on my LAST nerve with very gifted boy

I am truly grateful for my wonderful, very gifted, talented
12-year-old son. He is full of intellectual curiosity, wants to learn
and try everything, etc.

The bad news...I don't have 48 hours in the day to devote to his
interests and questions, and he NEVER lets up!!! If he is interested
in a subject we have to explore all aspects of it, 24/7. I find myself
wanting to scream at him. I am just not that intense or focused.

I don't at all want to discourage or demean him, but I would love to
teach him to cool down, not be as intense, stop pounding me
incessantly with questions I don't know how to answer properly...it's
really draining.

He is in a good school and is challenged there, does very well. We do
everything we can to foster his gifts, but he has a sort of "never
enough" personality which is driving me toward depression.

Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyone familiar with this, please, how did you
deal with it in a constructive way? I'm not stupid, but he is WAY
beyond what I can keep up with, both in terms of intellect, focus, and
energy.

"miracatta" wrote in message
om...
The bad news...I don't have 48 hours in the day to devote to his
interests and questions, and he NEVER lets up!!! If he is interested
in a subject we have to explore all aspects of it, 24/7. I find myself
wanting to scream at him. I am just not that intense or focused.

I don't at all want to discourage or demean him, but I would love to
teach him to cool down, not be as intense, stop pounding me
incessantly with questions I don't know how to answer properly...it's
really draining.

Maybe the thing is to teach him to find the answers for himself rather than
coming to you for answers. Especially if you don't know the answers, you
could direct him where to look for the answers and he could find the answers
for you. That would take the pressure off you, he could keep busy and you
would both be happy. That's what our teachers did when they didn't know the
answers or didn't want to bother with us.

Sounds like he might need some kind of tutor/mentor who can come over
regularly and help him answer his questions. Then he could save them up
rather than bombard you all the time. Maybe he could start a question and
answer diary.

Liz

"miracatta" wrote in message
om...
I am truly grateful for my wonderful, very gifted, talented
12-year-old son. He is full of intellectual curiosity, wants to learn
and try everything, etc.

The bad news...I don't have 48 hours in the day to devote to his
interests and questions, and he NEVER lets up!!! If he is interested
in a subject we have to explore all aspects of it, 24/7. I find myself
wanting to scream at him. I am just not that intense or focused.

I don't at all want to discourage or demean him, but I would love to
teach him to cool down, not be as intense, stop pounding me
incessantly with questions I don't know how to answer properly...it's
really draining.

He is in a good school and is challenged there, does very well. We do
everything we can to foster his gifts, but he has a sort of "never
enough" personality which is driving me toward depression.

Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyone familiar with this, please, how did you
deal with it in a constructive way? I'm not stupid, but he is WAY
beyond what I can keep up with, both in terms of intellect, focus, and
energy.

can you take him to the library to get some books? or even get one of thoe
pc encyclopedias? surely mum will run out of answers soon! i woudl

chris
"miracatta" wrote in message
om...
I am truly grateful for my wonderful, very gifted, talented
12-year-old son. He is full of intellectual curiosity, wants to learn
and try everything, etc.

The bad news...I don't have 48 hours in the day to devote to his
interests and questions, and he NEVER lets up!!! If he is interested
in a subject we have to explore all aspects of it, 24/7. I find myself
wanting to scream at him. I am just not that intense or focused.

I don't at all want to discourage or demean him, but I would love to
teach him to cool down, not be as intense, stop pounding me
incessantly with questions I don't know how to answer properly...it's
really draining.

He is in a good school and is challenged there, does very well. We do
everything we can to foster his gifts, but he has a sort of "never
enough" personality which is driving me toward depression.

Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyone familiar with this, please, how did you
deal with it in a constructive way? I'm not stupid, but he is WAY
beyond what I can keep up with, both in terms of intellect, focus, and
energy.

"miracatta"
Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyone familiar with this, please, how did you
deal with it in a constructive way? I'm not stupid, but he is WAY
beyond what I can keep up with, both in terms of intellect, focus, and
energy.

as well as what others have offered in terms of practical assistance, you
should also have a Serious Talk with him about his manners. he's only
thinking about himself, & not others & beyond a certain point it's simply
rude to keep on & on at someone. you need to sort this out pretty quickly at
his age imo.
good luck! :-) (i'd probably have been around the bend years ago)
kylie
--
www.rdj.com.au

"miracatta" wrote in message
om...
I am truly grateful for my wonderful, very gifted, talented
12-year-old son. He is full of intellectual curiosity, wants to learn
and try everything, etc.

The bad news...I don't have 48 hours in the day to devote to his
interests and questions, and he NEVER lets up!!! If he is interested
in a subject we have to explore all aspects of it, 24/7. I find myself
wanting to scream at him. I am just not that intense or focused.

I don't at all want to discourage or demean him, but I would love to
teach him to cool down, not be as intense, stop pounding me
incessantly with questions I don't know how to answer properly...it's
really draining.

He is in a good school and is challenged there, does very well. We do
everything we can to foster his gifts, but he has a sort of "never
enough" personality which is driving me toward depression.

Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyone familiar with this, please, how did you
deal with it in a constructive way? I'm not stupid, but he is WAY
beyond what I can keep up with, both in terms of intellect, focus, and
energy.

I have no experience with this whatsoever. But my first thought is o try to
figure out ways that he can satisfy his curiosity himself withouth you
CONSTANT need for involvement. During you involved time, on a subject
determine together what projects he can do to examine the issue, ones that
do not need your involvement. Teach him to safely use the internet.
Determine if he can go to the library unattended.

Those are thoughts.

S

wrote:

The bad news...I don't have 48 hours in the day to devote to his
interests and questions, and he NEVER lets up!!! If he is interested
in a subject we have to explore all aspects of it, 24/7. I find myself
wanting to scream at him. I am just not that intense or focused.

You might want to check out some online support groups for parents of gifted
kids -- at the very least, you'll have even more parents of kids like yours to
kvetch with (there are some here, but *lots* there):
http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/on-line_support.htm .

Maybe you can turn the tables on him, and start him doing a research project on
the concept of personal space. ;-) Sometimes these kids don't understand that
emotions and people's behavior are every bit as fascinating and worthy of
scientific attention as any other phenomenon.

Mine are not quite in this category, they're quite a bit mellower, but he
sounds a bit like one of my brothers, or, even more, like some of his Caltech
buddies!

I know that "you should be grateful" comments are almost never any help, but it
truly is nice that he is talking to you a lot and wants you to be involved in
his ideas.

--Helen

(miracatta) wrote in message . com...
I am truly grateful for my wonderful, very gifted, talented
12-year-old son. He is full of intellectual curiosity, wants to learn
and try everything, etc.
------snip-----------
Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyone familiar with this, please, how did you
deal with it in a constructive way? I'm not stupid, but he is WAY
beyond what I can keep up with, both in terms of intellect, focus, and
energy.


Thank you for all your thoughtful ideas. The library did not work
because he'd get books he couldn't read and not want "kid" books. He
usually uses the Internet very successfully to find what he wants.

I do refer him to his teachers, especially his excellent science
teacher,who is a retired engineer and who can give him good answers.

He is getting a bit full of himself, especially when he got the
results of his standardized tests. I think the Serious Talk about
manners and using one's gifts in a kind way is in order!!!! And then
he is a preteen.

He has developed an interest in cooking, and is now assigned Saturday
night to cook. This is his first Saturday. I insisted that he try
something easy. He had some very grand ideas that probably would have
been impossible for a novice.

So, I decided to tell him to calm down when I am burnt out. He can
always read or call a friend or something...

We are extremely proud of him and enjoy him immensely, doing many
things with him and helping him learn and explore the world. It's just
that we get tired before he does!

"Staycalm" wrote in message . au...

Sounds like he might need some kind of tutor/mentor who can come over
regularly and help him answer his questions.

He *does* need a mentor, desperately.

Then he could save them up
rather than bombard you all the time. Maybe he could start a question and
answer diary.

That won't help much now. At an older age, it will help him with
organization, and prioritization.

"miracatta" wrote in message
om...
I find myself
wanting to scream at him. I am just not that intense or focused.

What about his other parent?
What about relatives?

The genes for his "gifts" must come from somewhere, i.e. his parents.
Note the plural. There is also the possibility of mutation, but that
is rare. More often, in cases of "gifted children, not-so-gifted
parents", it is the parents who are suppressing their own knowledge,
often due to very early social pressure.

I don't at all want to discourage or demean him, but I would love to
teach him to cool down, not be as intense, stop pounding me
incessantly with questions I don't know how to answer properly...it's
really draining.

Again, he needs a mentor. He is at the stage where he considers
his parents to be gods, and *expects* them to able to meet his
intellectual needs. If you can't do that directly, then do it
indirectly, with a mentor. Your school might be able to help.
You could also go directly to the local university or college,
and find volunteers among the faculty.

(miracatta) wrote in message . com...

Thank you for all your thoughtful ideas. The library did not work
because he'd get books he couldn't read and not want "kid" books.

Surely there must be more advanced books there, or at a college
library.

He usually uses the Internet very successfully to find what
he wants.

There are certain advantages to the Internet. It's 24/7 and
worldwide, and you don't need to live in a large city to make
use of it.

I do refer him to his teachers, especially his excellent science
teacher,who is a retired engineer and who can give him good answers.

And mentoring?

He is getting a bit full of himself, especially when he got the
results of his standardized tests. I think the Serious Talk about
manners and using one's gifts in a kind way is in order!!!! And then
he is a preteen.

He sounds full of energy, and needs something to do with it. He
needs to create. The "kiddie work" at school is not challenging
him enough.

He has developed an interest in cooking, and is now assigned Saturday
night to cook. This is his first Saturday. I insisted that he try
something easy. He had some very grand ideas that probably would have
been impossible for a novice.

It's good that he is trying something constructive and useful
around the house, besides reading and schoolwork.