Stay at home mom

"Nikki" wrote in message
That is sort of a fallacy. Milestones generally happen in increments.
It
isn't like she is going to go from laying down to sitting on her own
in 30
seconds, it happens gradually.
snip

I swear that my DS goes from totally not-able-to-do-something to
totally-able-to-do-something overnight--not in 30 seconds, but a very
sudden increase in proficiency. As I just shared in another post, I was
gone for the past three days working on becoming a Certified
Breastfeeding Educator. My mom babysat DS during those days and brought
him to me a couple times each day to nurse. During those three days he
started crawling for real (as opposed to rocking on the hands and
scooting backwards on his stomach) and also getting himself into a
sitting position after being totally prone (this was a very sudden
development--one day he couldn't do it, the next day he could).

To the OP: as Ericka said, there will be the first time *you* see the
new development and that is special! Also, there are so many changes and
milestones during the first year that you are bound to see some of them
first!

--
Em
mama to L-baby, 8 months old!

"libbymom04" wrote in message
lkaboutparenting.com...
I am a working mother. My baby is 3 months old now. Well, I can't stand
being away from her, to the point where I get depressed and go into the
bathroom and cry. I do this almost everyday, not sure if it is hormonal or
what. Well, there is no way I could stay at home without bring in some
sort of income. I have thought and thought of ways to be able to stay at
home with her and work from home. But, I can't come up with anything. Any
ideas that worked for anyone? Did anyone else go through this seperation
anxiety? I get so jealous of stay at home moms.



I'm lucky in that my boss agreed to me teleworking from home and only for
roughly 8-24 hours per week. The other bonus is that as a casual scientist
I get paid heaps for every hour I work, rather than all the unpaid overtime
I used to do when I worked full time.
Most of my work is computer based and I only go into the office about once a
month. It works out well for all parties.

Its sometimes hard to juggle work with DD, but nights and weekends seem to
be the best times to work, and during her nap time each day. My Mum looks
after DD when I do have to go into work (which DD loves) but I still find
myself rushing home to see her.

Actually, I had organised a big workshop with a bunch of eminent ecologists
on Friday and had to leave early in the morning before DD woke up. When I
did get back to her in the afternoon she just sighed and hugged me for ages.
She'd had a great day with my Mum (an ex-teacher who is a really fun "Ma")
but I just thought "Dear God, thank you that I don't have to do this
everyday".

Do you have skills that would enable you to work form home? I wouldn't have
though so in my case (I was a research scientist - ecologist - and did lots
of field work), but I was asked to do more of a "big picture" research
coordination / computer based role when I was 7 mo pg last time. It is
ideal as I get to work from home the hours I want and I still get to use my
degree and my skills in my chosen field of work.
When we lived in a little country town in north Queensland, DH contracted
out a lot of engineering drafting work from home. ...

OR ... you could be enterprising and do what a friend of mine has done. She
was an 'amateur' jewellery maker (beads etc) but her work was just so
beautiful that after a while she was convinced to turn her skills to a home
business. She still makes all her own stuff and sells it over the internet
... and because it so beautiful and unique, she's sold heaps of stuff and its
become a *real* business for her. Her DD is now roughly 18 mo and happily
"helps" her.

Just some thoughts

Amanda

--
DD 15th August 2002
1 tiny angel Nov 2003
EDD 19th August 2004

Hi, Libby. I'm sorry you are having such a hard time leaving your baby.

Have you considered part time work? I was supposed to go back to work
full-time after my first baby was born and I just couldn't do it. My husband
was in law school though and not working at all so I had to do something. I
was able to find a 20 hour a week job that gave me control of my schedule and
even enabled me to bring the baby with me some of the time.

Later, I was laid off from that job and earned money for a couple of homes my
typing papers for college students at $2 per page.

Then, I went back to school--I'd been planning to do that but I did it THEN for
the opportunity of getting a graduate assistanship. Again, that was a $20 hour
per week position--less in the summer--at which I could set my own schedule so
I was home with the baby (toddler by then) four days out of seven.

After my second baby, I started working at home doing editing and secretarial
work and writing grant proposals for a non-profit. I was finally able to stop
that I now I just take care of my kids all day. :-)

Each of those jobs made less than the one before it, but as my husband's income
was going up, we were able to adjust. Plus, as others have said, there are
costs associated with working too.

So if I were you I would look at how much you absolutely HAVE to earn, and see
if you can make some changes. Good luck!

Leslie

"Dagny" wrote in message
.. .

