Little one -hates- the car seat (or something)

Hi folks.

I have a 14 month old who doesn't mind being taken to daycare in the
morning, and doesn't mind if my wife or I pick him up at daycare, but as
soon as either of us tries to get him into his car seat for the trip home
(but not the trip to), he gets =very= unhappy.

He'll cry, he'll yell, he'll arch his back to avoid getting into the seat,
he'll twist, he'll wriggle his arms away. It's easily the low point of my
day, trying to get him into that car seat, because it's obviously so
extremely unfun for him.

We semi-concluded that maybe we were too permissive earlier, and let him
learn that if he protested enough, he could get out of being put into his
car seat right away. But it's to the point where if we wait, he'll be
fine - until we try the car seat again.

I have to wonder if he didn't get hurt badly one or more times while
getting into his car seat, so now he's terribly frightened of getting in.
But since he can't talk, we're left to guess. And if that's the case,
then his reaction to the fear is likely leading to more mishaps, since
it's such a battle, and a spiral ensues.

Has anyone else had a 1 year old (or so) who just couldn't stand their car
seat? What did you do?!

Thanks!

I almost forgot to mention: This is with two different cars, and two
different car seats. One of the car seats is for toddlers, while the
other is a convertible seat for infants and toddlers.

On Wed, 13 Sep 2006 00:58:58 +0000, Dan Stromberg wrote:


Hi folks.

I have a 14 month old who doesn't mind being taken to daycare in the
morning, and doesn't mind if my wife or I pick him up at daycare, but as
soon as either of us tries to get him into his car seat for the trip home
(but not the trip to), he gets =very= unhappy.

He'll cry, he'll yell, he'll arch his back to avoid getting into the seat,
he'll twist, he'll wriggle his arms away. It's easily the low point of my
day, trying to get him into that car seat, because it's obviously so
extremely unfun for him.

We semi-concluded that maybe we were too permissive earlier, and let him
learn that if he protested enough, he could get out of being put into his
car seat right away. But it's to the point where if we wait, he'll be
fine - until we try the car seat again.

I have to wonder if he didn't get hurt badly one or more times while
getting into his car seat, so now he's terribly frightened of getting in.
But since he can't talk, we're left to guess. And if that's the case,
then his reaction to the fear is likely leading to more mishaps, since
it's such a battle, and a spiral ensues.

Has anyone else had a 1 year old (or so) who just couldn't stand their car
seat? What did you do?!

Thanks!

"Dan Stromberg" wrote in message
news

I almost forgot to mention: This is with two different cars, and two
different car seats. One of the car seats is for toddlers, while the
other is a convertible seat for infants and toddlers.

On Wed, 13 Sep 2006 00:58:58 +0000, Dan Stromberg wrote:


Hi folks.

I have a 14 month old who doesn't mind being taken to daycare in the
morning, and doesn't mind if my wife or I pick him up at daycare, but as
soon as either of us tries to get him into his car seat for the trip home
(but not the trip to), he gets =very= unhappy.
snip

Since he only does it when you're taking him AWAY from daycare and not when
going TO daycare, is it possible that, in fact, he doesn't want to leave
daycare rather than have a fear of the car seat? You don't mention whether
he does this under other circumstances, so at the moment it seems to me that
he's reacting to being taken away from somewhere he was having fun. Does
your son keep crying or is it simply a battle to get him in and the protests
stop after you have driven away?

My almost 15 month old does exactly the same thing when leaving grandma's
house. I have no problems getting Matt into the car seat when leaving home,
the shopping centre, etc. At my mum's place he gets to play with different
toys and horse around with his cousins. Every time we have to leave, there's
tears and major wriggling and protests as soon as we try to put him into the
car. He seems to be objecting to being taken away from the fun place and the
loud teary protests are his way of showing us that he is not happy about it.
It's lessened with time, and the tantruming was much worse when he first
started staying at mum's and now after a couple of months he just lets out a
few loud wails and wriggles a bit to show that he objects, then settles down
for the car trip home with no further crying.

