If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. |
|
|
|
Thread Tools | Display Modes |
#1
|
|||
|
|||
My child is biting others
I am having an issue this week with my 2 1/2 boy who started biting other
kids at the day care. Today he bit a kid so hard he broke skin and my wife had to pick him because he was isolated. We have told him numerous times that this was 'not ok'. I don't know if he's frustrated, stressed or angry. He seems to be happy all the time and we take very good care of him at home. Sometimes he bites his mother to 'show affection'. We always tell him 'do not bite' or 'no biting'. When we ask him why he's biting, he doesn't have an answer and looks puzzled. I wanted to know how others manage this issue. I am thinking of scolding him and take away some of his privilages. What are best ways to make him stop biting? I don't want this behaviour to advance into serious problems later. TIA John Dalberg |
#2
|
|||
|
|||
My child is biting others
|
#4
|
|||
|
|||
My child is biting others
In article aZ6Hf.25$qI.3@trndny03, "Stephanie"
wrote: "dragonlady" wrote in message ... In article , (John Dalberg) wrote: I am having an issue this week with my 2 1/2 boy who started biting other kids at the day care. Today he bit a kid so hard he broke skin and my wife had to pick him because he was isolated. We have told him numerous times that this was 'not ok'. I don't know if he's frustrated, stressed or angry. He seems to be happy all the time and we take very good care of him at home. Sometimes he bites his mother to 'show affection'. We always tell him 'do not bite' or 'no biting'. When we ask him why he's biting, he doesn't have an answer and looks puzzled. I wanted to know how others manage this issue. I am thinking of scolding him and take away some of his privilages. What are best ways to make him stop biting? I don't want this behaviour to advance into serious problems later. He's 2-1/2: nothing you do at home is likely to change what he does at day care. If he's biting at home, get something ELSE to bite between the object of his "affection" and his mouth , and say, "We bite whatever, not people." If he bites anyway, put him down/away from you immediately, and make sure he knows you're hurt. But the bottom line is that any day care that takes 2-1/2 year olds ought to have a protocol for dealing with biters -- it comes up often enough -- and if all they do is send them home, it probably won't help. (Especially if the kid LIKES going home!) You need to work with them to find a way for them to react in the moment and immidiately to have any effect on his behavior there. IMO, if sending a child home were the protocol for 2yo biting, I would be concerned about this DCP in general. I agree. But I also know it IS the protocol in some places. My oldest got bitten a few times in day care when she was this age. I adored our DCP, and she only had 3 kids in care with her, but one of them was a biter and nailed my daughter a few times. (The worst was when she sat on her butt and bit her in the middle of the back!) I think the DCP and the other parents were more upset than I was, but I'd have been horrifed if she'd called the other parents to send the child home, because *that would be unlikely to change the behavior*. Instead, she started shadowing her more closely, and so she could stop it, and when she failed to stop it anyway (it happens) she took care of my daughter, and put the other girl in isolation for a time. Eventually, it stopped. He's too young for anything you do long after the fact to change his behavior -- and at 2-1/2, anything beyond "right now" is too long after the fact. About all I'd do is make sure that the days he gets sent home from school for biting he doesn't have an especially good time: no stops at the park, no special shopping -- get home and let him play by himself while you go about other things; if you can take work home, do that -- remind him that this is your WORK time, so you aren't avaiable to play. You don't have to make it punative -- it just shouldn't be fun. -- Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care -- Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care |
#5
|
|||
|
|||
My child is biting others
In article , John Dalberg says...
