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Need Advice... wife wants to do everything herself!!!



 
 
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  #51  
Old May 11th 04, 08:03 PM
Ericka Kammerer
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Default Need Advice... wife wants to do everything herself!!!

Tori M. wrote:

I know I live in my own little bubble and all but the only 3 people that I
know in person that have had homebirths in general have ended up being
rushed to the Hospital in an ambulance due to complications and all 3 had
midwifes assisting.


Statistically, that is quite unusual. Most homebirth
midwives have a transport rate under 10 percent, and the
vast majority of transports are not emergencies (no ambulance
needed).

Best wishes,
Ericka

  #52  
Old May 11th 04, 08:06 PM
Circe
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Default Need Advice... wife wants to do everything herself!!!

Ericka Kammerer wrote:
Tori M. wrote:
I know I live in my own little bubble and all but the only 3
people that I know in person that have had homebirths in general
have ended up being rushed to the Hospital in an ambulance due to
complications and all 3 had midwifes assisting.


Statistically, that is quite unusual. Most homebirth
midwives have a transport rate under 10 percent, and the
vast majority of transports are not emergencies (no ambulance
needed).

My understanding is that most home birth transports are for pain relief,
primarily due to exceptionally long or difficult labors.
--
Be well, Barbara
Mom to Sin (Vernon, 2), Misery (Aurora, 4), and the Rising Son (Julian, 6)

Aurora (in the bathroom with her dad)--"It looks like an elephant, Daddy."
Me (later)--"You should feel flattered."

All opinions expressed in this post are well-reasoned and insightful.
Needless to say, they are not those of my Internet Service Provider, its
other subscribers or lackeys. Anyone who says otherwise is itchin' for a
fight. -- with apologies to Michael Feldman


  #53  
Old May 11th 04, 08:22 PM
Tori M.
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Default Need Advice... wife wants to do everything herself!!!

My neice, well my husbands neice got "stuck" I believe and her mom had to be
rushed to the hospital trying not to push. The other 2 hemeraged so bad
that the midwifes had to control the bleeding in the ambulance. The last 2
had made it through the whole delivery but it was the hemeraging that sent
them to the hospital.
Like someone else on the breastfeeding board pointed out I somehow made it
through 25 years in a bubble and know verry few people with experiances
outside the "normal" situations and all the people I do know had a hard time
going through the "unusual" situations.


Tori

--
Bonnie 3/20/02
Anna or Xavier due 10/17/04
"Circe" wrote in message
news:Ts9oc.14390$A27.8399@fed1read06...
Ericka Kammerer wrote:
Tori M. wrote:
I know I live in my own little bubble and all but the only 3
people that I know in person that have had homebirths in general
have ended up being rushed to the Hospital in an ambulance due to
complications and all 3 had midwifes assisting.


Statistically, that is quite unusual. Most homebirth
midwives have a transport rate under 10 percent, and the
vast majority of transports are not emergencies (no ambulance
needed).

My understanding is that most home birth transports are for pain relief,
primarily due to exceptionally long or difficult labors.
--
Be well, Barbara
Mom to Sin (Vernon, 2), Misery (Aurora, 4), and the Rising Son (Julian, 6)

Aurora (in the bathroom with her dad)--"It looks like an elephant, Daddy."
Me (later)--"You should feel flattered."

All opinions expressed in this post are well-reasoned and insightful.
Needless to say, they are not those of my Internet Service Provider, its
other subscribers or lackeys. Anyone who says otherwise is itchin' for a
fight. -- with apologies to Michael Feldman




  #54  
Old May 11th 04, 08:29 PM
Ericka Kammerer
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Default Need Advice... wife wants to do everything herself!!!

Circe wrote:

My understanding is that most home birth transports are for pain relief,
primarily due to exceptionally long or difficult labors.


Yep--particularly with first timers. Not really
an emergency situation ;-)

Best wishes,
Ericka

  #55  
Old May 11th 04, 08:34 PM
Welches
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Default Need Advice... wife wants to do everything herself!!!


