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Breastfeeding Terms - Funny



 
 
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  #1  
Old March 23rd 04, 11:10 PM
elizabeth emerald
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Breastfeeding Terms - Funny


"Michelle Podnar" wrote in message
. ..
Definitions of breastfeeding terms:

Boob Lift - The unconscious lifting of one's breasts to check which is
fuller. May be done at any time regardless of where you are or whom you're
talking to, grocery sackers and priests notwithstanding.

Nursing Flip - The action of adjusting you and your to make ready for
nursing. This means moving your tee-shirt off your butt, doing the
"boob-lift", putting the in the crook of your arm and unlatching your

bra,
all in about 15 seconds, with no attention taken away from your previous
task.

Wet-Nurse Syndrome - The unconscious urge to nurse any fussy you happen

to
be holding; you may be engaged in casual conversation while holding your
neighbor's , she fusses and you do the "nursing flip," your neighbor looks
at you shocked, "oh my, she must be hungry," you mumble as you pass her
infant back. *A side-effect of this is the "breastmilk fixes everything"
philosophy. Actually pumping your milk for the stray kitten you found,

under
the rational that, of course, human milk is better than cow milk for a
starving kitten. You may also find yourself using breastmilk for your
family's various wounds: "Got a sore, earache or zit? Put some breastmilk

on
it, that'll fix it.'' (least that's what they say, can't hurt)

Boobie Wrangling - The acrobatics your toddler does while nursing,

including
but not limited to flips, headstands, & taffy pulls, all while surrounded

by
relatives who believe that should have been weaned months ago. The

benefit
of this exercise is that you can now nurse your child while each of you

lie
on your backs.

Twiddling - What happens if everyone fails to mention that your caressing
your other breast while nursing is NOT sweet. Never, never let your know
that you can possibly have two breasts at the same time. Always keep the
unused breast covered, lest you want your little nursling to use it as her
favorite toy. This becomes a habit quick, heed our warning.

The Steal - The act of removing your nipple from your already sleeping 's
mouth so that you may roll over or sneak out of bed for some midnight
internet use. Typically takes 2 or 3 tries to succeed.

Just a Sip - When your now-walking comes to you, lifts your shirt, grabs

a
drink to refuel him/herself for 10 more minutes of play. This act of

helping
themselves is a show of independence for them, and a show of breast for
everyone else in the room.

Car Surfing - What you are doing when you strategically hover your breast
over the 's car seat while daddy drives down the interstate, ignoring your
butt in the rearview mirror.


does anyone actually do this?
funny post though.
--
elizabeth (in australia)
DS - born 20-aug-02




  #2  
Old March 24th 04, 12:07 AM
badgirl
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Breastfeeding Terms - Funny



"Michelle Podnar" wrote in message
. ..
Definitions of breastfeeding terms:

Boob Lift - The unconscious lifting of one's breasts to check which

is
fuller. May be done at any time regardless of where you are or whom

you're
talking to, grocery sackers and priests notwithstanding.


yup, done this one


Nursing Flip - The action of adjusting you and your to make ready

for
nursing. This means moving your tee-shirt off your butt, doing the
"boob-lift", putting the in the crook of your arm and unlatching

your bra,
all in about 15 seconds, with no attention taken away from your

previous
task.


this one too...

Wet-Nurse Syndrome - The unconscious urge to nurse any fussy you

happen to
be holding; you may be engaged in casual conversation while holding

your
neighbor's , she fusses and you do the "nursing flip," your neighbor

looks
at you shocked, "oh my, she must be hungry," you mumble as you pass

her
infant back. *A side-effect of this is the "breastmilk fixes

everything"
philosophy.


was pretty close to this one with my sister's baby (but REALLY it
would have fixed the problem)

Actually pumping your milk for the stray kitten you found, under
the rational that, of course, human milk is better than cow milk for

a
starving kitten.


ROFLMAO! Yup, I did this one too *snort* my 14yo brought home a 5wo
kitten one day and I couldn't think of a damn ting else to do for it
and we didn't have any cows milk in the house. Ended up having to take
it to the local police station though because DH said (and I quote)
"NO MORE FUGGIN ANIMALS!!!!!!" But the kitten was promptly adopted by
the nice lady officer behind the window at the station

You may also find yourself using breastmilk for your
family's various wounds: "Got a sore, earache or zit? Put some

breastmilk on
it, that'll fix it.'' (least that's what they say, can't hurt)


nope, haven't done this one yet..but Bub ain't weaned yet either LOL



Boobie Wrangling - The acrobatics your toddler does while nursing,

including
but not limited to flips, headstands, & taffy pulls, all while

surrounded by
relatives who believe that should have been weaned months ago. The

benefit
of this exercise is that you can now nurse your child while each of

you lie
on your backs.]


Oh yea, this one is an "OFTEN AS POSSIBLE" for him *grumble* I hated
getting em twisted when I was in school...now I'm a mommy and have to
deal with it anyway LOL.