I am having an issue this week with my 2 1/2 boy who started biting other kids at the day care. Today he bit a kid so hard he broke skin and my wife had to pick him because he was isolated. We have told him numerous times that this was 'not ok'. I don't know if he's frustrated, stressed or angry. He seems to be happy all the time and we take very good care of him at home. Sometimes he bites his mother to 'show affection'. We always tell him 'do not bite' or 'no biting'. When we ask him why he's biting, he doesn't have an answer and looks puzzled. I wanted to know how others manage this issue. I am thinking of scolding him and take away some of his privilages. What are best ways to make him stop biting? I don't want this behaviour to advance into serious problems later. TIA I had this problem with my son at that age, and was able to fix it. HOW I fixed it will sound very strange, so hear me out. At two, the child bites because it feels good to his mouth, and he gets an amusing reaction from the folks he bites. He does NOT connect the pain others are feeling with his bite. Not at two and a half. So, not to worry - this isn't a little sociopath in the making This is very, very common. How you fix it - bite him back immediately after he bites you (or your wife do it - whichever he bites first.) Maybe repeat a time or two if he does it again. This is *sorta* a punishment, but not really - it's how you get him to associate his bite with the pain it causes. It's not like spanking or anything like that. It's a first simple lesson in empathy - connecting his action to pain it causes. Bite him enough to have him feel the sting of it, then state calmly that that's why he should not bit other people, because that's how it feels when he does it to t hem. Don't do it in anger; it's a demonstration. Banty (I still remember my son with tears, rubbing his arm, nodding silently with my exaplanation when I did that - awwwwww) |
#6
|
|||
|
|||
My child is biting others
In article ,
Banty wrote: In article , John Dalberg says... I am having an issue this week with my 2 1/2 boy who started biting other kids at the day care. Today he bit a kid so hard he broke skin and my wife had to pick him because he was isolated. We have told him numerous times that this was 'not ok'. I don't know if he's frustrated, stressed or angry. He seems to be happy all the time and we take very good care of him at home. Sometimes he bites his mother to 'show affection'. We always tell him 'do not bite' or 'no biting'. When we ask him why he's biting, he doesn't have an answer and looks puzzled. I wanted to know how others manage this issue. I am thinking of scolding him and take away some of his privilages. What are best ways to make him stop biting? I don't want this behaviour to advance into serious problems later. TIA I had this problem with my son at that age, and was able to fix it. HOW I fixed it will sound very strange, so hear me out. At two, the child bites because it feels good to his mouth, and he gets an amusing reaction from the folks he bites. He does NOT connect the pain others are feeling with his bite. Not at two and a half. So, not to worry - this isn't a little sociopath in the making This is very, very common. How you fix it - bite him back immediately after he bites you (or your wife do it - whichever he bites first.) Maybe repeat a time or two if he does it again. This is *sorta* a punishment, but not really - it's how you get him to associate his bite with the pain it causes. It's not like spanking or anything like that. It's a first simple lesson in empathy - connecting his action to pain it causes. Bite him enough to have him feel the sting of it, then state calmly that that's why he should not bit other people, because that's how it feels when he does it to t hem. Don't do it in anger; it's a demonstration. Banty (I still remember my son with tears, rubbing his arm, nodding silently with my exaplanation when I did that - awwwwww) Personally, I don't like the idea of an adult biting a child to show that biting is wrong, any more than I think it's a good idea to hit a kid to show that hitting is wrong. OTOH, I can remember Brazelton saying that the quickest way to stop a biter was to put them in a playpen with ANOTHER biter. -- Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care |
#7
|
|||
|
|||
My child is biting others
In article ,
dragonlady says... In article , Banty wrote: In article , John Dalberg says... I am having an issue this week with my 2 1/2 boy who started biting other kids at the day care. Today he bit a kid so hard he broke skin and my wife had to pick him because he was isolated. We have told him numerous times that this was 'not ok'. I don't know if he's frustrated, stressed or angry. He seems to be happy all the time and we take very good care of him at home. Sometimes he bites his mother to 'show affection'. We always tell him 'do not bite' or 'no biting'. When we ask him why he's biting, he doesn't have an answer and looks puzzled. I wanted to know how others manage this issue. I am thinking of scolding him and take away some of his privilages. What are best ways to make him stop biting? I don't want this behaviour to advance into serious problems later. TIA I had this problem with my son at that age, and was able to fix it. HOW I fixed it will sound very strange, so hear me out. At two, the child bites because it feels good to his mouth, and he gets an amusing reaction from the folks he bites. He does NOT connect the pain others are feeling with his bite. Not at two and a half. So, not to worry - this isn't a little sociopath in the making This is very, very common. How you fix it - bite him back immediately after he bites you (or your wife do it - whichever he bites first.) Maybe repeat a time or two if he does it again. This is *sorta* a punishment, but not really - it's how you get him to associate his bite with the pain it causes. It's not like spanking or anything like that. It's a first simple lesson in empathy - connecting his action to pain it causes. Bite him enough to have him feel the sting of it, then state calmly that that's why he should not bit other people, because that's how it feels when he does it to t hem. Don't do it in anger; it's a demonstration. Banty (I still remember my son with tears, rubbing his arm, nodding silently with my exaplanation when I did that - awwwwww) Personally, I don't like the idea of an adult biting a child to show that biting is wrong, any more than I think it's a good idea to hit a kid to show that hitting is wrong. OTOH, I can remember Brazelton saying that the quickest way to stop a biter was to put them in a playpen with ANOTHER biter. Biting-by-proxy! Banty |