So unless your son is consistently showing a fear response rather than
throwing a tantrum when leaving somewhere fun, I'd say this could be his way
of trying to assert control over his environment and of telling you he's not
ready for the fun to stop just yet!

Engram

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Matthew 21 June 2005
DD EDD 06 Oct 2006

Check out our family at
http://www.geocities.com/engram_au/

"Dan Stromberg" wrote in message
news

Hi folks.

I have a 14 month old who doesn't mind being taken to daycare in the
morning, and doesn't mind if my wife or I pick him up at daycare,
but as
soon as either of us tries to get him into his car seat for the trip
home
(but not the trip to), he gets =very= unhappy.

It's pretty typical for this age actually. They have just discovered
independence -- they like to be able to walk around and explore and
they start chafing at being constrained. I doubt that earlier
permissiveness or being hurt had anything to do with it. Make sure,
of course, that there is nothing pinching or binding him. But I think
you're just going to have to suffer through this stage.

BTW, when my daughter went through the same thing at the same age,
someone rather snootily replied that "if you put them in the seat
every single time, they'll never get the idea that they have a
choice." I was really offended by that, as she had never moved a
single foot in that car without being strapped down. Kids push
limits. It's how they learn.

Bizby

"Dan Stromberg" wrote in message
news

Hi folks.

I have a 14 month old who doesn't mind being taken to daycare in the
morning, and doesn't mind if my wife or I pick him up at daycare, but as
soon as either of us tries to get him into his car seat for the trip home
(but not the trip to), he gets =very= unhappy.

Yes. I think he was a tiny bit older. I let him get in himself. If he was
actually trying to get in and sit down I was patient with him. If he wasn't
I counted to three. When I got to three I manhandled him in there. My
oldest learned in about a week and we never had another problem. My
youngest would take 3-4 days of this type of thing every 4 months or so
until he was pretty big.


--
Nikki, mama to
Hunter 4/99
Luke 4/01
Brock 4/06
Ben 4/06

"Dan Stromberg" wrote in message
news
He'll cry, he'll yell, he'll arch his back to avoid getting into the seat,
he'll twist, he'll wriggle his arms away. It's easily the low point of my
day, trying to get him into that car seat, because it's obviously so
extremely unfun for him.

Honestly, it's not like it's "unfun" for him. He's throwing a tantrum. And
yes, 14 month olds can throw tantrums. Unless he's being poked by something
in the seat, put your sympathy aside because car seats are not negotiable.
Personally, it sounds like he doesn't want to leave daycare.

We semi-concluded that maybe we were too permissive earlier, and let him
learn that if he protested enough, he could get out of being put into his
car seat right away. But it's to the point where if we wait, he'll be
fine - until we try the car seat again.

If definitely sounds like he's just figuring out what he can and can't get
away with. Give him options other times, but not the car seat and your
departure time.

I have to wonder if he didn't get hurt badly one or more times while
getting into his car seat, so now he's terribly frightened of getting in.
But since he can't talk, we're left to guess. And if that's the case,
then his reaction to the fear is likely leading to more mishaps, since
it's such a battle, and a spiral ensues.

Most likely he didn't suffer any great pain without you knowing. Just to be
safe, check everything to make sure there isn't something poking him.

Has anyone else had a 1 year old (or so) who just couldn't stand their car
seat? What did you do?!

Yes, my dd went through this for a short time at about the same age. I just
stuffed her into her seat and buckled her up kicking and screaming. It
wasn't pretty and at times dh had to help, but the phase was very short
lived. Now that she's almost two she likes to try to climb in herself,
giving her a bit of independence in the whole carseat business. HTH

JennP.

"JennP" wrote in message
. ..

"Dan Stromberg" wrote in message
news
He'll cry, he'll yell, he'll arch his back to avoid getting into the
seat,
he'll twist, he'll wriggle his arms away. It's easily the low point of
my
day, trying to get him into that car seat, because it's obviously so
extremely unfun for him.

Honestly, it's not like it's "unfun" for him. He's throwing a tantrum. And
yes, 14 month olds can throw tantrums. Unless he's being poked by
something
in the seat, put your sympathy aside because car seats are not negotiable.
Personally, it sounds like he doesn't want to leave daycare.