Twiddling - What happens if everyone fails to mention that your

caressing
your other breast while nursing is NOT sweet. Never, never let your

know
that you can possibly have two breasts at the same time. Always keep

the
unused breast covered, lest you want your little nursling to use it

as her
favorite toy. This becomes a habit quick, heed our warning.


Oh yea! NOOOOOW you tell me ;p~


The Steal - The act of removing your nipple from your already

sleeping 's
mouth so that you may roll over or sneak out of bed for some

midnight
internet use. Typically takes 2 or 3 tries to succeed.


Every. Single. Night. And that's 4 or 5 tries mind you.


Just a Sip - When your now-walking comes to you, lifts your shirt,

grabs a
drink to refuel him/herself for 10 more minutes of play. This act of

helping
themselves is a show of independence for them, and a show of breast

for
everyone else in the room.


I've almost decided to wear a bra with a padlock over this one LOL


Car Surfing - What you are doing when you strategically hover your

breast
over the 's car seat while daddy drives down the interstate,

ignoring your
butt in the rearview mirror.


Boy that trip to Florida was long


Ecstasy Eyes - Picture this: is screaming at your feet while you

are
talking on the phone, cooking dinner, and getting a band-aid for

your
toddler. You finally sit and pick up the to nurse, and she goes

from
screaming wildly to rolling her eyes to the back of her head in

ecstasy in
only a few seconds.


Except when we stopped at the rest stops because not only was he
thirsty, his butt was numb from the seat


Kneading - The act of dang near maiming your breast tissue while

your
adorable (and sharp nailed) little one nurses. This can result in

your
breast looking like you've just nursed a kitten.


OW OW OW! Fall asleep QUICK you little stinker so I can CLIP those
razors you claim to be as fingernails!

Jen


--
Michelle P
Ava Marie July 14, 2002




  #3  
Old March 24th 04, 12:13 AM
Phoebe & Allyson
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Breastfeeding Terms - Funny

elizabeth emerald wrote:

"Michelle Podnar" wrote in message
. ..
Car Surfing - What you are doing when you strategically hover your breast
over the 's car seat while daddy drives down the interstate, ignoring your
butt in the rearview mirror.


does anyone actually do this?


I will admit to having done that from Oklahoma to Nevada. Lots of
elevation changes made for very cranky Caterpillar, and stopping every
30 seconds wasn't going to work long-term.

Phoebe


  #4  
Old March 24th 04, 01:11 AM
Michelle Podnar
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Breastfeeding Terms - Funny

Definitions of breastfeeding terms:

Boob Lift - The unconscious lifting of one's breasts to check which is
fuller. May be done at any time regardless of where you are or whom you're
talking to, grocery sackers and priests notwithstanding.

Nursing Flip - The action of adjusting you and your to make ready for
nursing. This means moving your tee-shirt off your butt, doing the
"boob-lift", putting the in the crook of your arm and unlatching your bra,
all in about 15 seconds, with no attention taken away from your previous
task.

Wet-Nurse Syndrome - The unconscious urge to nurse any fussy you happen to
be holding; you may be engaged in casual conversation while holding your
neighbor's , she fusses and you do the "nursing flip," your neighbor looks
at you shocked, "oh my, she must be hungry," you mumble as you pass her
infant back. *A side-effect of this is the "breastmilk fixes everything"
philosophy. Actually pumping your milk for the stray kitten you found, under
the rational that, of course, human milk is better than cow milk for a
starving kitten. You may also find yourself using breastmilk for your
family's various wounds: "Got a sore, earache or zit? Put some breastmilk on
it, that'll fix it.'' (least that's what they say, can't hurt)

Boobie Wrangling - The acrobatics your toddler does while nursing, including
but not limited to flips, headstands, & taffy pulls, all while surrounded by
relatives who believe that should have been weaned months ago. The benefit
of this exercise is that you can now nurse your child while each of you lie
on your backs.

Twiddling - What happens if everyone fails to mention that your caressing
your other breast while nursing is NOT sweet. Never, never let your know
that you can possibly have two breasts at the same time. Always keep the
unused breast covered, lest you want your little nursling to use it as her
favorite toy. This becomes a habit quick, heed our warning.

The Steal - The act of removing your nipple from your already sleeping 's
mouth so that you may roll over or sneak out of bed for some midnight
internet use. Typically takes 2 or 3 tries to succeed.

Just a Sip - When your now-walking comes to you, lifts your shirt, grabs a
drink to refuel him/herself for 10 more minutes of play. This act of helping
themselves is a show of independence for them, and a show of breast for
everyone else in the room.

Car Surfing - What you are doing when you strategically hover your breast
over the 's car seat while daddy drives down the interstate, ignoring your
butt in the rearview mirror.

