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#11
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Little boys......
-=RaOuL=- wrote: "Bev" wrote in message oups.com... As I have mentioned before I babysit my 3 year old grandson. On several occasions , while he and my grandaughter are playing they play dress-up. One day my step daughter arrived to pick him up and he had little pony tails and baretts all over his head. She asked what is that? Mari explained my grandaughter wanted these things in her hair and he asked to have them too so she put them in. My step daughter says oh don't let his father see this. We laughed and said it is innocent play. The next day he arrived with a crew cut! ---SNIP--- I'm no expert, but what I would try is to redirect the lad to what might be considered "appropriate play." When the girl is playing with her "girl toys" pull out a truck or something. Make some noises with it - boys like to play with things that they can make noise with! Vroom-vroom!! I think redirection is the key.... -=RaOuL=- I'm almost certain you are a Father........forgive me if I am mistaken. As much as redirection may help side track his attention from the "girl toys" to the "boy toys", do you also think I should redirect my grandaughter from the "boys toys" to the "girls toys?" What would you say to a little boy that comes out from the bedroom dressed in his sisters dress? Do you think it would be cute or innapropriate for your daughter to wear your work boots? See this is the problem I think . Bev |
#12
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Little boys......
"Bev" wrote in message oups.com... ---SNIP--- I'm no expert, but what I would try is to redirect the lad to what might be considered "appropriate play." When the girl is playing with her "girl toys" pull out a truck or something. Make some noises with it - boys like to play with things that they can make noise with! Vroom-vroom!! I think redirection is the key.... -=RaOuL=- I'm almost certain you are a Father........forgive me if I am mistaken. Yup, dad of 3 boys! Ages 12, 8 and 2.... The 12 year old lives with me full time, the other 2 are here part time, and with their mom part time. As much as redirection may help side track his attention from the "girl toys" to the "boy toys", do you also think I should redirect my grandaughter from the "boys toys" to the "girls toys?" Only if her parents object to her playing with "boy toys." What would you say to a little boy that comes out from the bedroom dressed in his sisters dress? How old is he? If this is a 3 year old, I'd say (in a cute way) "that's silly! you're a boy and that's girl clothes!" If the boy is a teen I'd probably react a little differently - not in a mean way but in a concerned way ("isn't that top a bit low cut?") Do you think it would be cute or innapropriate for your daughter to wear your work boots? See this is the problem I think . Bev Are her feet that big? Seriously, it wouldn't bother me. It's been my observation that as children age and interact with their peers they're likely to conform or be beaten into conformance. It happened when I was a kid, and now I see it among my kid's peers. One boy came to a Cub Scout meeting last year (7 year old boys) with nail polish on his finger nails. He wasn't overtly ridiculed, but he was asked alot of questions by the other boys. At the next Scout meeting he didn't have any nail polish on. Peer pressure has a way of working on kids, for better or worse, to make them either conform to "social norms" or survive as outcasts. I'm surviving pretty well as an outcast... -=RaOuL=- |
#13
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Little boys......
