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#41
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Opposites don't always attract...
"Kristi Carney" wrote in message Dennis, NO! I'm not taking the moral high ground. I take just as much responsibility for my pregnancy and the birth and raising of my daughter as I've ever had. I think you missed my point. IMO you have spent too much time slagging off the fathers lifestyle when only a few years ago anyone could say the same about you. It makes you sound like a hypocrite. You know what? I hate it when it feels as though 'support' is more or less like attack. Touch a nerve did I? You may be a single parent, but you will NEVER be a single mother. Good for me. It means I never get to play the femme fatale. You didn't go through nine months (40 weeks is technically 10 months) of pregnancy. I shifted to auto-pilot... so part of me wants to say "screw you"... the other part of me wants to clarify. Go on, screw me :-p Age 21-22.... who knows what the hell they are doing?! I sure didn't. I am admitting that.. here at age 28. YES... I have grown up... 5 years later.. NO... my daughter's father HASN'T grown up. He was never supportive during the pregnancy... and he was never an involved father, period... and when I finally got tired of being someone's douche bag by all respects... I kicked him out... and for that... I got a year of harassment and threats and panic and anxiety attacks. So.. if you think that's fair... whatever. I don't have to explain or justify anything to you... because you don't live this. And five years later you are still revelling in it. When are you going to drop all this negative stuff, it is taking up far too much energy that should be used for more positive thoughts. It's easy to say I'm on some moral high horse... but you don't know me well enough to say that... and that's not a fair statement, period. It's sometimes rough in these group discussion board settings to intimate everything that I'm thinking and feeling... and even more difficult to put in the necessary emphasis and voice inflections... Quite right. So I say it as I read it and I did not like what I read. but... in no way have I hampered anything that's gone on in his life... I tried to work things out amicably...even took my daughter up to see him every other weekend for the first year... and when I was still getting abused... Well is that a bold generalisation or are you some kind of masochist? I said screw this and went to court... to have visitation set up and child support ordered.. does he follow the court order? Not at all. He doesn't visit his daughter. He doesn't call to see about her... [[[Yawn]]]] and me... I've been given the lovely task of being civil... being accommodating.. of "being the bigger person" all the time... and get what? I get flack from someone like you who just sees black and white... not grey... and the fact that I AM being a parent... and the fact that HE isn't... period... end of story. So your the custodial parent doing the job the court gave you. So what? That is what most of us here do and without playing the martyr about it. Do I think people can change? Yes.. I hope that they do and will change as they mature... but has it happened in 5 years? Not yet. Stick with it. It took my sons mother three years to get around to an overnight and five years to manage a week's holiday with her son. Part of my job of being a cusdodial parent was to facilite it and do you know what? I was delighted for both of them and am continually thankfull that I never wrote her off. And believe me, I could have done so many times as the regulars here all know. So.. if I'm on moral high ground... I have a right to sound that way... when I'm being both mother and father. Then stop, you will fail anyway. By trying to be both you are setting yourself up for major disapointment when you realise you never can be. You may not see it that way because you HAVE stepped up to the plate... but I see it that way when he has not. Like I said before, stop judging from where you are now. In fact stop judging, stop whinging, stop playing the martyr and channel all the energy into something more positive. Dennis |
#42
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Karen...
"Kristi Carney" wrote in message Firstly, why do you keep changing the headers? I've also been on enough newsgroups and discussion boards to know that not everyone is always right... Possibly, but I am ;-) and what may seem like "on the defensive" in some respects... is actually the other person (who's on the attack) trying to clarify. Gosh, why is everything so black and white with you? I don't discount a single father's view... but... I also don't appreciate being told THIS is how I should feel/be.... AND... I don't and haven't ever 'put myself first'... sometimes this method (newsgroups) is so frustrating... because EVERYTHING is taken at face value... so people can and do get their feelings hurt and toes stepped on on a regular basis. Do I have thin skin? No... I am an adult and can handle whatever words may be thrown my way... I just think it only fair that I be able to defend myself... and folks NOT tell me to get off my "high horse" or to stop being defensive... that seems a little bit TOO much like people who AREN'T single parents trying to give me advice... and I didn't come here to feel more isolated among single parent 'peers'.... So why did you come? Did you want everyone to agree with you? What kind of support would that be? Dennis |
#43
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Karen...
"Karen O'Mara" wrote in message Sympathy runs thin on this newsgroup. It's not very valuable. Humph! Shan't ask you to kiss it better then. Dennis |
#44
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Expunging Feelings...
'Kate wrote in message On Mon, 17 May 2004 20:55:39 +0100, Dennis@Large .ie So now you have taken the moral highground and are judging from where you are now rather than where both you and the father were a few years ago. Your pregnancy and motherhood changed you. Perhaps something else is needed to change the father. Perhaps it will never happen. Either way you have some cheek coming here slagging him off when, by your own admission, you became pregnant during a 12 month drunken haze and now moralise about his lifestyle. Dennis Just ponder this for a minute. You're raising a daughter in the old world way. Strict, limited contact with the opposite sex, and always chaparoned until one day, she's 21. Until then, the method of behavioral control used was external but she hit the magic age at which she's expected to instantly have self-control. Of course not. Only the responsibility for it, as should the father. I agree with you about the father. I've seen some pretty messed up people turn into very good parents - better than many because they've been there, done that, and know what to prevent when raising their own. People can and do change... sometimes for the better. My ex would be a case in point. Dennis |
#45
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Ignoramus...
