Terrified of what people will say

Are you sure you're not having twins, maybe you are and they just can't
tell?

You are SO HUGE, I cant believe how big you've gotten! I never got as
big as you did when I was pregnant!

You look like you are ready to pop/burst!

Are you sure there isn't two or three in there?

You better hope you're gonna have that baby pretty soon! (said to me
when I was 7 mos along)

That thing is getting pretty big! (referring to my belly)

People can be so rude. I don't know why they feel it's okay to say such
hurtful things.

While I am extremely happy about the pregnancy I
can't help but wonder- how soon will I show?

I showed *much* later with #2. I got pregnant with #2 when #1 was 6 months
old (planned). I had lost all but 4 of the 40 lbs I gained with #1. I
showed at the usual 5/6 month mark with #1, but I remember only having 5
*weeks* to go and people thought I was 5 *months* along. Every pregnancy is
different.

how much weight will I gain?

Totally depends. I gained 40, 26, 45+ (stopped asking or looking at the
scales), and so far now at 30 weeks + about 25 lbs.

how gross will I feel? who will say things that send me home
crying because earlier in the day I admired my growing belly and thought
about what a miracle pregnancy is just to have someone tell me later
how fat and disgusting I am. Sorry this is so long but this is the first
time I have had a chance to vent about how those thoughtless comments
affected me.

How you feel *should* depend on you. It's an old saying but you can lose
weight, they're just rude.

Has anyone else out there heard things like this during the time when
people re supposed to be telling you how beautiful and glowing you are?
If so, how did you deal with or feel about it? Are all women really ONLY
supposed to gain exactly 25 lbs and have cute little volleyball bellies?
Thank you in advance for any replies!

Wendy

I remember with my 1st a woman telling me I must be having a girl cos when
she was all greasy, fat, and broken out it was a girl. Like I didn't already
feel crummy enough. I was told with #1 it must be twins. I loved how when
I said no, I was always asked "are you sure?". Gee, what do you think?

Try to ignore them.

Sophie
#4 due July 7, 2004

Ericka Kammerer wrote:
Wendy wrote:
Has anyone else out there heard things like this during the time
when people re supposed to be telling you how beautiful and
glowing you are? If so, how did you deal with or feel about it?
Are all women really ONLY supposed to gain exactly 25 lbs and have
cute little volleyball bellies? Thank you in advance for any
replies!

Look, even those women who only gain 25 pounds and
weigh 125 pounds soaking wet and nine months pregnant get
*all* those same comments. Those comments have nothing to
do with you or how you look. Repeat after me as often as
necessary: THOSE COMMENTS HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH ME!
Ignore them. Yes, they are not particularly tactful comments,
but *everyone* gets them. You have to not take them personally.
They don't happen because you look bigger than anyone else.
Don't ask me why people can't seem to remember just how big
pregnant women get, but apparently they just don't and every
pregnant woman seems humongous to them. When pregnant with
#2 I worked with a bunch of physicians. Even though I only
gained the theoretically advised 25 lbs, they were still
telling me I looked ready to blow at 7 months.

I think Ericka is absolutely right on target, here. It is NOT ABOUT YOU and
it has nothing to do with how big YOU are from any OBJECTIVE point of view.

When I was pregnant with my third, there was a fair amount of concern about
IUGR because I didn't gain any fundal height between 33 and 37 weeks. From
an OBJECTIVE point of view, I was smaller at term than I should have been.
Even so, I still got all the usual "you are huge; you must be ready to pop;
are you having twins" comments from strangers. The ONLY people I didn't get
such comments from were OTHER pregnant women (or women who'd recently been
pregnant), who had dare to know how big a pregnant woman in the late third
trimester should be. A few of them noticed that I seemed smaller than
"normal" for my stage of pregnancy, but they were definitely the exception,
not the rule.

So, don't sweat it. As Ericka says, their comments are rude and insensitive,
but they aren't about YOU. My response to such comments was to smile
beatifically and say something like, "Yes, I know I'm big, but I should be.
After all, I'm growing a whole entire person in here" and *believe* it.
--
Be well, Barbara
Mom to Sin (Vernon, 2), Misery (Aurora, 4), and the Rising Son (Julian, 6)

Aurora (in the bathroom with her dad)--"It looks like an elephant, Daddy."
Me (later)--"You should feel flattered."