So, in my book, there's nothing particularly brave or courageous
about opting for a med-free birth. There is also nothing "wussy"
about opting for meds if you need them. But I also think that your
expectations of birth are often a self-fulfilling prophecy, and if
you walk into it being terrified of the pain to the point that the
idea makes you sick, you're likely going to find that labor meets
your expectations and the pain is truly horrendous. If, OTOH, you
don't have that expectation, you're likely to find that it isn't
nearly that bad. That's not to say that there aren't times when
labor is unbearable painful even for a woman who expects it
*won't* be or vice versa--it's just that fear increases pain and
if you go in afraid, you are probably going to have more pain than
someone who doesn't go in afraid.


I'd be cautious about this advice. My doula and childbirth educator
both said the most common problem they saw in births going
emotionally awry was in mothers who went in thinking, "I've learned
all the techniques, so I'll be fine. I'll sail through it, get my

husband
to
rub my back and my doula to walk around with me, put nice music on,
breathe through it, and it'll be no problem," and were then
confronted suddenly with the reality that this stuff HURTS. And even

though it
didn't hurt all that *much*, they broke down, because their image
shattered and they were lost and afraid.


Well, I think you should note that I said that there is a correlation, but
thinking it won't be that bad isn't a guarantee that you won't need meds

nor
vice versa. I just said "probably". And I genuinely do believe that,

except
in very exceptional circumstances, when you are afraid of the pain in
advance, you are more likely to have pain that is worth fearing. Research
bears that out, too, so I'm not just making this up based on my experience
or intuition.

Also, I would never claim that it DOESN'T hurt. It does. No doubt about

it.
And I certainly wouldn't encourage anyone to think that having a great
attitude is going to mean that it won't hurt. But having a great attitude,
good support (key, IMO), and *realistic* expectations (by which I mean you
expect that it is going to be painful, but not that it is necessarily

going
to be so painful that you won't be able to cope without medication) can go

a
long way towards getting you through the experience without feeling the

need
for pain medication. That doesn't mean it always works, mind you, just

that
it increases the chances of success.

More than that, however, I was trying to emphasize that I have a lot of
concern for women who go into labor with no plan other than "give me the
epidural the second I walk through the hospital door", because if it

doesn't
work or they can't get it, they are completely unprepared to do anything
else and then their fear and pain are doubly magnified. That's just not a
healthy recipe for a good birth, IMO.
--

Grin for me it was the opposite of this. #1 was going to hurt-but nothing
I couldn't manage. After 24hrs I was so thankful for the epidural. #2 that
epidural would have been positioned at 36 weeks if I'd had my way.... no
epidural (by choice-bargain with midwife: no internal if I didn't have an
epidural), and no stitches either.
Go straight to the second birth is my recommenation for first time mothers
!?!
Debbie


  #56  
Old May 11th 04, 11:00 PM
Buzzy Bee
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Default Need Advice... wife wants to do everything herself!!!

On Tue, 11 May 2004 17:28:08 +0000 (UTC), Jacqui
wrote:

Circe wibbled
I guess what I'm trying to tell you is that the pain associatied
with childbirth isn't *necessarily* going to be the worst pain
you'll experience in your life


My mother (two unmedicated births out of three) has recently slipped a
disc. On a scale of one to ten, she rated labour/birth at 8 and this
back pain at 9.5. (I'm not sure what she's reserving the final 0.5
for...)


Labour is far from the worst pain I have experienced and I've never
slipped a disk or broken a bone either. Oh and I never got the 'worth it'
thing at the end either.

Megan
  #57  
Old May 12th 04, 10:26 AM
Hope
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Default Need Advice... wife wants to do everything herself!!!

On 9 May 2004 10:39:52 -0400, Jay wrote:

Hello, first post to a newsgroup in a long, long time!

Well, this is the situation. My wife, who usually insists on doing
everything herself, also wants to give birth by herself (keep reading...
with NO help!!!
We live in Australia.

\
Just wondering if the $3000 baby allowance thing announced in the
budget last night might bring an independant midwife within your
reach?