Can you all tell me what "GP" is? I tried to phone my family doctor.. got
the busy tone... just wondering WHO I talk to now... I definitely think if I can get in this next week.. that'll be optimal because my daughter is spending the week at my parent's house.. and NO I don't plan on telling them anything.... unless.. of course.. the doctor commits me... (I hope not).. Kristi |
#46
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Ignoramus...
On Wed, 19 May 2004 16:19:30 -0400, "Kristi Carney"
wrote: Can you all tell me what "GP" is? I tried to phone my family doctor.. got the busy tone... just wondering WHO I talk to now... I definitely think if I can get in this next week.. that'll be optimal because my daughter is spending the week at my parent's house.. and NO I don't plan on telling them anything.... unless.. of course.. the doctor commits me... (I hope not).. Kristi GP is general practitioner -- family doc. I hope you can see him/her this week. lm |
#47
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Expunging Feelings...
On Wed, 19 May 2004 10:25:14 -0400, "Lisa" wrote:
I hear that alot; specialist vs GP. Initially, you would want to see your GP for an assessment. At least in my case, I have a very good if not excellent family doctor. He's very current, very involved in the community hospital, and, in case of crisis, I'm in to see him same day. He has invested a great deal of time with me and knows me well. So I can't bull**** him The specialists are not nearly as accessible. Often, the family doctor may not be the best to treat depression, however, sometimes people are lucky enough to have a really great GP. Lisa Hi. I think this is different in the US and Canada. I'm Canadian, like you, and have a great GP who is very much better at dealing with such things than would be a specialist we saw only occasionally. But in the States, as I understand it, they go to specialists for a lot more things routinely, and would maybe therefore see them more often. Maybe someone can speak to that? Cele |
#48
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Expunging Feelings...
On Wed, 19 May 2004 23:10:16 GMT, Cele
wrote: On Wed, 19 May 2004 10:25:14 -0400, "Lisa" wrote: I hear that alot; specialist vs GP. Initially, you would want to see your GP for an assessment. At least in my case, I have a very good if not excellent family doctor. He's very current, very involved in the community hospital, and, in case of crisis, I'm in to see him same day. He has invested a great deal of time with me and knows me well. So I can't bull**** him The specialists are not nearly as accessible. Often, the family doctor may not be the best to treat depression, however, sometimes people are lucky enough to have a really great GP. Lisa Hi. I think this is different in the US and Canada. I'm Canadian, like you, and have a great GP who is very much better at dealing with such things than would be a specialist we saw only occasionally. But in the States, as I understand it, they go to specialists for a lot more things routinely, and would maybe therefore see them more often. Maybe someone can speak to that? Quite routinely, esp. for mental health issues. But with *all* docs in the U.S., beware of what he's got in his cabinet. All those free samples are from the drug companies, and some insurance companies pressure docs in their plans to push the drugs they get the best deals on. It's TRUE. Drug pushing is legal! (Ask your doctor about the purple pill, the ad says -- and it doesn't even say what it's FOR!) lm (aw, it was just a mini-rant) |
#49
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Expunging Feelings...
On Thu, 20 May 2004 01:30:13 GMT, lm
wrote: On Wed, 19 May 2004 23:10:16 GMT, Cele wrote: On Wed, 19 May 2004 10:25:14 -0400, "Lisa" wrote: I hear that alot; specialist vs GP. Initially, you would want to see your GP for an assessment. At least in my case, I have a very good if not excellent family doctor. He's very current, very involved in the community hospital, and, in case of crisis, I'm in to see him same day. He has invested a great deal of time with me and knows me well. So I can't bull**** him The specialists are not nearly as accessible. Often, the family doctor may not be the best to treat depression, however, sometimes people are lucky enough to have a really great GP. Lisa Hi. I think this is different in the US and Canada. I'm Canadian, like you, and have a great GP who is very much better at dealing with such things than would be a specialist we saw only occasionally. But in the States, as I understand it, they go to specialists for a lot more things routinely, and would maybe therefore see them more often. Maybe someone can speak to that? Quite routinely, esp. for mental health issues. But with *all* docs in the U.S., beware of what he's got in his cabinet. All those free samples are from the drug companies, and some insurance companies pressure docs in their plans to push the drugs they get the best deals on. It's TRUE. Drug pushing is legal! (Ask your doctor about the purple pill, the ad says -- and it doesn't even say what it's FOR!) lm (aw, it was just a mini-rant) Ugh. That's kind of scary. Here, our docs get free samples too, but the docs are all paid by the government so they've got no vested interest in pleasing any insurance company. So they basically save the free samples for people in real financial need. Certainly anyone who has an extended medical plan with their job, which is a lot of us, would not expect or need a free sample. Most extended plans pay for 80% of Rx meds. But actual doctors', hospital and treatment fees are covered by the government plan. Cele |
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