"'Kate" wrote in message ... On Sun, 01 Jan 2006 00:09:38 GMT, "Tiffany" the following was posted in blue dry erase marker: "Bev" wrote in message groups.com... As I have mentioned before I babysit my 3 year old grandson. On several occasions , while he and my grandaughter are playing they play dress-up. One day my step daughter arrived to pick him up and he had little pony tails and baretts all over his head. She asked what is that? Mari explained my grandaughter wanted these things in her hair and he asked to have them too so she put them in. My step daughter says oh don't let his father see this. We laughed and said it is innocent play. The next day he arrived with a crew cut! Then the real problems began when my granddaugher got a vanity set with play lipstick and rouge, and earings and even a little purple tu-tu, ballerina slippers and Tiara . He wants to wear these things and I really myself feel it is harmless, but then I have never had a boy to raise and never have been confronted with this before. I know his mother does not want him to play this way , it is not my place to allow something she is against and I do not know how to explain this to a three year old. Mind you it is not fair to allow my grandaughter this and say no to him? I have tried putting the stuff away but if my grandaughter asks for it , I feel it is something she should not be denied. Then there are the times he finds her dresses and puts them on himself. Please mothers and fathers of boys enlighten me! What should I or can I do to do the right thing? I myself have no feelings that a three year old boy has any thoughts of sexual orientation or that innocent play at this age will turn him into a homosexual. I know as a fact that this little guy has been taught to not like the color pink, he refuses to eat or drink out of anything pink or play with anything pink including pink clothing. I am upset that people would be so silly to do such a thing to a young child. I know his Nanny Gayle would have a lot to say to her daughter, I would be upset to have them pull him away from me if I spoke my mind about how I feel. Bev Everyone says "He isn't gay or a trans...." So what if he would be??? The parents would blame Bev. Judging by the haircut and rules about the color pink and the hairdo, the parents are not thrilled with the idea of their son being homosexual, etc. The parents are wack. :-) Why does the parents want to put gender roles into his life? Will they also teach him its not manly to cry? To miss his mommy? That he should beat up other boys?? Probably so. And he'll turn into a serial killer full of resentment for his parents but at least he won't be homosexual. Who knew there were parents like that still. 'Kate There are tons of parents just like that unfortunately. I still haven't thought of the name of that book. Bet you read it though.... lol! Tiff |
#14
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Little boys......
-=RaOuL=- wrote: I'm almost certain you are a Father........forgive me if I am mistaken. Yup, dad of 3 boys! Ages 12, 8 and 2.... The 12 year old lives with me full time, the other 2 are here part time, and with their mom part time. glad my memory still works sometimes! Three boys...my brother and wife just had their 4th boy! As much as redirection may help side track his attention from the "girl toys" to the "boy toys", do you also think I should redirect my grandaughter from the "boys toys" to the "girls toys?" Only if her parents object to her playing with "boy toys." Her parents both just turned 18 , not together and still have a lot of growing to do. Her dad has her into four wheeling and her mom (my daughter) has bought her a basketball hoop and trucks and cars cause she loves them! We just bought her a little mini quad to tool around on too! What would you say to a little boy that comes out from the bedroom dressed in his sisters dress? How old is he? If this is a 3 year old, I'd say (in a cute way) "that's silly! you're a boy and that's girl clothes!" If the boy is a teen I'd probably react a little differently - not in a mean way but in a concerned way ("isn't that top a bit low cut?") Yea he is 3 and that is close to exactly what my response was to him . He said I like them and went about his business. Do you think it would be cute or innapropriate for your daughter to wear your work boots? See this is the problem I think . Bev Are her feet that big? Seriously, it wouldn't bother me. LOL! hopefully her feet are a bit smaller. It's been my observation that as children age and interact with their peers they're likely to conform or be beaten into conformance. It happened when I was a kid, and now I see it among my kid's peers. One boy came to a Cub Scout meeting last year (7 year old boys) with nail polish on his finger nails. He wasn't overtly ridiculed, but he was asked alot of questions by the other boys. At the next Scout meeting he didn't have any nail polish on. Peer pressure has a way of working on kids, for better or worse, to make them either conform to "social norms" or survive as outcasts. This is very true , and I am sure kids go through many phases of learning who they are, I have seen teenage boys and girls do some strange things with their hair and clothes . My daughter has always been "different" as have been some of the boys she has introduced me to.I will never forget the one with the green mohawk and the nuts and bolts in his face, I just wish she had warned me just a little before I opened the door to him cause I know the look on my face was priceless! I'm surviving pretty well as an outcast... -=RaOuL=- yea me too, but I swear I do not know where my daughter learned to be so elaborate with the hair colors, styles, piercings and tatoos cause I have none at all ! I do not even wear makeup! Bev |
#15
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Little boys......
