Terrified of what people will say

I am 14 weeks pregnant and starting to get a little chubby around the
middle. This is my second pregnancy. During my first pregnancy
(which was only 10 months ago) I didn't even show until was 5 months
along but when the weight came on it came on very quickly and I ended up
gaining about 60 lbs. People said the most horrible and hurtful things
to me, such as;

Are you sure you're not having twins, maybe you are and they just can't
tell?

You are SO HUGE, I cant believe how big you've gotten! I never got as
big as you did when I was pregnant!

You look like you are ready to pop/burst!

Are you sure there isn't two or three in there?

You better hope you're gonna have that baby pretty soon! (said to me
when I was 7 mos along)

That thing is getting pretty big! (referring to my belly)

These are just a few of the things said by co-workers, family, friends,
and complete strangers. Instead of being a happy time for me my last
pregnancy became a time where I was ashamed of my huge body. I didn't
want to go anywhere because I didn't want people seeing me. I hid out at
home and ate and watched TV.
I feel like pregnancy ruined my body and ruined my self esteem. I was
finally starting to get some of the weight off when I found out that I
was pregnant again. While I am extremely happy about the pregnancy I
can't help but wonder- how soon will I show? how much weight will I
gain? how gross will I feel? who will say things that send me home
crying because earlier in the day I admired my growing belly and thought
about what a miracle pregnancy is just to have someone tell me later
how fat and disgusting I am. Sorry this is so long but this is the first
time I have had a chance to vent about how those thoughtless comments
affected me.

Has anyone else out there heard things like this during the time when
people re supposed to be telling you how beautiful and glowing you are?
If so, how did you deal with or feel about it? Are all women really ONLY
supposed to gain exactly 25 lbs and have cute little volleyball bellies?
Thank you in advance for any replies!

Wendy

On Thu, 13 May 2004 20:35:10 -0500, (Wendy)
wrote:

Has anyone else out there heard things like this during the time when
people re supposed to be telling you how beautiful and glowing you are?

Honestly, the only person that said I was beautiful is my husband, and
his opinion is the only one that matters to me.
But yes, I heard a lot of the comments you mentioned, mostly from
strangers.

If so, how did you deal with or feel about it?

I realized anyone else's opinion of me wasn't important.

Are all women really ONLY
supposed to gain exactly 25 lbs and have cute little volleyball bellies?

If so, I sure missed that memo! I've gained an average of 40+ lbs
with each pregnancy.

Thank you in advance for any replies!

Wendy

I know it's hard, but try to focus on how great you feel, and take any
rude comments with a grain of salt.

Nan

Wendy wrote:


Has anyone else out there heard things like this during the time when
people re supposed to be telling you how beautiful and glowing you are?
If so, how did you deal with or feel about it? Are all women really ONLY
supposed to gain exactly 25 lbs and have cute little volleyball bellies?
Thank you in advance for any replies!

Wendy


At first I thought you were kidding, because in another group (of
young women) I read, these exact comments were complained about
within the past week.

EVERYONE who has been pregnant has heard exactly these same
comments. Most people take them in stride and don't get
that upset.

Back in the 1970's I gained less than 25 pounds with both of
my kids and I was still huge bellied.

Concentrate on being happy that you are pregnant and learn to
look at your tormenters and say "How nice of you to notice."
or something equally inane.

gloria p

Wendy wrote:
|| I am 14 weeks pregnant and starting to get a little chubby around the
|| middle. This is my second pregnancy. During my first pregnancy
|| (which was only 10 months ago) I didn't even show until was 5 months
|| along but when the weight came on it came on very quickly and I
|| ended up gaining about 60 lbs. People said the most horrible and
|| hurtful things to me,
snipped

Unfortunately ppl think that a woman being pregnant is a licence to say the
rudest comments! With my first and current pregnancy ppl are very vocal
about my size but I've learnt to take pride in knowing that I am growing a
very healthy baby All I can say is to try and let it roll off of you and
feel free to comment on their sizes/rudeness if it becomes too much eg

--?

