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absent mindedness issues with 7 year old



 
 
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  #1  
Old September 17th 05, 12:14 AM
S_S
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Default absent mindedness issues with 7 year old

My 7 year old (almost 8) is just driving us nuts by his absent
mindeness - I mean the type of behavior where we ask him to put on his
shoes, 5 min later we remind him, he still is playing around and then 5
min later we remind him and by the fourth time, I lose my patience and
raise my voice...

This seems to apply to most routine tasks - brushing teeth, getting
dressed, setting the table. He has basically learned to tune us out
till the final raised voice reminder.

I'm thinking of using a chart to remind him what his daily tasks are
with a penalty of an 5 min earlier bed time for each task not completed
on time and fully. I hate to be soo regimented, but it seems to me
that is better than feeling like I'm always yelling at him.

Any other ideas for getting through these daily chores with a minimum
of fuss and nagging?

Thanks!

  #2  
Old September 17th 05, 01:25 AM
dragonlady
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In article .com,
"S_S" wrote:

My 7 year old (almost 8) is just driving us nuts by his absent
mindeness - I mean the type of behavior where we ask him to put on his
shoes, 5 min later we remind him, he still is playing around and then 5
min later we remind him and by the fourth time, I lose my patience and
raise my voice...

This seems to apply to most routine tasks - brushing teeth, getting
dressed, setting the table. He has basically learned to tune us out
till the final raised voice reminder.

I'm thinking of using a chart to remind him what his daily tasks are
with a penalty of an 5 min earlier bed time for each task not completed
on time and fully. I hate to be soo regimented, but it seems to me
that is better than feeling like I'm always yelling at him.

Any other ideas for getting through these daily chores with a minimum
of fuss and nagging?

Thanks!


Mostly, don't give him a chance to fail. That is, the FIRST time you
tell him to put his shoes on, if he doesn't do it, hand him his shoes,
or otherwise physically remind him that he needs to put his shoes on.

He HAS learned that he can safely ignore you for several rounds. It's
a royal PIA, but more effective to physically enforce what he needs to
do the first time you tell him. I don't mean punish him or get into a
tussle, but somehow get down to his level and, if necessary, move his
body (gently) or otherwise get him moving in the proper direction.

If that doesn't work, he isn't just tuning you out.

I'm also told the Magic 1-2-3 program works for things like this, but my
kids were older when that came out, and I'm not as familiar with it.
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

  #3  
Old September 20th 05, 10:55 PM
Tom & Sandy Farley Tom & Sandy Farley is offline
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First recorded activity by ParentingBanter: Jan 2005
Location: San Francisco Bay Area
Posts: 7
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by S_S
My 7 year old (almost 8) is just driving us nuts by his absent
mindeness - I mean the type of behavior where we ask him to put on his
shoes, 5 min later we remind him, he still is playing around and then 5
min later we remind him and by the fourth time, I lose my patience and
raise my voice...
You don't say if this is a relatively recent development on his part or a change in your expectations.

Have you considered that it may not come from inattention but from over attention to so much at once that he cannot prioritize among all the stmuli? We experienced this disorganized attention to everything with our daughter from about age four on. We worked on sequencing and categorizing and preplaning activities with her. Because she compensated so well for reading difficulties, we didn't find out how dyslexic she is until 9th grade. Disorganization is one of the aspects of the dyslexia spectrum. Is Attention Excess Disorder [AED] an identifiable condition?

[Took her 6 years to get her degree in theatre arts. She is a good camp counselor, stage manager, restaurant manager, etc.]

Tom
  #4  
Old September 21st 05, 08:47 PM
S_S
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Posts: n/a
Default

Thanks for the ideas. I think the issue of prioritizing among stimuli
could be an issue with him, I know its that way sometimes for me -
can't really deal well with two people asking me for things at once,
and if there is music on - then I really can't deal with it.

We started the chart this week and so far so good, he always does
better when there are clear goals and consequences involved. The
question is could he sustain this without a chart...