On the flip side he might be a little worn out from daycare and has a
mini-meltdown as soon as he is with mom/dad and this is the first real
opportunity. Lots of kids use up a lot of energy coping with things like
daycare or school. They are *done* managing their behavior and just melt
down when they are back with mom/dad.

If I didn't manage the situation very well my kids would.


--
Nikki, mama to
Hunter 4/99
Luke 4/01
Brock 4/06
Ben 4/06

Dan Stromberg wrote:


I almost forgot to mention: This is with two different cars, and two
different car seats. One of the car seats is for toddlers, while the
other is a convertible seat for infants and toddlers.

It is not clear to me whether he always reacts the same to a specific
car seat - does he complain with only one car seat v.s. the other -
i.e. is he always picked up with the same car seat? If so, maybe it
is the specific car seat that he is reacting to. Can you switch the
car seats from one car to the other to test this theory?


On Wed, 13 Sep 2006 00:58:58 +0000, Dan Stromberg wrote:


Hi folks.

I have a 14 month old who doesn't mind being taken to daycare in the
morning, and doesn't mind if my wife or I pick him up at daycare, but as
soon as either of us tries to get him into his car seat for the trip home
(but not the trip to), he gets =very= unhappy.

He'll cry, he'll yell, he'll arch his back to avoid getting into the seat,
he'll twist, he'll wriggle his arms away. It's easily the low point of my
day, trying to get him into that car seat, because it's obviously so
extremely unfun for him.

We semi-concluded that maybe we were too permissive earlier, and let him
learn that if he protested enough, he could get out of being put into his
car seat right away. But it's to the point where if we wait, he'll be
fine - until we try the car seat again.

I have to wonder if he didn't get hurt badly one or more times while
getting into his car seat, so now he's terribly frightened of getting in.
But since he can't talk, we're left to guess. And if that's the case,
then his reaction to the fear is likely leading to more mishaps, since
it's such a battle, and a spiral ensues.

Has anyone else had a 1 year old (or so) who just couldn't stand their car
seat? What did you do?!

Thanks!

I still go through this with my son. He doesn't wear shoes in the car
anymore. We take them on and off everywhere we go. He's getting pretty
strong now, but you just put your sympathies aside, and pretend is
isn't bothering you. Check the seat daily for anything that could hurt,
watch your chin, (the chin kick is a killer), and make sure his
clothing is pulled down, and not bunched anywhere, which can be
annoying for him.

Nikki wrote:
"JennP" wrote in message
. ..

"Dan Stromberg" wrote in message
news
He'll cry, he'll yell, he'll arch his back to avoid getting into the
seat,
he'll twist, he'll wriggle his arms away. It's easily the low point of
my
day, trying to get him into that car seat, because it's obviously so
extremely unfun for him.

Honestly, it's not like it's "unfun" for him. He's throwing a tantrum. And
yes, 14 month olds can throw tantrums. Unless he's being poked by
something
in the seat, put your sympathy aside because car seats are not negotiable.
Personally, it sounds like he doesn't want to leave daycare.

On the flip side he might be a little worn out from daycare and has a
mini-meltdown as soon as he is with mom/dad and this is the first real
opportunity. Lots of kids use up a lot of energy coping with things like
daycare or school. They are *done* managing their behavior and just melt
down when they are back with mom/dad.

I was thinking this as well - sometimes my daughter bursts into tears
as soon as I show up at nursery to pick her up and while I think it's
partly because she doesn't want to leave, I think it's also because
she's knackered and she knows she can let it out when I'm there, if
that makes sense (although it is mortifying, sometimes, having to chase
your screaming child around to force them to come home with you - I
must look like the most evil mother around!). And, even if she leaves
the building OK, she sometimes has a tizzy fit when I try to buckle her
in and I think it's just that she's so tired, she can't handle any more
fussing around her - she just wants to be home already. One thing I've
found that helps is to have one or two of her favourite toys in the
car, so that I can hand one to her to distract her while I'm working on
the straps.

Cheers

Helen