Jenn
-On bedrest due to PIH/PE
-DS Feb'92
-DD Feb'97
-Jellyfish due June 25/04

Wendy,

I so sympathize with you. :-( I have heard every comment you mention and more.
I have never gained less than 50 lbs. with any pregnancy and sometimes much
more, and I have huge (really huge) babies and get absolutely gigantic. By the
end of my pregnancies it is hard to find even maternity clothes to fit. I'm
only 15 weeks right now (with number 5) and I have been showing since about a
month--no kidding!

No, I don't like feeling fat. No, I don't like rude remarks. Already I'm
hearing, "You're not going to try to have a bigger baby are you?" as though I
can control it in some way.

But people are going to say what they are going to say.You just need to
concentrate on growing a healthy baby. I just lost 60 lbs. on WW and I know I
can do it again, and so can you! But we'll worry about that in 6 months, not
now. :-)

Leslie

"Wendy" wrote in message
...
Has anyone else out there heard things like this during the time when
people re supposed to be telling you how beautiful and glowing you
are?
If so, how did you deal with or feel about it? Are all women really
ONLY
supposed to gain exactly 25 lbs and have cute little volleyball
bellies?
Thank you in advance for any replies!

Wendy


Wendy, you are not alone. I had two babies in 18 months and I gained
about 60lbs with both of them, and you can bet ya boots I never had a
60lb baby either time! I wasn't skinny to start with and I was still
carrying around 20lbs from #1 when I got pregnant with #2, so by the
time I was done having baby #2 "gross" would have been a kind way of
describing the state my figure was in. Did I mention I had 2 c-sections
as well? And that they gave me a new scar the second time instead
cutting through the existing scar? No? I didn't mention that? That
made my stomach look REALLY good. Did I mention that I tandem nursed my
babies so my boobs "looked like something out of the National
Geographic" (thank you, my kind sisters for this description)? No? How
could I have forgotten that? (Note to sisters: I WILL NEVER FORGET!!!)
When #2 was 6 months old, another mother at an indoor play center asked
my MIL when my next baby was due. I wasn't pregnant. My MIL was really
embarrassed about it, like my fat somehow reflected on her. My husband
completely lost interest in having sex with me, which was fine by me
because, frankly, the even the IDEA of my husband seeing me naked was
enough to freak me out. Does it sound like I HATED my body? Well, let
me tell you, I really did. In a sense I almost felt dissembodied,
because there was no way I could reconcile the body I saw with the
person I was.

When #2 was was one year old I was still kinda fat, but only "Girl! You
really porked up!" fat, not "Oh my GOD! Would you look at that FAT
CHICK!!!" fat. My DD is now 19 months old and although my body is
nowhere near the shape it was in when I got pregnant the first time, I
can SEE my old body in there, if you know what I mean? I'm about a size
16, heading for a 14 and that's about as low as I ever go in a jeans
size, no matter how fit I am, that's just my build. The fat I am
carrying now has NOTHING to do with having babies, and everything to do
with sitting on the couch eating doritos, so I'm not too concerned about
it. I just need to step away from the doritos bag with my hands in the
air and everything will be ok, IYKWIM? My husband is pestering me for
sex again (when all I want is SLEEP!). I haven't done any concerted
dieting to get to this point. I have watched what I was eating, but not
to the point of calorie restriction, more what I would call 'empty
calorie' restriction (i.e. laying off the junk food). The weight has
kind drifted away while I was busy enjoying my babies and to be honest I
didn't really notice it going until even my sweats started falling down.

I think the key thing to notice is that it has taken about the same
amount of time (18 months) for my body to naturally return to the
starting point as it took to get to the fat peak. I could have gotten
here a lot faster through diet and exercise, but I did get here in the
end and, if you lay off the junk after you have your baby, you'll get
back to normal too. The REALLY important thing for you to remember is
that it is just fat. It's nothing nothing magical or evil or even
especially worth getting worked up about. Just fat cells. They come
and, if you want them too, they will go away again. Enjoy your
pregnancy. Go ahead and give yourself PERMISSION to get fat, if you
think it's inevitable anyway, you may as well enjoy it instead of hating
yourself. And if someone is a big enough asshole to give you grief over
getting fat while you're pregnant, go ahead and call them on it. Why
pander to their feelings when they are uncaring enough to hurt yours?
Here's some good sentences to practice while you lay awake at night
feeling your belly grow:
"Hey! Give a pregnant girl a break and say something nice!": or the
more to the point
"Jeeze Bob! Do you *NEED* to be such an asshole about it?". - personal
favourite.