Ecstasy Eyes - Picture this: is screaming at your feet while you are
talking on the phone, cooking dinner, and getting a band-aid for your
toddler. You finally sit and pick up the to nurse, and she goes from
screaming wildly to rolling her eyes to the back of her head in ecstasy in
only a few seconds.

Kneading - The act of dang near maiming your breast tissue while your
adorable (and sharp nailed) little one nurses. This can result in your
breast looking like you've just nursed a kitten.


--
Michelle P
Ava Marie July 14, 2002


  #5  
Old March 24th 04, 02:22 AM
nina
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Breastfeeding Terms - Funny

lol
I always jiggle my bosoms to see how full they are.
I do The Steal all the time, and the Ecstasy eyes are adorable.

"Michelle Podnar" wrote in message
. ..
Definitions of breastfeeding terms:

Boob Lift - The unconscious lifting of one's breasts to check which is
fuller. May be done at any time regardless of where you are or whom you're
talking to, grocery sackers and priests notwithstanding.

Nursing Flip - The action of adjusting you and your to make ready for
nursing. This means moving your tee-shirt off your butt, doing the
"boob-lift", putting the in the crook of your arm and unlatching your

bra,
all in about 15 seconds, with no attention taken away from your previous
task.

Wet-Nurse Syndrome - The unconscious urge to nurse any fussy you happen

to
be holding; you may be engaged in casual conversation while holding your
neighbor's , she fusses and you do the "nursing flip," your neighbor looks
at you shocked, "oh my, she must be hungry," you mumble as you pass her
infant back. *A side-effect of this is the "breastmilk fixes everything"
philosophy. Actually pumping your milk for the stray kitten you found,

under
the rational that, of course, human milk is better than cow milk for a
starving kitten. You may also find yourself using breastmilk for your
family's various wounds: "Got a sore, earache or zit? Put some breastmilk

on
it, that'll fix it.'' (least that's what they say, can't hurt)

Boobie Wrangling - The acrobatics your toddler does while nursing,

including
but not limited to flips, headstands, & taffy pulls, all while surrounded

by
relatives who believe that should have been weaned months ago. The

benefit
of this exercise is that you can now nurse your child while each of you

lie
on your backs.

Twiddling - What happens if everyone fails to mention that your caressing
your other breast while nursing is NOT sweet. Never, never let your know
that you can possibly have two breasts at the same time. Always keep the
unused breast covered, lest you want your little nursling to use it as her
favorite toy. This becomes a habit quick, heed our warning.

The Steal - The act of removing your nipple from your already sleeping 's
mouth so that you may roll over or sneak out of bed for some midnight
internet use. Typically takes 2 or 3 tries to succeed.

Just a Sip - When your now-walking comes to you, lifts your shirt, grabs

a
drink to refuel him/herself for 10 more minutes of play. This act of

helping
themselves is a show of independence for them, and a show of breast for
everyone else in the room.

Car Surfing - What you are doing when you strategically hover your breast
over the 's car seat while daddy drives down the interstate, ignoring your
butt in the rearview mirror.

Ecstasy Eyes - Picture this: is screaming at your feet while you are
talking on the phone, cooking dinner, and getting a band-aid for your
toddler. You finally sit and pick up the to nurse, and she goes from
screaming wildly to rolling her eyes to the back of her head in ecstasy in
only a few seconds.

Kneading - The act of dang near maiming your breast tissue while your
adorable (and sharp nailed) little one nurses. This can result in your
breast looking like you've just nursed a kitten.


--
Michelle P
Ava Marie July 14, 2002




  #6  
Old March 24th 04, 04:06 AM
CY
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Breastfeeding Terms - Funny

All the time!! It's so much harder with a forward facing seat than a rear
facing one though!


"elizabeth emerald" wrote in Car Surfing -
What you are doing when you strategically hover your breast
over the 's car seat while daddy drives down the interstate, ignoring

your
butt in the rearview mirror.


does anyone actually do this?
funny post though.
--
elizabeth (in australia)
DS - born 20-aug-02






  #7  
Old March 25th 04, 02:54 PM
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Breastfeeding Terms - Funny

"Michelle Podnar" wrote in message ...
Definitions of breastfeeding terms:


snort Well, I'll be forwarding that on to a few people;; thanks!

--
C, mama to seventeen month old nursling
  #8  
Old March 26th 04, 07:10 PM
Beth
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Breastfeeding Terms - Funny


"elizabeth emerald" wrote in message
...
Car Surfing - What you are doing when you strategically hover your

breast
over the 's car seat while daddy drives down the interstate, ignoring

your
butt in the rearview mirror.


does anyone actually do this?


Heavens, yes, and yes for most of the rest, including giving unused EBM to
my skinny old cat, who seemed to like it.

I have logged so many, many miles leaning over a car seat! At first it was
like car surfing, but when we switched to a bigger car seat and DS could sit
up better, I just had to fold a leg under myself and lean.

Beth



 




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