'Kate wrote: On 1 Jan 2006 07:00:26 -0800, "Bev" the following was posted in blue dry erase marker: 'Kate wrote: On 31 Dec 2005 09:27:51 -0800, "Bev" the following was posted in blue dry erase marker: The parents are overreacting. The boy is 3, not 13. It does not cause gayness or transvestitism. It won't affect his masculine identity development. Boys grow up to be manly men despite our best efforts to socialize them (joke). :-) Thats what I thought, and the strange thing is is that I see more attention is put on a little boy playing with dolls or girlie toys but little girls get away with the trucks and basketballs without much attention?!?!?! Being a "tomboy" is ok. Being a "sissy boy" is not. gosh "tomboy" I havent heard that in a long time LOL! He barely knows he's a "boy" at this point... and he won't remember dressing up when he's older unless someone takes a picture to embarrass him with later. Mari thinks we should take the picture and give it to his parents LOL! I know the trouble that will cause and I will neve see him again......... Mari's a troublemaker, isn't she? :-) Uh yes she is as a fact of matter.........I never cause any trouble myself grin Here's something you may be able to use to calm the parents down: Children realize that they are male or female and are aware of the gender of others by the age of three. However, at these ages they still do not understand that people cannot change genders the way they can change their clothes, names, or behavior. Kohlberg theorized that children do not learn to behave in gender-appropriate ways until they understand that gender is permanent, which occurs at about the age of seven. At this point they start modeling the behavior of members of their own sex. Try taking out the makeup and dress up stuff earlier in the visit so that you have time to get him cleaned up. 3 year olds get bored pretty quickly and that'll get that over with. And he might not like the cleaning up afterward. I printed that out Kate thanks! I think I will do just that...early on with the dress up and maybe things will feel more comfortable for me...I really don't want to have a confrontation . The responses that I did receive pretty much reflects how I feel about this. Yeah, the kid is pretty normal. If the parents are all that concerned about their son's gender role development, then dad should spend more time with the kid so that he gets a balanced view of masculine and feminine behaviors. Personally, I think the parents don't loosen up a bit, they're going to be in my office in ten years saying, "I don't know what happened. We did everything right. Why isn't he the perfect son?" $120/hr., 3x per week. So.. that's ok with me. :-) LOL! Hey....I'd have to work a whole 40 hours to make that! Bev 'Kate |
#16
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Little boys......
"Bev" wrote in message ups.com... ---snip--- glad my memory still works sometimes! Three boys...my brother and wife just had their 4th boy! YeeHaw!!! Y'know, I didn't notice much difference between 2 and 3 boys here. Still always a ruckus. Still never enough snacks on hand. Adding a 4th probably isn't all that bad. It might lead me to a fifth though... As much as redirection may help side track his attention from the "girl toys" to the "boy toys", do you also think I should redirect my grandaughter from the "boys toys" to the "girls toys?" Only if her parents object to her playing with "boy toys." Her parents both just turned 18 , not together and still have a lot of growing to do. Her dad has her into four wheeling and her mom (my daughter) has bought her a basketball hoop and trucks and cars cause she loves them! We just bought her a little mini quad to tool around on too! Yikes! In most cases I would defer to the wishes of the parents, but with parents who are so young themselves I'd be tempted to give too much advice and question their wishes.... But there is something cool about playing with the kid's toys - especially a quad! What would you say to a little boy that comes out from the bedroom dressed in his sisters dress? How old is he? If this is a 3 year old, I'd say (in a cute way) "that's silly! you're a boy and that's girl clothes!" If the boy is a teen I'd probably react a little differently - not in a mean way but in a concerned way ("isn't that top a bit low cut?") Yea he is 3 and that is close to exactly what my response was to him . He said I like them and went about his business. Someday he'll feel differently... Do you think it would be cute or innapropriate for your daughter to wear your work boots? See this is the problem I think . Bev Are her feet that big? Seriously, it wouldn't bother me. LOL! hopefully her feet are a bit smaller. It's been my observation that as children age and interact with their peers they're likely to conform or be beaten into conformance. It happened when I was a kid, and now I see it among my kid's peers. One boy came to a Cub Scout meeting last year (7 year old boys) with nail polish on his finger nails. He wasn't overtly ridiculed, but he was asked alot of questions by the other boys. At the next Scout meeting he didn't have any nail polish on. Peer pressure has a way of working on kids, for better or worse, to make them either conform to "social norms" or survive as outcasts. This is very true , and I am sure kids go through many phases of learning who they are, I have seen teenage boys and girls do some strange things with their hair and clothes . My daughter has always been "different" as have been some of the boys she has introduced me to.I will never forget the one with the green mohawk and the nuts and bolts in his face, I just wish she had warned me just a little before I opened the door to him cause I know the look on my face was priceless! I always wanted to have a green mohawk but never had the guts I'm surviving pretty well as an outcast... -=RaOuL=- yea me too, but I swear I do not know where my daughter learned to be so elaborate with the hair colors, styles, piercings and tatoos cause I have none at all ! I do not even wear makeup! Bev The hair colors, styles, piercings and tottoos are probably things that are popular with her peers. I didn't get my sense of style (or lack thereof) from my parents, but from my peers. Thankfully, my boys hang around with other boys who have what I would consider "reasonable" style... |
#17
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Little boys......