All opinions expressed in this post are well-reasoned and insightful.
Needless to say, they are not those of my Internet Service Provider, its
other subscribers or lackeys. Anyone who says otherwise is itchin' for a
fight. -- with apologies to Michael Feldman

Hi Wendy,

In terms of weight gain during pregnancy, you're not alone. With my first
one, I gained 60lbs and only managed to lose 20lbs when my son was born (he
was 6lbs 14oz and the rest was the water).

I was reading some of the threads to your post, it was nice to know that I'm
not alone neither because all my friends when they were pregnant, only
gained an average of 25-30 lbs and they lost they weight quickly after they
gave birth.

Nevermind any of the comments people make about how big your belly is, just
think about how much joy your little one will bring you when he/she is born,
then anything else won't matter. The most important thing is to focus on the
good things, and don't let other people make you feel uncomfortable about
yourself. I think pregnancy is the most beautiful thing, regardless of how
much weight you gain and how other sees you.

good luck!

Bessie

"Wendy" wrote in message
...
I am 14 weeks pregnant and starting to get a little chubby around the
middle. This is my second pregnancy. During my first pregnancy
(which was only 10 months ago) I didn't even show until was 5 months
along but when the weight came on it came on very quickly and I ended up
gaining about 60 lbs. People said the most horrible and hurtful things
to me, such as;

Are you sure you're not having twins, maybe you are and they just can't
tell?

You are SO HUGE, I cant believe how big you've gotten! I never got as
big as you did when I was pregnant!

You look like you are ready to pop/burst!

Are you sure there isn't two or three in there?

You better hope you're gonna have that baby pretty soon! (said to me
when I was 7 mos along)

That thing is getting pretty big! (referring to my belly)

These are just a few of the things said by co-workers, family, friends,
and complete strangers. Instead of being a happy time for me my last
pregnancy became a time where I was ashamed of my huge body. I didn't
want to go anywhere because I didn't want people seeing me. I hid out at
home and ate and watched TV.
I feel like pregnancy ruined my body and ruined my self esteem. I was
finally starting to get some of the weight off when I found out that I
was pregnant again. While I am extremely happy about the pregnancy I
can't help but wonder- how soon will I show? how much weight will I
gain? how gross will I feel? who will say things that send me home
crying because earlier in the day I admired my growing belly and thought
about what a miracle pregnancy is just to have someone tell me later
how fat and disgusting I am. Sorry this is so long but this is the first
time I have had a chance to vent about how those thoughtless comments
affected me.

Has anyone else out there heard things like this during the time when
people re supposed to be telling you how beautiful and glowing you are?
If so, how did you deal with or feel about it? Are all women really ONLY
supposed to gain exactly 25 lbs and have cute little volleyball bellies?
Thank you in advance for any replies!

Wendy

I hate to just parrot what other people are saying here...but any pregnant
woman gets it.... unfortunately. :-(

With the first I gained about 45 lbs. and lost a huge bit of it after the
delivery (water weight, what a mercy...*lol*)...was still carrying about 15
extra lbs when DS was conceived about 8 months later. I ended up huge from
him. I had preeclampsia and gained a ton right at the end (serves me
right for just eating watermelon and drinking gatorade.. :-) Most of it is
still sticking around 3 years later. :-(

You should be worried after it's all over and 5 months later someone asks
when the baby is due (I had this happen a few months after I had DD and had
dropped most of my preg weight). :-P

It will come off when it comes off....enjoy your pregnancy. :-)

Good luck!

Maria
Kelly 2/19/00
Kyle 7/9/01


"Wendy" wrote in message
...
I am 14 weeks pregnant and starting to get a little chubby around the
middle. This is my second pregnancy. During my first pregnancy
(which was only 10 months ago) I didn't even show until was 5 months
along but when the weight came on it came on very quickly and I ended up
gaining about 60 lbs. People said the most horrible and hurtful things
to me, such as;

Are you sure you're not having twins, maybe you are and they just can't
tell?

You are SO HUGE, I cant believe how big you've gotten! I never got as
big as you did when I was pregnant!

You look like you are ready to pop/burst!

Are you sure there isn't two or three in there?