At any rate, your wife *can* do it all by herself. You could be a
great source of support to her- do some research. People have already
given you some good reading material. The Cbirth and empoweredbirth
lists (both @ yahoogroups) are both well worth joining. I think your
wife is awesome for being mentally ready for UC with her first baby!
What a woman.

Oh, one more thought... the kinds of things that happen during
labour/birth that justify a trip to hospital are usually things that
take too long, or don't happen. Sudden emergencies (that medical
intervention would actually help) are rare. THink about it like this-
if you plan a hospital birth, and she has a nice normal pregnancy, the
hospital won't want your wife to come in at the first contraction.
The midwives will encourage her to stay home as long as she can, and
labour in peace. So, imagine things going so smoothly that the baby
is just born, at home. Even in a planned UC, there's always the
freedom to transport if needed.

Anyway try to read up and get on the same team as your wife, because
she will never forgive you if you force her into a hospital birth.

Hope

--
Riley 1993 c/s
Tara 2002 HBAC
TTC #3
  #58  
Old May 13th 04, 08:36 AM
Cheryl
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Default Need Advice... wife wants to do everything herself!!!

On Wed, 12 May 2004 09:26:20 GMT, Hope
wrote:

On 9 May 2004 10:39:52 -0400, Jay wrote:

Hello, first post to a newsgroup in a long, long time!

Well, this is the situation. My wife, who usually insists on doing
everything herself, also wants to give birth by herself (keep reading...
with NO help!!!
We live in Australia.

\
Just wondering if the $3000 baby allowance thing announced in the
budget last night might bring an independant midwife within your
reach?

I was going to suggest that too. If the baby is due after July 1 then
most homebirth midwives will accept that money as payment - as long as
there was some kind of on-going payment made through the pregnancy.
Alternately it might be worth your wife actually going and looking
around at the hospitals, not all of them are very "hospitally".


--
Cheryl
Mum to Shrimp (11 Mar 99), Thud (4 Oct 00)
and Mischief (30 Jul 02)
  #59  
Old May 15th 04, 08:13 AM
Jay
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Default Need Advice... wife wants to do everything herself!!!

I've read through much of the material here that people have posted. I
didn't realize I'd get so many replies I thank everyone who gave a bit of
their own opinions and advice on the matter.

After reading through the messages and talking with my wife a bit more,
I've decided to just let things be. I love her and want things to go well.
Therefore, I'm not going to complain anymore about her decision and just do
what I can to support her. We will just try to be as prepared as possible
(with both information and any items that may make the birthing easier for
her). I must admit, though I'm a 6'0 tall, 215 pound weightlifter, I do get
faint quite easily when I see blood (I watched my father get a mole removed
once and passed out!). Therefore, I doubt it'll be me pulling the baby out
or cutting the cord unless I can manage without getting sick. I think we'll
leave most of that to her mother since she's had 3 kids before and has even
had a home birth so she has at least some concept of what to do. Meanwhile,
I'll try to support her in those other little ways like comforting her and
getting her what she needs. I think if we make things as comfortable as we
can for her the whole birth will go much easier. If the worst happens, we
can STILL go to the hospital if we need to. But, having the home birth will
make my wife happier and our relationship stronger, so if it must be done
that way then so be it.

Now, it is up to US to get all the information we can and plan things
right! We have both done some research on babies and birthing in general,
but we need to fine tune our knowledge of home birthing methods.


Oh, and this is just one more note I thought I'd mention that involves the
birth but in a more indirect way. It's about having children in Australia
(we live in a small town in New South Wales). The government usually hands
out money to families/mothers who have a child. Right now that amount is
about $600.00 AU. Well, as of July 1st, 2004 they will change the amount to
$3000.00 AU (or so they've said). But, your baby MUST be born on or after
July 1st. One potential problem for us is this... our expected due date is
June 17th! We could miss out by only a few weeks, or if the baby is late
perhaps even a few days!!! My mother keeps saying that the first baby is
usually late (I don't know if that's true, but she thinks it is), so in our
case we HOPE the baby is EXACTLY two weeks late at least!!! We'll keep our
fingers crossed...


Thanks again for all the replies... there were some interesting and varied
opinions on the subject.

Jay
 




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