I hope my little story about how I went from normal to gross and back
again makes you feel a little better about yourself. Enjoy your
pregnancy!

Good Luck!

Suzie Egg

(Wendy) wrote in message ...
I am 14 weeks pregnant and starting to get a little chubby around the
middle.
Has anyone else out there heard things like this during the time when
people re supposed to be telling you how beautiful and glowing you are?
If so, how did you deal with or feel about it? Are all women really ONLY
supposed to gain exactly 25 lbs and have cute little volleyball bellies?

I don't remember many comments, except one friend who said I was
'blooming' (I love her!). I think if anyone said anything nasty I
would respond in one of three ways denpending on mood:

1. Raised eyebrows and a frosty "Excuse me?"
2. I'm growing a healthy baby and I feel wonderful.
3. Burst into tears.

Everyone is different. My doc told me to eat well, exercise and not
to worry about my weight. DH told me I was beautiful. I try not to
worry about anyone else.

Good luck.

Kelly
Mom to Mary, Anna, and Kate

Wendy wrote:

Has anyone else out there heard things like this during the time when
people re supposed to be telling you how beautiful and glowing you are?
If so, how did you deal with or feel about it? Are all women really ONLY
supposed to gain exactly 25 lbs and have cute little volleyball bellies?
Thank you in advance for any replies!

Look, even those women who only gain 25 pounds and
weigh 125 pounds soaking wet and nine months pregnant get
*all* those same comments. Those comments have nothing to
do with you or how you look. Repeat after me as often as
necessary: THOSE COMMENTS HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH ME!
Ignore them. Yes, they are not particularly tactful comments,
but *everyone* gets them. You have to not take them personally.
They don't happen because you look bigger than anyone else.
Don't ask me why people can't seem to remember just how big
pregnant women get, but apparently they just don't and every
pregnant woman seems humongous to them. When pregnant with
#2 I worked with a bunch of physicians. Even though I only
gained the theoretically advised 25 lbs, they were still
telling me I looked ready to blow at 7 months.
I won't excuse the commenters, because the comments
are at least tactless and probably rude; however, the
solution is simply for you not to take the personally
and understand that the comments have more to do with
the person saying them than they do with you. To allow
other people this much control over your self esteem is
just plumb crazy.

Best wishes,
Ericka

Wendy wrote in message
...
I am 14 weeks pregnant and starting to get a little chubby around the
middle. This is my second pregnancy. During my first pregnancy
(which was only 10 months ago) I didn't even show until was 5 months
along but when the weight came on it came on very quickly and I ended up
gaining about 60 lbs. People said the most horrible and hurtful things
to me, such as;

Are you sure you're not having twins, maybe you are and they just can't
tell?

You are SO HUGE, I cant believe how big you've gotten! I never got as
big as you did when I was pregnant!

You look like you are ready to pop/burst!

Are you sure there isn't two or three in there?

You better hope you're gonna have that baby pretty soon! (said to me
when I was 7 mos along)

That thing is getting pretty big! (referring to my belly)
Say "and you're ugly but at least I'll get thin again!" I can't remember who
originally said that.
Oh yes I can:
Winston Churchill, I think:
Someone else: "Winston, you're drunk"
Winston: "and you're ugly-but tomorrow I shall be sober!"
Debbie

"Hey! Give a pregnant girl a break and say something nice!": or the
more to the point
"Jeeze Bob! Do you *NEED* to be such an asshole about it?". -
personal
favourite.(snip)

I have an even better comeback: "Yes, I am pregnant and big, but
you're ugly, and in a few months I won't be pregnant anymore, but
you'll still be ugly".-Jitney