You better hope you're gonna have that baby pretty soon! (said to me
when I was 7 mos along)

That thing is getting pretty big! (referring to my belly)

These are just a few of the things said by co-workers, family, friends,
and complete strangers. Instead of being a happy time for me my last
pregnancy became a time where I was ashamed of my huge body. I didn't
want to go anywhere because I didn't want people seeing me. I hid out at
home and ate and watched TV.
I feel like pregnancy ruined my body and ruined my self esteem. I was
finally starting to get some of the weight off when I found out that I
was pregnant again. While I am extremely happy about the pregnancy I
can't help but wonder- how soon will I show? how much weight will I
gain? how gross will I feel? who will say things that send me home
crying because earlier in the day I admired my growing belly and thought
about what a miracle pregnancy is just to have someone tell me later
how fat and disgusting I am. Sorry this is so long but this is the first
time I have had a chance to vent about how those thoughtless comments
affected me.

Has anyone else out there heard things like this during the time when
people re supposed to be telling you how beautiful and glowing you are?
If so, how did you deal with or feel about it? Are all women really ONLY
supposed to gain exactly 25 lbs and have cute little volleyball bellies?
Thank you in advance for any replies!

Wendy

Thank you everyone for all of your thoughtfull, humorous, kind and
insightfull replies!! They really helped and reminded me to keep a sense
of humor about these things.

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!
Wendy

Wendy,
You're not alone! I don't know why people feel that because someone is
pregnant they are entitled to say things that society considers completely
unacceptable otherwise.
Try not to let them get to you, and enjoy your body and your growing baby.
Women grow in all shapes and sizes during pg depending on baby size, their
body types, the baby's position. They're all normal, the only person who is
entitled to say anything is your healthcare provider if he/she thinks the
weight gain is a sign of a problem for you or baby.
I also think in the face of rudeness like this, you are entitled to say
anything you like. Smile back at them and say, "So when are you due?" and
give them a belly pat. Male or female, it doesn't matter. I haven't met a
woman yet, however slim, who wasn't self-conscious of her belly, or a man
who wasn't self conscious of his beer gut. You'll probably notice that the
people who the comments are coming from are far from picture-perfect, Barbie
& Ken types themselves.
Hit back! After all, they started it.

"Wendy" wrote in message
...
I am 14 weeks pregnant and starting to get a little chubby around the
middle. This is my second pregnancy. During my first pregnancy
(which was only 10 months ago) I didn't even show until was 5 months
along but when the weight came on it came on very quickly and I ended up
gaining about 60 lbs. People said the most horrible and hurtful things
to me, such as;

Are you sure you're not having twins, maybe you are and they just can't
tell?

You are SO HUGE, I cant believe how big you've gotten! I never got as
big as you did when I was pregnant!

You look like you are ready to pop/burst!

Are you sure there isn't two or three in there?

You better hope you're gonna have that baby pretty soon! (said to me
when I was 7 mos along)

That thing is getting pretty big! (referring to my belly)

These are just a few of the things said by co-workers, family, friends,
and complete strangers. Instead of being a happy time for me my last
pregnancy became a time where I was ashamed of my huge body. I didn't
want to go anywhere because I didn't want people seeing me. I hid out at
home and ate and watched TV.
I feel like pregnancy ruined my body and ruined my self esteem. I was
finally starting to get some of the weight off when I found out that I
was pregnant again. While I am extremely happy about the pregnancy I
can't help but wonder- how soon will I show? how much weight will I
gain? how gross will I feel? who will say things that send me home
crying because earlier in the day I admired my growing belly and thought
about what a miracle pregnancy is just to have someone tell me later
how fat and disgusting I am. Sorry this is so long but this is the first
time I have had a chance to vent about how those thoughtless comments
affected me.

Has anyone else out there heard things like this during the time when
people re supposed to be telling you how beautiful and glowing you are?
If so, how did you deal with or feel about it? Are all women really ONLY
supposed to gain exactly 25 lbs and have cute little volleyball bellies?
Thank you in advance for any replies!

Wendy

On Fri, 14 May 2004 09:13:36 -0700, "Circe" wrote:

Ericka Kammerer wrote:
Wendy wrote:
Has anyone else out there heard things like this during the time
when people re supposed to be telling you how beautiful and
glowing you are? If so, how did you deal with or feel about it?
Are all women really ONLY supposed to gain exactly 25 lbs and have
cute little volleyball bellies? Thank you in advance for any
replies!