"libbymom04" wrote in message
lkaboutparenting.com...
I was working for an attorney's office, but when I cam back from
maternity
leave I started a new job in the county I live in's Juvenile Probabtion
Office. I am not sure what I could do to be able to stay at home. My
mother-in-law keeps her everyday along with her other two grandaughters,
2
and 5. My problem with leaving her is mainly I am gonna miss her
milestones. I don't wan her to get me and Maw-Maw confused. It would
really upset me if she wanted her Maw-Maw instead of me one day.


What is it that is keeping you at work? When you look at all your
expenses
of working -- clothes, car, buying lunch maybe, whatever compensation you
give your MIL, income and payroll taxes (count your income as the "top"
portion of your family income) -- how much better off are you *really*?
There's some good web pages about that, about the cost of working.

I also suggest you co-sleep if you don't already -- which gives your baby
an
extra 8 hours a day smelling Mommy's skin and hearing Mommy's breathing.
I
think that's important parenting time and I am a SAHM.

-- Dagny
Mom to Meg, 10/03
EDD 1/19/05


To the OP: don't worry if you kids want someone other than you at some
point. Even when I only worked PT after we had DD, she still had her "daddy"
days....even tho she was with me most of the time. And I agree with others
here that you are not always going to be the first one to see the
milestones. Everyone has a first time that they see them, and it is no less
impressive. (especially if you were there for the first time and the baby
keeps doing it....makes it sink in that they really are learning something
new and wasn't just an accident or something

As for the comments from Dagny about the cost of working. I work outside of
the home (DH is quite fond of acknowledging that I do little work inside the
home , we pay for daycare...roughly $600/month. It's not exactly cheap,
but certainly the cheapest we've found here in San Antonio. But as for the
notes about clothes, car, lunches, ect.

How many families, even those with stay home parent, have only 1 vehicle? I
wouldn't want to have DH off going to work and then one of the kids get sick
or another emergency for an immediate family member and not have a means of
transportation. Even forgoing an emergency, I would rather have a car to
take the kids places, or to run errands.

Maybe I'm just spoiled by having my car and DH having his....when one parent
stays at home is it more common to only have one car? I am not trying to
flame or anything, but none of my friends that have children have ever been
in the position to be a SAHM.

As for the lunches and clothes, it's all a matter of priority I guess. I'm
not much to drop our clothes at the dry cleaner, we try to avoid those types
of clothing, we wear our clothes til we really need new ones, and shop the
markdown racks. And I got lucky enough for the last year or so at my last
job we were allowed to wear jeans. *lol* For the lunches, I guess it's a
matter of self restraint. It just depends on what someone is willing to do.

Ok, I'm off on a tanget on those, and if anyone is offended I'll go ahead
and apologize now.

Back to the OP: do what feels right for you. After having DD I only worked
PT and then when I was offered a full time position they were pretty
flexible with my hours to try to work around DH's work til we found a
babysitter (one that only charged by the day and we were not required to
take her everyday of the week), so she was still with me most of the time.
At that point DH was making enough to support the 3 of us and had I been so
inclined I could have probably stayed home. But I chose not to because I
liked working, the co-workers, customers, everything. It helps provide
another facet to your personality, another conversation piece.

Now we are in a position for me to work PT again and stay home with the kids
and it scares the daylights out of me.....it's an ongoing discussion, I am
still looking for fulltime work.

Everyone's situation is different, do the right thing for yours.

HTH,

Maria
Kelly 2/19/00
Kyle 7/9/01

In article ,
"Maria Danielle Darst" wrote:

As for the comments from Dagny about the cost of working. I work outside of
the home (DH is quite fond of acknowledging that I do little work inside the
home , we pay for daycare...roughly $600/month. It's not exactly cheap,
but certainly the cheapest we've found here in San Antonio. But as for the
notes about clothes, car, lunches, ect.

How many families, even those with stay home parent, have only 1 vehicle? I
wouldn't want to have DH off going to work and then one of the kids get sick
or another emergency for an immediate family member and not have a means of
transportation. Even forgoing an emergency, I would rather have a car to
take the kids places, or to run errands.

Maybe I'm just spoiled by having my car and DH having his....when one parent
stays at home is it more common to only have one car? I am not trying to
flame or anything, but none of my friends that have children have ever been
in the position to be a SAHM.

We only have one vehicle; DH is a stay-at-home dad, and he's the one who
has the car. I get to take public transit to and from work. It makes
much more sense for him to have the car than me.