  #5  
Old September 21st 05, 11:55 PM
Molly Bentsen
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Tom & Sandy Farley wrote:
S_S Wrote:

My 7 year old (almost 8) is just driving us nuts by his absent
mindeness - I mean the type of behavior where we ask him to put on his
shoes, 5 min later we remind him, he still is playing around and then
5
min later we remind him and by the fourth time, I lose my patience and
raise my voice...



You don't say if this is a relatively recent development on his part or
a change in your expectations.

Have you considered that it may not come from inattention but from over
attention to so much at once that he cannot prioritize among all the
stmuli? We experienced this disorganized attention to everything with
our daughter from about age four on. We worked on sequencing and
categorizing and preplaning activities with her. Because she
compensated so well for reading difficulties, we didn't find out how
dyslexic she is until 9th grade. Disorganization is one of the aspects
of the dyslexia spectrum. Is Attention Excess Disorder [AED] an
identifiable condition?

[Took her 6 years to get her degree in theatre arts. She is a good camp
counselor, stage manager, restaurant manager, etc.]

Tom


I think I am facing a similar issue with my 10-year-old,
who is an avid and skilled reader, but whose spelling
and writing weaknesses and patterns are pointing me to
research dyslexia. I realize it's been a number of years
since you faced this with your now-adult daughter, but
I'm curious how you went about getting her diagnosed.
Did you work through the public schools or seek private
assessment?

I'm gathering information at a dizzying rate, but haven't
settled on a clear path forward yet...

--Molly


  #6  
Old September 22nd 05, 12:43 PM
Jeanne
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Molly Bentsen wrote:
Tom & Sandy Farley wrote:

S_S Wrote:

My 7 year old (almost 8) is just driving us nuts by his absent
mindeness - I mean the type of behavior where we ask him to put on his
shoes, 5 min later we remind him, he still is playing around and then
5
min later we remind him and by the fourth time, I lose my patience and
raise my voice...




You don't say if this is a relatively recent development on his part or
a change in your expectations.
Have you considered that it may not come from inattention but from over
attention to so much at once that he cannot prioritize among all the
stmuli? We experienced this disorganized attention to everything with
our daughter from about age four on. We worked on sequencing and
categorizing and preplaning activities with her. Because she
compensated so well for reading difficulties, we didn't find out how
dyslexic she is until 9th grade. Disorganization is one of the aspects
of the dyslexia spectrum. Is Attention Excess Disorder [AED] an
identifiable condition?

[Took her 6 years to get her degree in theatre arts. She is a good camp
counselor, stage manager, restaurant manager, etc.]
Tom


I think I am facing a similar issue with my 10-year-old,
who is an avid and skilled reader, but whose spelling
and writing weaknesses and patterns are pointing me to
research dyslexia. I realize it's been a number of years
since you faced this with your now-adult daughter, but
I'm curious how you went about getting her diagnosed.
Did you work through the public schools or seek private
assessment?

I'm gathering information at a dizzying rate, but haven't
settled on a clear path forward yet...

--Molly



I'm not the OP but you've just described my 7 yo daughter except her
reading may be a bit weaker than your child. I know what you're going
through. It's hard to know where to begin.

Do you know anyone whose child is in a private school for dyslexic or
learning disabled children? I knew such a person, so she was my obvious
source for where to start. She also confirmed my suspicions about DD -
that I wasn't over reacting. I also talked to another friend who works
in the local school system (former teacher and principal) to see if I
was on-target about DD's spelling issues.

DD had a private assessment through a private school that specializes in
dylexia. They were a bit puzzled by the results; she didn't fit some of
the factors (e.g., on-grade reading and excellent reading comprehension)
of a classic dyslexic person but it was evident that she needed extra
help in spelling.

In any case, she now meets with a Wilson Language Tutor twice a week. I
read a bit about the Wilson Language method on the web after DD had been
meeting the tutor for a while. I wasn't really concerned about the
specific method - the tutor is great and DD really connected with her
and likes working with her. So, her spelling has improved although I
expect that she will always need some sort of extra instruction during
her school years.

