How do you survive the newborn period?

I'm glad Alli is here-honest-but there are times when I really wonder why we
decided to have children in the first place! I'm just having a really hard
time dealing with the sleep deprivation, the fussiness, the feeding
difficulties (I'm pumping 6 times a day, as well as trying to nurse, since
she still can't get enough milk out at a time before getting fatigued to
thrive. She's getting only breastmilk, which I want, but it's definitely
taking a toll on me), the reflux (so she has to eat in small amounts, etc.
And this is with my parents here, to help with childcare-they'll go back to
VA next week, and it will just be me while DH is at work.

I know that part of it is emotional-Brian would have been 3 today, and at
this time last year we were waiting in ICU to hear whether my MIL would
survive a brain aneurysm so we have a double tragedy to deal with
anniversary effect, and part is physical recovery from the three months of
bedrest and the C-section (and other surgery, since the scar tissue from
Brian's birth made it a much more complicated procedure than typical), but
I still feel like I should be doing better than I am now.

Please tell me this gets better!

--
Donna DeVore Metler
Orff Music Specialist/Band/Choir
Mother to Angel Brian Anthony 1/1/2002, 22 weeks, severe PE/HELLP
And Allison Joy, 11/25/04 (35 weeks, PIH, Pre-term labor)

Donna Metler wrote:

Please tell me this gets better!

It does get better, and for all the reasons you mentioned,
you're having a harder than usual time of it. Is there no way
for your parents to stay any longer? Can you get any help from
friends? Even a dinner or an hour or two of babysitting so you
can get a nap would be a big help when you're having to handle
the day alone. I know you know it already, but she's really
only near her due date now. She'll keep maturing and you'll
keep recovering and you'll find your way together. It won't
be like this forever. Meanwhile, ask for (and accept!) as
much help as you can--even though I'm sure you feel squeamish
about that after already asking for help during bedrest and
such.

Best wishes,
Ericka

Donna Metler wrote:


Please tell me this gets better!


It does, but it sucks when you are living it {{{hugs}}}

Andrea

(((hugs)))
Yes, Donna, it does get better. The pumping gadgetry adds to the whole
stress level, too, so as you are able to BF more and pump less, you'll
naturally feel better.

Luckily we get so sleep deprived that this phase becomes a blur once you get
through it

I cried when my mom had to go back home after staying and helping with DS
#1-but then I figured things out pretty quick and was fine. It isn't easy,
but you too will be okay. Come visit here when you can to get more
support-we're always around!!!

Warmly,
Kelly
#4 2/12/05

"Donna Metler" wrote in message
...
I'm glad Alli is here-honest-but there are times when I really wonder why
we
decided to have children in the first place! I'm just having a really hard
time dealing with the sleep deprivation, the fussiness, the feeding
difficulties (I'm pumping 6 times a day, as well as trying to nurse, since
she still can't get enough milk out at a time before getting fatigued to
thrive. She's getting only breastmilk, which I want, but it's definitely
taking a toll on me), the reflux (so she has to eat in small amounts, etc.
And this is with my parents here, to help with childcare-they'll go back
to
VA next week, and it will just be me while DH is at work.

I know that part of it is emotional-Brian would have been 3 today, and at
this time last year we were waiting in ICU to hear whether my MIL would
survive a brain aneurysm so we have a double tragedy to deal with
anniversary effect, and part is physical recovery from the three months of
bedrest and the C-section (and other surgery, since the scar tissue from
Brian's birth made it a much more complicated procedure than typical), but
I still feel like I should be doing better than I am now.

Please tell me this gets better!

--
Donna DeVore Metler
Orff Music Specialist/Band/Choir
Mother to Angel Brian Anthony 1/1/2002, 22 weeks, severe PE/HELLP
And Allison Joy, 11/25/04 (35 weeks, PIH, Pre-term labor)

Donna Metler wrote:
I'm glad Alli is here-honest-but there are times when I really wonder why we
decided to have children in the first place! I'm just having a really hard
time dealing with the sleep deprivation, the fussiness, the feeding
difficulties (I'm pumping 6 times a day, as well as trying to nurse, since
she still can't get enough milk out at a time before getting fatigued to
thrive. She's getting only breastmilk, which I want, but it's definitely
taking a toll on me), the reflux (so she has to eat in small amounts, etc.
And this is with my parents here, to help with childcare-they'll go back to
VA next week, and it will just be me while DH is at work.