As for the lunches and clothes, it's all a matter of priority I guess. I'm
not much to drop our clothes at the dry cleaner, we try to avoid those types
of clothing, we wear our clothes til we really need new ones, and shop the
markdown racks. And I got lucky enough for the last year or so at my last
job we were allowed to wear jeans. *lol* For the lunches, I guess it's a
matter of self restraint. It just depends on what someone is willing to do.

As for lunches, it seems to me that DH (the stay-at-home) is far more
likely to buy lunches out than I am. (It's just a matter of planning to
make sure I have enough food to cover lunches, Monday to Friday. Well
that, and leaving notes on food items to DH saying "do not eat!")

Everyone's situation is different, do the right thing for yours.

Seconded.

There are other financial factors related to working; for example, my
benefits include life insurance, long-term disability... Even if the
other partner is working, you're probably not going to get those for
yourself.

There's also the question of how much intellectual and emotional
satisfaction you get out of working. If your unhappiness at leaving your
daughter with your mother-in-law outweighs what you're getting out of
work, then by all means stay home. It is possible to do it on one income
(I know) but it does involve making sacrifices.

Zannah.

Maria Danielle Darst wibbled

How many families, even those with stay home parent, have only 1
vehicle?

All but one of the families I know with an under-1 IRL. The family with
two cars has two adults who both work shifts and she's sometimes on
call so two cars makes sense.

Our car sits idle at least 5 days a week. DH cycles to work (8 miles a
day). Clearly a YMMV situation, literally!

Jac

Maria Danielle Darst asked:

How many families, even those with stay home parent, have only 1
vehicle?

I personally know very few, but I did want to jump is and say that we are one
of those few!

It works for us because my husband's office is a five-minute drive from our
house. He takes the kids to school in the morning on his way to work, and then
comes home at some point to give me the car so I can pick them up. I take him
back to work, and in the evening I pick him up.

We got in this situation when he totalled his car (which was paid for) over a
year ago. He was skeptical that we could make it work, but the only time there
is ever a problem is on the occasional weekend when we both have different
places to be at the same time. He is really good about finding people to give
him rides here and there.

One thing I think is really nice about having only one car is that it causes
more togetherness. I see lots of families with two cars arriving in separate
cars at school and church events because they are busy before or after and they
have that convenience. We have to go everywhere together out of necessity, and
I think it has been good for our family.

Leslie

Ladies, thank you for the feedback on that. We did have only 1 car for about
a year. It truly was a scheduling nightmare with both of us working fulltime
and trying to get the kids taken care of.

Maria
Kelly 2/19/00
Kyle 7/9/01

"Leslie" wrote in message
...
Maria Danielle Darst asked:

How many families, even those with stay home parent, have only 1
vehicle?

I personally know very few, but I did want to jump is and say that we are
one
of those few!

It works for us because my husband's office is a five-minute drive from
our
house. He takes the kids to school in the morning on his way to work, and
then
comes home at some point to give me the car so I can pick them up. I take
him
back to work, and in the evening I pick him up.

We got in this situation when he totalled his car (which was paid for)
over a
year ago. He was skeptical that we could make it work, but the only time
there
is ever a problem is on the occasional weekend when we both have different
places to be at the same time. He is really good about finding people to
give
him rides here and there.

One thing I think is really nice about having only one car is that it
causes
more togetherness. I see lots of families with two cars arriving in
separate
cars at school and church events because they are busy before or after and
they
have that convenience. We have to go everywhere together out of
necessity, and
I think it has been good for our family.

Leslie

"Maria Danielle Darst" wrote in message ...
How many families, even those with stay home parent, have only 1 vehicle? I
wouldn't want to have DH off going to work and then one of the kids get sick
or another emergency for an immediate family member and not have a means of
transportation. Even forgoing an emergency, I would rather have a car to
take the kids places, or to run errands.

Maybe I'm just spoiled by having my car and DH having his....when one parent
stays at home is it more common to only have one car? I am not trying to
flame or anything, but none of my friends that have children have ever been
in the position to be a SAHM.


We have only one car for our family. DH stays home and my work is a
5-minute drive away. Maybe 6 times a year, it is inconvenient, but
otherwise, we get by just fine. When the weather is nice, I ride my
bike to work. Otherwise, DH drops me off or I will take the car in
the morning, go home for lunch, and if he needs the car in the
afternoon, he'll bring me back to work.

I agree with Leslie, that the time together is nice.

~ Sher

Thank all of you so much for your encouragement and knowledge from
experience. They helped alot.