#8
|
|||
|
|||
My child is biting others
On 10 Feb 2006 19:43:08 GMT, (John Dalberg) wrote:
What are best ways to make him stop biting? I don't want this behaviour to advance into serious problems later. Biting is a difficult issue, but as a preschool teacher, here is what I advise in general. Shadow him to prevent biting when possible. If he starts out to bite mom, catch him quickly and put him down, then walk away and ignore him for about 2 minutes. Do this every time he starts to bite. At 2.5, he most likely knows the difference between a bite and a kiss, but you can say *we don't bite people, we bite apples or bagels or some other thing that it is ok to bite and give him one of those* and you can show him *kiss* instead of *bite*. Ask the teachers what they see when he does bite. Is it over wanting a toy that the other child has or something else? When you find this out, use puppets or dolls to dramatize what happens and show him alternatives to biting that will solve the problem. If he is verbal enough, you can ask him what to do and then play that out with the puppets. Read some books about feelings. When Sophie gets Angry, Really, Really Angry by Molly Bang is a good one to start with. Another good book is Teeth are not for Biting by Elizabeth Verdick. I am sure you can find others. Talk to him about what people do to express their feelings appropriately. He's not too young to teach him how to self-calm by breathing in and out either. There is a nice book on teaching preschoolers to self- calm called A Boy and A Bear by Lori Lite. Lori Lite has lots of good books for this. Her website is http://www.litebooks.net/boy-bear.htm Good luck! -- Dorothy There is no sound, no cry in all the world that can be heard unless someone listens .. The Outer Limits |
#9
|
|||
|
|||
My child is biting others
I work at a school for development delayed children that specializes in children with severe behavior problems. Biting is a common problem behavior with our kids and they are much older than this child. The most important thing to do is be vigilant. If you can only react after another child comes to you with a bite mark you are to late. The parent or instructor must monitor the children. Not only will it prevent some occurances it more than likely will allow the caregiver to determine if the biter's surrounding environmental conditions lead to the child making the choice to bite. The child's biting behavior could be triggered by another child or by an adult. It could be a another child taking his or her favorite toy. It could be a teacher whose personality the child finds disagreeable. With some children it could be another discomfort. (ie Is the child being left it soiled clothes or is the child being exposed to other uncomfortable seating or air conditions.) If a environmental stimulus for the behavior can be found it could be possible to remove the stimulus from near the child or the child from the stimulus. A common intervention method in my profession is holding the nose of the biting child while he or she is biting. This method requires vigilance and you might wonder if you can respond in time, but if the child is causing tissue damage and even drawing blood it is a needed procedure. Usually a bite that causes bleeding requires the biter to take a good grip. Bites rarely last less than 10-15 seconds. The procedure for the nose holding procedure is as follows. Secure the victim at the point of the bite. This can be done by holding the arm, leg or head preventing movement of the injured limb by either the victim or aggressor. This helps prevent any more damage to the victim. Next use your index and middle fingers to "clothes pin" the aggressor's nose. This does not require excessive force and if done properly should not be painful to the aggressor. It is important to make sure that your fingers are in position to prevent any air from entering or exiting the nose. The discomfort and reduced breathing ability will cause the aggressor to release relatively quickly within 3-5 seconds of the initial application of the procedure. It important not to speak directly about the incident to the child as the attention he or she receives could actually reenforce the behavior. The discomfort (not pain) of the procedure works well as a deterent at our school. It should be extremely effective to a normally developing child. The child will begin to associate the discomfort of the procedure with biting and will lose interest. |
#10
|
|||
|
|||
My child is biting others
John Dalberg wrote:
I am having an issue this week with my 2 1/2 boy who started biting other kids at the day care. My 2.5-year-old Pillbug is developmentally delayed and went through a biting phase. It started with his little brother being born and he would bite _him_, then bite us, then he bit a teacher, until he finally bit another student. We did everything ("no bite", hold him, time out for him, we left the room, etc.) short of biting him back. (Well, I tried to bite him back, but I couldn't, and he thought it was funny that I'd put his fingers in my mouth.) Eventually, we figured out he was biting because he's hungry. So, our solution was to give him a bottle in the car, on the way to therapy. Now, since Pillbug is delayed and still has no words, this was one of the ways he communicated with us. YMMV. -- Anita -- |
|
Thread Tools | |
Display Modes | |
|
|
Similar Threads | ||||
Thread | Thread Starter | Forum | Replies | Last Post |
AL: Court issues history-making decision in child custody case | Dusty | Child Support | 1 | August 3rd 05 01:07 AM |
Kids should work. | LaVonne Carlson | General | 22 | December 7th 03 04:27 AM |
Kids should work. | ChrisScaife | Spanking | 16 | December 7th 03 04:27 AM |
Kids should work. | ChrisScaife | Foster Parents | 16 | December 7th 03 04:27 AM |
So much for the claims about Sweden | Kane | Spanking | 10 | November 5th 03 06:31 AM |