I know that part of it is emotional-Brian would have been 3 today, and at
this time last year we were waiting in ICU to hear whether my MIL would
survive a brain aneurysm so we have a double tragedy to deal with
anniversary effect, and part is physical recovery from the three months of
bedrest and the C-section (and other surgery, since the scar tissue from
Brian's birth made it a much more complicated procedure than typical), but
I still feel like I should be doing better than I am now.

Please tell me this gets better!



It gets better.

That said, I found the first three months to be incredibly hard, and my
babies were pretty easy, based on what I hear. I found that at about 3
months, we worked into a schedule and life got much easier.

Once you're on your own, sleep whenever you can during the day. Unless
you're a far more obsessive housekeeper than me (not hard :-) ), let as
much as you can stand go.

Make sure to enjoy her. She'll never need you as much as she does now,
and while that can be overwhelming, I promise it'll only seem minutes
until she is off doing things (preschool, play dates) that don't involve
you.

Congratulations!

Lesley

((Donna))

it's hard, it gets better, you have it harder than most, a preemie, pumping,
everything else you've been through, you've got a whole lot on your plate
emotionally, so it is going to be hard, I guess when you've been through a
difficult pregnancy you hope/expect delivery is a cure, but it's just a
different problem, I know I was so relieved to get the baby out I was
walking on air for a month, but then bang, PPD, which I understand is linked
with difficult pregnancies and deliveries, some kind of delayed emotional
response. I'm sorry to say that if that does happen to you and I'm really
hoping it won't it could get worse before it gets better.


You are doing a really wonderful job, as you say Alli is exclusively
breastfed, many many people wouldn't have got this far and she will reap the
rewards in future, and so will you when she learns to latch.

Good Luck Donna

Anne

When my son was born, he couldn't latch on either. The nurses tried all the
different positions, and nothing helped. He would instantly fall asleep
the second his face touched a breast!! After a week of being home with
him, and pumping, I wasn't producing much, so switched to formula and he
ate like a little piggy.
I also had visitors stop over often, and they overstayed their welcome.
That was REALLY frustrating. It was nice to have people around, but after
a while I wanted to tell them to get out! I think after having a child,
with the hormones trying to get back to the norm, the new
responsibilities, and everything entailed with it - it's very
nervewrecking. I had horrid dreams too when I got some actual decent sleep
too, God that didn't help any!!
One tip that worked well for my son when he was fussy was using his nuk,
wet it slightly, and put a few grains of sugar on it. He would suck away
and fall asleep, plus it gives your nerves a break with some peace for a
bit. Gripe water works pretty good for gas and colic too. Another trick my
mom taught me was adding a drop of peppermint extract to a bottle of warm
water for gas. Or even using a peppermint candy placed in hot water for a
bit while do the same thing.
I hope you feel better soon, do you think it could be baby blues?? Might
be worth a shot to ask your physician. Just remember you're not alone, and
that the things you're feeling bad about are mostly hormones going crazy.


*hugs*

i always found the first 6 weeks hard and then it gets easier. if alli was
prem, maybe it will mean a bit longer for you, but you know that IT DOES GET
BETTER.

is she smiling yet? probably not, but once they do, it instantly is better.

i am not sure why you ar epumping as well? is it to increase supply? maybe
there are other things you can do. Do you hang out it in
misc.kids.breastfeeding? if you are just pumping to have a stash in the
freezer, maybe give it a rest for a bit?

stay around donna, it really really does get better...

chris
"Donna Metler" wrote in message
...
I'm glad Alli is here-honest-but there are times when I really wonder why
we
decided to have children in the first place! I'm just having a really hard
time dealing with the sleep deprivation, the fussiness, the feeding
difficulties (I'm pumping 6 times a day, as well as trying to nurse, since
she still can't get enough milk out at a time before getting fatigued to
thrive. She's getting only breastmilk, which I want, but it's definitely
taking a toll on me), the reflux (so she has to eat in small amounts, etc.
And this is with my parents here, to help with childcare-they'll go back
to
VA next week, and it will just be me while DH is at work.

I know that part of it is emotional-Brian would have been 3 today, and at
this time last year we were waiting in ICU to hear whether my MIL would
survive a brain aneurysm so we have a double tragedy to deal with
anniversary effect, and part is physical recovery from the three months of
bedrest and the C-section (and other surgery, since the scar tissue from
Brian's birth made it a much more complicated procedure than typical), but
I still feel like I should be doing better than I am now.

Please tell me this gets better!