Look, even those women who only gain 25 pounds and
weigh 125 pounds soaking wet and nine months pregnant get
*all* those same comments. Those comments have nothing to
do with you or how you look. Repeat after me as often as
necessary: THOSE COMMENTS HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH ME!

snip

I think Ericka is absolutely right on target, here. It is NOT ABOUT YOU and
it has nothing to do with how big YOU are from any OBJECTIVE point of view.

snip some more

I totally agree with Ericka and Barbara. It really doesn't have
anything to do with how YOU look. I sometimes think that people feel
that they need to make some sort of comment to a pregnant woman but
don't really know what to say so they fall back on the old cliches
("Wow, I can't believe how big you are", "Sure you're not having
twins?", "Wow, you must be due any second now, eh?"). It's the
equivalent of saying "Gee, nice weather we're having" when you feel
like you're supposed to be saying something but don't really have
anything relevant to say.

Katie
(who got pretty much all the comments that the original poster
mentioned from family, friends and random strangers on the street,
including my dad who had to ask me EVERY SINGLE TIME I saw or spoke to
him, "So you're SURE you're not having twins, right?") (Oh, speaking
of my dad, I should mention in his defense that, when my mom harps on
me about the little bit of pregnancy weight that I'm still carrying,
he makes a big point of mentioning how good I look, how much weight
I've lost, how beautiful I am, etc - gotta love dads).

Wendy says:

Has anyone else out there heard things like this during the time when
people re supposed to be telling you how beautiful and glowing you are?
If so, how did you deal with or feel about it? Are all women really ONLY
supposed to gain exactly 25 lbs and have cute little volleyball bellies?

For whatever reason, my belly gets tremendous during pregnancy -- I looked
full-term at 7 mos. both times, and the thing is, it's not like I gained a
whole lot, just 25-30 lbs. each time. It never really bothered me when
someone would mention my belly's size because frankly, I was always
marveling at its size too! It just amazed me both times. I didn't really
expect anyone to tell me I was beautiful and glowing.

I think the sight of a pregnant belly is amazing for everyone, not just the
pregnant woman. It's just incredible what the body ends up doing to
produce another member of the human race. But the sight of the pregnant
belly somehow makes people say whatever comes into their heads. :-) You
just can't take it personally. It's not about *you*, per se; it's about
pregnancy.

Best of luck!

-- Alpha
mom to Eamon and Quinn

Wendy,
This is completely normal. You are taking everything WAY to personally.

Are you sure you're not having twins, maybe you are and they just can't
tell?

You are SO HUGE, I cant believe how big you've gotten! I never got as
big as you did when I was pregnant!

You look like you are ready to pop/burst!

Are you sure there isn't two or three in there?

You better hope you're gonna have that baby pretty soon! (said to me
when I was 7 mos along)

That thing is getting pretty big! (referring to my belly)

What you quoted was not "the most horrible and hurtful things." Pregnant
women do get big. Even those with basketball tummies are big, comparatively
speaking. They are just conversational comments. It's just what people do.

You said yourself that you had self esteem issues. It seems like a lot of
people who have low self esteem, also are overly sensitive, and take
everything personally, and the wrong way. It's not about you, personally.
It's just comments. Let it roll off your back, like water on a duck.
--

Jamie & Taylor
Earth Angel, 1/3/03

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Snip

Are you sure you're not having twins, maybe you are and they just can't
tell?

You are SO HUGE, I cant believe how big you've gotten! I never got as
big as you did when I was pregnant!

You look like you are ready to pop/burst!

Are you sure there isn't two or three in there?

You better hope you're gonna have that baby pretty soon! (said to me
when I was 7 mos along)

That thing is getting pretty big! (referring to my belly)

Snip

who will say things that send me home crying because earlier in the day I
admired my growing belly and thought about what a miracle pregnancy is
just to have someone tell me later how fat and disgusting I am.

Here is my take on the matter -- due to your already low self esteem and
hyper-sensitivity, you are associating "big" with "fat and disgusting." But
that is an association that YOU have made in your mind, and not one that the
speaker is making. My guess is that these people are smiling at you when
they say it, and genuinely feel like they are looking at a lovely pregnant
body. And then they are probably confused and perplexed that you are so
upset at their seemingly harmless comments.

Big does not equal fat or disgusting. It just doesn't. You are creating a
whole new human being in there. When people make those comments, and they
will, just pretend that Big equals BEAUTIFUL and GLOWING!~ And smile. Make
jokes. If someone asks if you are sure that it's not twins, say "Oh, didn't
I tell you, it's quints!"
--

Jamie & Taylor
Earth Angel, 1/3/03

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Password

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