In case you don't have them yet, here's a link of symptons of dylexia:
http://www.dys-add.com/symptoms.html#sum.

and here's the link for the International Dyslexia Association:
http://www.interdys.org/



Jeanne

  #7  
Old September 22nd 05, 05:33 PM
Louise
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Default

On Wed, 21 Sep 2005 15:47:22 EDT, "S_S" wrote:

Thanks for the ideas. I think the issue of prioritizing among stimuli
could be an issue with him, I know its that way sometimes for me -
can't really deal well with two people asking me for things at once,
and if there is music on - then I really can't deal with it.

We started the chart this week and so far so good, he always does
better when there are clear goals and consequences involved. The
question is could he sustain this without a chart...


Maybe it doesn't matter whether he could sustain it without a chart.
I can't buy groceries without a written list, or get to appointments
without a datebook.

Perhaps a more relevant question is whether he'll still do it when the
novelty of the chart wears off.

Louise

  #8  
Old September 23rd 05, 06:50 PM
Molly Bentsen
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Posts: n/a
Default

Jeanne wrote:

I'm not the OP but you've just described my 7 yo daughter except her
reading may be a bit weaker than your child. I know what you're going
through. It's hard to know where to begin.

Do you know anyone whose child is in a private school for dyslexic or
learning disabled children? I knew such a person, so she was my obvious
source for where to start. She also confirmed my suspicions about DD -
that I wasn't over reacting. I also talked to another friend who works
in the local school system (former teacher and principal) to see if I
was on-target about DD's spelling issues.


Jeanne: Thanks for your reply. We're in a small enough community that
the closest such private schools are 100 miles or more away, and I
don't have any contacts there. But I'm confident enough of my
instincts that I know I'm going to pursue testing. My uncertainty
rests in whether to have it done through our public school, through a
very good local nonprofit organization that serves kids with
language-related learning problems, or even through someone who can do
a very complete psychoeducational assessment (the fact that M. also
has mild ADD is nudging me in that direction). Then the decision will
be what specific remediation to pursue and where.

I feel like I have a lot of information to wade through in making
these decisions, but with my son headed for middle school next year
I feel great pressure to get them made quickly.

--Molly

  #9  
Old September 24th 05, 07:41 PM
Jeanne
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Posts: n/a
Default

Molly Bentsen wrote:
Jeanne wrote:

I'm not the OP but you've just described my 7 yo daughter except her
reading may be a bit weaker than your child. I know what you're going
through. It's hard to know where to begin.

Do you know anyone whose child is in a private school for dyslexic or
learning disabled children? I knew such a person, so she was my
obvious source for where to start. She also confirmed my suspicions
about DD - that I wasn't over reacting. I also talked to another
friend who works in the local school system (former teacher and
principal) to see if I was on-target about DD's spelling issues.



Jeanne: Thanks for your reply. We're in a small enough community that
the closest such private schools are 100 miles or more away, and I
don't have any contacts there. But I'm confident enough of my
instincts that I know I'm going to pursue testing.


Yeah, I found out that we're lucky to be living where we do - I didn't
know these schools existed. While DD doesn't need to attend the school
(her issues aren't preventing her from attending public school), it was
nice to have that resource close.

My uncertainty
rests in whether to have it done through our public school, through a
very good local nonprofit organization that serves kids with
language-related learning problems, or even through someone who can do
a very complete psychoeducational assessment (the fact that M. also has
mild ADD is nudging me in that direction). Then the decision will be
what specific remediation to pursue and where.


My SIL recommends the complete assessment. She had one done for her son
when he was in middle school and having difficulty completing long-term
assignments. I decided not to have the complete assessment done because
I felt DD's issues were pretty specific. I definitely considered it;
maybe later if other issues arise I'll pursue it.

I think the public school system can do a complete assessment, it's
often a question of whether they will or not. In my county, having your
child assessed is like pulling teeth off a hippo - it takes a very long
time, you have to negotiate your request(s) very carefully and
persistently, and often you need to ask for each and every test. But
it's free.

I chose the private route. It was quicker and less stressful.



Good luck,
Jeanne

 




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