--
Donna DeVore Metler
Orff Music Specialist/Band/Choir
Mother to Angel Brian Anthony 1/1/2002, 22 weeks, severe PE/HELLP
And Allison Joy, 11/25/04 (35 weeks, PIH, Pre-term labor)

"Donna Metler" wrote in message
...
I'm glad Alli is here-honest-but there are times when I really wonder why
we
decided to have children in the first place! I'm just having a really hard
time dealing with the sleep deprivation, the fussiness, the feeding
difficulties (I'm pumping 6 times a day, as well as trying to nurse, since
she still can't get enough milk out at a time before getting fatigued to
thrive. She's getting only breastmilk, which I want, but it's definitely
taking a toll on me), the reflux (so she has to eat in small amounts, etc.
And this is with my parents here, to help with childcare-they'll go back
to
VA next week, and it will just be me while DH is at work.

I know that part of it is emotional-Brian would have been 3 today, and at
this time last year we were waiting in ICU to hear whether my MIL would
survive a brain aneurysm so we have a double tragedy to deal with
anniversary effect, and part is physical recovery from the three months of
bedrest and the C-section (and other surgery, since the scar tissue from
Brian's birth made it a much more complicated procedure than typical), but
I still feel like I should be doing better than I am now.

Please tell me this gets better!


It does.

She's just now term, right? I suspect that 3 weeks from now, things will be
completely different.

Cut yourself some slack. You're not just recovering from a c-section, you're
recovering from months of bedrest, and you're trying to do it with broken
sleep and a completely new role in life. Pile on two grieving
anniversaries... and the fact that you're managing as well as you are is
pretty damn impressive.

She will pick up on her nursing. You will need less pumping. You will get
the hang of it better. She'll sleep in longer chunks.

In the meantime, do whatever the heck you need to to make it as simple as
possible to take care of her, take care of yourself, etc. If you're trying
to follow any "method", chuck it out the window and do whatever gets you the
best sleep. If she only sleeps well on her tummy on your chest, and you can
sleep in that position, get some sort of sling to hold her in place and let
her sleep there. My kid threw up in any position but tummy-lying, so we
chucked back-to-sleep, she slept right next to me, and I nursed her whenever
she wanted for as little or much as she wanted. Do whatever *works* for you
and her. If that's the crib, go for it.

You didn't have children for *this*... although *this* is part of it. The
"good stuff" is watching them unfold from immature and needy newborn to
competent adult. The good stuff is watching their wonder as they emerge from
the newborn fuss-fog and into the alert baby, full of wonder. Watching them
learn to nurse, learn to crawl, learn to sit, babble, talk, walk, etc.

You're in what is in some ways the hardest part--the newborn phase with your
first child... not so hard because the needs are complex, but hard because
they're just unrelenting. Older children sleep through most nights. You
don't have to change their diapers. If they need something, they can ask for
it rather than instantly going to full roar because they don't know how else
to tell you what they need.

You're both learning right now. It will settle down.

Jenrose

"Donna Metler" wrote in message
...
I'm glad Alli is here-honest-but there are times when I really wonder why
we
decided to have children in the first place! I'm just having a really hard
time dealing with the sleep deprivation, the fussiness, the feeding
difficulties (I'm pumping 6 times a day, as well as trying to nurse, since
she still can't get enough milk out at a time before getting fatigued to
thrive. She's getting only breastmilk, which I want, but it's definitely
taking a toll on me), the reflux (so she has to eat in small amounts, etc.
And this is with my parents here, to help with childcare-they'll go back
to
VA next week, and it will just be me while DH is at work.

I know that part of it is emotional-Brian would have been 3 today, and at
this time last year we were waiting in ICU to hear whether my MIL would
survive a brain aneurysm so we have a double tragedy to deal with
anniversary effect, and part is physical recovery from the three months of
bedrest and the C-section (and other surgery, since the scar tissue from
Brian's birth made it a much more complicated procedure than typical), but
I still feel like I should be doing better than I am now.

Please tell me this gets better!



I cannot say anything different than anyone else. For me, when people said
it would get better, that the first 3 months were the hardest, I cried. I
had to live on NO sleep for 3 months??!!?? You might as well have said 30
years! And I did not have half the difficulty you had. If you can have faith
that what the people here are saying is true, then maybe you can use it as a
mantra when you want to fall apart. Take a deep breath and repeat It Gets
Better. You are doing a terrific job.

And if people offer to help, or there is anyone you feel comfortable asking,
get the help!


My thoughts are with you.



--
Donna DeVore Metler
Orff Music Specialist/Band/Choir
Mother to Angel Brian Anthony 1/1/2002, 22 weeks, severe PE/HELLP
And Allison Joy, 11/25/04 (35 weeks, PIH, Pre-term labor)