"Bev" wrote in message oups.com... As I have mentioned before I babysit my 3 year old grandson. On several occasions , while he and my grandaughter are playing they play dress-up. One day my step daughter arrived to pick him up and he had little pony tails and baretts all over his head. She asked what is that? Mari explained my grandaughter wanted these things in her hair and he asked to have them too so she put them in. My step daughter says oh don't let his father see this. We laughed and said it is innocent play. The next day he arrived with a crew cut! Then the real problems began when my granddaugher got a vanity set with play lipstick and rouge, and earings and even a little purple tu-tu, ballerina slippers and Tiara . He wants to wear these things and I really myself feel it is harmless, but then I have never had a boy to raise and never have been confronted with this before. I know his mother does not want him to play this way , it is not my place to allow something she is against and I do not know how to explain this to a three year old. Mind you it is not fair to allow my grandaughter this and say no to him? I have tried putting the stuff away but if my grandaughter asks for it , I feel it is something she should not be denied. Then there are the times he finds her dresses and puts them on himself. Please mothers and fathers of boys enlighten me! What should I or can I do to do the right thing? I myself have no feelings that a three year old boy has any thoughts of sexual orientation or that innocent play at this age will turn him into a homosexual. I know as a fact that this little guy has been taught to not like the color pink, he refuses to eat or drink out of anything pink or play with anything pink including pink clothing. I am upset that people would be so silly to do such a thing to a young child. I know his Nanny Gayle would have a lot to say to her daughter, I would be upset to have them pull him away from me if I spoke my mind about how I feel. Bev My sons used to play with my makeup, wear my clothing and my high heels at that age. Would they do that now??? Hell no! lol It's just a phase and they're over-reacting about the whole thing. He's not going to have identity issues just because he's mimicking women. Geez. Christine |
#18
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Little boys......
"Tiffany" wrote in message news:65Ftf.6774$713.5676@trnddc01... Why does the parents want to put gender roles into his life? Will they also teach him its not manly to cry? To miss his mommy? That he should beat up other boys?? Grrr. There was an excellent book I read about boys and men and how they are raised. Damn if I can't remember what it is called but when it comes to me, I will post it. Tiff Please do, I'd be interested in reading it. Christine |
#19
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Little boys......
"CME" wrote in message news:2Qquf.31772$6K2.4410@edtnps90... "Tiffany" wrote in message news:65Ftf.6774$713.5676@trnddc01... Why does the parents want to put gender roles into his life? Will they also teach him its not manly to cry? To miss his mommy? That he should beat up other boys?? Grrr. There was an excellent book I read about boys and men and how they are raised. Damn if I can't remember what it is called but when it comes to me, I will post it. Tiff Please do, I'd be interested in reading it. Christine I wish I could think of it! GRR! T |
#20
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Little boys......
Bev wrote: Then there are the times he finds her dresses and puts them on himself. All boys do this if they are around other children doing the same. The also put on makeup. No doubt about it, the boy is gay. Personally I blame all these hetrosexual couples like his parents for bringing them into the world. Dennis |
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