have fun, they're supervised, and it's a great social outlet for kids. IMO, it's a lot better than coming home and sitting in front of the TV for an hour. Have you even checked out the after school program to see what they offer? Are you opposed to it just because it's at the school, even if it's fun and your child would like it? 2. Is it unreasonable for me to expect my spouse to change working scheduals (and take a minor cut in pay) to alleviate some of this stress? Well, that's between you and your spouse, but I'd say in my opinion that yes, it's pretty unreasonable if you haven't bothered to consider the other option, your after school program. You've got a very viable option open to you, and you're rejecting it without even trying it. I think that's pretty unreasonable. I guess I'd try a month of after school care and see how it goes before I just dismissed it. If that doesn't work for your family, then it's time to reevaluate. But try it before you reject it. |
#6
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On Tue, 4 Jan 2005 07:34:28 EST, "Rosalie B."
wrote: wrote: My opinion (I stress "MY", and realize other have equally valid views), is that our daughter should not spend any more than eight hours at school, the normal length of the school day. The premise is wrong. The normal school day is not 8 hours. You can't really count the bus riding time or lunch anymore than you count it for your own job. It's not 8 hours of schoolwork time, true. But it may well be 8 hours stuck with one particular crowd of peers, especially if she is introverted, accustomed to her privacy, or having difficulty with some particular kids at school. If the poster is concerned about adding to that by signing his/her daughter up for an after-school care program at the school, it might work better if they looked for other options (and of course, consulting her about what she thinks she would like to do after school if a parent can't be home). Perhaps it might work out for her to spend the time with someone who cares for younger children (his/her own or professionally) during the day, but doesn't have anyone else her age. Perhaps there is an older person in your neighbourhood who might be a good caregiver and friend. Is there anyone else in your neighbourhood who walks or bicycles home from school? The travel might use up much of the time and be good exercise as well. You should also explore the options for before-school care. You and your daughter might find it less disruptive for her to get an early start to her day than for her to extend the end of her day. Any of these arrangements, as well as the after-school program at the school, doesn't have to be for 5 days a week - you and your spouse might be comfortable with a set-up where you are free to work later for 2 or 3 days a week but meet your daughter at home on the other days. I know other people whose kids usually attend an after-school group program, but who have arrangements that on Mondays the child gets himself to his piano lesson and his parent picks him up from there, or on Thursdays he walks to a martial-arts class and another parent drives him home from there. Louise |
#7
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"animzmirot" wrote:
snip 2. Is it unreasonable for me to expect my spouse to change working scheduals (and take a minor cut in pay) to alleviate some of this stress? Yes Anything like that should be agreed upon by both parties. IMHO you are 'hitting below the belt' (which means that you are taking an unfair advantage) by putting pressure on your spouse to do this if she does not want to do it. Well, that's between you and your spouse, but I'd say in my opinion that yes, it's pretty unreasonable if you haven't bothered to consider the other option, your after school program. You've got a very viable option open to you, and you're rejecting it without even trying it. I think that's pretty unreasonable. I guess I'd try a month of after school care and see how it goes before I just dismissed it. If that doesn't work for your family, then it's time to reevaluate. But try it before you reject it. I agree. And there are all kinds of other options which people have suggested that you can use instead of having your spouse having to restrict her hours and take a cut in pay. In addition to aftercare, or having the child go to another child's house in the morning, having a morning daycare, you going back to work after your spouse gets home and having someone come in just for a short time to fill in the gap between the child getting home and your spouse getting home, there is also the possibility of just dropping your child off early at the school (how early can she be there?). grandma Rosalie |
#8
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What does your daughter think about all this?
Our school has a daycare located within the building, and an afterschool program, and our kids have repeatedly expressed the desire to participate! They can come straight home after school, but they see the afterschool program as a fun thing, and they are jealous of their friends who stay. Mary G. |
#9
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In article .com,
wrote: 2. Is it unreasonable for me to expect my spouse to change working scheduals (and take a minor cut in pay) to alleviate some of this stress? It's not unreasonable, IMO, to expect your spouse to contribute toward alleviating the stress. You have suggested one way (changing your spouse's hours) and your spouse has suggested another (after school care). I don't think it's reasonable for either of you to insist on your solution. You need to consider together what your child needs, and what the relative costs of cutting back hours (both now and future earning potential if this impacts career growth) versus after school care will be. I will say that most parents where both spouses work have to depend on some form of childcare, and the exceptions seem to only be where both spouses agree that avoiding this is more important than either's career goals, which doesn't seem to be the case in your family. Good luck working something out! --Robyn |
#10
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How much does the aftercare cost, anyway? I've always assumed it would be (a)
very expensive for the amount of time and (b) difficult to get into after the year begins. It's of course entirely possible that neither is the case with the situation the OP is facing. --Helen |
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