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#1
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Torn
I'm just wondering what you think...
Jessica started at the childminder's today. She just went for about 3 hours, normally she'll be there for 5. I hated every minute of her being out of my care. I didn't want her to go. DH and I always said we'd never have a childminder, and I feel like I've sold out. The only reason she's gone is that DH started a new job this morning. He has to travel and be at work by 08.30. I don't leave work til just after 08.00. For this reason, he'll now take her at 07.00, and I'll be collecting her at midday. That means that as I'm at work overnight, I won't see her from 19.30 until midday for three days a week. I work weekends too, and already feel prety crappy that I miss her bedtime and breakfast 5 times a week. To now lose three mornings too is too much for me to cope with. The stupid thing is that I'm partly working to pay for the child minder, that really sucks. Everyone's telling me how great it is that I'll get time to myself. I'll get that when she's grown up. I don't want to miss her being small.I've barely seen her for the last month as I've been doing huge amounts of overtime where DH was out of work. In 4 months, I'll have a new baby, and my attention will be divided. I resent paying someone to have her three mornings a week, when that should be my time with her. I don't know what to do. I think I just want to quit my job. That way I won't need a childminder. DH is earning more now, so it wouldn't be too horrific. I don't want someone else bringing up my baby... |
#2
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Torn
Lulu,
It's hard when circumstances change and we have to change our plan. How much of your paycheck goes to pay the childminder? 50%, 75%? 90%? If you deduct the amount going to the childminder, and see what's left after taxes and all that, you may well realize that for all the work you are doing, you are only bringing in $100 a month or so. And for $100 extra a month, it may well not be worth it to you to work. Certainly there are things you can likely to do tighten your belt and budget a bit that might well make it possible for you to quit your job. Especially since dh's new job pays more than his last. Talk to dh about it tonight, and lay out the financials for him. Hopefully you'll both be on the same page. Good luck. -- Jamie Clark www.ClarkDigitalArts.com "lu-lu" wrote in message ... I'm just wondering what you think... Jessica started at the childminder's today. She just went for about 3 hours, normally she'll be there for 5. I hated every minute of her being out of my care. I didn't want her to go. DH and I always said we'd never have a childminder, and I feel like I've sold out. The only reason she's gone is that DH started a new job this morning. He has to travel and be at work by 08.30. I don't leave work til just after 08.00. For this reason, he'll now take her at 07.00, and I'll be collecting her at midday. That means that as I'm at work overnight, I won't see her from 19.30 until midday for three days a week. I work weekends too, and already feel prety crappy that I miss her bedtime and breakfast 5 times a week. To now lose three mornings too is too much for me to cope with. The stupid thing is that I'm partly working to pay for the child minder, that really sucks. Everyone's telling me how great it is that I'll get time to myself. I'll get that when she's grown up. I don't want to miss her being small.I've barely seen her for the last month as I've been doing huge amounts of overtime where DH was out of work. In 4 months, I'll have a new baby, and my attention will be divided. I resent paying someone to have her three mornings a week, when that should be my time with her. I don't know what to do. I think I just want to quit my job. That way I won't need a childminder. DH is earning more now, so it wouldn't be too horrific. I don't want someone else bringing up my baby... |
#3
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Torn
lu-lu wrote:
I don't know what to do. I think I just want to quit my job. That way I won't need a childminder. DH is earning more now, so it wouldn't be too horrific. I don't want someone else bringing up my baby... I think you need to ask yourself a couple questions: 1) Do you want to work, or not? If you don't want to work (and can afford not to, see question 2), then don't. If you do want to work, then work and make the best arrangements you can. If your daughter is in quality childcare five hours/day, she is not being brought up by someone else. There is no special magic to breakfast or bedtime. The magic happens where you make it happen, and as long as you spend the time and create the experiences, it doesn't matter if it's breakfast or some other time of the day. 2) Can you afford not to work? That encompasses both the direct effects (what does it do to family income right now, when you work out what you're bringing home vs. tax impacts vs. money for child care and other work-related expenses) and the indirect effects (do you need to work to keep up your skills in the marketplace? is your ability to work your "rainy day fund"?). If you don't want to work and you don't need to work, then it doesn't make any sense to me for you to keep working. If you want to work or need to work, it doesn't make any sense to me for you to be guilty over having your child in childcare 5 hours/day. I understand that you don't *like* it, and I understand your feelings, but I don't think there's any need to feel guilty about that amount of child care and as long as it's quality care, I don't think it is in any way detrimental to your child. Best wishes, Ericka |
#4
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Torn
Hi all
Thanks for your support, I felt really miserable about the whole situation yesterday. I've been talking to DH about it all... I still really hate her going to the childminders, but I guess I can see that there's a couple of advanteages. I spoke to my boss today about my working hours in regards to my pregnancy. I'll be 23weeks tomorrow. Because I didn't know I was pregnant when I started, my 6 month probationary period isn't up until the end of Sept, but, far away as that seems, it's only 7 weeks away.I'm going to try and stick this crummy situation until then and then drop back to just doing Friday and Saturday nights, so that DH will have her. I'll also see him more - at the moment, I see him for a couple of hours over the weekend, then half an hour a day between our shifts for three days a week. Then, in early November, I'll be 36 weeks, and I'll go on maternity leave... There's a bit of me that's not sure what I'm going to do with the childminder. By then, she'll be used to going, and today she really wanted to stay there. One of the few advantages I could see was that when the baby arrives, she'd still go as it'd do her good to keep her routine (that was before I decided I hated having a childminder). Also, I thought that if she stayed there once I cut my nights, DH would still take her, and I'd actually get a lie in during the last stages of pregnancy - because I don't drive, I'm spending all morning travelling back and forwards on busses and tiring myself as they're unreliable and I end up waiting 90 mins in the rain.) I don't know. All that is ahead of me, and I'm going to have to see if I settle into it all as well as Jessica has. I love being a mum, but the guit is crap! Thanks again x Lucy x |
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